"All right children, I'll make this brief: Family.... Religion....Friendship....These are the three demons you must slay!"----Monty Burns giving a "how to succeed in business" speech to Lisa's 3rd grade class.

Just saw the Mayored to the Mob episode:

"...then we went to Krusty Burger and I ordered the double double, and they gave me the double double double double."

"Talk about Star Wars!"
"Star Wars, eh?"

"So how'd you get the nickname Legs?"
"Well, that's an interesting story. It seems that President Kennedy's father..."

"I don't understand. Everybody likes rats. But they don't want to drink the rat milk?"

"Hello Operator? What's the number for 911?"

"Marge? Where's that...metal deely you use to....dig...food?"
"A spoon?" "Yeah!"

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!"

Bart - "Gee! Sorry I was ever born!"
Homer - (emotional) "I've waited so long to hear you say that!"

"Me fail English. That's unpossible"

"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such movies as "P is for Psycho"; "They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall"; "The Greatest Story Ever Hula-ed"; "Alices Adventures Through the Windshield Glass"

"It's funny cos I don't know 'em!"

Here's one that had me laughing hard from Sunday's show:

Duffman
"Duffman...brewing new emotions! What...would Jesus do?"

Bart: "I sure could go for a hundred tacos about now."

Comic Book Shop Guy (with wheelbarrow full of tacos): "Ahh, this should provide adequate sustinance for the Dr. Who marathon."

Homer: are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: no
Homer: ham?
Lisa: NO!
Homer: pork chops?
Lisa: Daaad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: (chuckling) oh .. yea right ... a WONDERFUL maaaagical animal

--

Ralph: the doctor said, i wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if i kept my finger out of there

--

Ralph: (as a doctor in a school play) whoops! there goes your liver bone

--

Homer: (church is snowed in, and lisa is praying) LISA! this is neither the time nor the place for that!

=)

- "Daddy daddy I'm stealing I'm stealing!!"

- *sniff* "That's my little dude"

HAhhaahhAHAhA
remember this one?

homer: hello i am mr. burns - i believe you have a letter for me
postman: okay mr. burns ... what's your first name?

homer: ... i ... don't know

BART- "No offense Homer, but your half-assed underparenting was a whole lot more fun than your half-assed overparenting.

HOMER- "But I was using my whole a**."
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HOMER- "Hey Apu, you got any of those potato chips that give you diarrhea? I got a little Spring cleaning to do."
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HOMER- "Kids, I have to go do some serious thinking."

BART- "I'm sure he ment to say drinking."

LISA- "That's what I assummed."

Lisa: You promised to take us to the lake.
Homer: I promise you kids lots of things. That's what makes me such a good father!
Lisa: Actually, keeping promises would make you a good father.
Homer: No, that would make me a great father.

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Boat Rental Guy: Uh sir, you can't operate a boat under the influence of alcohol.
Homer: That sounds like a wager to me!

Bart (to Lisa, while watching a movie at the Springfield Googolplex): Lisa, if you don't watch the violence, you'll never grow desensitized to it.

The X-Files episode:

Leonard Nimoy
"The following story is true.
By true I mean false.
But it's funny.
And isn't that what matters?
No."

Same episode:

"Needs more dog."

Bart: "Dad, why did you bring me to a gay steel mill?"

And my sig.

When everybody thought Homer was dead, and Patty and Selma had the tombstone made up that was inscribed:

"Homer J. Simpson---We are richer for having lost him."

Milhouse: "So this is what it feels like when doves cry."

It aint doves, its dogs!

I'm surprised no one listed this one (errors in writting it)

Homer : [...] I am an inventor!!
Guy with dog : How about inventing yourself some underpants!

"Hey look kids, it's Kent Brockman..."
"Hi kids........Where the hell's my grilled cheese?"

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"You know those guitars that are like, double guitars?

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"This town is a part of us all. A part of us all."

It was the lemon tree episode. That was the funniest line in all of the Simpsons IMHO and it would crush me if it were in fact dogs because it wouldn't be funny to me anymore. It's doves ain't it? Someone help me here. Thanks.

It's definitely 'doves'. It's actually a line from a Prince song. I'm surprised no-one else has posted to confirm. Or is Prince (or the artist formerly known as) not as popular as I imagined? Everyone's heard that song, right?

I love my sig.

thx Junaid...yeah the Price song. that's why it's so funny.

And in the spirit of Prince:

"Tonight I am going to party like it's on sale for $19.99!"
-Apu

and

"I found a moon rock in my nose!" - Ralph Wiggum

homer-"The internet, that thing still around?"

"So anyway, I says to Mabel, I says..."

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"Look, Lisa, here's a ball! Perhaps you'd like to bounce it?"

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"I knew they wouldn't hold the national spelling rodeo in Canada!"

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"Why does he sound like the lamb?"

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"Oh PINCHY!!! I wish he was here to enjoy this! OH THAT'S GOOD!"

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Dear God (or whatever diety lords over me and gives me back acne), that is one of my favorite odd little moments...i forget, which episode was it from?

Homer at the BTO show at the fair:

"Oh No! No talking, no new crap, Taking Care of Business! NOW!"