Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Homer: No offense Apu, but when they were handing out religions you must have been out taking a whizz.
Apu: Mr. Simpson, pay for your purchases and get out...and come again.

Renee (Moe’s girlfriend): Really, you think I’m gorgeous?
Moe: Yeah, well the parts that are showing. I guess you could have a lot of weird scars or a fake ass or something.
Renee: You don’t talk to a lot of women do you?

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Moe: Homer, lighten up! You're making Happy Hour bitterly ironic.

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called ... "The Bus That Couldnt Slow Down."

Ralph: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Ned Flanders: You ugly hate-filled man.
Moe: Hey. I may be ugly and I may be hate-filled but ... uh ... what was that last thing you said?

My favorite thing was from the T-shirts back in like 1990 that said...

"I'm Bart Simpson Who The Hell Are You?"

seems like I do believe hearing that line somewhere in the show as well.

Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back ... unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog.
Bart: You're right! (runs away)
Homer: Damn...I almost had him eating dog food.

In bad Ahhh-nold voice: "Aggggh, these goggles do nothing!"

Mr. Burns re: Smither - I've never seen a man take to a Turkish prison so quickly.

Homer looking at Rainer Wolfcastle's Hummer:

Homer - "So, what kind of mileage does it get?"
Wolfcastle - "1 highway, 0 city."

Scorpio: By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country? Italy or France?
Homer: France.
Scorpio: [laughs] Nobody ever says Italy.


Lisa: Now can we do something Japanese?
Homer: Oh I'm sick of doing Japanese stuff. In jail we had to be in this dumb Kabuki play about the 47 ronin and I wanted to be Oshi, but they made me Ori.

Marge: Can we get rid of this Ayatollah tee-shirt? Kohmehni died years ago.
Homer: But Marge, it works on any Ayatollah! Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... Even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmara and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power!

Ralph: I broke my wookie!!

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

Mr. Burns: You're fired.
Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off of you.
Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.

Mr. Burns: Thank you, come again. Smithers, release the hounds.

Rev. Lovejoy: And now, let's rise for our opening hymn "In The Garden Of Eden" by I. Ron Butterfly.
[as the song is playing]
Rev. Lovejoy: Hey, wait a minute... this looks like rock and/or roll.

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

Homer: Alright, everybody in the pool.
Amish Farmer: 'Tis a fine barn, but sure 'tis no pool, English.

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

Mulder: Look at this, Scully: there has been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.
Scully: Well, gee Mulder, there's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
Mulder: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.

Bart: It's craptacular.

Homer: Daddy's going to a beer drinking contest today.

Bart: Think you'll win?

Homer: Son, when you compete in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.

Bart: Gotcha. Gotta go.. It's kind of hard to leave with you standing in the doorway like that, mom.

Homer: Push her down, son.

I liked the one where everyone thought Homer had died, and Patty and Selma had the gravestone made up that said:

"Homer J. Simpson---We are richer for having lost him"

HOMER: Hello, I'm Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
MAILMAN: OK, Mr. Burns, what's your first name?
HOMER: I don't know.

HOMER: (with accent to Marge in bed) What if I talk like this? What if I sing to you? (sings) I gave my love a chicken, it had no bone. Mmmmm... chicken.

Homer: Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Homer with a stomach-ache: "Ohhh...maybe I shouldn't have eaten that packet of powdered gravy I found in the parking lot."

Bart: I had a nightmare.

Homer: OK son, come on in, and tell me all about it.

Bart: Well, it is about the boogieman...

Homer: BOOGIEMAN!!!!

(runs to Lisa's room)

Homer: Lisa, I don't want to alarm you, but there could be a boogieman, or men in the house!

Lisa: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, yeah, I'm sure people saw this coming...but...to paraphrase...

[comic book guy]
Best...thread...ever
[/comic book guy]

The entire part where Superintendant Chalmers goes over to Skinner's house for "steamed hams!" Anyone remember which season this bit was from?

mmmmmm purple

Grandpa knocking on door: "Helloooo?? Hello? You have my pills! Hello? I'm cold and there are wolves after me." (aroooooooo)


Wiggum after car shuts off tailights: "Oh my God it just disappeared! It's a GHOST CAR!"


Marge: "You awful, awful man. Stay away from my son."

Sideshow Bob: "Oh I'll stay away from your son alright....stay away....forever."


Troy McClure: "I...hate...every ape I see from chimpan-A to chimpan-Z, no you'll never make a monkey out of me."


Ralph: "Me fail English? That's unpossible!"


Groundskeeper Willie: "Ach! If I'm elected mayor, I'll kill the whole lot of ya and burn yer town to cinders!"


Sideshow Bob: "Ah Kettle Chips, the perfect sidedish to....revenge."


Moe (as angry mob chases Homer and Bart): "They're heading for the old mill!"

Homer: "No we're not!"

Moe: "Well let's go to the old mill anyway...get ourselves some cider!"


Moe (after a comet fails to destroy Springfield): "Now let's burn down the observatory so this'll never happen again!"


Sea Captain: "Yar...I hate the sea and everything in it."


Voiceover: "'The Simpsons' began on a wing and a prayer, but now the wing was on fire and the prayer had been answered....by Satan."

AURORA BOREALIS?!

In this part of the country, at this time of year, located solely in your kitchen?!?

Yes.

Well, can I see it?

....No.

One of my favorite episodes ever, it's from 22 Short Films About Springfield. From season 7, probably the last DVD season I'll buy.

Mr. Burns: I've decided to bring in a few ringers. Professional baseballers. We'll give them token jobs at our plant and have them play on our softball team! Honus Wagner, Cap Anson, Mordecai "Three Fingers" Brown!

Smithers: Uh...sir...I'm afraid all those players have retired and...uh...passed on. In fact, your right fielder has been dead for 130 years

Mr. Burns: Damnation! All right find me some good players. Living players! Scour the professional ranks! The American League! The National League! The Negro Leagues!

MAUDE FLANDERS: Edna, I really don't think we're talking about love. We're talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N.
KRUSTY: Sex Cauldron?! I thought they closed that place down!

GRANDPA SIMPSON: Wanna give Honest Abe another turn in the oval office?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by johnglass
[B]MAUDE FLANDERS: Edna, I really don't think we're talking about love. We're talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N.
KRUSTY: Sex Cauldron?! I thought they closed that place down!



That is quite possibly the best line ever!

Otto: Hey landloard... i dont but someone put this eviction sign on my door.

Landlord:I put it there because you havent paid your rent.

Otto: Can i at least get my stuff?

Landlord:All you had in there were playing cards, a couple of MAD magazines and musturd.

Otto: Whao.... i had musturd?