Totally agree with you. There are definitely deeper issues here than we're reading about. A marriage is higher than any bargain se dvd, IMO.

Yeah, ya never know when DDD will have another 20% off code.

...but seriously, I hope the divorce goes smoothly and you'll be happier and lucky enough to find someone with similar interests.

Of course this is only my opinion but i would put my family dog down if my wife was injured by it. I agree that it's not the dog's fault and that it only acts on instinct, and that is precisely why it should go. The bottom line for me is, dogs are animals and your wife is a human being. A line has to be drawn, and for me, that line is when she is unhappy living with it.

I do want to apologize to boc4ever for my previous post. I was too harsh because i was filling in the blanks of your story from personal experiences told to me by others. Obviously, i don't get the whole story and i regret it. Sorry!

It truly is sad is six years is considered a very successful marriage these days. I will be 28 next month and have been married since August 1997. Our marriage is great and I can't ever imagine it having any problems we can't work through because we truly love and care for each other.

I think that's the problem with most marriages these days. People aren't getting married for the right reason and look at marriage as something easily gotten out of. To me marriage is something you enter only if you are truly in love and after thinking it over long and hard if you are ready to be in this for the long run. My wife and I had that discussion when we were still friends and swore that whenever we got married (not knowing at the time it would be to each other) that it would be forever because we would really mean it.

My grandparents had been married for more than 50 years when my grandmother died this past year. My parents have been married for more than 29 years. I don't consider the six-year mark my wife and I have reached any kind of honor. To me it's what's expected of us once we decided we wanted to go ahead and get married. I think that should be the goal of everybody entering a marriage.

ouch.

if i say "pics?" would that be inconsiderate? it would help me choose which side is right.

Sounds like you and I are/were pretty much in the same kind of relationship with women. Like you, I'm a teacher and my girlfriend expected me to come home and "entertain" her...after a day of teaching (entertaining/motivating) high school students. She didn't really have any fulfilling hobbies (shopping was the only one when it came right down to it) and she had almost no friends. I tried to get her into therapy so that she could at least access her life and her situation, but she refused and thought that therapy was only for "crazy people and I'm not crazy." She also had an issue with my DVD collecting. (I have 5 times the amount of DVDs you have.) She thought I wasted too much time and money collecting them. I told her that I would give up collecting DVDs and start using the money to go drinking every night at the local bar or to buy a motorcycle or to start collecting guns instead. Somehow she didn't think that collecting DVDs was all that bad anymore.

Eventually, she just got so miserable that we split up. She was looking for happiness in outside things and decided to get married to someone in her past who could "wait on her hand and foot." The marriage lasted about half a year. Like your wife, my girlfriend is very strong-willed and career-minded and this type of marriage was suffocating to her.

My girlfriend and I connected again and she began to understand what I had been telling her about herself and how society can sometimes "brainwash" us into thinking we want things that we really don't want. We bought a house together and she accepted the fact that she had been wrong in her thinking. She started looking at herself as the problem and started working on her inablity to blame herself for her own unhappiness. She has been much happier not trying to control me or things she has no control over.

I applaud you for doing everything you can to make the situation work and feel sorry for you for taking so much heat from some of the other posts. I can't see you as being the wrong one in the relationship. You sound very gracious and grounded and hope you will continue to be so as you go through this.

It sounds as if you have pretty much resigned yourself to terminating your marriage. Although I'm optimistic that your marriage could work out, I understand that you are only half of the relationship and that you really have no control over what your wife is feeling. Who knows? Perhaps as the divorce gets closer to being finalized she might see things in a different light and change. (I also look at your marriage working out because of the amount of time you have known each other and how you came to be together. In other words, your relationship is not based on a "met her and married her a month later disaster.")

Sometimes you just can't tell a person about the bad outcome that will come about from his/her actions. Sometimes they just want to live it out and see it for themselves. Sometimes they want to sink to the lowest depths possible because inside they don't really like themselves.

Lucky bastard. Take my wife please.

"Top Three Signs Your Wife Might Divorce You Over DVDs"

3. When a more attractive woman walks by, you grumble about being stuck with a "barebones release" when you "should have held out for the special edition".

2. Every time you buy her a romantic present, you add "This gift comes with an insert, wink wink."

1. Whenever you see her eat a fattening snack, you mention that you "preferred her Original Aspect Ratio".

just for the record..........

....yeah...I spend a load of $ on my film library. it's my main hobby aside from skydiving....and thats only about a dozen times a year. this is how she sees it. COMPROMISE. she does not care in the least what I buy or how much I spend...AS LONG as all other problems are solved FIRST. bills are paid, money is coming in and although people think I'm an idiot for spending so much on something I love()....it's the last thing I spend $ on. I take care of her....she takes care of me. I bring home the bread....she keeps our home and finances in top order. no, things dont always go smoothe....but we work it out. shes even a christian woman....who does not care that I'm collecting nunsploitation films. she knows they are just movies...nothing more.

marriage is a life-long project....and like was said earlier...it takes two to tango. sounds like for you, there are deeper issues at work.

I also, was in radio. 14 years producing and playing the music/shows I loved...and it paid for crap!!! I finally had to get a real job.

good luck man....I went through it with the first wife. took me way too long to finally realize....she was not the one. you'll be fine with whatever happens. remember...YOU need to be happy too.

Thanks...and happy holidays!

There is a difference between a serious bite and a nip. Nipping is relatively harmless (but annoying) behavior that can be modified if their owners care enough about them to teach them. Dogs act on instinct but most of them are smart and can learn what behavior is appropriate and what isn't if their owners would just put some effort into it. This reminds me of a neighbor of mine who put their dog to sleep because she was going to the bathroom in the house. He didn't even take it to the vet to see what the problem was, he just put her to sleep because he didn't want to clean up. Truly sad.

This is the nightmare woman to be dating or be in a relationship with (the ones that expect you to carry the load and entertain them.) Stay far, far away from these women. A relationship is a 50/50 proposition. Once you have to give more than 50% you will undoubtedly become unhappy. Luckily you can usually filter these women out through the dating process so you don't make the huge mistake of marrying them. Ever had a woman look at you with a bored look and say "so entertain me..." Get up and run as fast as you can.

My point exactly...

I'd rather be single and happy, allowed to have my hobbies and be myself rather than be told what I can and cannot do as a human being, married or not. Marriage should be forever. Each others' hobbies, likes, dislikes should be respected if not agreed with. Boys love toys. It's NO secret, and women know they do. They always have some little hobby that puts a twinkle in their eye. Electronics, hunting, fishing, golf, a workshop, whatever......people are who they are. I would NOT want to be with someone who wants to 'change' me to their liking. A house is just a house, a car is a car, as long as they are cozy and functional then men tend to be happy. A hobby is usually lifelong, as a marriage should be. If my wife has a hobby that isn't mine (other than infidelity or something abusive like gambling, drugs, alcoholism) then, assuming she is a breadwinner, she should have all the freedom she chooses in following her hobby, indulging herself in it. Geez, a guy buys a few DVDs a month. Big deal. Teaching your kids to love movies, or whatever hobby you have, is very fruitful. Teaching your kids that mom and dad are supportive and love one another for whom they are is valuable. Teaching your kids that you aren't allowed to just be you anymore if you get married stinks. Does that sound selfish? Sure, but life is about being happy, not setting yourself up to be a martyr. She didn't know you loved movies before you got married????? Sure she did.

boc4ever, how much did u spend on dvds? There seem be around 300, and say we take 20$/dvd =6000$. Assuming u started collecting 1999 thats 4 years =1500/year.
I'm just looking at the financial aspect. For homeowners, 1500/year should in no way be a problem IMHO at all in any way.
Did u guys ever discuss the exact price figures for the dvds?

Your estimation is probably pretty close. I rarely bought any that weren't on sale or at least discounted in some way. When we were in counseling, we discussed what was a reasonable amount to spend per month. I stayed close to my limit, but sometimes went over. Then I wouldn't buy any the next week, and so forth. To her, the quantity was the biggest problem, not necessarily the amount spent. Although we had discussed a monetary limit. For example, if she saw two packages come in one week, it didn't matter if I had stayed within the budget. Or when I bought six discs for $30 from circuit city when they had the MGM buy one get one free sale. She saw six discs and assumed I was spending wildly. So instead of discussing it, she would internalize her displeasure. The bottom line was that she still wasn't satisfied, even when I tried to stay within budget...

I am praying for you boc4ever. And reading such threads brings me great sadness. I wonder why people can not wait for the perfect love. One who shares your dreams, your motivations, your interests, your beliefs. What we do makes us who we are, in other words, a home and garden lover thinks much differently from a DVD collector/film lover. So instead of trying to give advice, I will give the thought that runs ever so lovingly to my mind. I can not think in many of your places, because there are so many circumstances that define your lives. However there is the point, true love goes beyond all circumstance. With true love, everything, from keeping a nice house, to working for a steady income, and collecting DVD's, every little thing becomes an adventure and a mission. One said it better, marriages that compromise fail. Why do people get married with people exactly opposite they have to compromise for? I have a feeling many people are married for no reason whatsoever, and Ihope those of you who are not married here will wait in faith and in love for the perfect love and the one you dream of, who is one and equal with you in all ways. I hope love will not bring you sad memories or trials, and that you will live as happily as I know many do.

Forget the beeeyatch. There's plenty of skanks roaming this world for you to indulge in. You'll find an even better beeeyatch in the future.
Good luck!

Why don't people wait for the person that is the perfect match for them? It's because a person like this is extremely difficult to find and most people never find their perfect match in their lifetime. It's a myth that everyone finds their ideal match. The fact is that most people do not. It's the lucky minority who do. Sad but true.

I'm still trying to find mine at 24. I'm very picky & got to the point where I was really lonely so I went out with a girl who wasn't my type at all. I still regret that. I rather be alone then with someone I don't truely love, or get vibes they think this way about me.

Any single ladies here?

I dunno what other expenses u had (cds/collectibles/home theater eqip), but it seems she just hates u getting dvds and sees it as a complete waste, and that even she doesnt know why. The monetary aspect does not seem to be the cause as u have indicated.
I had a similar issue with my dad. In high school he wood get extremely annoyed if he saw me reading novels/comics saying dont u hav to study, is the exam on that comic etc. I cood spend the same amount of time bumming around/talking to my friends no problem, but a comic came into my hands and immediately the comments wood start, I coodnt understand it logically.
It seems she is unhappy with u'r choices with u'r life and doesnt want to accept them(eben tho they are u'rs). The job/dog/dvds. Something like how a person of one religion mite not get along with someone of a different religion, thinks the other religion is stupid and tries to convert the other person.
Disclaimer: I hav only heard one side.

This is when copying a DVD instead of buying them helps..

...(joke)

Your dad may have been afraid that comics would impair your ability to spell correctly and use proper grammar. But I'm sure those fears were misplaced...