ROFL!!! Jokes thread!! (Mature?)

 
Old 07-21-01, 12:56 AM
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ROFL!!! Jokes thread!! (Mature?)

What do you get when you combine the news and a paper??
Spoiler:
Newspaper!!!


Why don't airlines allow dogs to fly on their planes??
Spoiler:
Because they don't wanna have to keep giving out frequent "woof" miles


What is black and white?
Spoiler:
A Blackboard being drawn on!


Who was the most feared of all pirates?
Spoiler:
Blackbeard!


How many aliens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Spoiler:
I dunno, you tell me, Mulder!


What's pink and panther shaped?
Spoiler:
An Insulation seller!


If you want anymore, I'd be very glad to post em!
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Old 07-21-01, 01:01 AM
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I can honestly say that those are the worst jokes i've ever read. That's really bad considering i'm drunk right now.
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Old 07-21-01, 01:08 AM
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Are you on crack?!?
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Old 07-21-01, 01:13 AM
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LOL! Those jokes are great. I can't wait to tell all my friends! I especially like the Aliens one. Totally classic.

Actually, the funniest part is your (mature?) tag. I'm hysterical over here.
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Old 07-21-01, 01:23 AM
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Originally posted by vaporware
I can honestly say that those are the worst jokes i've ever read. That's really bad considering i'm drunk right now.


Did you get those off a bubble gum wrapper?
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Old 07-21-01, 02:28 AM
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Those are HORRIBLE!!!
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Old 07-21-01, 02:58 AM
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Who was the most feared of all pirates....
Blackbeard.... .... .... ..... ....

Yeah, then what!?!?!

... This reminds me of a Cosby episode.


Krusty the Clown: "Well Kent, i've found its not dirty words that get the biggest laugh, its words that SOUND dirty... like muckluck.... you like that, muckluck"

Last edited by ClarkKentKY; 07-21-01 at 03:02 AM.
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Old 07-21-01, 03:53 AM
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ummm... those suck dude..
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Old 07-21-01, 06:41 AM
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What's black, white, and red and can't walk through a door?
Spoiler:
A nun with a spear through her head.
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Old 07-21-01, 06:55 AM
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Old 07-21-01, 04:08 PM
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What I don't get is how he could come up with such great material, and is not yet swimming through his riches (no doubt earned from his stand-up job) as if he were Scrooge McDuck. I hope you're smart enough to NOT put a big dollar sign on your money bin, like Scrooge did. What a fool. That's just an invitation to ALL the burglers in town, INCLUDING the Beagle Boys, to just steal all of your riches.
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Old 07-21-01, 06:00 PM
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I laughed. I cried. I fudged my undies.
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Old 07-21-01, 06:43 PM
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Originally posted by Boot
I laughed. I cried. I fudged my undies.
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Old 07-21-01, 06:57 PM
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Gotta add one to the worlds worst jokes thread...

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide...
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Old 07-21-01, 07:01 PM
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Originally posted by JustinS
What's black, white, and red and can't walk through a door?
Spoiler:
A nun with a spear through her head.
related riddle:

What's red, white, and silver and goes tink... tink?
Spoiler:
A baby with forks in his eyes bumping into the wall.
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Old 07-21-01, 07:41 PM
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Hmm these are the worst jokes I've ever heard.
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Old 07-21-01, 08:45 PM
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Why did the pervert cross the road?

Spoiler:
because his d!ck was stuck in the chicken.


Thanks folks! I'm here all week!
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Old 07-21-01, 09:22 PM
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How did Pinocchio find out he was made out of wood?
His hand caught on fire!
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Old 07-21-01, 10:49 PM
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A guy walks into a bar

Spoiler:
"Ow!"
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Old 07-22-01, 12:33 AM
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why do women have babies?

Spoiler:
because it's painful and they deserve it
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Old 07-22-01, 12:37 AM
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Originally posted by JustinS
What's black, white, and red and can't walk through a door?
Spoiler:
A nun with a spear through her head.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.........you just made me go to the restroom prematurely.
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Old 07-22-01, 09:02 AM
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What's more enjoyable than losing a baby in long grass?

Spoiler:
Finding it with a lawnmower


What's more enjoyable than spinning a baby around on a clothesline at 100mph?

Spoiler:
Stopping it with a spade


Apologies...

Simon
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Old 07-22-01, 09:27 AM
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Amateurs. If you want bad jokes, these are bad jokes!!!




How do you make a hot dog stand?
Spoiler:
Steal its chair.


How do you make an egg laugh?
Spoiler:
Tell it a yolk.


How do you prevent a Summer cold?
Spoiler:
Catch it in the Winter!


How does a pig go to hospital?
Spoiler:
In a hambulance.


If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?
Spoiler:
Silverware.


What bird can lift the most?
Spoiler:
A crane.


What bone will a dog never eat?
Spoiler:
A trombone
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Old 07-23-01, 12:17 AM
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Originally posted by JustinS
What's black, white, and red and can't walk through a door?
Spoiler:
A nun with a spear through her head.
Winner of my new signature!

BSPY
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Old 07-23-01, 12:36 AM
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Are you Bob Saget?
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