ROFL!!! Jokes thread!! (Mature?)

 
Old 10-08-01, 09:06 AM
  #51  
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Originally posted by Boot
I laughed. I cried. I fudged my undies.
SWEET!

Simply put, btw
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Old 10-08-01, 10:40 AM
  #52  
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...A baby seal walks into a club...
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Old 10-08-01, 10:59 AM
  #53  
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What's the difference between Jerry Falwell and a terrorist?

Spoiler:
400 pounds and a plane ticket.
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Old 10-08-01, 11:36 AM
  #54  
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How do you make a woman have an orgasm?
Spoiler:
Who cares?


What do you call a rabbit who has never been outside?
Spoiler:
An ingrown hare.


What did one chick say to another chick when their mother hen laid an orange instead of an egg?
Spoiler:
"Look at the orange marmalade!"


What did the mayonaisse say when the refrigerator was opened?
Spoiler:
"Close the door, I'm dressing!"


If two is company and three's a crowd, what are four and five?
Spoiler:
Nine.


Did you hear the joke about the jump rope?
Spoiler:
Oh, skip it.


Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Spoiler:
Oh, it's over your head.


Doctor: "It looks like you have a nasty cut on your earlobe. WHat happened?"
Patient: "I bit myself."
Doctor: "On the ear? How the heck did you do that?"
Patient: "I was standing on a chair at the time."
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Old 10-08-01, 11:45 AM
  #55  
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these jokes keep getting worse
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Old 10-08-01, 11:56 AM
  #56  
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How do you make a hanky dance?
Spoiler:
Put a little boogie in it


Did you hear the joke about the Peach?
Spoiler:
It's pitiful
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Old 10-08-01, 12:15 PM
  #57  
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ROFL

Why are stick people extinct?

























































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Old 10-08-01, 12:17 PM
  #58  
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Re: ROFL

Originally posted by hawley
Why are stick people extinct?

























































That's the funniest thing I've seen yet
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Old 10-08-01, 12:18 PM
  #59  
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@ the stick figures
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Old 10-08-01, 01:01 PM
  #60  
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Originally posted by The Cow
Gotta add one to the worlds worst jokes thread...

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide...
Why did the chicken cross the fairground?

Spoiler:
To get to the other ride!
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Old 10-08-01, 01:15 PM
  #61  
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Mommy, Mommy, what happened to all of your scabs?

Spoiler:
Shut the hell up and finish your cornflakes!
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Old 10-08-01, 01:20 PM
  #62  
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Knock knock
     who's there ?
Impatient Cow
     Impatien....
Moooo, Moooo !!!!
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Old 10-08-01, 01:35 PM
  #63  
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i hate you guys so, very wrong, but i can't stop laughing!

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

(how do you do that black bar thingy?)


... she had no arms.


my apologies.
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Old 10-08-01, 02:04 PM
  #64  
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My Fave:

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves??
Spoiler:
Russell.

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Old 10-08-01, 02:14 PM
  #65  
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My absolute favorite:

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?

Spoiler:
If your name was "Aouhahpfftblgmrpfftwahhbfft" you'd commit suicide too!
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Old 10-08-01, 02:50 PM
  #66  
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Here's one:

A guy comes home and finds wife naked and in bed with mens clothes everywhere. It's obvious to the guy that someone was just there. The guy goes crazy and throws the refrigerator out the window and then, being so distraught, jumps out after it and kills himself.

Jump to the gates of heaven. God asks the guy how he died and the guy tells him that he was so distraught after catching his wife cheating he threw a refrigerator out the window and then killed himself. God believes that to be a good enough reason to be admitted into heaven so he lets the guy in. the next guy in line steps up and God asks him how he died. The guys says that he was just walking down the street and got crushed by a falling refrigerator. God feels sorry for the guy and lets him in. The next guy steps up and God asks him how he died. The guy begins,"well, see, it all happened when I was in this refrigerator"...
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Old 10-08-01, 03:18 PM
  #67  
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What's black and brown and looks good on a Lawyer?

Spoiler:
A Doberman


Ratguy
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Old 10-08-01, 11:23 PM
  #68  
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Originally posted by Static Cling
Mods, can you revoke Wazootyman's "Senior Member" status for bringing those horrible jokes to the Otter?

Maybe we need a separate "tasteless jokes" thread? I have the ultimate tasteless joke, but I don't think I want to post it in here. Or anywhere in the forum, for that matter... don't wanna get [BANNED].

[img]http://communities.msn.com/_Secure/0PwAgAKQTPqkO1dr*q6Epi6Vg*hhUa0hDISa7u3u5FR*sG3fR8jGR8V6J!oPgfMjmGxaxFE5dAAgfjNZmHZJp4AOLBgCuv*Oy/frankie.gif[/img]
Oh darn you Static!! Darn you to heck, they DID take away my Senior Member status, and forced me to become an Addict
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Old 10-09-01, 12:52 AM
  #69  
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Originally posted by kinky
Knock knock
     who's there ?
Impatient Cow
     Impatien....
Moooo, Moooo !!!!
Oh, geez... forgot about that one.

Originally posted by Wazootyman
Oh darn you Static!! Darn you to heck, they DID take away my Senior Member status, and forced me to become an Addict
Man, first View, then you... all these other Senior Members are passing me by into Addict-land. I feel so alone... [looks around and shivers]

BTW, this may be the first time someone's ever "darned me to heck."

[img]http://communities.msn.com/_Secure/0PwAgAKQTPqkO1dr*q6Epi6Vg*hhUa0hDISa7u3u5FR*sG3fR8jGR8V6J!oPgfMjmGxaxFE5dAAgfjNZmHZJp4AOLBgCuv*Oy/frankie.gif[/img]

Last edited by Static Cling; 10-09-01 at 12:56 AM.
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Old 01-19-02, 11:29 PM
  #70  
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Why will you never starve in the desert?

Spoiler:
Because of all the sand which is there
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Old 01-19-02, 11:36 PM
  #71  
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What is green and red and goes 100 mph?

Spoiler:
A frog in a blender


Another woman joke, please don't get offended, it's all in fun


These are good ones:

Why don't women wear watches?

Spoiler:
There's a clock on the stove


When do you know when a woman is about to say something right?

Spoiler:
She starts the sentence with, "A guy told me once..."


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Old 01-20-02, 12:08 AM
  #72  
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Why are women's feet smaller than men's?
Spoiler:
It's a genetic thing, so they can stand closer to the sink.


How do you torture Helen Keller?
Spoiler:
put doorknobs on the walls.


How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
Spoiler:
When she says "a man once told me...."


How many men does it take to open a beer?
Spoiler:
none, it should be open by the time she brings it.



at all the previously posted bad jokes!
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Old 01-20-02, 12:17 AM
  #73  
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what do Tigger see in the toliet?

Spoiler:
Winnie the pooh
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Old 01-20-02, 02:58 AM
  #74  
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Didja hear about the guy that died while using a Q-Tip?

Spoiler:
The phone rang
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Old 01-20-02, 09:22 AM
  #75  
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Originally posted by jw2299
How do you torture Helen Keller?
Spoiler:
put doorknobs on the walls.
or
Spoiler:
leave the plunger in the toilet
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