Along those lines:
Homer: "Oh, they have the Internet on computers now." I LOVE that line. I used to have it in my e-mail sig.

Principal Skinner (tied to stake): But I'm telling you, the Earth revolves around the sun!

Grandpa: Burn him!

(reporter takes Grandpa's picture)

Grandpa: Hey! He stole my soul!

-------------------

Tuan Jim

-Mr. Simpson, whilst your cholesterol level is dangerously high, I'm a lot more concerned about your blood/gravy level.
-Now wait a minute. You doctors have been telling us to drink 8 glasses of gravy a day for years.
-Mr Simpson, I think you a little confused.
-Oh. Confused would we!

Lenny = White
Karl = Black

*******************

So the moral of the story is: Never Try.

"Dr. Nick's Clinic: If you can put it in, we can take it out."


Worst Thread Ever.... ^bump^

my favorites....(sorry if these are a bit inaccurate)

Homer: (after sliding trees demolishes some buildings) "Not Kentucky Fried Panda! It was finger Ling-Ling good."

one of the twin girls: "I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's"

Comic Book Guy: (to Skinner's Mother)
"Well I guess we know 'Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?'"

the superintendant (re-reviewing the school when Flanders was principal):
"God has no place within these walls...Just like facts have no place in organized religion"

Comic Book Guy (complaining about Itchy and Scratchy): (don't really remember the exact wording well)
"In episode ? of The Itchy and Scratchy show when Itchy dissolves Scratchy with acid he continues to play his rib cage as a xylophone....At one point we see Itchy clearly play the same rib two times in a row but two distinct, separate notes are heard.....Do you expect us to believe that this is some kind of magical xylophone?"

Ralph
"my cat's breath smells like catfood"

And of course from the two times that the Simpsons spoofed Twin Peaks:

#1
(Wiggum dreaming)
Lisa: "Chief Wiggum, don't eat the clues. This suit burns better Look. Better look burns suit."
Wiggum: "I'm not following ya."
Lisa: "Burns' suit. Burns' suit."
Wiggum: "Huh"
Lisa: "LOOK AT BURNS' SUIT. YEESH"
(Wiggum awakes)
police officer: "I've had an idea Chief,...Why don't we check out that suit that Burns was wearing when he got shot."
Wiggum: "Did you have that same backwards talking dream with the flaming cards?"
police officer: "I'll drive."

#2
(Homer watching tv with scene of a horse and a giant man dancing underneath a stoplight with Twin Peaks music playing)
Homer: "Brilliant. hee hee hee. I have absolutely no idea what is going on."

Sir, are you wearing a bag?

I seemed to have misplaced my pants.

How about when Marge pulls out an old post card Homer wrote to her while drunk saying it was the only love letter he ever sent her. Something to the effect of:

Oh Marge, you have a butt that just won't stop. Bksufhnjeal, hdaueornf ndjlaaa. Peanuts.najksfneohpa beer... neuarenfjoeahp. Five dollars? Get outta here!

Just hearing Homer's drunk voice on the voice-over to that is one of the funniest moments I can think of.

"I call the big one bitey"
"Iron helps us play"
"hello joe"


"Stupid babies need the most attention"

My 2 favorites,


Bart: Homer, do you wear boxers or breifs?
Homer: (looking in pants) No.



The other isn't a quote but when Homer parks sideways in three handycap spots, gets out and drags his leg accross the pavement. It was the first simpsons episode my friend watched he laughed so hard soda flew out of his nose.



ShadowHawk

Same episode, I think:

Homer answers the door to the Flanders and the Lovejoys:
Homer: Oh, this isn't going to be about Jesus is it?
---------------

Rev. Lovejoy talking to his model train:
Lovejoy: If you look to your left, you will see a very sad man.

---------------

This is doubly funny because my father is a minister and has model trains

And I laughed out loud this week at the Church Ice Cream Social. The toppings table was called "Cruci-fixins"

Sax-a-ma-phone
Sax-a-ma-phone

A couple of singing quotes:

Homer(singing to himself after he had just won a ride on the Duff blimp): "Heyyyyy therrrre, Blimpy Boy, flying through the sky so fancy freeee!"

Homer: "Stealing, stealing----stealing a car for Moe. Dun da da da, dun da da----insurance fraud to-dayyyyy!"

Martin(while dancing around Nelson): "Hark to the tale of Nelson, and the boy he loved so dear/they became the best of friends for years and years and years!"

Where's my elephant?

Now I've had my head in an elephant, a hippo and a giant sloth.

Smithers! This reminds me of that fat man I used to ride to work!

Lisa, a man who have lots of ivory is less likely hurt an elephant than someone whose ivory supplies are low.

[Edited by rabbit77 on 05-09-01 at 04:20 PM]

Akira: "Hai. Hai. Bye. Hi!"

Lenny: "They say he carved it from an even bigger spoon."

Dig up, stupid.

From the same episode:

Homer: I'm alive! And I owe it all to this feisty feline!

Lisa: Dad, a feline is a ca...

Homer: Elephant, honey. Stampy's an elephant.

And I'm sure he'll make a grand piano!

"ummmm 64 slices of american cheese!"
while mr burns and smithers are
sucktion-cupped to the ceiling.

look at me im making people happy
im the magical man from fairy
land ... something something

Dr. Hibbert: Hmm, a Ford urinating on a Chevrolet.
Mrs. Hibbert: Don't you usually laugh at everything?
Dr. Hibbert: Yes. Yes, I do.

"You know a town with money is a little like the mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it, and danged if he knows how to use it."
Homer: "hehehe; Mule."



I can't remember the wording exactly right on this next one:

Dr. Hibbert: "So you can see you have every disease, and a few we've never really seen. They've reached a sort of symbiance and are balanced in such a way that it isn't affecting you. ha ha ha."
Mr. Burns: "So what you're saying is i'm invincible?"
Dr. Hibbert: "Oh dear God no, the slightest breeze could kill y..."
Mr. Burns: "Invincible..."

"That's why you're the judge, and I'm the law-talkin' guy"

"Cram it with walnuts, ugly"

"He'll never be able to master the pickle matrix, glavin"

*Bart imagining himself as a boy/fly hero*
"I'd be stupid not to try this."

Bart: "I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda"

Selma: Troy, are you gay?
Troy: Gay? I wish!

Defense attorney: So you would never get upset at something as trivial as the pronunciation of the word "chowder".
Freddy Quimby: It's "chowda"! CHOWDA!! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!! ESPECIALLY THOSE OF YOU IN THE JURY!

Reverand Lovejoy: Get a divorce Marge!
Marge: Doesn't the Bible say that divorce is sin?
Lovejoy: Marge, practically everything's a sin. Have you ever sat down and read this thing? Technically, we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.

Bart:"What do we need church shoes for? Jesus wore sandals."

Homer:"Well, maybe if he had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught him."

"If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always be to the swift, or the Jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well, I say cheating is the gift Man gives himself."

"Oh, so Mother Nature needs a favor? Well, maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys. Nature started the fight for survival and now she wants to quit because she's losing? Well, I say 'Hard cheese!'."

Simithers: Well, sir, they see you as sort of an ogre.
Mr. Burns: Who says that? I ought to club them and eat their bones.

"HA HA" --- Nelson