"It's already wiped out the Dodo, the Cuckoo, and the Ne-Ne, and it has nasty plans for the Booby, the Titmouse, the Woodcock, and the Titpecker."

"You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society."

"Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything."

Moe Syzlack

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scout meeting!
Barney: Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?

Just miles from your doorstep, hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill. The government calls it the Army, but a more alarmist name would be... THE KILLBOT FACTORY! - Kent Brockman

Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? That's the joke.


YOU SUCK, MCBAIN!

HOMER: Woo Hoo! Cheap meat!

Homer: Bees are on the what now?

Always slays me!

"How much for these Mary Worth comics with the water stains?"

"That is not water, it is Diet Mr. Pibb."


Hee hee, love that line.

Sideshow Bob: "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. No truth-handler, you. Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities."

---

Sideshow Bob: "You wanted to be Krusty's sidekick since you were five! What about the buffoon lessons, the four years at clown college."

Cecil: "I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way."

Mrs. Lovejoy: This isn't about love. Its about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N.
Krusty: Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down!

"Apu, could you get me that beer that I like, with the candy in it, you know, Skittlebrau?"

"I'm sorry, Homer, but I think you imagined this product."

"Okay, then, just get me a Duff and some Skittles."

(Sorry if I butchered this, it's been a while...)

-----------------------

Here's two more of my faves, copied from http://www.snpp.com

[Homer searches under the couch for a peanut]

Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy!
Eww, slimy.
Oh, moving!
Ah-ha! Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for good and services.

------------------------

Homer: OK, boy, I wrote down exactly what to say. Just read it and you're a shoo-in!
Bart: Hello, Mr. ...Kurns. I bad want...money now. Me sick.
Homer: Ooh, he card-reads good.

Homer: "Alright brain. I don't like you and you don't like me, so lets just get this done so I can go back to killing you with alcohol."

I don't even remember the episode or the context, but

"When you get to Hell, tell em' Scratchy sent you!"

I think it's when they go to itchy and scratchy land, and there's no place for the Simpson's on the evacuation helicopter.

<b>This isn't Rocket Science its Brain Surgery!</b> Mr Burns to Smithers

<b>Look Daddy, a whale egg!</b> Ralph Wiggum

Lionel Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs Simpson, We've drawn Judge Snyder.

Marge Simpson: Is that bad?

Lionel Hutz: Well he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.

Marge: You did?

Lionel Hutz: Well replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly" and the word "dog" with "son."

Homer: You know me Marge, I like my beer cold, my tv loud, and my homosexuals Flaming.

Homer: God is teasing me! Just like he teased Moses in the desert!

Marge: Tested, Homer. God tested Moses

____________________________________________________________
Homer:What the hell are we going to do with 10,000 angel ashtrays?!

Bart: I could take up smoking.

Homer: You damn well better.

____________________________________________________________

Lou:You know I went to the McDonald's in Shelbyville on Friday night.

Chief Wiggum: A what?

Lou: A McDonald's restaurant. Eh, I never heard of it either, but they have over two thousand locations in this state alone.

Eddie: Must've sprung up overnight.

Lou: You know the funniest thing, though, it's the little differences.

Wiggum: Example?

Lou: Well, at McDonald's you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right? But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.

Wiggum: Get out! What do they call it?

Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese.

Homer: Sure, he (Kent Brockman) may have all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge: What's that?
Homer: err, umm, a dinosaur!

Bart - I think sharing is overrated too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Homer - Your ideas are intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

And finally....

Last night's "Itchy & Scratchy" was, without a doubt, the WORST - EPISODE - EVER!! Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. - Comic Book Guy

Also:

"Oh, a sarcasm detector. That's a really good idea!!"

"Look Marge, you don't know what it's like -- I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can't HANDLE the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!"

(Krusty is away from the studio while his 'live' TV show is airing.)

KRUSTY: "Ah, I just threw on some old rerun. Nobody'll notice."

KRUSTY (on TV): "The Falkland Islands have just been invaded. Repeat: The Falkland Islands have just been invaded! (Whips out map and pointer) The disputed islands lie here, off the coast of Argentina..."

My apologies for butchering the quote but you get the idea...

Bart: "What were you drinking last night? Gasoline?"

Krusty: "Yesssss, I was drinking gasoline, MOTHER..."

...after the Bart and Lisa are stuck at school during the blizzard...

Marge: How are the kids going to get home?
Homer: I don't know....The Internet?


LOL
Just found this thread
good to be back

Homer
They don't call me Springfield Fats just because I'm morbidly obese.

Come on Maud, the human wang is a beautiful thing.