The Ultimate Seinfeld Quotes Thread...
 

Jerry: "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away!"

NEWMAN!

Giddyup!

"GET OUT!" - Elaine to Jerry

"I WAS IN THE OCEAN!" - George

(To telemarketer on phone) - "I'm sorry, I'm a little tied up now. Give me your home number and I'll call you back later... Oh, you don't like being called at home? Well, now you know how I feel." - Jerry

"Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp! People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Sleep, do nothing, fall a$$-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating... THAT'S a fantasy camp." - George

Yeah, the long ones are from the imdb, but what the hey.

"Very bad man. Jerry, you are a very bad man!"

Kramer: You know, I faked it once.

"Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?" George

"I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house!" Kramer

The only good thing I remember from the finale was George's line - "I CHEATED!"

"Serenity Now!!!!!"

Elaine: The heat! My god, the heat!

Elaine: I'm George!

Already said, but always worth mentioning:

Elaine: GET OUT! (violent push)


J

"and you want to be my latex salesman."

"there's a another babka."

"if only the world would look to the cookie"

"You had sex in our bed"

"I come home and I see my son, treating his body like amusement park"

Kramer: Joe, this fruit is sub-par!

Kenny: Whaddya mean?! A salad's not a meal?!
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Jerry: Oh Moses! Smell the roses!

Elaine: "It shrinks?"
Jerry: "Like a frightened turtle."
Elaine: "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

Jerry: "HellLLLLllllLLLllllOOOOoooOOOooooooo!"

V

Jerry: Boutrous, Boutrous Galie

(not sure of correct spelling)

names:

Art Vandelay, Bob Sacomano

__________________________________

Resteraunt Host: Seinfeld Four!

"Thats one magic loogie!"

"NO SOUP FOR YOU!"

"No Pick! It was a Scratch!"

I had to post this one (from IMDB):

Kramer: The bus is outta control! So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus!
Jerry: Wow.
George: You're Batman!
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me! So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.
Jerry: You kept making all the stops?!
Kramer: Well, people kept ringing the bell.

George (on how to beat a lie detector): It's not a lie if you believe it's true.

George: She tried to use the "it's not you, it's me" excuse. I invented "it's not you, it's me"!

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

yadda yadda

George: I'll have a T-bone.
Boss: A T-bone George?
George: Yep, I guess I'm just a T-bone type of guy. You can just call me T-bone.

"I don't think so."


"You sayin' you want a piece of me?"


"Gipple!"

Favorite George lines
 

"You are killing independent George!"

"A George divided against himself can not stand!"

Re: Favorite George lines
 

Man, I haven't heard that second one in years - -rotfl- thanks!

"Everyone! Under the desk!" - Steinbrenner (sp?)

"I'm out!" - Kramer (slapping money on the counter)

"I thought it was milk!" - Kramer (I've seen the episode at least 10 times now, and I just about die everytime he pours the juice)

"Newmanium"

"You know what would make a great coffee table book? A coffee table book about coffee tables!" - Kramer

"Once in my life I would like the upper hand. I have no hand. No hand at all. She has the hand. I have no hand." - George

"Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint -- it's delicious!" - Kramer

"Why couldn't you make me an architect? You know I always wanted to pretend that I was an architect." - George

"Men can sit through the most pointless, boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off." - Elaine

"You remember this: When you control the mail, you control information!" - Newman

"Fish... What do they do?" - George
"What do you do?" - Elaine

"Ohhh the humanity!" - Newman

"I'm out there Jerry, and I'm LOVIN' it!" - Kramer

Kramer: "You're a rabid anti-dentite! Oh, it starts with a few jokes, and some slurs. 'Hey, Denty!' Next thing, you know, you're saying they should have their own schools."
Jerry: "They do have their own schools!"
Kramer: "Yeahaha!"

There were two of them so which does everyone prefer:

The "Bro" or "The Mansierre"?

Its european

Kramer- "Poor little Pinkus..." (I love that line)

Georges Answering Machine (to theme for Greatest American Hero) : "Believe it or not, Geroge isn't home, so leave a message at the beep. If I was there I'd answer the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home."

"I am the Master of my domain"
:)

-BT

- hey, george. the ocean called. they're running out of shrimp.

- oh, yeah. the jerk store called. they're running out of you!

- what difference does it make? you're their number one seller.

- well, i slept with your wife!

WOMAN: You don't know my name, do you?
JERRY: Yes I do.
WOMAN: What is it?
JERRY: It, uh, rhymes with a female body part.
WOMAN: What is it?
JERRY: Mulva...
(She gets up to leave)
JERRY: Gipple? .... Loleola? .... Oh! Oh! Delores!





JERRY: It's Risk. It's a game of world domination being played by two guys who can barely run their own lives. (referring to Kramer and Newman)

George: Guys, hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, v, in relation to the trajectory, t, in which g, gravity, of course remains a constant. [Hits a home run] It's not complicated.

Derek Jeter: Now, who are you again?

George: George Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary.

Bernie Williams: Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?

George: Do you wanna talk about hotels, or do you wanna win some ball games?

Derek Jeter: We won the World Series.

George: -rolleyes- In six games.

Kramer: "I'm like ice baby; I don't like you, you got problems!"

Frank: "Jerry, Mr. Steinbrenner is here! George is dead! Call me!" BEEP!

and later, in the hot tub:

"How can you trade Jay Buhner for Ken Phelps?!"

Steinbrenner's first line: "Hire this man!"

and I'm a Mets fan so....

George: "You're making wise cracks in some bar; he was in game six!"

Cosmo: "He asked you to help him move? You just met the guy!"
Jerry: "Listen, don't tell anybody, OK?"
Cosmo: "I wish you hadn't told me!"

Newman: "Nice game, pretty boy!"

Jerry: "I'm jealous of everybody."

Can'tstandjya

Mandlebaum! Mandlebaum!

probably not spelling it right, but you get the point.:)

Poppy peed on my sofa!

Kramer: But Jerry! You're going to be the first pirate!
Jerry: BUT I DON'T WANNA BE A PIRATE!

"And now you're going to need it!"

George: (reads card)In lieu of a gift, we have made a donation in your name to the Children's Alliance ... I got him Yankee tickets and he gets me a card saying he gave my gift to someone else. Don't you see how wrong this is. An eye for an eye.

Yada yada yada

Airport worker: I know what a reservation is.
Jerry: I don't think you do. You know how to take a reservation. You just don't know how to hold a reservation. The holding is the hardest part. Anybody can just take'em.

Puddy: That's right.