The Ultimate Seinfeld Quotes Thread...
 

Jerry: "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away!"

NEWMAN!

Giddyup!

"GET OUT!" - Elaine to Jerry

"I WAS IN THE OCEAN!" - George

(To telemarketer on phone) - "I'm sorry, I'm a little tied up now. Give me your home number and I'll call you back later... Oh, you don't like being called at home? Well, now you know how I feel." - Jerry

"Kramer goes to a fantasy camp? His whole life is a fantasy camp! People should plunk down $2000 to live like him for a week. Sleep, do nothing, fall a$$-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors and have sex without dating... THAT'S a fantasy camp." - George

Yeah, the long ones are from the imdb, but what the hey.

"Very bad man. Jerry, you are a very bad man!"

Kramer: You know, I faked it once.

"Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me and have access to my dementia?" George

"I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house!" Kramer

The only good thing I remember from the finale was George's line - "I CHEATED!"

"Serenity Now!!!!!"

Elaine: The heat! My god, the heat!

Elaine: I'm George!

Already said, but always worth mentioning:

Elaine: GET OUT! (violent push)


J

"and you want to be my latex salesman."

"there's a another babka."

"if only the world would look to the cookie"

"You had sex in our bed"

"I come home and I see my son, treating his body like amusement park"

Kramer: Joe, this fruit is sub-par!

Kenny: Whaddya mean?! A salad's not a meal?!
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Jerry: Oh Moses! Smell the roses!

Elaine: "It shrinks?"
Jerry: "Like a frightened turtle."
Elaine: "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

Jerry: "HellLLLLllllLLLllllOOOOoooOOOooooooo!"

V

Jerry: Boutrous, Boutrous Galie

(not sure of correct spelling)

names:

Art Vandelay, Bob Sacomano

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Resteraunt Host: Seinfeld Four!

"Thats one magic loogie!"

"NO SOUP FOR YOU!"

"No Pick! It was a Scratch!"

I had to post this one (from IMDB):

Kramer: The bus is outta control! So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus!
Jerry: Wow.
George: You're Batman!
Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me! So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.
Jerry: You kept making all the stops?!
Kramer: Well, people kept ringing the bell.

George (on how to beat a lie detector): It's not a lie if you believe it's true.

George: She tried to use the "it's not you, it's me" excuse. I invented "it's not you, it's me"!

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

yadda yadda

George: I'll have a T-bone.
Boss: A T-bone George?
George: Yep, I guess I'm just a T-bone type of guy. You can just call me T-bone.

"I don't think so."


"You sayin' you want a piece of me?"


"Gipple!"