Funny one liners from the audience?
06-23-08 | 11:52 PM
#177
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From: Northern New Jersey...or as we say it "Sopranos Country USA"
"Wow, hilarious stuff. Which birthday was that? Your 10th?"
"Comedy's hard, isn't it folks"
Sorry you didn't like those. They can't all be winners. Figured I share them anyways, since there is a lesson to be learned (more on that below).
"pretty sure my friends and I would have beat the crap outta that guy had he interrupted our movies with those lame ass lines..."
I have had that happen on a few occasions. I got sucker punched by one of the guys at Shallow Hal...he took offensive to my comment and hit me in the dark. Hence why I was carried out. Got in another brawl after some dude thought I was hitting on his girlfruend. He tried to sucker punch me and my friend laid him out. His girlfriend was not impressed. And there was another time after Solaris when I was with two friends (my buddy's girlfriend and this chick who was with me). Some guy starts hitting on my friend's girl and she polietly tells him that she is taken. I have to get invovled, he swings at me, I hit him and next thing I know I am in my friend's basement pulling glass out of the back of my head.
The lesson here is, don't say the wise ass comments, no matter how funny they might be or how not funny they might be. People get hurt and that is not fun at all.
"Comedy's hard, isn't it folks"
Sorry you didn't like those. They can't all be winners. Figured I share them anyways, since there is a lesson to be learned (more on that below).
"pretty sure my friends and I would have beat the crap outta that guy had he interrupted our movies with those lame ass lines..."
I have had that happen on a few occasions. I got sucker punched by one of the guys at Shallow Hal...he took offensive to my comment and hit me in the dark. Hence why I was carried out. Got in another brawl after some dude thought I was hitting on his girlfruend. He tried to sucker punch me and my friend laid him out. His girlfriend was not impressed. And there was another time after Solaris when I was with two friends (my buddy's girlfriend and this chick who was with me). Some guy starts hitting on my friend's girl and she polietly tells him that she is taken. I have to get invovled, he swings at me, I hit him and next thing I know I am in my friend's basement pulling glass out of the back of my head.
The lesson here is, don't say the wise ass comments, no matter how funny they might be or how not funny they might be. People get hurt and that is not fun at all.
06-24-08 | 12:56 AM
#178
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From: CALI!
Originally Posted by macnorton
Man, great thread...I have actually had a few that I did or were involved in over the years:
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one.
Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus".
Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!"
No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up.
The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting.
WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much
Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up.
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one.
Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus".
Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!"
No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up.
The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting.
WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much
Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up.
06-24-08 | 01:01 AM
#179
DVD Talk Limited Edition
Originally Posted by macnorton
Believe it or not I only paid for one, No Country for Old Men. All the others I got in for free, because my buddy ran the theater in Morristown.
Old-timer: "I got good news and bad news. The bad news is that it shows some really awful movies. The good news is that the guy who runs it has a couple of cretin friends who shout out really dumb shit all the time but you can watch them regularly get their asses kicked by dudes who 'sucker punch' them."
06-24-08 | 01:10 AM
#181
DVD Talk Hero
Originally Posted by Arpeggi
Shut up, you abortion that lived.
06-24-08 | 01:15 AM
#183
DVD Talk Hero
Your cream corn tastes like...ah shit nevermind, I gotta stop or I'll get sucker punched.
06-24-08 | 07:37 AM
#185
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From: 75 clicks above the Do Lung bridge...
Originally Posted by Rockmjd23
Whenever someone says they were sucker-punched, it means that they were completely destroyed in a fight.
best one-liner in this thread...
06-24-08 | 08:26 AM
#186
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From: Northern New Jersey...or as we say it "Sopranos Country USA"
Originally Posted by Peep
New guy in Morristown: "I really like it here, is the movie theater any good here?"
Old-timer: "I got good news and bad news. The bad news is that it shows some really awful movies. The good news is that the guy who runs it has a couple of cretin friends who shout out really dumb shit all the time but you can watch them regularly get their asses kicked by dudes who 'sucker punch' them."
Old-timer: "I got good news and bad news. The bad news is that it shows some really awful movies. The good news is that the guy who runs it has a couple of cretin friends who shout out really dumb shit all the time but you can watch them regularly get their asses kicked by dudes who 'sucker punch' them."
06-24-08 | 08:28 AM
#187
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From: Northern New Jersey...or as we say it "Sopranos Country USA"
Originally Posted by Rockmjd23
Whenever someone says they were sucker-punched, it means that they were completely destroyed in a fight.
06-24-08 | 11:12 PM
#188
DVD Talk Hero
Originally Posted by macnorton
Man, great thread...I have actually had a few that I did or were involved in over the years:
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one.
Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus".
Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!"
No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up.
The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting.
WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much
Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up.
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one.
Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus".
Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!"
No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up.
The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting.
WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much
Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up.
06-24-08 | 11:15 PM
#189
DVD Talk Hero
Originally Posted by Peep
New guy in Morristown: "I really like it here, is the movie theater any good here?"
Old-timer: "I got good news and bad news. The bad news is that it shows some really awful movies. The good news is that the guy who runs it has a couple of cretin friends who shout out really dumb shit all the time but you can watch them regularly get their asses kicked by dudes who 'sucker punch' them."
Old-timer: "I got good news and bad news. The bad news is that it shows some really awful movies. The good news is that the guy who runs it has a couple of cretin friends who shout out really dumb shit all the time but you can watch them regularly get their asses kicked by dudes who 'sucker punch' them."
06-25-08 | 12:40 AM
#192
DVD Talk Legend
Originally Posted by macnorton
Man, great thread...I have actually had a few that I did or were involved in over the years:
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one.
Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus".
Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!"
No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up.
The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting.
WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much
Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up.
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one.
Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus".
Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!"
No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up.
The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting.
WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much
Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up.
06-25-08 | 06:19 PM
#193
Guest
Originally Posted by macnorton
Believe what you want...I have taken my fair share of ass kickings (for instance most of my childhood), but you never hit someone in the dark. I got clocked walking out with the lights off, so yes I did get my ass handed to me. It happens.
06-05-09 | 12:07 PM
#194
DVD Talk Gold Edition
Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
Last night when I caught a midnight showing of The Hangover, during the trailer for The Final Destination a guy behind me said to his friend, "I think they just showed every death scene from the movie." This was when the title came on-screen, then when they show the escalator scene, I turned around to them and said, "Now they did."
Somebody also heckled something quite funny when I saw Drag Me to Hell the other night, but I can't remember for the life of me.
Somebody also heckled something quite funny when I saw Drag Me to Hell the other night, but I can't remember for the life of me.
Last edited by Zen Peckinpah; 06-05-09 at 12:11 PM.
06-05-09 | 05:41 PM
#195
DVD Talk Legend
Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
Mine was from a preview.
More funny/uncomfortable.
Anyway, we were at a showing of Wayne's World at Ford City Mall.
They played a trailer for White Me Can't Jump. At the end you get the title card and the voice over "WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP", to which some yells immediately...."and ******* can't swim!".
Was half expecting a riot after that one.
More funny/uncomfortable.
Anyway, we were at a showing of Wayne's World at Ford City Mall.
They played a trailer for White Me Can't Jump. At the end you get the title card and the voice over "WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP", to which some yells immediately...."and ******* can't swim!".
Was half expecting a riot after that one.
06-05-09 | 06:10 PM
#196
DVD Talk Legend
Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
I have had that happen on a few occasions. I got sucker punched by one of the guys at Shallow Hal...he took offensive to my comment and hit me in the dark. Hence why I was carried out. Got in another brawl after some dude thought I was hitting on his girlfruend. He tried to sucker punch me and my friend laid him out. His girlfriend was not impressed. And there was another time after Solaris when I was with two friends (my buddy's girlfriend and this chick who was with me). Some guy starts hitting on my friend's girl and she polietly tells him that she is taken. I have to get invovled, he swings at me, I hit him and next thing I know I am in my friend's basement pulling glass out of the back of my head.
06-05-09 | 08:36 PM
#197
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
I remember the midnight release screening of The Phantom Menace, which was a very attentive, dedicated audience. Near the end, when Palpatine remarks that he'd be watching Anakin's career with "great interest," some guy called out, "That's what we call 'foreshadowing'." I think it was effective because 1) it was the only remark I remember hearing throughout the movie and 2) it was near the last few minutes. Possibly, because the audience realized they were going to need to generate their own entertainment by that point.
06-05-09 | 08:48 PM
#198
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06-05-09 | 10:34 PM
#199
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From: Cackalacky
Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
Horror movies are the best for these...people tend to blurt things out of surprise, and not just to be funny. My favorite was when we went to see The Others. Towards the end, when that creepy old woman opens her eyes, you can see they're all white and cloudy. Some woman behind us yells, "DAMN...bitch got cataracts!"
06-05-09 | 10:52 PM
#200
Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
As the end credits began rolling for The Blair Witch Project, one guy yelled out "Guess I'm not going to sleep tonight!" which got some laughs.