PopcornTreeCt

Hi Otters,

I've been weighing whether or not to call upon you guys for advice so finally today I'm asking for your help.

About 4 months back, I started going out with a co-worker of mine. (Yes, I know, another red flag). She was separated at the time. Her husband had been living in Texas. She said she was going to be divorced. She also has 2 young kids.

We went out and I went in with the idea that this was going to be nothing serious and just kinda have some fun. However, we developed some very strong feelings for each other. Without being cliche, I would say we fell in love with each other. We saw each other about 1 or 2 times a week only. She had kids to tend to after work.

She never asked me to act the role of the father or anything like that. I had met her kids and they were wonderful. Having no kids of my own, I certainly felt unprepared but I was certainly willing to give it a try. So, yes, I was willing to marry and love this woman who was older than me and with 2 kids. It would've worked out too if not for her husband.

Her husband who had been living in Texas at the time, found out that we were seeing each other. So, what he do? Like every other controlling husband he comes back to Florida to take her back. (Her youngest child was born in October of last year, he wasn't there. I suppose he just knocked her up and vanished.) Back on point, so now he comes back and terrorizes her. Another note: he's unemployed and she's working. He watches over the finances like a hawk and berates her for every dollar she spends. He verbally abuses her non-stop anytime they're in the same room. The kids, of course, are witnesses to it. In fact, when she did tell him that she wanted a divorce he got angry and shattered her cell phone and iPod, and ripped the wires out from the PC.

About a couple weeks back, I went to Europe. It was an amazing trip. I kept in touch with her through e-mail. On the very end of the trip, I get a call from her where she's just crying and crying. He went all stalker and hacked into her e-mail or installed some kind of snooping program and saw e-mails that we wrote back and forth. In those e-mails, we talked about her leaving him and living together, getting married, living a beautiful life together. Well, that made him even crazier and they had a fight. He kicked her in the stomach and then hit her in the head while she was laying on the ground. She couldn't get up for 10 minutes. She didn't call the police. She said, when she called me hysterically crying, that she didn't want him to not be able to see his children.

It infuriated me so much. The day after, I get an e-mail from the asshole saying "this isn't a threat but please stop seeing my wife, i'm trying to get back with my family, etc." of course I just ignored it. The nerve this guy has to send me an e-mail like that after he beats the shit out of her.

I kept telling her to move out but she wants to stay in the house, well then I told her to change the locks on the doors. But she says "it's his house too". Basically, I can't win. She's relying on him to move out. Remember how I said he's verbally abusive every moment they're in the same room. Yes, still happening. He doesn't touch her anymore cause she threatened the police. She has a new cell phone because I bought it for her. She's afraid to spend her money because he watches it. She won't move out because she has no money. She won't change the locks because I don't know, she doesn't want to put him out, I guess.

Today, I get a call from her this morning that he's coming to pay me a visit. Apparently, he looked me up in the white pages. So, he came and I didn't answer the door.

I told her this was it. I feel like she's not doing enough to get rid of him. I told her we should take a break and hopefully soon, she will be divorced and he'll be out of her life.

I've tried searching and looking up material on abused wives and help and I e-mailed her a bunch of links. She doesn't have any family around here to go to. She did look up apartments at one time but then she said she couldn't afford them. I told her that her and the kids can stay at my place but she thinks I'm crazy.

Thanks for reading.

What do you suggest she do?

Dr Mabuse

Cut all ties with her and forget you ever knew her.

Kicker_of_Elves

I concur with the Dr's assessment.

Tracer Bullet

x2

Trevor

I will miss your posts here, and will point at the future double murder/suicide newspaper articles and say "I sort of knew that guy".

mike45

Bail Now. Before it's too late.

clappj

You said it yourself, "I can't win."

You're screwing around with a married woman, with an abusive husband, who holds his best interest ahead of yours (not to mention hers and their children).
Move on, and don't draw this out!

DeltaSigChi4

http://forum.dvdtalk.com/movie-talk/...o-actress.html

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E

zombeaner

As tempting as it is to get involved, if the woman doesn't want help, you can't force it upon her. I do fear for the children, since neither mother nor father have any business looking after them, at least according to your story.

Nick Danger

She isn't into you. She's using you as a tactic in the game with her husband.

If she wanted to leave him, she would have done it. I know someone who packed what would fit into a car and drove 800 miles. It was worth abandoning the rest of her possessions to get away from that man.

Leave her. Be prepared for some absolutely heartbreaking emails from her, because she is really good at pushing your buttons.

The Cow

You are hearing her side of the story. There is always more to what you are hearing.

Regardless, you are being used as the crutch.

Get out now, this one is obvious.

Mrs. Danger

The one thing you know for certain is that she cheats on her husband.

JasonF

I'm going to be the dissenting voice and say that you should rescue her from her abusive husband.

Just kidding. You can't force her to help herself. Here's the part where I knew you should get out:

He's a danger to her, he's a danger to their children. Until she realizes that, she's hopeless and by having anything to do with her, you're just asking to get hit by shrapnel.

Coral

If past cases are any indication, in an altercation with him you will wind up being shot in the face and die. Eventually your father (with the help of a friend of his) will successfully carry out a scheme that will kill your girlfriend's husband.

Your death will be in vain as the Academy will fail to honor your story with a much deserved Oscar.

movie diva

Run now, if she wanted out she would call the police, get him out of the house, change the locks and make arragments for him to see the kids with supervision. If he knows where you live, take care and watch your back, he may try to hurt you. Good luck.

Giantrobo

Pretty much. Unless you're DEXTER, GET OUT NOW... NO pussy is that good.

Supermallet

I was certain this was going to be a joke thread, looking at the title.

I agree with everyone else. You're a pawn. Even if this woman has feelings for you, she is not emotionally ready to be in a relationship with you.

pjflyer

[QUOTE=PopcornTreeCt;9663714]

but she thinks I'm crazy.

QUOTE]

So do I.

The Edit King

Nick Danger

Now, after almost twenty posts in a row telling Popcorn Tree Ct to leave the woman, his response post justifying his staying with her in 3...2...1...

Arthur Dent

We need to lighten up the mood in here!

Pics?

On a serious note, I agree with Dr. Mabuse. Ignore your emotions; it'll be for the best in the long-run.

EdTheRipper

You've got to get the hell out of the situation ASAP. If she wanted help, she would have gotten it. Instead, she dragged you into the mess. Not worth it.

GatorDeb

21!

Abelkems

As a psycho magnet myself, I have been in this situation with more than a few women. The only sane resolution is to run like hell. It will never end in your favor.

PopcornTreeCt

I'm here guys. I wanted to give it some time to get some responses. Thanks for the replies. I do want to help her but I feel like I need to step away.