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NewsRadio is back on A&E

Old 07-01-02, 01:32 PM
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NewsRadio is back on A&E

Just a reminder that it started back today...they now show two different back-to-back episodes per day from the beginning.

In the morning @ 8/7c, and then repeats them again in the afternoon @ 2/1c.
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Old 07-01-02, 03:03 PM
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Aces!

I have an overwhelming urge to start another quote thread...
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Old 07-01-02, 04:38 PM
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AWESOME!!!! AWESOME!!!! AWESOME!!!!!

Good day, sir. I said GOOD DAY, sir!
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Old 07-01-02, 09:19 PM
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Oh, god! I knew there was a reason TIVO was invented.
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Old 07-01-02, 09:20 PM
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Old 07-03-02, 10:55 PM
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even though I dont have a season pass for it anymore, my Tivo records it, because it knows I like it

Originally posted by huzefa
Oh, god! I knew there was a reason TIVO was invented.
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Old 07-04-02, 12:37 AM
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[Homer voice] Maura Tierney...mmmmm [/Homer voice]
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Old 07-07-02, 10:23 PM
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"Have you ever been bitch slapped?"
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Old 07-12-02, 12:31 PM
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What happened to that newsradio quote thread? I can't find it now.
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Old 07-12-02, 02:25 PM
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A fair and valid question.

"Just because something's hard doesn't mean it's grunge"
"Well, punk then. I don't know. You know that hard, aggressive..."
"Industrial?"
"Yeah!"
"We're not industrial"

"Good monring Dave"
"Good morning. Well aren't we all...drunk?"
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Old 07-12-02, 05:14 PM
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They really need to put this on DVD I really want this show. It is SO funny.

Jon Lovitz "Cigarette..."
Phil Hartman "No Thanks"
Jon Lovitz "I wasn't talking to YOU. Cigarette, prepare to be smoked."


Here is more Quotes from IMDB.com:


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David "Dave" Nelson: I take the complaint box very seriously and I seem to be the only one who does.
Bill McNeal: A complaint about the complaint box, delicious.

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[Reading cards from the complaint box.]
David "Dave" Nelson: "You suck." "You suck." "Howard Stern rules." "If you can read this you are a dork." "Coupon for one free kiss from Joe if you are a girl." "We need more complaint cards." "Coupon for one free kiss from Joe if you are a guy."
Joe Garelli: Hey!
David "Dave" Nelson: [pulling out a fortune cookie slip] "You will go on a journey, happy long time." "Matthew is a moron." "No I'm not." "Yes you are." "No I'm not infinity." "Yes you are infinity plus one." And this one, "I have doobie in my funk," which I assume is some sort of reference to the Parliament Funkadelic song, "Chocolate City." Uh, "You got peanut butter in my chocolate. You got chocolate in my peanut butter. Together they taste like crap." "Matthew has been staring at me all day... and I like it." I don't think I get this one, it says, "I try to be good hard-worker-man, but refrigemater so messy, so so messy."
Lisa Miller: I think that one's probably from Milos, the janitor.
David "Dave" Nelson: Oh. Refrigem---oh, then that one's legitimate. [continues reading the complaint cards] Uh, "Who's the black private dick who's the sex machine with all the chicks."
Bill McNeal, Beth, Lisa Miller, Matthew Brock, Joe Garelli: SHAFT!
Bill McNeal: I thought we'd all enjoy that.
David "Dave" Nelson: [reading one last card] And, "Help, I'm being held prisoner in a complaint box," which is actually kinda funny.

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[Confronting Lisa about her breakup with Dave.]
Bill McNeal: You got what you wanted from Dave, right? And then you snapped your legs shut like a well-oiled bear trap!

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Jimmy James: You poor misguided Canadian bastard.

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[Max is eating a sandwich.]
David "Dave" Nelson: Max! That's my lunch!
Max Louis: I don't see your name on it.
[Dave holds up the lunch bag, and it is clearly labeled "DAVE."]
Max Louis: Still, I don't see your name on the actual sandwich.

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Bill McNeal: Is this some kind of evil plot to teach me a lesson?

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Jimmy James: The Secret of Management number 436: I'm with stupid.

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Bill McNeal: Is Matthew superior to me?
David "Dave" Nelson: You mean genetically?
Bill McNeal: No, in the office.
David "Dave" Nelson: No.
Bill McNeal: What about genetically?
David "Dave" Nelson: Well, he is ambidextrous.
Bill McNeal: Freak.

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David "Dave" Nelson: You ever play 52-card pick-up?
Matthew Brock: No, that sounds like fun!
David "Dave" Nelson: Sometimes you make me sad.

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Beth: Dave, why don't you just tell her what turns you on and get it over with?
David "Dave" Nelson: To tell you the truth, what really turns me on is when Lisa is mad at me.
Beth: OK, I didn't really want to know that. Are you guys going back to her place now?
Lisa Miller: [calling impatiently from the other room] Dave, are you coming?
David "Dave" Nelson: Oh, yeah!

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Lisa Miller: Dave, tell me your deepest, darkest fantasy.
David "Dave" Nelson: Oh, no.
Lisa Miller: Oh, come on! You can tell me.
David "Dave" Nelson: No, it's too embarrassing.
Lisa Miller: Come on, please?
David "Dave" Nelson: Oh, OK. Ever since I was 14 years old, I've always fantasized about making love on the space shuttle...
Lisa Miller: That's very cute.
David "Dave" Nelson: ...with a space prostitute.

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Lisa Miller: What about that sweet 18-year-old kid in accounting who had that crush on you?
David "Dave" Nelson: Oh, that was completely different.
Lisa Miller: Why?
David "Dave" Nelson: Well, for one thing, he was a guy. And he thought I was gay. And he brought his mother to work and introduced me as his boss-slash-husband.
Lisa Miller: Well, it was still flattering, wasn't it?
David "Dave" Nelson: Oh, lord yes.

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David "Dave" Nelson: Look, it's only a birthday present! It just means I'm glad you didn't die partway through the year.

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Lisa Miller: Are you nervous about that speech tonight?
David "Dave" Nelson: No, I'm cool.
Lisa Miller: You're cool?
David "Dave" Nelson: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm cool. I'm just... I'm, you know... chillin'.
Lisa Miller: Well, word to your mother.

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Beth: Wait a minute... were you one of those guys in high school who spent half his time at the arcade, hunched over the machines with all the other pale, friendless virgins?
[Long pause.]
David "Dave" Nelson: Don't be silly.

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Lisa Miller: I'm not selfish and self-centered, am I?
David "Dave" Nelson: I think you should keep in mind that you're asking an ex-boyfriend.
Lisa Miller: No, I'm not. I'm asking an employee.
David "Dave" Nelson: Well, then no.

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Bill McNeal: Sing it PRETTY! Like me!
Beth: My mother always told me I had a pretty voice.
Bill McNeal: Well my mother dressed me up like a girl until I was nine! They make mistakes!

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David "Dave" Nelson: Bill, haven't you ever heard the expression, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade?"
Bill McNeal: Dave, haven't you ever heard the expression, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for?"

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Jimmy James: Dave, don't mess with a man with a Wayback Machine. I can make it so you were never born.

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Beth: Dave, why don't you just give me the big bonus? I'll get you a cup of coffee...?
David "Dave" Nelson: Alright. You've got a deal.
Beth: Dave, you called my bluff.

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Bill McNeal: How come no one thinks I'm funny?
Lisa Miller: How come no one thinks I'm female?
Bill McNeal: We're just misunderstood. That's why guys like us have to stick together.

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Bill McNeal: Is it cold in here, or are you wearing an anatomically correct bra?

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Lisa Miller: If everyone thought you should jump off a bridge, would you?
David "Dave" Nelson: If everyone around here thought I should jump off a bridge, they'd probably just get together and push me.

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[Lisa bursts into Dave's office.]
Lisa Miller: Dave, have you ever taken nude photos of yourself?
[Long pause.]
David "Dave" Nelson: [into speakerphone] Mom, I'm gonna have to call you back.

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[Reading from his book, "Jimmy James: Macho Business Donkey Wrestler," translated to Japanese and back again]
Jimmy James: I had a small house of brokerage on Wall Street. Many days no business comes to my hut. Jimmy has fear? A thousand times no! I never doubted myself for a minute, for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo... [pauses while turning page] dung.

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Bill McNeal: Experience has taught me that behind every toothy grin hides an extra row of teeth.

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[Mr. James sees Matthew's new mustache.]
Jimmy James: What's the story with your face, son?
Matthew Brock: Oh, well, I grew this out during vacation, well, you know, to make myself look sexier.
Jimmy James: Yeah, well every man has the right to sex himself up however he seems fit, but you, you look like you belong in an amatuer porn convention.
Matthew Brock: Thank you.
Jimmy James: No, Matthew. ...I tell you what, let me show you something.
[Mr. James pulls a picture from his pocket]
Jimmy James: Are you ready?
Matthew Brock: Yeah.
Jimmy James: No, I don't think you're ready.
Matthew Brock: Yeah, I am.
Jimmy James: Okay.
[Shows the picture to Matthew]
Matthew Brock: Oh God!
Jimmy James: Yep, that is me with a mustache. I carry this with me whenever I can, so if I ever get the urge to make myself over, I just look at this, and damn near throw up.

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Bill McNeal: It's like my father used to say: "When I was a child I thought as a child and spoke as a child, but when I became a man I took that child out back and had him shot."

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David "Dave" Nelson: Hey Bill, I'm your friend.
Bill McNeal: Oh yeah? Where were you last night at 3 A.M. when I was watching Steel Magnolias and crying my eyes out?

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David "Dave" Nelson: Hey I have an idea. I'll give up coffee, if you give up cigarettes. Huh? We'll go through this together.
Bill McNeal: But you should have to give up something of equal difficulty. Like going to the bathroom.

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[Explaining a budget crisis]
Jimmy James: I cried because I had no desk, until I met a man with no feet, and the no feet guy told me there was this thing called a budget, and WNYX was way over it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David "Dave" Nelson: Normally at a time like this I'd ask you for advice, and you'd say something that would make no sense at all, but somehow it would all fit together. Like, I would tell you, "Sir, I have a problem," and you'd say, "Well, what is it?" and I'd say, "Well, sir, Lisa wants to have a baby, but she doesn't want to get married," and you'd say "Dave, why milk the cow when you have a fridge full of steaks?" And I'd say, "Sir, that makes no sense," and you'd say, "Well, it sure made sense when that guy Chuck Connors said it in that movie Chinatown," and I'd say, "Sir, Chuck Connors wasn't in Chinatown," and you'd say, "Dave, if I wanted to have this conversation I'd have hired that guy Siskel Ebert to do your job," and I'd say, "Sir, Siskel and Ebert are two people," and you'd say, "Dave, just because the man is fat is no reason to make fun of him."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bill: You see, it's like the old saying, "Everybody loves a cane."
Dave: No, Bill. I think the old saying is "Everybody loves a clown." Which is what you look like with that thing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lisa is asking Jimmy why he's better friends with Dave than her]
Jimmy James: See, Dave and I, we could talk about... guy stuff.
Lisa: Guy stuff? I can do that.
Jimmy James: No...
Lisa: Yes, I can, try me.
Jimmy James: You think?
Lisa: Yes.
[pause]
Jimmy James: That Lisa's sure got some cute ass, huh?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jimmy James: I wanted a house just like Xanadu, but without a dorky name.
Lisa: So what did you call it?
Jimmy James: Fort Awesome.

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Jimmy James: You're sitting in the house that "Honk if you're horny" built.

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Bill McNeal: I took Lisa out to lunch.
David "Dave" Nelson: Did you?
Bill McNeal: It was a lot more than lunch. A lot more.
David "Dave" Nelson: Wait a minute. You and Lisa didn't have... coffee, did you?
Bill McNeal: Yes, coffee. ...In bed. ...After we did it.
David "Dave" Nelson: Bill, you and Lisa did not do it. And while i applaud your misguided efforts to make me jealous, I have work to do. So... leave.
Bill McNeal: I don't care about making you jealous. I just care about pleasing your woman.
David "Dave" Nelson: Lisa is not my woman.
Bill McNeal: And how!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bill McNeal: The eyes are the windows to the skull.
David "Dave" Nelson: "Soul."
Bill McNeal: For those who have one, yes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David "Dave" Nelson: Is your own life so boring that you have to obsess about imaginary love triangles you're not even a part of?
Bill McNeal: Yes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bill has returned from an overnight stay in the hospital]
Jimmy James: Hey there! How you feeling?
Bill McNeal: Good, thanks.
Jimmy James: Feel like suing the station?
Bill McNeal: No.
Jimmy James: Good! ...I gotta go.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bill is frustrated that he has no ideas for his new book]
Bill McNeal: Did you know that when Dan Rather was 19 he was a photographer for the Associated Press?
David "Dave" Nelson: Well, what were you doing at 19?
Bill McNeal: Drinking.
David "Dave" Nelson: Well, how about how hard it was to break into industry? You know, all the struggles...
Bill McNeal: My aunt owned a radio station. She hired me to get me to stop drinking.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bill McNeal: The problem as I see it is that I have no personality of my own.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bill McNeal: Let me tell you what I told my brother last Thanksgiving: give me my money back!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David "Dave" Nelson: Did you ever send those naked pictures of yourself to Keith?
Beth: Who told you?
David "Dave" Nelson: No one, I just had some film developed and they threw in a couple of nudie photos of you for free.
Beth: Oh my God!
David "Dave" Nelson: I'm just kidding, Lisa told me! So did you send them?
Beth: Well, I faxed them to Keith, and he asked me to come visit him in London next week!
David "Dave" Nelson: That's great!
Beth: Yeah, so can I have next week off and a two thousand dollar advance on my salary?
David "Dave" Nelson: No.
Beth: I'll show you the nudie pictures...
David "Dave" Nelson: OK, we'll talk.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bill McNeal: What's so interesting about radio?
David "Dave" Nelson: I think radio is a fascinating medium.
Bill McNeal: You're from Wisconsin! You think artificial lighting is fascinating!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jimmy James: Just remember, Dave, let it out--
David "Dave" Nelson: Or sweat it out. Yes, I know, sir. I just love advice that rhymes.

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David "Dave" Nelson: You can't just pluck someone off the street and put him on the air.
Bill McNeal: Of course you can! How do you think Edward R. Murrow was discovered?
David "Dave" Nelson: That is not how Edward R. Murrow was discovered.
Bill McNeal: Don't confuse me with the facts!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
David "Dave" Nelson: Pack your bags. It looks like you'll be going to New Hampshire after all.
Lisa: How come Matthew isn't going?
David "Dave" Nelson: Apparently, if he's away from home for more than 30 minutes his cats start plotting against him.
Lisa: And people say *you're* whipped.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Talking about his vacation in Japan]
Matthew Brock: You would've loved it, David. A week in a foreign country, strange people, strange customs...
David "Dave" Nelson: Oh, I know what you mean. I've been to Canada.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jimmy James: Be careful, Beth, because the stock market can be a cruel mistress.
Beth: Well, so can I, but that's not how I want to make my money any more.

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Bill McNeal: Have you ever lost something very dear to you?
David "Dave" Nelson: Yeah, when I was 12, we had this dog--
Bill McNeal: I was actually thinking more along the lines of a large sum of cash.

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Jimmy James: I got so many lawyers lined up to see me today, you'd think I had tobacco leaking out of my breast implants.

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[Dave and Lisa are forced to campaign for a job neither wants.]
Bill McNeal: I have a two-part question, chief. One, what does Lisa look like naked? And two, what does Lisa feel like naked? This question is for both candidates.
David "Dave" Nelson: I'll field this one. As a prospective news director, it would be improper for me to answer that question. But if the unthinkable was to happen and I was to lose this election, well, then I could answer that question in almost pornographic detail.
Bill McNeal: Gooood answer!

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Jimmy James: Good job on that phone bill, Dave. I see you were able to block those 976 numbers.
David "Dave" Nelson: How did you know I did that?
Jimmy James: I'll see you tomorrow, Dave.

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[The rest of the staff meets to protest a policy of Dave's]
Lisa Miller: Well, seeing as how Dave and I...
Joe Garelli: Do it?
Lisa Miller: ...are romantically...
Joe Garelli: Doing it?
Lisa Miller: ...sleeping together, I think this precludes me from taking part in any revolution.
Bill McNeal: Benedict Arnold slept with George Washington.
Lisa Miller: You really need to stop getting your history from Gore Vidal.

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David "Dave" Nelson: Bill, have you ever heard the expression "It's easier to catch flies with honey instead of vinegar"?
Bill McNeal: Dave, have you ever heard the expression "Only a hillbilly sits around and tries to figure out the best way to catch flies"?

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Dave Nelson: Wait a minute, Joe. If what you're saying is true, then... I still don't care.

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David "Dave" Nelson: When Bill and Lisa combine their energies, their powers of persuasion go up fivefold.
Jimmy James: Well, Dave... really, I appreciate your Dungeons and Dragons approach to office management, but I left my twelve-sided dice at home so I'll, uh, I'll just tell 'em, alright?
David "Dave" Nelson: Alright. God speed, fair wizard.

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[Teaching Beth to negotiate]
Jimmy James: [slamming shoe on table] I WILL BURY YOU!
[Beth jumps.]
Beth: What was that?!
Jimmy James: Standard opening move. Your turn.

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Johnny Johnson: I'm a hollow man, Dave. I'm a cheap chocolate Easter Bunny.

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Joe Garelli: You can't take something off the Internet! It's like taking pee out of a swimming pool.

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[Dave, dressed as a woman for Halloween, looks better than Lisa]
Lisa Miller: How do you think this makes me feel?
David "Dave" Nelson: Well, how do you think it makes *me* feel to realize at 30 that I'm much better-looking as a girl?

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[Joe can't fix Lisa's chair.]
Joe Garelli: Why don't you just ask Dave for a new chair?
Lisa Miller: I don't know, Dave has been real uptight about the budget.
Joe Garelli: [mumbling] Well I'm sure he could make an exception for you.
Lisa Miller: What is that supposed to mean?
Joe Garelli: You know, whenever you need something, all you have to do is go in there and ask your sugar daddy.
Lisa Miller: My sugar daddy?
Joe Garelli: Sweetpapa, whatever.
Catherine Duke: Lisa, while you're in there shakin' your stuff, I need a new stapler.
Lisa Miller: I have never been the person who shakes her stuff.
Catherine Duke: OK, so you're a little light in the stuff department.
Lisa Miller: Why does everyone think I'm some sort of office supply whore?
Bill McNeal: Lisa, I need some thumb tacks. Dave doesn't seem to respond to my back rubs.
Lisa Miller: You know, I really resent this. I try and keep a professional relationship with Dave while in the office.
Bill McNeal: That's right, just lie back....
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Old 07-12-02, 09:23 PM
  #12  
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David "Dave" Nelson: Look, it's only a birthday present! It just means I'm glad you didn't die partway through the year.

I don't remember this quote. What episode is it from?
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