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Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

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Old 03-09-13 | 12:53 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Old 03-09-13 | 02:53 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

The biggest was probably "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me".

Gone was the loving James Bond/60's Spy movie parody, replaced with recycled 1st movie jokes and scatological humor.
Old 03-09-13 | 04:16 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Some pretty good ones listed so far. The obvious answer is The Phantom Menace it's rare that I consciously hate a movie as I'm watching it, it usually takes a day or two of mulling a movie over before I form an opinion on it yet there I was 20 minutes in thinking "this movie is boring as shit, this thing fucking sucks."

I'll throw out The Haunting (1999). I was looking so forward to a good, scary haunted house flick. Again, there I was half way through it thinking, "when is this piece of shit going to end?!"
Old 03-09-13 | 06:23 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

The Matrix Reloaded
Old 03-09-13 | 06:36 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Bourne Legacy
Old 03-09-13 | 07:02 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

The Shining - an insult to fans of the novel.
Old 03-09-13 | 07:46 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Highlander 2: The Quickening. A number of friends and I have been big fans of the original film and were excited to see where a sequel would go. However, we mostly wound up laughing at it in the theatre, it was so bad. Russell Mulcahy can make all the director's cuts he wants, but the hard fact is that they thoroughly misunderstood what made the original film such a cult favorite. Aliens from the planet Zeist? Gimme a break!
Old 03-09-13 | 08:08 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Originally Posted by Michael Corvin
The Shining - an insult to fans of the novel.
While I can see why people liked it, I walked out of the theater a little PO'd since I loved the novel so much.
Old 03-09-13 | 08:34 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull- I have no one to blame but myself.
Old 03-09-13 | 09:07 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

"Always" and "Hook"
Old 03-09-13 | 09:07 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Originally Posted by Michael Corvin
The Shining - an insult to fans of the novel.
IMO Kubrick's Shining >>> King's. But I can see how fans of the novel might be upset by it.

Of course, if that TV miniseries abomination is anything to go by...
Old 03-09-13 | 09:24 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Originally Posted by stvn1974
Phantom Menace.
While The Phantom Menace didn't exactly set my world on fire, there was enough that I liked and I was naive enough at the time to believe that eps. II and III could be better because that's when we'd see the "good stuff." (Clone Wars, Vader turn, etc.)

After walking out of Attack of the Clones I knew it was over. That was truly the movie that broke Star Wars for me.
Old 03-09-13 | 10:17 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Revenge of the Sith

Was so looking forward to seeing Anakin hunt down and kill jedi. Instead we got Jedi being shot in the back (wtf?) with blasters. I was actually still on board after the first 2 but ROTS was just so fucking awful and huge of a letdown.
Old 03-09-13 | 11:21 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Originally Posted by rocket1312
After walking out of Attack of the Clones I knew it was over. That was truly the movie that broke Star Wars for me.
Very true. I thought TPM had enough fun moments to be a deccent movie, but I too expected AOTC to be where things picked up and the real Star Wars movie started. I walked out of the theater after that terrible film thinking, "Wow, they couldn't do it. These movies are terrible."

I was so soured after AOTC I wound up missing Revenge of the Sith. I still wanted to see it, finish the trilogy, but it slipped my mind until the hype died down and I realized it had left theaters long ago. If you had told me the day of The Phantom Menace that I wouldn't bother to see the final chapter in the theater, I would have said you were nuts.
Old 03-09-13 | 12:17 PM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Battlefield Earth. Loved the book, WRETCHED movie.
Old 03-09-13 | 12:21 PM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Eyes Wide Shut
Old 03-09-13 | 12:23 PM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Originally Posted by Jules Winfield
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull- I have no one to blame but myself.
It just finally hit me and makes total sense. You are Shia Labeouf!! That explains a LOT!
Old 03-09-13 | 12:48 PM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Originally Posted by rocket1312
While The Phantom Menace didn't exactly set my world on fire, there was enough that I liked and I was naive enough at the time to believe that eps. II and III could be better because that's when we'd see the "good stuff." (Clone Wars, Vader turn, etc.)

After walking out of Attack of the Clones I knew it was over. That was truly the movie that broke Star Wars for me.
Same here. PM had its problems, but it also had Neeson, Darth Maul, pod race, Duel of Fates and best lightsaber battle of the series. I thought "well, Lucas is a little rusty, but he'll improve in the next ones." He did alter things for the next two, but they were just bad in new ways, and moved further away from the feel of the OT, IMO.
Old 03-09-13 | 01:07 PM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Originally Posted by The Cow
It just finally hit me and makes total sense. You are Shia Labeouf!! That explains a LOT!
Wrong! I am actually Cate Blanchett.
Old 03-09-13 | 01:39 PM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Superman 3.

Saw it in theaters as a kid. I was pretty easy to please, but this one floored me with how huge a step down it was from the first two. I asked my dad why they would make such a terrible Superman movie ... he had no answer.
Old 03-09-13 | 02:43 PM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

The first one was such a out-of-left field delight that brilliantly balanced a smart, warm humanist sensibility in tandem with the R-rated raunch.

The second one jettisons the smart, warm humanist sensibility and we're left with a depressingly nasty piece of shit.

(However the third one is a step up from #2, but nowhere good as one #1. So the same quality pattern as the Austin Powers Trilogy.)
Old 03-09-13 | 04:02 PM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Originally Posted by PatD
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

The first one was such a out-of-left field delight that brilliantly balanced a smart, warm humanist sensibility in tandem with the R-rated raunch.

The second one jettisons the smart, warm humanist sensibility and we're left with a depressingly nasty piece of shit.

(However the third one is a step up from #2, but nowhere good as one #1. So the same quality pattern as the Austin Powers Trilogy.)
Yeah but the second one has the "bottomless party". It's automatically an A in my book because of that.
Old 03-09-13 | 09:42 PM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

I think the most recent one was Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Don't think I will watch anything in theaters by Michael Bay again.

The SW prequels were disappointing but I managed to watch them in theaters multiple times. Still some cool moments.

I think most disappointing recent blind buy dvd would be Salt.
Old 03-09-13 | 10:12 PM
  #49  
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Another set of votes for the entire SW prequel trilogy ... if you cobbled the three movies together you would get two hours of cool stuff that made no sense (as opposed to six hours of stuff that makes no sense).

Also, a set of votes for Matrix Re-Screw You and Matrix Re-Screw Your Mother Too. I don't even remember the proper names for them.

I'll add Alien 3 ... I worked in a movie theater when it came out. I refused to patrol the auditorium the entire weekend because I did not want to see anything until I could sit down and watch it. Finally, on Sunday afternoon I was able to view it in its entirety. It wasn't just a kick in the nuts, Lucy grabbed my nuts and actually held on while Charlie Brown kicked ... only this time she didn't pull my nuts away, she held on tight as Charlie Brown kept kicking, again and again, trying to get the kick off.

(It was rather redeeming to see the reconstructed version on DVD years later!)
Old 03-10-13 | 11:30 AM
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Re: Biggest Kick in the Nuts Movie You've Ever Seen

Originally Posted by Abob Teff
I'll add Alien 3 ... I worked in a movie theater when it came out. I refused to patrol the auditorium the entire weekend because I did not want to see anything until I could sit down and watch it. Finally, on Sunday afternoon I was able to view it in its entirety. It wasn't just a kick in the nuts, Lucy grabbed my nuts and actually held on while Charlie Brown kicked ... only this time she didn't pull my nuts away, she held on tight as Charlie Brown kept kicking, again and again, trying to get the kick off.

(It was rather redeeming to see the reconstructed version on DVD years later!)
I still think that 3 is a pretty big kick to the nuts/middle finger after all that came in Aliens. It's like all of that awesomeness was for nothing.


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