....*grabs gun w/ one round in chamber, puts in back of shorts, walks out to car w/ theater tickets* Guess I'll get popcorn too....dunno about the coke...I'll report back later...maybe....

Here lies Solid Snake PAC (Because I'm sure that's your real name)

That crazy little Mexican rapist.

He'll be missed. I'm gonna leave flowers in the theatre car park each year, like Bruce Wayne leaves flowers at crime alley.

Speak for yourself.

I think Solid Snake PAC is better off watching this:

<embed src="http://blip.tv/play/hJFxgfThGAI" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" height="376" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed>

Orndorf (****): http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/45273/expendables-the/
Rich (**): http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/45266/expendables-the/
Burchby (*1/2): http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/45295/expendables-the/
Me (*1/2): http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/45257/expendables-the/

Just got back from the midnight, and fucking loved it. Saw it with a packed theater, and everyone was enjoying themselves. Lots of oooo and ahhhs during the crazy kills. The final battle was totally insane, with the hallway fights being a highlight.

Even better than I was expecting, and I'm seeing it again on Saturday

Saw it. I really don't know what kind of expectations some people had for this movie, but I thought it was a fucking blast. When I saw the previews, I thought it looked like a cheesy 80s style action movie that in all honesty should have been straight to video were it not for the cast. You know what, I was right. That was all I was expecting and that's what I got.

Putting it bluntly, this is a two star movie where the power of the cast raises it to three. However, I thought the climactic action sequence kicked so much ass that I upped my rating to three and a half. As far as the CG blood and stuff goes, it really didn't bother me. I was able to let my beer buzz take over and let me experience something I used to when I was an underage adolescent and rented rated R action movies I wasn't supposed to be watching on a Saturday afternoon. I intend to do just that with this movie when it hits Blu-Ray.

My big markouts:

Terry Crews-Bad Motherfucker!

Randy Couture vs. Steve Austin-you get to see them fight, that's cool in and of itself.

EDIT: My audience was also completely into it, marking out for just about everything.

-Lots of cool action.

Cons:

-Eric Roberts knows how to play and 80s bad guy, but I didn't feel that either he or the general were strong villains. Couldn't they have maybe gotten Willem DaFoe and Danny Trejo for those parts?

-Why did Dolph Lundgren always look like he was taking a break from a drinking binge?

Finally:

Saw it tonight and fucking loved it as well. It's not the best action movie ever, but it's still a fucking blast. Just go in with your expectations in check and you should be fine.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I LOVED THIS FILM.

I can't tell you how fucking awesome it was. It was fucking awesome, that's how awesome it was. I think that's how I can tell you.

Cons: First off, my cons for the film...which is why this is the cons section. CGI...it worked fine...or passable is a better word...but it's the same issue I had w/ Rambo IV. They should've really gone w/ squibs. Also...well anything cgi was passable. Just get a stuntman to be lit up...don't cgi fire on a man. The plot isn't amazing but I think it was executed well. The action was great but on the one on ones..if the shots were held maybe 1/4 of a sec longer I'd be more content. While it's editing on them was a bit bothersome at times..it's continuity for some of the fights was very well done. Also...it might have been a shade too dark in that hallway or whatever you call it. Just color correct a tad lighter...looked much darker than what I think the trailer had...I THINK. Carpenter was in there very little, I don't know her but...that was a worthless role..competent role at best.

Pros: EVERYTHING ELSE. LOVED Terry Crews in this thing. Loved all the fights. That last action piece was a whole fucking movie in itself. That's how much awesome was packed in it. Loved the humor. Li was awesome. Li & Statham vs. bad guys...was badass. All the one on ones were great. Again...Terry Crews was awesome. Love that scene of guys getting blown away and you see him pass that hallway and he's still shooting. Hilariously awesome. I didn't mind that Lundgren came back...ridiculous yes...but...I was ok w/ it for some reason. Just don't know why I am as cool w/ it as I am. The humor in it was great I thought. Also...Who the fuck told Rourke this was an opportunity to shine w/ his acting?! JESUS...his little speech was amazing. Calm the fuck down. Damn...

All in all. I've had a load to blow for so long...and it was blown. I hope it makes money for Sly. Make a sequel, get a bigger budget, and cooler story. Get Schwarzenegger and Trejo specifically in it among others. Don't be be cheap and use CGI...it just never looks right, Sly. And...you might just make a sequel better than your original.

I can't wait for the BD of this. I hope we a solo commentary w/ Sly...but I'd love a action star commentary on it as well. Jampack the fucker w/ features galore. And...you'll get my money much more easily w/ that.

Did anyone else notice a really digitized cityscape shot after the opening sequence? What was that about?

....I didn't see it...what scene was it?

It's after they're flying home from their mission and before Statham drives up to his girl's place. It's a shot of the city and it looks like it was shot with a webcam.

Because his character was a drug user.

Yeah. I just took it as another sign of how ultra low budget this movie was. It was a standard def video shot of the cityscape at night.

The movie wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible. The action was good when I could make it out. Unfortunately, that wasn't often. Outside of Stallone, Statham, and Rourke, the characters didn't have much to offer. This ultimately felt like a poor rehash of Rambo, but with some other action stars thrown in.

Yup. I think this'll settle in 3-star territory for me after a second viewing but I still feel it failed to live up to it's potential.

For the sequel, I want more of Rourke (his scene was fantastic), more backstory with Stallone and Schwarzenegger, a cameraman that isn't suffering from Parkinsons, no "are we having a seizure yet" editing, no corny CGI, a non-wishy washy villain (or at least one that isn't completely mishandled), and a villain that's better written than his henchman (seriously, how do you misuse Eric Roberts?).

I did, however, like that Stallone pulled a Jacky Chan That's when the film started feeling like an ensemble action flic.

The CGI was wretched. It wasn't just the blood. The knives, the backgrounds, so much bad CGI.

Honestly, just spend the ticket money on the DC of Rambo. You'll get a better movie and you'll actually want to watch it again.

I can't argue with such a sentiment. Speaking of the DC of Rambo, given how different the scene in the barge played out than how it was in the trailer (originally Couture had some interjections along the lines of "here we go again" when Statham and Stallone had their "only thing faster is light" bet that looked like it was taken from an alternate version of the scene rather than a longer cut), I wonder if there's an awesome DC of this movie just waiting for Stallone to edit it together.

Cos when Jet Li and Jason Statham were fighting Gary Daniels, the camera was actually not on a jackhammer but the editing was being extra obnoxious. Perhaps a good deal of the action beats can be salvaged and a far less sloppy version of the movie can be made.

I think, in general, the camera isn't the problem. When the shots weren't cut to hell, I could make out what was happening. I also wondered if there was a DC waiting in the wings. If so, release it on Blu-ray as the first release. Don't make me wait a year and a half for the better version.

That's my point. For instance, although the Lundgren/Li fight was shot a little tight, the camera work was nowhere near as hectic as the editing. And that fight even had a retarded shot or two spliced in where foreground elements were blocking darn well near the whole shot (and a wide angle shot to boot). What was up with that?

Although inferior to the DC, the TC of Rambo was still a very solid action flick with heart. Had this movie been just as good, I wouldn't be so upset. Worse still, The Expendables demonstrates potential that it could indeed have been as good as the TC of Rambo.

I wanna see a DC where the editor wasn't on coke and the awful CGI is either reworked/toned down (any of the scenes in Barney's plane, and the hallway bit with Terry Crewes that works but could have been better had the CGI not been so rickety) or removed altogether (Stallone jamming and twisting the knife into a soldiers neck looked as bad as the infamous claws from Wolverine). Oh and that awkward briefing scene ("so we're working for the agency") needs to go, unless there's a far less amateurish version we haven't seen.

Rourke is alright in that scene everyone's praising him for but I think it's really weird of Stallone to not have Rourke looking at or at least facing the camera. The fact that he's still staring down at the guitar he's painting sort of weakened the scene for me.

I can't believe how much relative praise this movie is getting from people, though. If this movie was not by Stallone or called The Expendables I kind of think some of you'd be shitting all over it, but what do I know, I guess.

I think part of it is that when I see action in an action movie I want to feel it. Li and Statham's dispatching of ? I felt that. That was cool. The rest of it, thanks to CG and bad cutting, was just there. If the plain spectacle of a dude being blown up with a rocket launcher just happening is enough for you, I guess you'll have a blast, but I prefer it when there's an element of surprise, a joke, etc.

I really love the raw simplicity of that scene. It was all about the emotion of what he was saying with nothing to dress up the scene.

What are you talking about. Suprmallet and I have been trashing it, despite a few positive comments. As I said earlier, it's just a bad DTV movie that got a theatrical release.

I think emotion hits harder if you can see it in someone's eyes, and a well-timed look up into the mirror at Stallone could have been devastating.

I also post on the CHUD forums, where everyone I thought was going to be at least a bit let down came out raving about it.

I just wanted to see a bunch of guys shoot, stab, punch, kick, and blow shit up. So I walked away happy.