ALONE IN THE DARK review thread...
01-28-05 | 01:09 PM
#26
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I saw Tara Reid being interviewed on G4:Techtv - I think it was ScreenSavers. They showed her "acting" with a green screen item. She is so beyond talentless they should make a new word for it. I would buy any movie on DVD 10 times if they showed Tara Reid getting crushed by an anvil.
01-28-05 | 03:34 PM
#29
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From: Cleveland, OH
Check out some of these quotes:
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/alone_in_the_dark/
"The three stars have seen better days, but I'd like to think they could still do something classier and more dignified than this. Like gay porn."
-- Rob Vaux, FLIPSIDE MOVIE EMPORIUM
"Reid delivers her lines as though she is calling for another round of Mai Tais for the house."
-- Nell Minow, MOVIE MOM AT YAHOO! MOVIES
"As video game adaptations go, even Pong: The Movie would have a lot more personality."
-- Michael Rechtshaffen, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER
http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/alone_in_the_dark/
"The three stars have seen better days, but I'd like to think they could still do something classier and more dignified than this. Like gay porn."
-- Rob Vaux, FLIPSIDE MOVIE EMPORIUM
"Reid delivers her lines as though she is calling for another round of Mai Tais for the house."
-- Nell Minow, MOVIE MOM AT YAHOO! MOVIES
"As video game adaptations go, even Pong: The Movie would have a lot more personality."
-- Michael Rechtshaffen, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER
01-28-05 | 03:59 PM
#30
DVD Talk God
Here's a good one from the reviewer in the Arizona Republic.
"Carnby is assisted by his anthropologist ex-girlfriend, Aline, played by Tara Reid in her usual vapid persona: "Like, this is really old, you know?" Actually, she's hoping everyone is looking at her belly shirt and not realizing that she's reciting her lines from a Post-It on the back of Slater's head"
"Carnby is assisted by his anthropologist ex-girlfriend, Aline, played by Tara Reid in her usual vapid persona: "Like, this is really old, you know?" Actually, she's hoping everyone is looking at her belly shirt and not realizing that she's reciting her lines from a Post-It on the back of Slater's head"
01-28-05 | 04:37 PM
#31
Originally Posted by davejt1
Check out some of these quotes:
[url]
"As video game adaptations go, even Pong: The Movie would have a lot more personality."
-- Michael Rechtshaffen, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER
[url]
"As video game adaptations go, even Pong: The Movie would have a lot more personality."
-- Michael Rechtshaffen, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER
01-28-05 | 04:39 PM
#32
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Has anybody here actually seen this? Afterall, it isn't fair to make judgment calls on a movie until you have actually seen it for your...........aw hell! Who am I kidding? We all knew from the get go that this movie would suck nuts, and we shouldn't be apologetic for bashing it without wasting an hour and a half or our lives to do so. 
01-28-05 | 05:37 PM
#34
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Originally Posted by Dr. DVD
Has anybody here actually seen this? Afterall, it isn't fair to make judgment calls on a movie until you have actually seen it for your...........aw hell! Who am I kidding? We all knew from the get go that this movie would suck nuts, and we shouldn't be apologetic for bashing it without wasting an hour and a half or our lives to do so.
But it sounds like instead we've got another craptastic bad movie that will probably be funny as hell to watch while drunk.
01-28-05 | 07:44 PM
#35
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Originally Posted by jaeufraser
Honestly, the reviews make me look forward to watching this when it hits DVD. After reading a couple reviews saying it's not that bad, I thought we had just another bland, bad genre movie.
But it sounds like instead we've got another craptastic bad movie that will probably be funny as hell to watch while drunk.
But it sounds like instead we've got another craptastic bad movie that will probably be funny as hell to watch while drunk.
If I were drunk and using other substances and happened to be in a theater showing this flick, I would have no qualms about sneaking into it.
01-28-05 | 09:20 PM
#36
DVD Talk Limited Edition
To join in on the review quote fun, from the Baltimore Sun:
"How bad is it really? So bad in ways the people who coined the word never even thought of,"
As the lone brave soul in the thread who actually coughed up a few bucks to see this movie, let me tell you that the reviewers are not being hyperbolic for the pure literary laughs, this movie does suck that bad. I had hoped that it would at least be a mildly entertaining B-movie along the lines of the Relic or Anaconda, but this piece of crap isn't even as entertaining as a Sci-Fi Channel original. To say the movie doesn't make sense, or the plot is never fully fleshed out, or the acting is bad is obvious, the bigger sin is that the movie is boring.
To list everything that was bad about the movie would really take up too much time, so I'll list the good stuff: it was a matinee so at least I'm not out that much money. That's it, that's the list.
Ah, forgot to mention, they attached the trailer for BloodRayne, Uwe Boll's next masterpiece....even the preview for that one was boring.
"How bad is it really? So bad in ways the people who coined the word never even thought of,"
As the lone brave soul in the thread who actually coughed up a few bucks to see this movie, let me tell you that the reviewers are not being hyperbolic for the pure literary laughs, this movie does suck that bad. I had hoped that it would at least be a mildly entertaining B-movie along the lines of the Relic or Anaconda, but this piece of crap isn't even as entertaining as a Sci-Fi Channel original. To say the movie doesn't make sense, or the plot is never fully fleshed out, or the acting is bad is obvious, the bigger sin is that the movie is boring.
To list everything that was bad about the movie would really take up too much time, so I'll list the good stuff: it was a matinee so at least I'm not out that much money. That's it, that's the list.
Ah, forgot to mention, they attached the trailer for BloodRayne, Uwe Boll's next masterpiece....even the preview for that one was boring.
01-28-05 | 09:39 PM
#37
DVD Talk Legend
Originally Posted by clemente
To join in on the review quote fun, from the Baltimore Sun:
"How bad is it really? So bad in ways the people who coined the word never even thought of,"
As the lone brave soul in the thread who actually coughed up a few bucks to see this movie, let me tell you that the reviewers are not being hyperbolic for the pure literary laughs, this movie does suck that bad. I had hoped that it would at least be a mildly entertaining B-movie along the lines of the Relic or Anaconda, but this piece of crap isn't even as entertaining as a Sci-Fi Channel original. To say the movie doesn't make sense, or the plot is never fully fleshed out, or the acting is bad is obvious, the bigger sin is that the movie is boring.
To list everything that was bad about the movie would really take up too much time, so I'll list the good stuff: it was a matinee so at least I'm not out that much money. That's it, that's the list.
Ah, forgot to mention, they attached the trailer for BloodRayne, Uwe Boll's next masterpiece....even the preview for that one was boring.
"How bad is it really? So bad in ways the people who coined the word never even thought of,"
As the lone brave soul in the thread who actually coughed up a few bucks to see this movie, let me tell you that the reviewers are not being hyperbolic for the pure literary laughs, this movie does suck that bad. I had hoped that it would at least be a mildly entertaining B-movie along the lines of the Relic or Anaconda, but this piece of crap isn't even as entertaining as a Sci-Fi Channel original. To say the movie doesn't make sense, or the plot is never fully fleshed out, or the acting is bad is obvious, the bigger sin is that the movie is boring.
To list everything that was bad about the movie would really take up too much time, so I'll list the good stuff: it was a matinee so at least I'm not out that much money. That's it, that's the list.
Ah, forgot to mention, they attached the trailer for BloodRayne, Uwe Boll's next masterpiece....even the preview for that one was boring.
That was not meant as a cutdown, but a sad commentary on our times when someone as intelligent as you (your posts seem to reflect a thoughtful mind) cannot get anything while someone like Boll gets to make movies.
01-28-05 | 10:18 PM
#38
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From: Las Vegas, NV
Originally Posted by Dr. DVD
Has anybody here actually seen this?
I saw it last week at a press screening. Oh yes, Lions Gate actually had the seeds to show this to the press early. At least BOOGEYMAN is waiting until the night before release to show itself.
It really is as bad as the reviews state. But it isn't as "fun bad" as HOUSE OF THE DEAD was. This is more "I want to go home" bad.
01-28-05 | 10:21 PM
#39
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Paid matinee price to see it...
I'll just say this: I'm sure that I've probably seen a movie worse than this one at some point in my 41 years, but I'll be damned if I can remember it.
If I were Tara Reid, I'd go ahead and make the move to the porn industry while she still has a body to work with. She has to be, without question, the worst "actress" I've ever seen. I saw it mentioned somewhere, but I'll reiterate: She actually pronounced Newfoundland as NEW-FOUND'-LAND...
I'll just say this: I'm sure that I've probably seen a movie worse than this one at some point in my 41 years, but I'll be damned if I can remember it.
If I were Tara Reid, I'd go ahead and make the move to the porn industry while she still has a body to work with. She has to be, without question, the worst "actress" I've ever seen. I saw it mentioned somewhere, but I'll reiterate: She actually pronounced Newfoundland as NEW-FOUND'-LAND...
01-29-05 | 12:47 AM
#40
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Originally Posted by Dr. DVD
What's really sad is that Boll is already making his third picture while you, a film school grad. last I checked, have yet to make a movie.
That was not meant as a cutdown, but a sad commentary on our times when someone as intelligent as you (your posts seem to reflect a thoughtful mind) cannot get anything while someone like Boll gets to make movies.
That was not meant as a cutdown, but a sad commentary on our times when someone as intelligent as you (your posts seem to reflect a thoughtful mind) cannot get anything while someone like Boll gets to make movies.
I don't think the entire customer base for ExLax comes close to being as prolific in turning out shit as Mr. Bo...excuse me, Dr. Boll seems to be capable of.
01-29-05 | 09:17 AM
#41
DVD Talk Hero
Originally Posted by jaeufraser
In fact Alone in the Dark is 9th film to date, with his tenth nearly in the can and his eleventh in pre production.
Far Cry (2006) (announced)
Hunter: The Reckoning (2006) (pre-production)
Bloodrayne (2005) (post-production)
Alone in the Dark (2005)
House of the Dead (2003)Heart of America (2003)
Blackwoods (2002)
Sanctimony (2000)
Erste Semester, Das (1997)
Barschel - Mord in Genf? (1993)
Amoklauf (1992)
German Fried Movie (1991)
01-29-05 | 09:23 AM
#42
DVD Talk Legend
Originally Posted by TomOpus
Can nobody stop this man? From IMDB:
Far Cry (2006) (announced)
Hunter: The Reckoning (2006) (pre-production)
Bloodrayne (2005) (post-production)
Alone in the Dark (2005)
House of the Dead (2003)Heart of America (2003)
Blackwoods (2002)
Sanctimony (2000)
Erste Semester, Das (1997)
Barschel - Mord in Genf? (1993)
Amoklauf (1992)
German Fried Movie (1991)
Far Cry (2006) (announced)
Hunter: The Reckoning (2006) (pre-production)
Bloodrayne (2005) (post-production)
Alone in the Dark (2005)
House of the Dead (2003)Heart of America (2003)
Blackwoods (2002)
Sanctimony (2000)
Erste Semester, Das (1997)
Barschel - Mord in Genf? (1993)
Amoklauf (1992)
German Fried Movie (1991)
01-29-05 | 03:55 PM
#45
DVD Talk Limited Edition
The movie debuted on Friday night at number 13 at the box office!!! It made about 800,000 dollars, which could equal about 2 million for the weekend. This was a wide release of over 2100 screens. OUCH. I'm so happy right now.
Last edited by Seantn; 01-29-05 at 04:01 PM.
01-29-05 | 04:21 PM
#46
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Originally Posted by Seantn
The movie debuted on Friday night at number 13 at the box office!!! It made about 800,000 dollars, which could equal about 2 million for the weekend. This was a wide release of over 2100 screens. OUCH. I'm so happy right now.
01-29-05 | 10:22 PM
#47
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From: Houston, TX
Here's a great review.
Dear Alone in the Dark,
I'm afraid it's just not working out between us. It's not you, it's me. No, if I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, it is you. It's all the little things: your laughably stitched-together plot, your insultingly inept action sequences, your annoying habit of starring Tara Reid. At first, I thought I had a real catch. Like a siren, you had already attracted Christian Slater and Steven Dorff, chewed them up, and spit them out. Then there I was, spending time with you and rapidly realizing that I was wasting it.
I know we've only been seeing each other for 96 minutes, but it seems so much longer. That massive pre-credit scroll, your lingering presentation of a split-open head, and all that nonsense you spouted about the ancient Abkani culture, barely-suppressed demon dogs of the dark, and Bureau 713, the government's secret paranormal research agency, got to me very quickly. It was like dating that Amway saleswoman, that Jehovah's witness, and that Kennedy-assasination conspiracy theorist all over again and all rolled into one. Come to think of it, I guess both of us could use a little therapy.
Oh, Alone in the Dark, we had our moments. I'll never forget that funny little way you have of being based on an Atari video game or of tossing your footage like an ungainly salad chef. But when I'm honest with myself, I have to admit: we never really did anything together. And your chintzy taste! Going over to your place, I had to ask: how could you live that way? I'm glad I never let you dress me like you dressed Slater, in that low-cut black wifebeater and leather overcoat. Don't even get me started on your taste in music, quite possibly the worst I've ever encountered.
Your idea of "action" came from basic-cable sci-fi movies, but one day I'm sure you'll grow up. I am not blameless, of course. I'm sorry that I laughed at you during sex, for instance. Mostly, I blame you. You cheated on me with other bargain-basement creature features: every Alien rip-off you could find. I mean, c'mon! The Relic?! That hurt, Alone in the Dark. Thank God I finally found out what you were really made of: cheap film stock. And I'm sorry, but you look twenty years older than you actually are.
Your idea of sweet nothings was also pretty strange, like when you whispered, "Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it can't kill you." As a film critic, I can't ever believe that (I believe my work protecting innocent civilians does some good). So there it is, Alone in the Dark: we've simply grown apart. It's time for me to start seeing other movies. But I will think of you always, when I sit at the movies, alone in the dark, without you. Or, then again, if I'm lucky, I'll forget you completely.
We'll always have the multiplex,
Groucho
I'm afraid it's just not working out between us. It's not you, it's me. No, if I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, it is you. It's all the little things: your laughably stitched-together plot, your insultingly inept action sequences, your annoying habit of starring Tara Reid. At first, I thought I had a real catch. Like a siren, you had already attracted Christian Slater and Steven Dorff, chewed them up, and spit them out. Then there I was, spending time with you and rapidly realizing that I was wasting it.
I know we've only been seeing each other for 96 minutes, but it seems so much longer. That massive pre-credit scroll, your lingering presentation of a split-open head, and all that nonsense you spouted about the ancient Abkani culture, barely-suppressed demon dogs of the dark, and Bureau 713, the government's secret paranormal research agency, got to me very quickly. It was like dating that Amway saleswoman, that Jehovah's witness, and that Kennedy-assasination conspiracy theorist all over again and all rolled into one. Come to think of it, I guess both of us could use a little therapy.
Oh, Alone in the Dark, we had our moments. I'll never forget that funny little way you have of being based on an Atari video game or of tossing your footage like an ungainly salad chef. But when I'm honest with myself, I have to admit: we never really did anything together. And your chintzy taste! Going over to your place, I had to ask: how could you live that way? I'm glad I never let you dress me like you dressed Slater, in that low-cut black wifebeater and leather overcoat. Don't even get me started on your taste in music, quite possibly the worst I've ever encountered.
Your idea of "action" came from basic-cable sci-fi movies, but one day I'm sure you'll grow up. I am not blameless, of course. I'm sorry that I laughed at you during sex, for instance. Mostly, I blame you. You cheated on me with other bargain-basement creature features: every Alien rip-off you could find. I mean, c'mon! The Relic?! That hurt, Alone in the Dark. Thank God I finally found out what you were really made of: cheap film stock. And I'm sorry, but you look twenty years older than you actually are.
Your idea of sweet nothings was also pretty strange, like when you whispered, "Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it can't kill you." As a film critic, I can't ever believe that (I believe my work protecting innocent civilians does some good). So there it is, Alone in the Dark: we've simply grown apart. It's time for me to start seeing other movies. But I will think of you always, when I sit at the movies, alone in the dark, without you. Or, then again, if I'm lucky, I'll forget you completely.
We'll always have the multiplex,
Groucho
By the way, it's at an amazing 1% on Rotten Tomatoes, with 1 positive review out of 70.
01-29-05 | 11:08 PM
#48
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Originally Posted by Mad Dawg
Here's a great review.http://www.grouchoreviews.com/index....isplay&id=2141
By the way, it's at an amazing 1% on Rotten Tomatoes, with 1 positive review out of 70.
"Alone In The Dark" isn't going to set the world on fire, but it largely succeeds with what it has to work with. If you don't question it, can sit back and just enjoy the action, nice cinematography, and Christian Slater's performance, you will find a lot to commend in this otherwise train wreck. It's a fun ride that reminds you fondly of the game. Just don't take it seriously.
is the summation of the one positive review out of the bunch, one can figure out how bad this mvoie really is. When your only positive review calls the movie a train wreck, then it's obvious...it's a masterpiece!
