Honestly, I have to look at it from a case to case basis, but as a general rule, I have to believe it isn't healthy.

Regardless of circumstance, it is simply normal for your parents to behave like parents, and for you to behave like a child. Part of growing up is learning to do things for yourself, and learning where your limits are, and what you're capable of, and exactly who you are. You don't find these things out by living at home with mom and dad until you're ready to start a family, or God forbid, after you've started a family.

I just think that people need to go find themselves, and I often wonder when these "live-at-home-adult-kids" ever become peers of their parents instead of just children. At some point, you have to be responsible for your decisions, and you have to stop expecting Mom and Dad to help out with everything. Right now, my parents are getting ready to retire, and some of them already have. Considering that they no longer have a net positive cash flow, it's just not right for me to go and ask for money anymore. I'm old enough, and established enough that I should be able to solve most of my own problems. That doesn't mean I don't occaisionally ask for help or advice, but it's the kind of help and advice I might ask of a good friend -- I don't do it often, and if it involves money, I make sure it's paid back with intrest.

Your situation seems to be a bit different, where you are both helping each other out, and I don't so much have a problem with that, or for instance, my grandmother moving in with my parents because she's not able to take care of a home anymore. Even if my parents had moved into her house (which they didn't), I think that all of these are special circumstances that don't apply to the above. However, I must admit that if you've never lived on your own, I believe that you are missing out on some serious character building.

When I moved back in, it was extremely painful for me. Certainly, there was a sense of failure, but more than that, I simply couldn't live the way I'd lived for the past six or so years. I couldn't go out, and at midnight decide I wasn't coming home, or that I'd roll in at six in the morning. I couldn't have girls sleep over anymore. My parents had a hard time being peers and not parents. Then again, I put up with it because they were putting a roof over my head, and they were by no means obligated to do so.

I think the main thing to think about LX98Civic is to decide what you really want first in YOUR life. Forget your bro and your parents for a minute. If you are having finanical difficulties balancing car parts/accesories, saving for a house, renting an apartment, etc., you need to decide which is most important to you.

Personally, it doesn't sound like your happy at home(whether you have to pay rent or not is not as important). The important thing is to be HAPPY. Period. I could not imagine dreading coming home after work. Home is supposed to be your place of relaxation and the place to call your own. If you can't afford a mortage right now and the additional bills that will accompany a house, definitly look into renting an apartment. Try to find one that is only a month by month lease. They're hard to find, but well worth it in the long run, trust me. Also see if a friend is in the same spot as you are or one that needs a roomate in the near future. You could also ask co-workers too.

But if upgrading your car will make you more happy than having your own place, do that. To each his/her own. You earn your money(unlike your bro), so spend it how you want to spend it. Good luck with everything.

GatorDeb --

There is a difference between living with your Mom, as a choice because you like it, and sharing the expenses (which I don't think anyone here would find objectionable), and moving back to your parents house, despite NOT liking it, because you are saving money to buy a house and putting money into non-essential features of a car, and then griping because your parents suggest that you should be paying them some sort of rent.

From your description of your living situation, I don't consider that "living at home," but rather sharing a place with your Mom.

Wow, kvr and I in agreement... weird.

I'm 25 years old. I'm more mature and have it together better than a lot of people I know my age. But, I also get down on myself wondering why I can't have things figured out as well as "so and so" does.

But this thread just makes me feel so.. great about myself! Thanks, civic!

This thread is so sad. I know everbody's situation is different but IMO if your 25 and living at home you are completely taking advantage of your parents. I never understood why people want to live with their parents. It is so much better coming home to YOUR place.

Me and my parents get along great and always will but i'm over living with them.

Literally, you blow my mind. I created a special gif just for this response.

If I were your Dad, my response to this would be "After giving it thought I decided that you'd be better off learning how to live on your own." I don't think you understand what your parents are doing for you (your brother may be similarly clueless, but 2 wrongs don't make 1 right), and, as I've stated earlier, you should either pay them what they think is fair or exercise your option to move out. For you to think that you can set the amount of rent that you pay seems extremely ungrateful to me, and I honestly don't think you realize that.

Sit down tonight and set your priorities. You haven't spoken about your chuld much, but I'm assuming (s)he is near the top of the list. It sounds like your vehicle(s) is/are also near the top of the list. Housing seems pretty low on your list, at least if you are willing to "stomach" living with your parents for a year and while you "condescend" to pay $100/month rent.

Once you get your list made, ask your parents how much they want you to pay. Then decide whether you want to pay it, and if you think it is too much, make plans to move out. If it takes you 2 months to move out, pay them their stated rent for those 2 months.

I just went through something similar with my 18 year old daughter. I have planned all along to pay for half of her college expenses. That comes with conditions that I expect to be met. She did not want to meet those conditions, so I told her that she is an adult and is free to make her own choices, and she is now paying for school by herself. That doesn't mean I don't love her, and don't support her through encouragement. Your parents are probably trying to teach you to be an adult, especially since you are already a parent yourself.

man talk about whining about something that you probably should have volunteered to do. Come on 25 and living at home and you don't feel like paying? You might want to go find that silver spoon while you are at it. Just plop down the money and don't worry about it.

sorry to be so harsh but I find stuff like this pretty unacceptable.

it's not living at home thats bad because as long as you can put up with it and your parents are cool with it good for you. But once they ask for rent I can't believe you wouldn't even think about saying no.

Not to pry, but what were your conditions?

EinTier I lived for a year and 9 months with "strangers" (were strangers when we met, not strangers anymore) while getting my Masters, and then a year and five months with my sister.

So I got real life experience

Seems to be a lot of "loser" / "baby can't live on his own" talk going on.....

I am capable of moving out anytime I want. I can afford it.

BUT, as stated before there are several reasons why I am waiting to move out......

Do they offer a generic version of:

Like the boss ride.


Seems like if you were living with me to save money for a house, but had plenty of money to move out on your own, but wanted to buy some hobby car first, I'd decide that maybe I shouldn't be the only one paying the mortgage, water, sewer, property taxes, groceries, etc.

I think it is "American" Culture. I have two Korean friends that were first born sons, both are in their mid 30's and still live with their parents.

They have no intentions on moving out, they do not pay rent (both sets of parents OWN the homes so there is no mortgage or rent that they pay). Both seem happy with their living conditions, both are also single

I have one Vietnamese friend (age 35) in a similar situation. Him, his brothers and sisters, and all of their families live in the same house. He is married and so are all of his siblings, he is the only one yet to have kids. The parents pay nothing at this point and do not work, the kids all work and pay all the bills.



All of my 'American' friends are just like me (with the exception of one). We could not wait to leave our parents house/rules and start our own lives. None of us would go back unless the only other option was living in the street.

The one exception lives with his 90 year old grandmother, rent free, but he takes care of her and the house so that is sort of a different category all together. They fear putting her in a nursing home would kill her immediately, and home health care is just too expensive.

It is interesting how different cultures view living conditions.


For me 25 and working full time would = leaving my parents house

or

laying down a new set of rules and paying rent just long enough for me to get out

No one is doubting you can afford it. (yet)

It is precisely those "reasons" (as you see them) that are provoking the "loser" talk.

It doesn't help that you started this thread, presumably, for advice on your situation; however, you don't seem to want to hear the real-world wake-up call that has been repeated for 6 pages.

No problem, I brought it up, I should be willing to discuss it, right?

She had a male friend (not a boyfriend, she has one of those, too) who is still in high school, moved out of his parents' house under circumstances that she won't explain to me, moved in with his grandparents, then got kicked out of his grandparents' house for reasons she won't explain to me (they changed the locks while he was gone). She "told" me that he would be living with her at her apartment for a while, until he could find someplace else to live. I told her that I felt this was a risky situation, loaded with potential problems that she couldn't see, and that I wouldn't be comfortable allowing it to happen. She insisted that I was trying to control her, while I maintain that I simply was applying my experience to cover her lack thereof. As far as I know, she went ahead and let him live with her, but she hasn't talked with me since August, despite my requests to get together and discuss it, so I don't know for sure.

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I couldn't live with myself if I supported her decision and then something happened. Keep in mind, I didn't pull any of this "Don't do this or you're not my daughter anymore" crap. I told her that I would still love her, would still be her Dad, and would still want nothing but the best for her.

You haven't communicated with her for two months?

No, I've communicated with her, but she doesn't communicate with me (aside from one or two emails of about 5 words like "I need $600 to fix my car" (I collected this money for her from an uninsured, unlicensed woman who rear-ended her a few weeks before this nonsense started, to fix the car that I gave her for a high school graduation present). She is punishing me for "attempting to control her". She communicates with her Mom (my ex-wife), and with my Mom (her Grandma), but not me.

The situation is compounded by the fact that we both live about 400 miles away from the rest of our families, and I will be moving in a couple of weeks. I have begged her to talk with me, but she won't, or at least hasn't.

ask them how much rent is going to be... it shouldn't be much you can humor them and give it to them or keep putting it off, wait and see if they pressure you for it before you make a big deal.

From what you said your parents sound pretty easy going so I am sure any money you give them will be turned around and given back to you when you move out like to help get things going around the house.

Exactly, you have the right to choose to "suffer through living there" in order to save more money to buy your house.
Very valid reasons.

But being you parents house, they have the right to ask for rent money, given your age and job status!

You don't really have much of a right to question that rationale. Just pay up, or move out, decide which is the optimal move for you.

Again the basis of the complaint is the unfair treatment issue of you and your brother, which I sympithize with believe me, as I've referenced in an earlier post.

I wish I had the opportunity to stay at home to save that much money!!!

Instead of saving on rent, save on the car. Prove that you are mature. Buying a car you don't need but balking on rent IS childish. It's all want want want and you don't seem to want to give. Life is a two-way street.

Do your Fast & Furious buddies know you still live with your parents and sleep in a bunk bed with your little brother? Don't take offense to all the "loser" comments people are giving you... it's just not typical for someone to live at home that long... it's normal in Korea, but not so much here. I mean, if I had parents and if I could live with them rent-free without it being murder on my social life or self-esteem at age 25, I'd do it.

You're the only one who can judge whether or not you should be paying rent. If your parents are just trying to light a fire under your butt, then you can probably get away with not paying for awhile... if they're serious, then you should do it. Hell - you've cost them enough money as it is. Time to give something back. It'll all be yours when they die anyway.

Ah Dude, you say you want to buy a house because apartments are money holes that don't build equity...well sweetie pie AUTOMOBILES ARE THE WORST INVESTMENTS YOU CAN MAKE, depreciating as soon as you drive off the lot.

I can't believe you still live with your parents and have the nerve to broadcast it to us. I can't believe you actually have a gf that puts up with your shiznit...she must be lacking self esteem...because if she had a better sense of self she'd leave your pathetic behind, bunkbed and all.

You talk about cars to affrim your masculinity and prove your viral prowess....honey REAL MEN DON'T NEED TO FLASH THEIR MATEIRAL POSSESIONS to feel adequit BOYZ drive pimped out rice and live with their daddies and mommies and only worry about their next mod.

GROW UP

MOVE OUT

And GET A LIFE YOU CAN BE PROUD OF

and when you have the money buy a beemer

PS. As a female, I have to say nothing turns me off like an imature, selfish boy who thinks he's a man and drives a teeny bopper rice box.
Personally, I'd be checking your priorities.

And kissing you patient and tolerant parent's feet

$100?!?!?! Geez, that would be my lunch money for the week. You say you can afford it to live outside. If that's the case, you should be paying more than $100 to your parents. I love cars, photography, DVDs, gadgets, computers, vacations, food, etc. but I still have a responsible to pay the bills even though I want a house too.

I think if I were his parents the $100 offer would be an insult. I'd kick him out to sleep in his car