The Battle of the Bastards.

LSH

Jamie and Brienne at Riverrun has passed so LSH can't send Brienne to kill him. The Brotherhood seems to be the first group outside of the Watch to realize what's coming from the other side of the wall instead of focusing on killing Freys and Lannisters.

It would cheapen Jon's return if yet another character is brought back by another Lord of Light follower.

It's not happening.

We open up on the local acting troupe performing the Purple Wedding for the third time now. It's thoroughly impressive how this plot line has not only been repetitive within the context of season 6, but retold a story we've seen play out two or more years ago. In a season where some of my contemporaries are misguidedly asking for less time spent at King's Landing, nobody is complaining about the time investment in this story line. I have to guess that is because of the beautiful use of irony during these theatrical exhibitions. Ned Stark was the hero of season one, but he's turned into a bumbling idiot in the first act of the play. The truth is somewhere in the middle. Cersei is one of the main story's villains, yet her heart-breaking monologue while cradling Joffrey's corpse elicits tears from the fictional audience, and perhaps even the real viewers.

It represents the massive shift from black and white emotional manipulation from the first half of the series, into the checkered gray scale(sorry Jorah!) of the final act. At this point in the story, there are no good or bad characters. Everybody is far too compromised for an easily digestible outcome. In one story, I'm rooting for the Hound to strike back and get revenge, but during the King's Landing sequences, I'm rooting for Cersei to defeat her enemies with the help of the Mountain. If Dany were to invade Westeros next week, she'd be brutally murdering character we've invested six + years into. There's no happy or, clean, as Jaime would suggest, outcome for anybody at this point in the story. It's all going to be hopelessly complex and challenging. And that's why the show re-evaluated the scene of a major villain dying, and turned it into a tragic bit of melodrama. It's an impressive bit of storytelling, that makes me both excited and trepidatious of what lies to come.

Lady Crane, the supreme actress of Essos retires backstage to discover a whimpering and wounded girl behind the wardrobe. And for the first time in years, no, for the first time in the entire show we see a woman play a motherly role to Arya, that is reciprocated with respect. Lady Crane appeals to the strength and cunning that appeals to Arya, and it's a surprisingly touching scene, underlined by Arya's vulnerability caused by her wounds. She had a life of luxury, but her ladies never taught her how to take care of herself. Lady Crane tells her of the many men she pierced, while serving her a disgusting soup, and Arya is captivated, and for possibly the first time, totally respectful, grateful of the help offered, and reluctant to be demanding. It's a beautiful scene, and after six years of badassery, we forgot how nice it would be for Arya to have somebody to tuck her in and stroke her cheek.

This leads to an unsettling transition that starts with a cackling of unpleasant characters. Ah, yes. The old middle finger up the bunghole trick! I wonder how many young recruits it took before they totally mastered it, and subsequently awaited recognition for greatness. I watched the Tony's tonight, but all I saw was Hamilton getting awards, sorry dude! As we're trying to collect our bearings, we see a blurry figure stomping into the foreground, and in a matter of 10 seconds, Sandor splatters the renegades in an immensely satisfying fashion. And he offers the final jerk a chance to redeem himself with the gift of information, sadly, the jerk opts for profanity and crudeness. We didn't realize Sandor had become a Wordsmith, he gave him another chance to find some type of profundity with his final words. But the scum simply utters '****' before Sandor celebrates Halloween early with his skull. And this is the second week in a row we get Sandor scenes book-ending Arya scenes. The first time we see him in two years, yet it seems so natural that their stories are symbolically linked. Beyond the Stark reunions, I crave to see Sandor take his place as the unending loyal protector of Arya and Sansa.

Tyrion and Varys walk through the markets of Meereen, and who doesn't love these two characters? But they find themselves in a theological, or more accurately, a political disagreement. Varys still thinks Tyrion's decision to work with the head priestess of the Lord of Light is a mistake. Tyrion thinks that using the influence of the church over the populace is worth the risk. Which is a direct parallel of his own sister's folly in climbing into bed and empowering the High Sparrow and Faith Militant. Tyrion and Cersei have never been closer, than when making dramatic missteps guided by their own pride. Then the scene blindsides us with unexpected heartbreak. Tyrion and Varys are separating. Varys has to leave, for political gain, and Tyrion can't even make eye contact with him, he's so upset. He's a proud man, but his heart is breaking, and it's a wonderful bit of subtle acting from Peter Dinklage. Who knew the guy without a dick would be the strong, emotionless one, but Varys takes it in stride, while Tyrion struggles to maintain his composure. It's a sad, and wonderful scene that doesn't stray into melodrama, but it will leave Tyrion in a world of loneliness that will become relevant later.

What can I say about Cersei, Qyburn, and the Mountain? They are like the Partridge Family of King's Landing. Except from hiding from the Nazi's, they are making beautiful music by splattering the shit out of the High Sparrow's bald headed zealouts. It's a wonderful thing. Qyburn treads so lightly as he informs Cersei of the ...request made by the High Sparrow. No, it's a demand. And Cersei is straddling the line between being placated and giving into total fucking lunacy. When she greets a dozen dullards in black robes and chain chokers, she inspires an amazing sense of encouragement. This is the character that helped Ned Stark meet his demise, yet here I am rooting for her to take out every one of these forehead-tattooed zealouts. When The Mountain turns the first idiot into a Mortal Kombat fatality, I'm almost as excited as I was for the splatter Sandor brought to reality just a few minutes ago.

I've been critical of Brienne's role in the show for the past couple of years, but praise the writers who allowed her a single moment to tell a joke at Pod's expense to humanize her. The honor and duty is good, but year after year of the same speeches without any complexity or depth, seem quite out of place in this show which is full of characters who are more often than not fucking up. This was a really good episode for Brienne. The whole Tormund thing was funny at first, but I still ship Brienne and Jaime, and it was great to see them interact again. They are clearly in love with each other. Extra points for the Pod and Bronn scene, at this point I'd rather ship them than Brienne and Tormund. Bronn came in with a headlock and a noogie like your obnoxious, bigger cousin. It's borderline bullying and you wish he would go away, but deep down, he loves ya, and wants to teach you how to protect yourself in the only trollish way he knows how. After seeing Bronn try to push away Jaime's promotions last week, it was great to see Bronn show affection and protection for a fellow underdog in Pod. I think the scene between Jaime and Brienne is self-explanatory, but there is sexual tension there, and Brienne is one of the very few characters to treat Jaime's word like it actually means something.

Cersei, Qyburn, and the Mountain march into the Throne Room, where Kevan meets Cersei with yet another insult to Cersei's status. She's denied a place by her son and relegated to the gallery with the rest of the ladies of the court. As if Cersei isn't the one true Queen! But she plays it smart. It's fascinating to see her interact with the supposed 'big players' of King's Landing like a lion who has their tail tucked between their legs, but I'm almost certain she's playing the long con and biding her time until she sees her enemies splattered across the floor beneath her feet. In one of the most surprising scenes of the year, Tommen bans Trial by Combat, which has always been one of the most exciting scenarios of the story. I like Tommen, he's a sweet boy, but his time is numbered. I don't care what justification you think you have, a boy never betrays his mother. Tonight, Tommen sealed his doom, and he won't survive the season. He's had too much power thrust on him at an early age, and subsequently manipulated, I feel bad. But you do not betray your mother. Robb Stark put his mother on lock down, but still found forgiveness for her while he was beheading other disloyal subjects. Tommen practically sealed his mother's fate in one stroke. And I'll have little sympathy for him when he pays the price.

Tyrion has a nice scene with Missandei and Grey Worm, and we start to understand the scenes earlier in the season that established the relationship between them. I'm not sure if this scene is hilarious, or tragic. I think it's both. Remember that I alluded to the Tyrion/Varys farewell scene leading into this. Tyrion is allowing his alcoholism to run away. Tyrion Lannister is probably the loneliest person in Essos, and this was somebody who all ready felt underappreciated in his own home. The following scene portraying his desperation to make friends and relate to people speak to his farewell to Varys. The 'most famous dwarf in the world' wasn't a demonstration of confidence, but a lashing at his own insecurity. The entire scene was funny, and Missandei's increasing tipsiness was very amusing, but I think a lot of people will miss the sadder subtext of the scene and Tyrion's desperation to connect with people after losing the one person he could relate to, Varys.

Jaime enters the tent where Edmure is being held captive. This is a stunning reversal, where just a couple of years ago, Jaime was the one tied to a pole and living in his own shit. This time Jaime is clean and stunning, in his armor. There is no negotiation, Edmure keeps throwing it back into the moral failures of Jaime Lannister. Edmure maybe unkempt and dirty, he maybe a prisoner, but how in Westeros does Jaime fucking Lannister make peace with himself long enough to sleep through the night? Jaime remembers the night when Cat bashed his head in with a sizable rock, which might explain why he still loves Cersei. Next, he's drawing comparisons between Cat and Cersei, who would rain hell upon their enemies for the sake of their children. And in the next sentence Jaime threatens to launch Edmure's baby across the wall with a catapult. It's total hypocrisy and totally human. Jaime isn't there out of ideology, but for the opportunity to return to his family. In the next shot we see a 'free' Edmure wading through what looks like moist shit caked into the ground, for the opportunity to give up his castle to the Lannisters, but save his child...

Just when I think the show is going off the rails they show a heartbreaking moment of Jaime watching Brienne row away from Riverrun. Pod grabs the oars and takes over the rowing like A Farewell to Arms, so that Brienne can look at Jaime one last time and wave goodbye. We hope it's not the last time, though.

There are a lot of things I could say about the next scene with Sandor and the Brotherhood. But I'd rather not speculate, and just watch what happens. There was a time last week where I wondered how familiar the producers were with the CLEGANEBOWL theory. There isn't a reason to think they pay attention. But then at dinnertime, Sandor told the Brotherhood he'd rather have chicken. :lol:

Somebody told me that the rivalry between Arya and the Waif feels out of place in this show, and that my counterarguments were crude. I told them to suck my dick. The drums filled the space in my home theater and filled my senses; I leaned onto the edge of my seat and clenched my fists as Arya tore through the air and landed hard and spinned down the steps of Braavos' farmer's market. That scene was fantastic and I don't need somebody else to dissuade me with their opinion. This is one of the finest seasons of televisions I've had the treat of following.