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Jack Bauer Top 100 Facts

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Jack Bauer Top 100 Facts

Old 04-08-07, 10:13 AM
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Jack Bauer Top 100 Facts

Came across this over at FW.

Facts about Jack Bauer
Old 04-08-07, 10:38 AM
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I pray Chuck Norris doesn't see this or we are all screwed.
Old 04-08-07, 01:24 PM
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My favorites:

Bauer is not a word, it is a sentence... A death sentence.

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.
Old 04-08-07, 02:41 PM
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If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
Old 04-08-07, 03:05 PM
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Most pilots need 5,000 feet of runway to land a plane. Jack Bauer needs 100 feet and a gun.

Old 04-08-07, 03:41 PM
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Chuck Norris could kick Jack Bauer's ass, but he doesn't because an object that large traveling through the atmosphere at the speed of light would destroy the world.
Old 04-08-07, 07:26 PM
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Chuck Norris does 500 reps on the Total Gym each day to stay in shape. Jack Bauer guns down 500 terrorists each day to stay in shape.
Old 04-08-07, 08:23 PM
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Number 1 is deservedly number 1. Best and funniest of the them al.
Old 04-08-07, 10:40 PM
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Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
Old 04-08-07, 11:43 PM
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i haven't laughed like this in a long time!
Old 04-09-07, 02:24 AM
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Damn those facts were great i was on the ground cracking up at some of them
Old 04-09-07, 07:08 AM
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Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Old 04-09-07, 08:27 AM
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I wonder what Dalton has to say about all this.


Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

Last edited by Snowmaker; 04-09-07 at 08:29 AM.
Old 04-09-07, 08:56 AM
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If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".



There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.

Jack Bauer quit for just five minutes, and a nuclear bomb went off.


Last edited by stingermck; 04-09-07 at 08:59 AM.
Old 04-10-07, 07:51 AM
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Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.

My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes I was Jack Bauer.
Old 04-10-07, 10:24 AM
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37) When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

I liked that one

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