Came across this over at FW.

Facts about Jack Bauer

I pray Chuck Norris doesn't see this or we are all screwed.

My favorites:

Bauer is not a word, it is a sentence... A death sentence.

The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

Most pilots need 5,000 feet of runway to land a plane. Jack Bauer needs 100 feet and a gun.

Chuck Norris could kick Jack Bauer's ass, but he doesn't because an object that large traveling through the atmosphere at the speed of light would destroy the world.

Chuck Norris does 500 reps on the Total Gym each day to stay in shape. Jack Bauer guns down 500 terrorists each day to stay in shape.

Number 1 is deservedly number 1. Best and funniest of the them al.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.

i haven't laughed like this in a long time!

Damn those facts were great i was on the ground cracking up at some of them

Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

I wonder what Dalton has to say about all this.


Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".



There have been no terrorist attacks in United States since Jack Bauer has appeared on television.

Jack Bauer quit for just five minutes, and a nuclear bomb went off.

Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.

My husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes I was Jack Bauer.

37) When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

I liked that one