Kramer: The driver, he's passed out from all the commotion, the bus is outta control! So I go up to the front, move him out of the way. I get behind the wheel, now i'm drivin' the bus.

George: You're Batman.

Kramer: Yeah, that's right, I am Batman. So the mugger he comes to and starts choking me. So, i'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other. So finally, I was able to kick him off the bus, you know, with my foot, you know, at the next stop.

Jerry: You still kept making all the stops?

Kramer: Well people kept ringing the bell!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jerry trying to convince George to go out with Cynthia:

George: Does she have a pinkish hue?

Jerry: A what?

George: You know, a pinkish hue, a rosey glow.

Jerry: There's a hue.

George: What about her hair?

Jerry: Her hair?

George: Yes, a thick luguirous(sp) head of hair is very important to me.

Jerry: Important to you.

George: Let me ask you this.

*They both sit down and cross thier legs at the same time in the same way.*

George: If I put my hand into her hair, will I be able to get it out?

Jerry: Do you wanna be able to get it out or do you not wanna be able to get it out?

George: I'd like to be able to get it out.

Jerry: I think you'll get it out.

George: Is she sweet?

Jerry: She's sweet.

George: Good. I like sweet. But not too sweet. You could throw up from that.

Jerry: I don't think you'll throw up. She likes to throw up.

Girlfriend: "What are you DOING?!"
George: "I'm.....pleasuring you....?"

And the one where Elaine was describing George to one of her friends who was thinking about going out with him (sorry if it's not an exact quote):

Elaine: "Well, he's short...and kind of stocky.."
Woman: "He's FAT?!"
Elaine: "No, no. He's POWERFUL. And...umm....he's kind of losing his hair..."
Woman "He's BALD?!!"
Elaine: "No no---he's bald-DING. He's not bald....."
Woman: "But he WILL be bald."
Elaine: "Yep."

Wow, I dont even think I could pick one. So many great moments from the show. Ill have to watch all the dvds continuously to pick one.

"Was there a phone call for Costanza?"

"Yeah, I yell 'Cartwright!!' "

George: She's bald, Jerry!

Jerry: She's bald?

George: She's bald! Bald Bald!

-----------------------------------------------------------

George: You know, if it was a small salad, I wouldn't have said anything. But you had to have the BIIIIIIIG salad!

yeah I love that too... Kramer says something like:

KRAMER: Umm is your name Steve (can't remember the actual guy's name)?

Husband: Yes..?

KRAMER: YEAH YOU'RE THE GUY! [pushes him against the wall]...

George(thinking to himself): "I think the ginger-ale at the coffee shop is just a mixture of coke & sprite. But how can I prove it? Bah, I can't."

KRAMER: I think it's over. We had a big fight, she threw me out, I started walkin', and now I'm lost downtown! I don't have any money. I don't recognize anybody. I miss home and I don't even know how to get there.

JERRY: What's around you?

KRAMER: I'm lookin' at Ray's Pizza. You know where that is?

JERRY: Is it Famous Ray's?

KRAMER: No. It's Original Ray's.

JERRY: Famous Original Ray's?

KRAMER: It's just Original, Jerry!

JERRY: Well, what street are you on?

KRAMER: Hey, I'm on first and first. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe.

JERRY: Just wait there. I'll pick you up, and, Kramer, stay alive no matter what occurs, I will find you!

Anytime Uncle Leo is in an episode..

"Hello"



I'm laughing so hard as I paste this in here as I can see it all going down.. Classic.. Just classic.. Worth reading.. Long but defanately worth it..

The Bizarro Jerry

[Early morning in Jerry's "house," a tea kettle is whistling. KRAMER's cooking breakfast as JERRY comes out of the bedroom tired but surprised. He's in his pajamas. KRAMER's wearing a suit and oven mitts.]

JERRY - Kramer?!
KRAMER - Hey buddy! Hey!
JERRY - It--eight o'clock in the morning! What the hell is goin' on?!
KRAMER - Breakfast. I gotta be in at Brand/Leland by nine.
JERRY - Why??
KRAMER - Because I'm workin' there, that's why.
JERRY - [disoriented] How long have I been asleep? What--what year is this?
KRAMER - Jerry. I don't know if you've noticed, but lately, I've been drifting, aimlessly?
JERRY - [snaps fingers] Now that you mention it.
KRAMER - But I finally realized what's missing, in my life. Structure. An' at Brand/Leland, I'm gettin' things done. An' I love the people I'm workin' with.
JERRY - How much are they payin' you?
KRAMER - Oh, no, no, no-no--I don't want any pay. I'm doin' this just for me.
JERRY - Really. So uh, what do you do down there all day?
KRAMER - T.C.B. You know, takin' care o' business. Aa--I gotta go.
JERRY - All right.
KRAMER - [leaving] I'll see you tonight, huh? [turning back, grabs his briefcase] Forget my briefcase.
JERRY - W-w-wha' you got in there?
KRAMER - [as he leaves with it] Crackers.
[MUSIC (Sheena Easton's "Morning Train (Nine to Five)") accompanies assorted shots of working-man

KRAMER: Getting on the subway (everyone else is going the opposite direction). Washing his shoes at the water cooler. Eating rolls of crackers out of his briefcase. Laughing it up after hours with co-workers at a TGIF-type restaurant.]


Later in episode

[KRAMER enters, exhausted, frazzled.]
KRAMER - Wow. Man. What a day. Could I use a drink. [starts getting a drink and ice]
JERRY - Tough day at the office?
KRAMER - Just comin' in, an' that phone just wouldn't stop.
JERRY - Well, we better get goin' if we're gonna go to that uh, seven o'clock cold fusion.
KRAMER - Yeah. Well, count me out. I'm swimmin'. Old man Leland is bustin' my hump over these reports. If I don't get 'em done by nine, I'm toast.. [{takes a swig and reacts}]

Later in episode

[At Jerry's, JERRY and KRAMER eating breakfast. KRAMER's tired, preoccupied with the paper, JERRY's in a blue robe eating cereal and orange juice.]

JERRY - So, uh. Gillian's comin' over later. I think I'm gonna end it.
KRAMER - Uh-huh.
JERRY - Those meaty paws, I feel like I'm dating George the Animal, {steer}.
KRAMER - Yeah..
JERRY - Maybe I'll chain her to the refrigerator an' sell tickets.
KRAMER - That's nice..
JERRY - Kramer, put the paper down! You never listen to me anymore! We hardly even talk!
KRAMER - Well, we're, talkin' now, aren't we?--
JERRY - I sit here for twenty lousy minutes in the morning--
KRAMER - Oh here we go--
JERRY - An' then when you come home at night, you're always exhausted--we never do anything anymore!
KRAMER - What are you starting with me for? You know this is my crazy time o' year?!
JERRY - [pause] It's your third day..
KRAMER - [grabs briefcase to leave] I gotta go to work. We'll talk about this later. [leaves]
JERRY - Well. [calling down the hall] Call if you're gonna be late!
[ELAINE's arrived.]
ELAINE - What? What is goin' on with you two?
JERRY - Oh, I don't wanna talk about it..

Later in episode

[Jerry's house, it's dark, JERRY is sitting at the table waiting up as KRAMER comes in and turns on the light.]

KRAMER - Jerry. Hey Jerry?
JERRY - I'm right here. [note: he has an athletic bandage on his right hand] You're late.
KRAMER - Yeah, well, I got held up, you know. What happened to your hand?
JERRY - Like you care.
KRAMER - The work piled up, I lost track of time--
JERRY - [calmly getting up with plate of chicken] Oh! Sure! Sure! You an' your work! Elaine's off in the Bizarro World, George only calls when he wants something, an' I'm left sitting here like this plate of cold chicken, which, by the way, [drops chicken into sink] was, for two.
KRAMER - You cooked?
JERRY - [calm] I ordered in. It's still effort.
KRAMER - [in pain] Ow! Jeez!
JERRY - What's wrong?
KRAMER - {Ow!} It's my stomach.
JERRY - You're probably gettin' an ulcer. This job is killing you! It's killing Us.
KRAMER - [putting briefcase down] You know what? You're right. These reports, they can wait a couple of hours. Whadda say we go out tonight? Any place you want.
JERRY - The coffeeshop?
KRAMER - You got it, buddy.
JERRY - [pleased] I'll call George!


Also in that episode:

Kramer - "What did you want to see me about, Mr. Leland?"
Leland - "Kramer, I've been reviewing your work. Quite frankly, it stinks."
Kramer - "Well, I've been having trouble at home and, uh, I'll work harder. Nights, weekends, whatever it takes."
Leland - "No, no, I don't think that's going to do it. These reports you handed in, it's almost as if you have no business training at all. I don't know what this is supposed to be."
Kramer - "Well, I'm just trying to get ahead."
Leland - "I'm sorry, there's just no way that we can keep you on."
Kramer - "I don't even really work here."
Leland - "That's what makes this so difficult."

Kramer to Jerry - ""And do you know what happens over dinner?" Kramer said. "You talk about your day! 'How was your day today? Did you have a good day or a bad day today? And how was your day today?'"

Kramer and Jerry at the dinner table when Kramer gets home from "work"

Is there any doubt that Seinfeld is the most quotable show ever?

Swarm! Swarm!

Elaine: "George, YOU'RE BALD!"
George: "No, I was bald."

When you control the mail, you control...information!

Kramer: "You're an anti-dentite!"
Jerry: "I am not an anti-dentite!"
Kramer: "You're a rabid anti-dentite! Next you'll be saying they should have their own schools!"
Jerry: "They do have their own schools."
Kramer: "AHA!"

Kruger: "Who's Gamma?"
George: "There is no Gamma."
Kruger: "Well, maybe there should be."
George: "Oh, no!"
Kruger: "Geooorge!"
All: "Gamma! Gamma! Gamma!"
George: "Gamma's gettin' upset!"

The two moments that I can think of off hand both belong to Kramer. First, when Kramer comes over to Jerry's apartment after smoking with his buddies for 48 hours, Jerry points out how bad Kramer looks. Kramer freaks out and tells Jerry to "look away, I'm hideous!" The second moment was during the closing credits of the episode where Kramer had a dental procedure and was punched in the mouth by Jimmy. He was mistaken for a mentally challenged person and was at a benefit where Mel Torme was singing "When You're Smiling". Kramer sang the last line of the song with Mel at the very end of the closing credits, "yoooooooooou".

Great stuff.

"I choose not to run!"