ravan

You have GOT to be kidding???

clemente

Oh my god!

I could go into a kindergarten class and ask the dumbest kid to come up with a concept and it would still be way better than any of those.

Sci-Fi's just making too easy for us never to turn back.

Numanoid

And therein lies their salvation. By the will of Landru, let this happen!

AmazingColossalPumaMan

Oh, that's not all the stupidity that the Ironically Named Channel has planned. Here are some of the awesome movies that they have planned.

--------------------------------
SCI FI Channel Ups Its Energy Level with a New Dose of Original Action Movies

NEW YORK, March 31 /PRNewswire/ -- SCI FI Channel extends its commitment
to action-oriented original movies with a new slate of high-octane films that
are set to premiere in 2003-2004. A blend of special effects, energetic fight
scenes and out-of-this-world creatures have combined to make these actioners a
ratings success story for SCI FI. Since introducing Saturday Action movies in
2002, The Channel has averaged a HH rating of 1.4 for the original films. SCI
FI is currently slated to air 22 originals in 2003 and will premiere
approximately two per month.
These films will join previously announced projects including Man with the
Screaming Brain and Earwigs (both starring Bruce Campbell), Epoch II,
Graveland and Puppetmaster vs. Demonic Toys; all make their Saturday night
premieres in 2003-2004.
SCI FI's upcoming lineup of action-packed, Saturday night originals
include:

DRAGON STORM - Stars Maxwell Caulfield, John Rhys-Davies and Angel
Borris, and recently completed production in Sofia, Bulgaria with UFO
Films. Alien dragons are transported to Earth inside a meteor crash,
forcing two enemy kingdoms to join forces and fight off the alien dragon
threat before they scorch the countryside bare.

IDAHO CREATURE INCIDENT - Stars John Savage and Michelle Goh, and
recently completed production in Sofia, Bulgaria with Nu Image. The
government experiments with using an alien creature as a weapon. When the
trial fails, the creature is locked inside a government facility and must
be destroyed before it can escape.

GHOST MONKEY - A freelance photographer and an American investigator join
forces to stop a monkey-like creature that goes on a killing spree. This
simian mutant prefers human hearts to bananas - and he leads them on a
wild chase throughout the streets of India. Filming begins in Spring 2003
with Promark Entertainment.

SNAKEHEAD TERROR - In a small town in Maryland, a school of freakishly-
large Snakehead fish overrun a lake and take to the land. The scaly
mutants can survive out of water, and their idea of fish-food has a
decidedly human flavor. It's up to the local sheriff to reel in the
creatures before they can go on a massive feeding frenzy. Filming begins
in Vancouver in Spring 2003 with Cinetel.

PHANTOM FORCE - A spin-off from the Interceptor Force movies, Phantom
Force follows another section of elite government soldiers. Instead of
aliens, this special military division has to protect the human race from
the supernatural. Filming begins in Bulgaria in May, 2003 with UFO Films.

INTERCEPTOR FORCE III - In the not too distant future, a team of
specially trained government soldiers called Interceptors protect Earth
from hostile alien encounters. With a new threat to mankind looming, the
Interceptors face their greatest challenge yet. Produced by UFO Films.

GARGOYLE - Calabos is an evil wizard who wants to take over the world
with an army of vicious, living gargoyles. Only Marcus, a magician who
possesses an enchanted ring, can stop Calabos and his stone minions
before they capture everyone in their paths. Produced by Chesler
Perlmutter.
---------------------------------------

tasha99

This is a joke, I think . . .

isn't it?

The only one that sounds possibly interesting is the Clive Barker one (which I'd watch just because I've liked other books and movies by him). But, knowing it's the scifi channel and American television (that will have to follow some sort of "decency" rules), I figure even that one will suck.

tasha

clemente

What the ****!!!!!
I hope this is an April Fool's joke.....but Sci-Fi is stupid enough to produce and air this.

AmazingColossalPumaMan

Well, it's on their official page, so it probably isn't. Well, I mean it is a joke, but...

Anyway, here's another one I found on the PRNewsWire site. This is just like Actual Items on Conan--you can't make this stuff up. Well, you could, but why would you want to?

----------------------
NEW YORK, March 31 /PRNewswire/ -- SCI FI Channel puts its twisted take on
reality shows with a brand-new slate of "alternative reality" programs. From
psychic investigation to science-fact documentaries to a candid look at life
on Mars, SCI FI leaves no stone unturned in its search for the truth -- or the
truly bizarre.
Highlights of series and specials currently in development include:

Mad Mad House
"Can't we all just get along?" Between a vampire, a witch, a voodoo
priest, a yoga master, and a psychic, life at Alt Manor is liable to get
pretty strange. When the roost is ruled by those with alternative lifestyles,
you can witness the mayhem, humor and sheer fun unfold as our "Joe Normal"
contestants compete in a series of increasingly bizarre challenges in order to
claim the grand prize. Produced by Arthur Smith and Kent Weed from A. Smith &
Company, the series will be distributed by USA Cable Entertainment.

Life on Mars
Trying to survive on a deserted island is for weaklings! In this weekly
one-hour reality drama, two colonies of people (12 total) take on the struggle
for survival off-planet, as they attempt to live in a realistic Mars base.
The two teams will contend with physical hazards and psychological obstacles
in an ultra-convincing simulation of what life on the fourth planet might be
like. This high-octane, low-oxygen series will be distributed by USA Cable
Entertainment and produced by Wall To Wall.

Lab Rats
SCI FI takes consumer reporting to the max in this new weekly reality
series. In Lab Rats, outrageous claims and miracle promises get put to the
test in the real world. We've got our own set of "lab rats" ready to put
futuristic products to the test personally ... can you really sleep fat away?
Re-grow hair? Make someone fall in love with you? Find out as the super-
sleuths at SCI FI separate the scams from the secrets. Produced by Hallock &
Healey Entertainment, Scott Hallock and Kevin Healey (Spy TV, Scare Tactics)
serve as executive producers.

SCI FI Declassified specials
SCI FI Declassified is a new series of original two-hour documentary
specials, in the spirit of the highly successful The Roswell Crash: Startling
New Evidence (SCI FI's highest rated original special). This franchise will
launch with four groundbreaking investigations that uncover new and explosive
evidence using the forensic tools of modern science -- exploring the often
blurry line between science fiction and science fact.

Psychic Investigators
A body is found. Another crime unsolved. For a detective without any
leads, there is only one option left: a psychic. From the producers of The
FBI Files and The New Detectives comes an exciting new investigative series,
Psychic Investigators. Follow real life criminal investigations in which a
skilled psychic conducts surveillance on a suspect or provides the key to
solving a crime. Produced by New Dominion Pictures.

The Illusionist Special
Just in time for Halloween, this mind-blowing show, featuring a master
illusionist, is a provocative exploration of the unbelievable that will leave
viewers doubting their senses. Taped in Universal's Orlando theme park.

CaptainMarvel

I'm crying here from laughing so hard. Those are some of the worst concepts I've ever seen.

das Monkey

• Quoth AmazingColossalPumaMan •<HR SIZE=1>GHOST MONKEY - A freelance photographer and an American investigator join forces to stop a monkey-like creature that goes on a killing spree. This simian mutant prefers human hearts to bananas - and he leads them on a wild chase throughout the streets of India. Filming begins in Spring 2003 with Promark Entertainment.<HR SIZE=1>

I have to apologize for this one. I signed over the rights to my biography a few years back before Hammer took over. I see they've butchered the story, though, as I like bananas in addition to human hearts.

As for the Vivendi (and Viacom) stuff, I considered posting about all this, but the stories keep coming through like crazy. Anyone interested should read up on all the developments over the last few weeks. Diller left, Messier's being sued by Liberty Media, and the SEC is all over them. It should be interesting to see how it all plays out.

das

Wizdar

Don't you mean the WT-Fi Channel?

Chew

das Monkey

• Quoth Wizdar •<HR SIZE=1>Don't you mean the WT-Fi Channel? <HR SIZE=1>

das

Numanoid

I'd like to officially add the adjective "High-Octane" to the list of [BANNED] phrases which may never again be used to characterize a television show.

Tuan Jim

You know, I think this description matches pretty much every other movie ever shown on Scifi -- especially their so-called "originals". To paraphrase someone infinitely brighter than those morons at WT-Fi, "There are amoeba on Saturn that could come up with a better concept than you."

Deckard-10

....I just can't find the words to adequately describe how stupid these ideas are.

WhattheFFF

what happened to the new Quantum Leap show they were going to do?

Josh-da-man

More new shows coming to the Sci-Fi channel:

"Famous Monsters"
Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolfman. They used to able to frighten people, but in the twenty-first century, people are too sophisitcated to fear the old guard monsters. So what are washed-up creatures of the night to do? Become private investigators, of course!

"Saucer"
Roger was a lonely man in a small town. Until the day a flying saucer landed in his backyard. Now Roger is the toast of his small town. Tune in each week as Roger is able to use his brand new saucer to fight not only crime, but the polluters who want to dump toxic waste in his small town. But what happens when the government takes an interest in Roger's new toy? Not to mention the aliens it belonged to in the first place. This heart-warming drama is sure to please fans of "Touched by an Angel" and "Seventh Heaven."

"The Kids Are All Right"
Six kids playing hooky from school stumble on an old wooden box by a creek bed. Believing the box to contain buried treasure, they open it and are instantly granted super-powers. But these aren't the kind of kids you want running around town with preternatural abilties! They're kids from the wrong side of the tracks! Will they decide to use their powers for good or for ill? Tune in to find out!

"Too Many Cloorks Spoil the Broth"
When alien Hedoras crash land outside of Akron, Ohio, they're left without a ride home! What's a stranger stranded in a strange land to do? Open a restaurant! But one thing that the Hedora didn't count on was opening a restaurant across the street from another restaurant owned by rival alien species the Cloorks!

"My Big Fat Inter-Species Wedding"
Deborah is a research scientist working on a way to give chimps the ability to speak. Little did she know that she would fall in love with her "pet" project Bobo! After a whirlwind romance, she and Bobo are married and living in the suburbs. This series is sure to appeal to the whole family, with it's good humor and sharp barbs from the irrascible Bobo. And while Bobo may have an IQ of 120 and a vocabulary to rival even the most erudite of men, he still flings his own feces when he loses an arguement!

Buck Turgidson

You'd better copyright those, Josh.

Chew

The sad thing is, are these really all that far off from the real thing?

kenbuzz

Why not just boil all this drivel down into ONE series:

"A latenight DJ, his dead twin sister, and a young man who sold his soul to the devil to save his daughter's life, team up to resurrect lawyers from beyond the grave to do pro bono work for posessed evil doers who work at a school located in the nexus of otherworldly, arcane, and supernatural events. In the pilot, the late night DJ travels through time to fight a pack of intelligent wolves who are lead by a female advertising executive who was exposed to a biochemical weapon as a young marine officer. Starring Ted Danson and Sofia Coppola."

bboisvert

Throw in a monkey-like creature on a killing spree, and I'll tune in.

Wizdar

Is the monkey throwing poo?

Was the young marine officer originally a male?

Moving to mature?

das Monkey

• Quoth bboisvert •<HR SIZE=1>Throw in a monkey-like creature on a killing spree, and I'll tune in. <HR SIZE=1>

I've offered my services to storm Sci-Fi Headquarters in a fit of rage to "promote" the show. No response yet.

das

valkyrie

This is THE most I have laughed in the last year. These numb-nuts can Farscape and then come up with mutant monkey? No offense, das, but that's just...wrong.



LOL - count me in to storm headquarters, das.

mllefoo

Ding ding ding! We have a winner. You have just confirmed what I have always believed about the ill-trained cymbal monkeys who run this channel.

I saw an ad recently for some candid camera type thingie hosted by Shannon Doherty, to be aired on SciFi. I sat there with a look like because that is NOT science fiction. But then I suddenly remembered that this is the Sci Fi channel, run by people who claim Braveheart is a Sci Fi classic.

Boggle.