My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
09-14-21, 11:03 AM
#626
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
I’ll get a lawyer once I’m convinced this marriage is over. All signs point to that.
09-14-21, 12:48 PM
#627
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by TGM
gonna try reverse psychology.
whatever you do, do not fucking even think of lawyering up.
whatever you do, do not fucking even think of lawyering up.
Nick, I was wrong, don't listen to us. Your marriage is perfectly savable. It's a sacred institution after all. Tell her you love her and shower her with affection. Don't mope. In fact don't show any emotion at all except happiness and love for her, bottle up any negative feelings deep inside. Trust her at her word and just drive on like nothing's wrong. Even if she serves you papers, remember it's just performative and she simply needs you to step up your love game and smother her more.
You can do this, man! Thirty years from now you'll both look back on this episode and chuckle.
:/
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danwiz (09-16-21)
09-14-21, 01:46 PM
#628
DVD Talk Reviewer/Moderator
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
The 'bottle up negative feelings' part is key. That's GOLD, Mike, GOLD!
09-14-21, 02:21 PM
#629
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Thread Starter
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by Kurt D
God strike me dead for jumping back in ...
If the above bolded is how you feel, "all signs point to the marriage being over" then what will it take to convince you of that fact, being served papers?
I'd agree with you, all signs point to it being over. There is one chance (in hell) to fix things, you both get in individual therapy and couples counselling right now. The worst that could happen if you both do that is that you both wake up and end it amicably. (Actually that's probably the best thing.)
If the above bolded is how you feel, "all signs point to the marriage being over" then what will it take to convince you of that fact, being served papers?
I'd agree with you, all signs point to it being over. There is one chance (in hell) to fix things, you both get in individual therapy and couples counselling right now. The worst that could happen if you both do that is that you both wake up and end it amicably. (Actually that's probably the best thing.)
09-14-21, 03:25 PM
#630
Moderator
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by TGM
gonna try reverse psychology.
whatever you do, do not fucking even think of lawyering up.
whatever you do, do not fucking even think of lawyering up.
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VinVega (09-14-21)
09-14-21, 04:11 PM
#632
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
Papers would definitely be the end. But she’s wanting individual counseling. She may eventually agree to marriage counseling.
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Vibiana (09-15-21)
09-14-21, 05:37 PM
#633
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
Papers would definitely be the end. But she’s wanting individual counseling. She may eventually agree to marriage counseling.
09-14-21, 08:06 PM
#634
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
A lawyer would only show you're trying to protect your financial interest and access to your kids. Better to wait and see if she pulls the trigger and puts you out on the street with no access to your children. Don't get one.
09-15-21, 07:49 PM
#636
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Thread Starter
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
We are working on things. She severed all ties with other guys. Neither one of us is being controlling or mean to each other. We will see what happens.
09-15-21, 07:50 PM
#637
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Thread Starter
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by VinVega
A lawyer would only show you're trying to protect your financial interest and access to your kids. Better to wait and see if she pulls the trigger and puts you out on the street with no access to your children. Don't get one.
09-15-21, 08:14 PM
#639
DVD Talk Hero
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
Even if she wanted to do that she couldn’t.
I also wish you nothing but the best, Nick. Good luck.
09-15-21, 11:15 PM
#640
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by fujishig
I mean, maybe she could, maybe she couldn't. You know what, a lawyer could probably tell you with more certainty.. But I know, beating a dead horse.
I also wish you nothing but the best, Nick. Good luck.
I also wish you nothing but the best, Nick. Good luck.
09-16-21, 12:19 AM
#641
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Thanks for the well wishes. If she shows any sign of going back to these dudes or not trying, I’m filing. And getting a lawyer.
09-16-21, 10:05 PM
#643
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Good for you, and good luck.
09-17-21, 08:45 AM
#644
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
Thanks for the well wishes. If she shows any sign of going back to these dudes or not trying, I’m filing. And getting a lawyer.
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09-17-21, 11:49 AM
#645
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
Thanks for the well wishes. If she shows any sign of going back to these dudes or not trying, I’m filing. And getting a lawyer.
But seriously, good luck. I truly do hope things work out for you both.
09-19-21, 04:44 PM
#646
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
Thanks for the well wishes. If she shows any sign of going back to these dudes or not trying, I’m filing. And getting a lawyer.
There you go. Draw that hard line in the sand. Take a stand.
Remind me, what did your long-term side-piece girlfriend recommend?
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09-21-21, 11:02 AM
#647
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re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by Abob Teff
There you go. Draw that hard line in the sand. Take a stand.
Remind me, what did your long-term side-piece girlfriend recommend?
Remind me, what did your long-term side-piece girlfriend recommend?
The latest update: we have been a bit closer. Had sex a couple of times. Talked. As far as I know she’s stopped talking to any of the guys she met on OnlyFans. She still wants her space and alone time. I left her alone pretty much all day on Sunday and she said it was glorious not having to deal with me. I mean that kind of stings but considering we were pretty much inseparable for 17 years maybe it’s what she needs. But she doesn’t initiate anything. Affection or otherwise. She doesn’t compliment me (at least she doesn’t insult me). She won’t ask for a kiss goodnight or goodbye in the morning or text me while she’s at work. She doesn’t recommend places to go out or even ask if I want to go out. I have to do it. I tell her I love her and she says “yeah yeah” because she knows I know she does.
Maybe these are small insignificant things. It’s stuff she’s done before. Maybe a change is needed? But she spends all her free time on Tiktok and Facebook. Mostly watching videos and saving memes (both funny ones and the ones that involve relationships). I do get concerned that she might go back to talking to British guy because the way she talked to him, I don’t see how she can just turn off that switch and go cold Turkey. But I said if I find out she’s lying or going behind my back, I’m gone. She said she hasn’t and won’t. I literally told her this is a 50-50 marriage and we need to communicate better. I said I’m not gonna take her BS and she doesn’t have to take mine. I said we need to spend time with each other, with the kids, and no electronics when we are together. So many times in the past she was on her phone right in front of me talking to these guys. I told her I’d put my phone down and stop checking sports scores or my fantasy teams every second.
So far so good but I do get anxiety wondering what’s going to happen. What do you guys think?
09-21-21, 11:38 AM
#648
DVD Talk Legend
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
I left her alone pretty much all day on Sunday and she said it was glorious not having to deal with me...
Oooof. That 1st paragraph. Not good at all.
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tommyp007 (09-21-21)
09-21-21, 11:47 AM
#649
DVD Talk Hall of Fame
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
When I was with her six years ago? She said me or her basically.
The latest update: we have been a bit closer. Had sex a couple of times. Talked. As far as I know she’s stopped talking to any of the guys she met on OnlyFans. She still wants her space and alone time. I left her alone pretty much all day on Sunday and she said it was glorious not having to deal with me. I mean that kind of stings but considering we were pretty much inseparable for 17 years maybe it’s what she needs. But she doesn’t initiate anything. Affection or otherwise. She doesn’t compliment me (at least she doesn’t insult me). She won’t ask for a kiss goodnight or goodbye in the morning or text me while she’s at work. She doesn’t recommend places to go out or even ask if I want to go out. I have to do it. I tell her I love her and she says “yeah yeah” because she knows I know she does.
Maybe these are small insignificant things. It’s stuff she’s done before. Maybe a change is needed? But she spends all her free time on Tiktok and Facebook. Mostly watching videos and saving memes (both funny ones and the ones that involve relationships). I do get concerned that she might go back to talking to British guy because the way she talked to him, I don’t see how she can just turn off that switch and go cold Turkey. But I said if I find out she’s lying or going behind my back, I’m gone. She said she hasn’t and won’t. I literally told her this is a 50-50 marriage and we need to communicate better. I said I’m not gonna take her BS and she doesn’t have to take mine. I said we need to spend time with each other, with the kids, and no electronics when we are together. So many times in the past she was on her phone right in front of me talking to these guys. I told her I’d put my phone down and stop checking sports scores or my fantasy teams every second.
So far so good but I do get anxiety wondering what’s going to happen. What do you guys think?
The latest update: we have been a bit closer. Had sex a couple of times. Talked. As far as I know she’s stopped talking to any of the guys she met on OnlyFans. She still wants her space and alone time. I left her alone pretty much all day on Sunday and she said it was glorious not having to deal with me. I mean that kind of stings but considering we were pretty much inseparable for 17 years maybe it’s what she needs. But she doesn’t initiate anything. Affection or otherwise. She doesn’t compliment me (at least she doesn’t insult me). She won’t ask for a kiss goodnight or goodbye in the morning or text me while she’s at work. She doesn’t recommend places to go out or even ask if I want to go out. I have to do it. I tell her I love her and she says “yeah yeah” because she knows I know she does.
Maybe these are small insignificant things. It’s stuff she’s done before. Maybe a change is needed? But she spends all her free time on Tiktok and Facebook. Mostly watching videos and saving memes (both funny ones and the ones that involve relationships). I do get concerned that she might go back to talking to British guy because the way she talked to him, I don’t see how she can just turn off that switch and go cold Turkey. But I said if I find out she’s lying or going behind my back, I’m gone. She said she hasn’t and won’t. I literally told her this is a 50-50 marriage and we need to communicate better. I said I’m not gonna take her BS and she doesn’t have to take mine. I said we need to spend time with each other, with the kids, and no electronics when we are together. So many times in the past she was on her phone right in front of me talking to these guys. I told her I’d put my phone down and stop checking sports scores or my fantasy teams every second.
So far so good but I do get anxiety wondering what’s going to happen. What do you guys think?
Second, is British guy new? We've had Scottish guy and Aussie guy. Is she collecting nationalities? Or are you having difficulties keeping everything straight?
Third, you sound so unbelievably clingy that it's suffocating *me*. Your need for affirmation must be truly exhausting.
Fourth and last, if you think everything is fine, then I do, too. Everything is fine. No need to worry about anything here.
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09-21-21, 11:47 AM
#650
DVD Talk Reviewer/Moderator
re: My Marriage May Be Over....Need Advice :( (Also need Beans)
Second paragraph ain't great either.
