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"Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

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"Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Old 11-01-18, 02:51 AM
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"Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

This has been a touchy subject for me and I finally need to discuss it here. Basically one thing that some people do that annoys me the most is when they will hear somebody complaining about something, and they'll interject with a reply like "Well, that doesn't bother ME!" or "What a stupid complaint!"

I'll use a hypothetical example here, about something which in reality I don't care a whole lot about: Often in the mornings, there will be a lot of noise outside in my neighborhood from leaf blowers and power tools. This annoys me, though not enough to try and do anything about it. However for this example, suppose I did go outside and complain about it, or write a letter to the local paper about it or something like that. Now suppose however that someone else steps up and says "That's funny- I never even noticed they did yardwork here til you brought it up. It doesn't bother me, so I don't care if they keep doing it. In fact, this is a really silly thing to complain about and you're an idiot for doing so."

It would be one thing if that person actually LIKED the sound of the equipment and was afraid that my complaints would put an end to it, or if they otherwise thought there'd be a compromise in the quality of the neighborhood upkeep if this didn't continue. However in this example they otherwise have NO opinion about the noise one way or another and nothing to do with it affects them, yet they somehow want to make it known that it doesn't bother them and that I am being ridiculous for complaining about it. In this example, I'm trying to get rid of the noise in the morning and it would make a world of difference to me if it stopped, but when those responsible hear the neighbor's defense of it, who ultimately has no strong opinions either way of whether the noise keeps going or stops, they'll use that as a reason to keep doing it and/or discredit the original complainer. Conversely, if that neighbor had instead said "Actually, this bothers me a lot too!" then that would be even more reason to stop it, or if they truly had no opinion on it either way then they'd just remain silent and not affect anything.

Who's the bigger fool- the one who complains about something that truly bothers them and wants it fixed, or the one who complains about the complainer when the subject doesn't affect them in any way? Again, this is different than someone complaining about something that the other person happens to like- for example I WOULD ridicule a complaint about there being "too much sex and violence on TV", because I happen to LIKE sex and violence, don't think there's nearly ENOUGH of it on TV, and would hate for there to be even less of it due to that complaint. If I didn't watch TV at all, possibly didn't even have a TV, then it would be ridiculous of me to criticize someone else's complaint about it.

Last edited by Alan Smithee; 11-01-18 at 03:02 AM.
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Old 11-01-18, 07:15 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

If one person thinks that traffic noise from the highway is too loud, and that the HOA should build a noise-blocking wall, there will be different responses. "I agree," which you seem to favor, and "It doesn't bother me, so why should we pay for a wall?" which you don't like. I think they're both valid responses.

When you complain about the noise, are you just making conversation, or are you trying to convince others that something should be done about it? If you want someone else to take action, the response "It doesn't bother me" isn't a complaint, it's an assertion that they don't believe action is needed.
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Old 11-01-18, 08:00 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

The very act of complaining is to solicit a response. The response of "I don't care either way" is entirely valid. They were asked and gave an honest response.
Starting this thread is a complaint and you have asked the opinion of everybody who reads it. All responding posts are valid because you asked for them.

The added response of "the complaint is silly" or "stupid" is also valid.
Some things are facts of life, like the weather. It's a waste of time to complain. You're being told to move on, give it up, you're wasting your time.
If you feel that nothing can be done is defeatist, then do something about it yourself. Invent silent leaf blowers and power tools. The idea that you personally should invent the silent leaf blower is no more silly than the complaint of noisy ones.
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Old 11-01-18, 09:25 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining




I’m not 100% sure what Alan is driving for, but I understand what he is saying. I read that post as “If you don’t have an opinion, don’t ty to discredit the point/complainer.” It’s not that you shouldn’t say it doesn’t bother you, it’s that people doing it the way Alan described seem to be making it about THEM instead of listening to the issue.

I blame that on social media.

Last edited by Abob Teff; 11-01-18 at 09:47 AM.
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Old 11-01-18, 09:39 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

No, this doesn't bother me.
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Old 11-01-18, 10:03 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

I get what the OP is saying...
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Old 11-01-18, 10:57 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Originally Posted by Abob Teff View Post



Iím not 100% sure what Alan is driving for, but I understand what he is saying. I read that post as ďIf you donít have an opinion, donít ty to discredit the point/complainer.Ē Itís not that you shouldnít say it doesnít bother you, itís that people doing it the way Alan described seem to be making it about THEM instead of listening to the issue.

I blame that on social media.
Originally Posted by Dan View Post
I get what the OP is saying...
Based on the examples the OP used, if you complain about something with no realistic solution, then complaining is unrealistic. It's silly or stupid to expect others to solve an unrealistic problem for you.

It is unrealistic to expect leaf blowers and power tools not to make noise. It is unrealistic to expect people not to use power tools. It's unrealistic to complain. If the noise bothers you than solve it yourself. Earplugs or something.

It is unrealistic to expect less violence on tv. It is unrealistic to expect somebody is going to reduce the violence on tv. It's unrealistic to complain about. If it bothers you solve it yourself. Don't watch.

Complaining means you want somebody else to solve your problem.

If your neighbor wakes you up when he starts his car for work, it's stupid and silly to complain about it. There's no realistic solution. Should he:
A. Get a different job
B. Walk to work
c. Push his car down the driveway, then start it
D. Ride a bicycle
E. Have someone pick him up
You are being silly or stupid to expect any of those solutions.
It's your problem, solve it yourself or let it go.

If a problem has realistic solutions, and more importantly, reasonable expectations of those solutions, then it's never silly or stupid to complain.
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Old 11-01-18, 11:03 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

It sounds like the people who live near an airport who complain about airplane noise, in spite of the fact that the airport was there before they were even born. Move! You are more in control of your own situation than trying to control others.
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Old 11-01-18, 11:44 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

I think if someone wants to respond to a complaint by saying that is up to them (and they are perfectly entitled to feel that way). I don't think they should belittle the complainer, but the complainer shouldn't get all in a huff if the other person doesn't see it their way.
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Old 11-01-18, 11:57 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

What I don't like is when somebody has a perfectly valid complaint, and somebody else dismisses it because somebody else is worse off. "Well, you may have just have your car totaled by a drunk driver but there are children starving in Africa!"

Additionally, I don't like it when the complaint of one busy-body is enough to ruin things for everybody...e.g. one mom doesn't like her kid reading "Huckleberry Finn" because of the n-word, so the ENTIRE school district bans the book.
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Old 11-01-18, 11:59 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Originally Posted by rw2516 View Post
Based on the examples the OP used, if you complain about something with no realistic solution, then complaining is unrealistic. It's silly or stupid to expect others to solve an unrealistic problem for you.

It is unrealistic to expect leaf blowers and power tools not to make noise. It is unrealistic to expect people not to use power tools. It's unrealistic to complain. If the noise bothers you than solve it yourself. Earplugs or something.

It is unrealistic to expect less violence on tv. It is unrealistic to expect somebody is going to reduce the violence on tv. It's unrealistic to complain about. If it bothers you solve it yourself. Don't watch.

Complaining means you want somebody else to solve your problem.

If your neighbor wakes you up when he starts his car for work, it's stupid and silly to complain about it. There's no realistic solution. Should he:
A. Get a different job
B. Walk to work
c. Push his car down the driveway, then start it
D. Ride a bicycle
E. Have someone pick him up
You are being silly or stupid to expect any of those solutions.
It's your problem, solve it yourself or let it go.

If a problem has realistic solutions, and more importantly, reasonable expectations of those solutions, then it's never silly or stupid to complain.
If they're being used at 6am, I think you would have a complaint. Or if they're used all day, every day, I think you would also have a complaint. I'm sure there would be by-laws that would cover those situations.
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Old 11-01-18, 12:20 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Originally Posted by Groucho View Post
What I don't like is when somebody has a perfectly valid complaint, and somebody else dismisses it because somebody else is worse off. "Well, you may have just have your car totaled by a drunk driver but there are children starving in Africa!"

Additionally, I don't like it when the complaint of one busy-body is enough to ruin things for everybody...e.g. one mom doesn't like her kid reading "Huckleberry Finn" because of the n-word, so the ENTIRE school district bans the book.
It happens and is justified by the media and social media platforms (particularly in the US) basically all the time (it's a 24-hr perpetual shitfest). For example, one human being being the problem of a particular country's social issues, when it's much more complex and even points to the complainers as being more of the problem than the person they are complaining about.

Short-term memory is also part of the continued complaining.
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Old 11-01-18, 01:10 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

This thread doesn't bother me, but it belongs in the pet peeve thread...
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Old 11-01-18, 01:20 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Originally Posted by Groucho View Post
What I don't like is when somebody has a perfectly valid complaint, and somebody else dismisses it because somebody else is worse off. "Well, you may have just have your car totaled by a drunk driver but there are children starving in Africa.
eh, Laserdiscs buyers are mostly guilty of this. "Damn, those B&N coupons no longer works on Criterions", Da Man: "considered yourself lucky, young buck, thoses Criterion LDs I paid back in the days were 3x 4x the amount that you're paying".
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Old 11-01-18, 05:07 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Originally Posted by Groucho View Post
What I don't like is when somebody has a perfectly valid complaint, and somebody else dismisses it because somebody else is worse off. "Well, you may have just have your car totaled by a drunk driver but there are children starving in Africa!"
"Could be worse. Could be raining."
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Old 11-01-18, 07:15 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

I think complaints are perfectly valid as long as they are directed to an appropriate recipient.

In most cases, that ain't me.




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Old 11-01-18, 10:03 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Originally Posted by VinVega View Post
I think if someone wants to respond to a complaint by saying that is up to them (and they are perfectly entitled to feel that way). I don't think they should belittle the complainer, but the complainer shouldn't get all in a huff if the other person doesn't see it their way.
F*ck. [/ forum]
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Old 11-01-18, 10:03 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Originally Posted by rw2516 View Post
"Could be worse. Could be raining."
Itís been raining all damned day.
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Old 11-02-18, 09:25 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Originally Posted by VinVega View Post
I think if someone wants to respond to a complaint by saying that is up to them (and they are perfectly entitled to feel that way). I don't think they should belittle the complainer, but the complainer shouldn't get all in a huff if the other person doesn't see it their way.
So should we change this thread title to “The every ‘asking for advice on DVDTalk thread’ ever” thread?


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Old 11-02-18, 11:26 AM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Sorry I ruined the forum guys.

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Old 11-02-18, 12:03 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

All human interaction is meaningless and complaints are just noise amidst more noise. Life is suffering.










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Old 11-02-18, 12:16 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

I've been in leadership positions for a long time and I get complaints every now and then ...

"I don't like having to put the date in yyyy-mm-dd format!"
"The menu in the cafeteria this week is awful."
"Can we get the admin password change requirements bumped from every 30 days to 90 days? I hate having to come up with new passwords!"
"Johnny keeps touching me inappropriately and saying sexual things."

OK whatever people.. just shut up and do your work. Geeeeeeeeeze..
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Old 11-02-18, 03:02 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Originally Posted by andicus View Post
If they're being used at 6am, I think you would have a complaint. Or if they're used all day, every day, I think you would also have a complaint. I'm sure there would be by-laws that would cover those situations.
I used to work nights. My apartment faced a field, and I slept like a baby during the day. That field started being developed for another apartment complex about 6 months after I moved in. Beeping, banging, clanging, all fucking day. I didn't get any sleep at all most of the time. It didn't bother my roommate because she worked normal-people hours, so my complaints were met with nicer versions of what Alan is talking about.

The apartment complex wanted money for us to move to a different apartment. I eventually just started sleeping in someone's basement on the days that I had to work.
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Old 11-02-18, 03:56 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Originally Posted by mndtrp View Post
I used to work nights. My apartment faced a field, and I slept like a baby during the day. That field started being developed for another apartment complex about 6 months after I moved in. Beeping, banging, clanging, all fucking day. I didn't get any sleep at all most of the time. It didn't bother my roommate because she worked normal-people hours, so my complaints were met with nicer versions of what Alan is talking about.

The apartment complex wanted money for us to move to a different apartment. I eventually just started sleeping in someone's basement on the days that I had to work.
Yeah, it sucks if you're working nights. My wife does, occasionally. You can't win, as most bylaws don't prohibit noise during the day (for obvious reasons).
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Old 11-02-18, 05:26 PM
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Re: "Doesn't bother ME!" Complaining about complaining

Originally Posted by Alan Smithee View Post
This has been a touchy subject for me and I finally need to discuss it here. Basically one thing that some people do that annoys me the most is when they will hear somebody complaining about something, and they'll interject with a reply like "Well, that doesn't bother ME!" or "What a stupid complaint!"

I'll use a hypothetical example here, about something which in reality I don't care a whole lot about: Often in the mornings, there will be a lot of noise outside in my neighborhood from leaf blowers and power tools. This annoys me, though not enough to try and do anything about it. However for this example, suppose I did go outside and complain about it, or write a letter to the local paper about it or something like that. Now suppose however that someone else steps up and says "That's funny- I never even noticed they did yardwork here til you brought it up. It doesn't bother me, so I don't care if they keep doing it. In fact, this is a really silly thing to complain about and you're an idiot for doing so."

It would be one thing if that person actually LIKED the sound of the equipment and was afraid that my complaints would put an end to it, or if they otherwise thought there'd be a compromise in the quality of the neighborhood upkeep if this didn't continue. However in this example they otherwise have NO opinion about the noise one way or another and nothing to do with it affects them, yet they somehow want to make it known that it doesn't bother them and that I am being ridiculous for complaining about it. In this example, I'm trying to get rid of the noise in the morning and it would make a world of difference to me if it stopped, but when those responsible hear the neighbor's defense of it, who ultimately has no strong opinions either way of whether the noise keeps going or stops, they'll use that as a reason to keep doing it and/or discredit the original complainer. Conversely, if that neighbor had instead said "Actually, this bothers me a lot too!" then that would be even more reason to stop it, or if they truly had no opinion on it either way then they'd just remain silent and not affect anything.

Who's the bigger fool- the one who complains about something that truly bothers them and wants it fixed, or the one who complains about the complainer when the subject doesn't affect them in any way? Again, this is different than someone complaining about something that the other person happens to like- for example I WOULD ridicule a complaint about there being "too much sex and violence on TV", because I happen to LIKE sex and violence, don't think there's nearly ENOUGH of it on TV, and would hate for there to be even less of it due to that complaint. If I didn't watch TV at all, possibly didn't even have a TV, then it would be ridiculous of me to criticize someone else's complaint about it.
From my reading of your post, it sounds to me like you never had any actual conversations like this with anyone, you're just speculating about how others might react if you complained about leaf blower noise to them or if someone complained to you about sex and violence on TV. Do you have any concrete examples of actual spoken complaints and actual responses to make your case?
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