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YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

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YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Old 06-27-11, 08:56 PM
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YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

So, for those of you who aren't currently in a relationship, why?

I'm 38, have been divorced for eight years, and have been in a number of failed relationships since. In hindsight, I've been to blame for most of the break-ups, either by being super-possessive and jealous or just losing interest in my partner. And now I'm on the verge of having yet another one leave me.

My current girlfriend of four months is about to call it quits. The reasons: I've given her too much grief about her not texting me when she's with her friends, and then last night, I gave her a hard time about not calling me at all to see how I was doing on my eight hour drive home from up north. (Those things are pet peeves of mine and I have a really hard time hiding my feelings about it.) I made her feel terrible enough where she said she didn't want anything to do with me today. The relationship is intense and passionate and we get along amazingly otherwise. Part of the problem is that we only see each other twice a week so our relationship is very much driven by hours-long phone calls and a deluge of texts.

What's your story? Are you single by choice? a serial dater? suck at dating in general or maintaining relationships when you're in them (like me)? options running dry at the train station?

Tell me your story!
Old 06-27-11, 09:20 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

I seem to just suck at the whole thing in general. I try to get with girls but somehow it seems like I always end up in the "friend zone". I guess I don't really know why but it's kind of beginning to suck. I don't think I try too hard or come off desperate but it just seems like the majority of girls are indifferent to me or they want to be friends (which is fine I suppose) but nothing more. I mean I'm not the greatest looking guy in the world or anything like that but I'm not hideous either. I think the biggest problem is that I tend to be shy at times (or at least come off that way) when I first meet someone and admittedly I could probably try a bit harder and just take more risks but most of the time I don't. Honestly though I can say that I've never been in a serious relationship.

I was really good friends with a coworker for quite a while and to me at least (and a bunch of the other people who worked with us and some friends and I believe even some of her friends) we had somewhat of a spark between us, but she would never let anything happen. She liked me for a while as more than a friend but then with really no explanation just didn't one day which sucked. We had remained good friends for quite some time and talked a bunch until a few months back where she basically gave me grief about liking her (which I still did but didn't press the issue) and she essentially blamed me for that and essentially told me that we don't talk anymore because of me still liking her.

Last edited by Mike86; 06-27-11 at 09:29 PM.
Old 06-27-11, 09:27 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Years of reading DVD Talk threads about things like getting herpes from a tranny met at a train station, and threads about men not touching each other in straight porn, have completely turned me off to relationships of all kinds.
Old 06-27-11, 09:36 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

I've been divorced for 8 years now and have had several relationships but nothing that I felt would last. Longest was about 1.5 years.

I just refuse to settle...some of the women I've dated would have made average long term partners...average wives but I just haven't felt the spark I need with any of them.

I'm not super jeaous or anything...I'm maybe too relaxed in that area. I'm not possessive and I'm a romantic at heart...its just finding that one person that does it for me.

Met a very nice woman awhile back but she's 23...and I'm 42. While its not illegal...may be just a bit awkward so I decided to leave it at a friendship.

I'm secure in my career and have a great retirement coming in 7 years....and I've dated a few women who I could tell were just about the security. I'm not like that and can see it coming a mile away. I need an emotional connection. If I don't have it....ain't gonna happen.

Overall I'm single by choice. I've dated several people that would have fit the bill for a new wife but I couldn't imaging waking up everyday not being happy, meaning just settling for average...or settling to just have someone there.
Old 06-27-11, 09:49 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

24 years old (recent graduate) and I live in a college town? Yeah...I'm too young to get serious....
Old 06-27-11, 09:56 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Single and not looking
I don't have the energy,time, or desire to commit to a relationship
Sometimes I want a girlfriend but I'm too lazy to go into it fulltime
Old 06-27-11, 10:06 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

My problem is i'm socially retarded and am constantly thinking about sex. Some days i think about having a normal relationship and settling down. But i need sex all the time and have yet to find a woman that has that same need. The socially retarted gets in the way of getting the sex since i'm horrible at talking to women. So i resort to hiring escorts or go on craigslist casual encounters, or hitting the gay bathhouses. None of those activities are safe. But i still do it to satisfy the desire.

Some days i think about chemical castration. This way i wont be thinking about sex constantly and masturbating two- four times a day. This may make meeting women easier since i wouldn't have sex on the brain and can finally carry on a normal conversation and have a healthy relationship.
Old 06-27-11, 10:08 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Single, by choice. I have high standards, and I won't compromise them. The list is long, but I still find women who are willing to jump through the hoops.
Old 06-27-11, 10:12 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

My best friend is female. That's enough of an insight for me to not want anything more.
Old 06-27-11, 10:29 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

My genitals are so large I'm afraid I may hurt someone.
Old 06-27-11, 10:33 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Quatermass,single due to complusive lying








Old 06-27-11, 11:12 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Originally Posted by TimeandTide View Post
So, for those of you who aren't currently in a relationship, why?

I'm 38, have been divorced for eight years, and have been in a number of failed relationships since. In hindsight, I've been to blame for most of the break-ups, either by being super-possessive and jealous or just losing interest in my partner. And now I'm on the verge of having yet another one leave me.

My current girlfriend of four months is about to call it quits. The reasons: I've given her too much grief about her not texting me when she's with her friends, and then last night, I gave her a hard time about not calling me at all to see how I was doing on my eight hour drive home from up north. (Those things are pet peeves of mine and I have a really hard time hiding my feelings about it.) I made her feel terrible enough where she said she didn't want anything to do with me today. The relationship is intense and passionate and we get along amazingly otherwise. Part of the problem is that we only see each other twice a week so our relationship is very much driven by hours-long phone calls and a deluge of texts.

What's your story? Are you single by choice? a serial dater? suck at dating in general or maintaining relationships when you're in them (like me)? options running dry at the train station?

Tell me your story!
I don't suppose you're looking for our advice. Since you recognize you're possessive or super jealous, is there something you can do to change that?

As for me, I consider myself a pretty good catch and I don't carry a lot of baggage and I can be very affectionate and romantic. Average looks. But I'm single. It's not me. It's them. I do get very frustrated in the game of it all though. It took some prodding but I just received a sort of Dear John email describing themselves as having "an independent gene" that resurfaced.

I read some article about why people are single. And one of the topics had to do with not settling. Well, that perfect person probably will never come. I think too many people have too many high expectations.
Old 06-27-11, 11:16 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

I like being single. I like doing things on my own.

I would love to date someone or even be in a full blown relationship but at this point I'm pretty happy being me.

Oh, female friends? I don't really get how anyone does that seriously. If I meet a girl who I connect with enough to be best friends with, then I'm going to marry her.
Old 06-27-11, 11:24 PM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Originally Posted by TimeandTide View Post
So, for those of you who aren't currently in a relationship, why?

I'm 38, have been divorced for eight years, and have been in a number of failed relationships since. In hindsight, I've been to blame for most of the break-ups, either by being super-possessive and jealous or just losing interest in my partner. And now I'm on the verge of having yet another one leave me.

My current girlfriend of four months is about to call it quits. The reasons: I've given her too much grief about her not texting me when she's with her friends, and then last night, I gave her a hard time about not calling me at all to see how I was doing on my eight hour drive home from up north. (Those things are pet peeves of mine and I have a really hard time hiding my feelings about it.) I made her feel terrible enough where she said she didn't want anything to do with me today. The relationship is intense and passionate and we get along amazingly otherwise. Part of the problem is that we only see each other twice a week so our relationship is very much driven by hours-long phone calls and a deluge of texts.
Holy fuck, you're a woman!
Originally Posted by Mike86 View Post
I seem to just suck at the whole thing in general. I try to get with girls but somehow it seems like I always end up in the "friend zone". I guess I don't really know why but it's kind of beginning to suck. I don't think I try too hard or come off desperate but it just seems like the majority of girls are indifferent to me or they want to be friends (which is fine I suppose) but nothing more. I mean I'm not the greatest looking guy in the world or anything like that but I'm not hideous either. I think the biggest problem is that I tend to be shy at times (or at least come off that way) when I first meet someone and admittedly I could probably try a bit harder and just take more risks but most of the time I don't. Honestly though I can say that I've never been in a serious relationship.

I was really good friends with a coworker for quite a while and to me at least (and a bunch of the other people who worked with us and some friends and I believe even some of her friends) we had somewhat of a spark between us, but she would never let anything happen. She liked me for a while as more than a friend but then with really no explanation just didn't one day which sucked. We had remained good friends for quite some time and talked a bunch until a few months back where she basically gave me grief about liking her (which I still did but didn't press the issue) and she essentially blamed me for that and essentially told me that we don't talk anymore because of me still liking her.
Holy Fuck, you're a wuss.

Originally Posted by E. Honda View Post
Years of reading DVD Talk threads about things like getting herpes from a tranny met at a train station, and threads about men not touching each other in straight porn, have completely turned me off to relationships of all kinds.
Holy Fuck, you're mhg83

Originally Posted by FiveO View Post
I've been divorced for 8 years now and have had several relationships but nothing that I felt would last. Longest was about 1.5 years.

I just refuse to settle...some of the women I've dated would have made average long term partners...average wives but I just haven't felt the spark I need with any of them.

I'm not super jeaous or anything...I'm maybe too relaxed in that area. I'm not possessive and I'm a romantic at heart...its just finding that one person that does it for me.

Met a very nice woman awhile back but she's 23...and I'm 42. While its not illegal...may be just a bit awkward so I decided to leave it at a friendship.

I'm secure in my career and have a great retirement coming in 7 years....and I've dated a few women who I could tell were just about the security. I'm not like that and can see it coming a mile away. I need an emotional connection. If I don't have it....ain't gonna happen.

Overall I'm single by choice. I've dated several people that would have fit the bill for a new wife but I couldn't imaging waking up everyday not being happy, meaning just settling for average...or settling to just have someone there.
Holy Fuck, you're normal.
Originally Posted by Solid Snake PAC View Post
24 years old (recent graduate) and I live in a college town? Yeah...I'm too young to get serious....
Holy Fuck, I wish I was you.

Originally Posted by Canadian Bacon View Post
Single and not looking
I don't have the energy,time, or desire to commit to a relationship
Sometimes I want a girlfriend but I'm too lazy to go into it fulltime
Holy Fuck, you're pathetic.
Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
My problem is i'm socially retarded and am constantly thinking about sex. Some days i think about having a normal relationship and settling down. But i need sex all the time and have yet to find a woman that has that same need. The socially retarted gets in the way of getting the sex since i'm horrible at talking to women. So i resort to hiring escorts or go on craigslist casual encounters, or hitting the gay bathhouses. None of those activities are safe. But i still do it to satisfy the desire.

Some days i think about chemical castration. This way i wont be thinking about sex constantly and masturbating two- four times a day. This may make meeting women easier since i wouldn't have sex on the brain and can finally carry on a normal conversation and have a healthy relationship.
HOLY FUCK!!! That doesn't even scratch the surface of your problem.
Originally Posted by pedagogue View Post
Single, by choice. I have high standards, and I won't compromise them. The list is long, but I still find women who are willing to jump through the hoops.
Holy Fuck, you'll die alone.
Originally Posted by astrochimp View Post
My best friend is female. That's enough of an insight for me to not want anything more.
Holy Fuck, you're a genius.
Originally Posted by Quatermass View Post
My genitals are so large I'm afraid I may hurt someone.
Holy Fuck, you're kvrdave.
Old 06-28-11, 12:22 AM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Old 06-28-11, 12:28 AM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Originally Posted by big whoppa View Post
I don't suppose you're looking for our advice. Since you recognize you're possessive or super jealous, is there something you can do to change that?
Always open to advice from my Otter friends.

I worded that too strongly. I have a fear of being cheated on (it's happened three times since my divorce) so I have a tendency to want to keep tabs on my dates. So it not so much jealousy as it is neediness for her attention. Either way, a terrible trait to bring into a relationship.

I am better with the texting. I might send one or two when she's out, and that's it. And I wasn't completely out-of-bounds when I said how disappointed I was when she didn't call when I was driving. There's an expectation that my gf would want to know how I was doing. But I handled it in a terrible way and I'm paying the price for it now. In hindsight, I should have let it go as that one shitty moment shouldn't have trumped all the good.

Originally Posted by kvrdave
Holy Fuck, you're kvrdave.
Old 06-28-11, 12:36 AM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

I've been legally divorced for a few weeks now...I'm single because my husband was done being a responsible adult.

With that being said, I'm having a great time dating and am not ready to settle down just yet.
Old 06-28-11, 01:19 AM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Originally Posted by TimeandTide View Post
Always open to advice from my Otter friends.

I worded that too strongly. I have a fear of being cheated on (it's happened three times since my divorce) so I have a tendency to want to keep tabs on my dates. So it not so much jealousy as it is neediness for her attention. Either way, a terrible trait to bring into a relationship.

I am better with the texting. I might send one or two when she's out, and that's it. And I wasn't completely out-of-bounds when I said how disappointed I was when she didn't call when I was driving. There's an expectation that my gf would want to know how I was doing. But I handled it in a terrible way and I'm paying the price for it now. In hindsight, I should have let it go as that one shitty moment shouldn't have trumped all the good.
Trusting someone and being secure in ourselves can be tough ones and go hand-in-hand. I know I can get a little jealous myself which isn't necessarily a bad thing. If someone is going to cheat though, there's nothing you can do stop them and if they aren't cheating and you hassle them over your own insecurities then that will ruin the relationship too and you'll feel like an ass for it.
Old 06-28-11, 01:31 AM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

I'm not single but I am in a long, long distance relationship. There's an end to the distance in sight, so that makes it easier.

When I was single, it had to do with looking too young for my age for the most part. And smelling of Single. That's the other.
Old 06-28-11, 06:28 AM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
My problem is i'm socially retarded and am constantly thinking about sex. Some days i think about having a normal relationship and settling down. But i need sex all the time and have yet to find a woman that has that same need. The socially retarted gets in the way of getting the sex since i'm horrible at talking to women. So i resort to hiring escorts or go on craigslist casual encounters, or hitting the gay bathhouses. None of those activities are safe. But i still do it to satisfy the desire.

Some days i think about chemical castration. This way i wont be thinking about sex constantly and masturbating two- four times a day. This may make meeting women easier since i wouldn't have sex on the brain and can finally carry on a normal conversation and have a healthy relationship.
WTF??? No offense but you are a mess.
Old 06-28-11, 08:01 AM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

46 and single. I've been a loner for about all my life, and have dated a few times - altho nothing really lasting past 6-8 months.

I'm just yet to meet the "right one" I guess, or maybe true-love just isn't meant for me.
Old 06-28-11, 08:29 AM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Single by choice. Can't see myself sharing and compromising. Selfish? Maybe but I'm OK with that
Old 06-28-11, 08:52 AM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

There is nothing wrong with being selfish.
Old 06-28-11, 08:56 AM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

Originally Posted by big whoppa View Post
I don't suppose you're looking for our advice. Since you recognize you're possessive or super jealous, is there something you can do to change that?

As for me, I consider myself a pretty good catch and I don't carry a lot of baggage and I can be very affectionate and romantic. Average looks. But I'm single. It's not me. It's them. I do get very frustrated in the game of it all though. It took some prodding but I just received a sort of Dear John email describing themselves as having "an independent gene" that resurfaced.

I read some article about why people are single. And one of the topics had to do with not settling. Well, that perfect person probably will never come. I think too many people have too many high expectations.
Of course nobody is perfect, but possibly sharing another life with yours under the same roof should resut in one having high expectations. I learned the hard way
Old 06-28-11, 10:20 AM
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Re: YADT: Why are you single? (With bonus anecdote!)

I'm too immature and I don't take anything seriously. Everything's a big joke to me, at least, that's what I've been told.

Last edited by PopcornBandit; 06-28-11 at 10:28 AM.

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