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The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

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The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Old 11-22-10, 04:41 PM
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The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

This is just for fun, 12-year old boy style - now, without getting graphic and gory, what would be an interesting way for you to torture a person?

Now we're no looking for "head in a vice" stuff, although that's fine if that's what you are into, but more of the G-rated variety torture that would garner favor from your superiors and not get you banned on DVDTalk.com.

Off the top of my head (not literally - haha), I'd have somebody tied up, right? Then I'd mousetrap their earlobes. If that didn't get the information my superiors wanted, I'd mousetrap his lips and gums.
Old 11-22-10, 04:54 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Make them read your threads
Old 11-22-10, 04:55 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Originally Posted by cungar View Post
Make them read your threads
I knew that was a-comin'
Old 11-22-10, 05:05 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Pee in their butt? Wait... G-rated...

Go wee-wee in their bottom!
Old 11-22-10, 05:13 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

waterboarding. No special equipment required, leaves no marks (if you restrain your victim properly, of course.

Otherwise, there's always the nails on a blackboard torture, and the ginger beer trick.
Old 11-22-10, 05:23 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Old 11-22-10, 05:35 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

The fart mask.

Old 11-22-10, 07:37 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

I'm lock a person in a small box, pipe in drunken japanese business men/women singing bad karaoke, and mix in the screeching sounds of little girls at a Jonas Brother concert. They would beg for a waterboarding!
Old 11-22-10, 07:49 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Bury him up to the neck in sand, and have Kim Kardashian give him a lap dance. Then have Brian Peppers give him a full-contact lap dance.
Old 11-22-10, 07:53 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Originally Posted by Nick Danger View Post
Bury him up to the neck in sand, and have Kim Kardashian give him a lap dance.
That's not even physically POSSIBLE!
Old 11-22-10, 08:40 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

I'll force them to sit in one of those "Dunk The Clown" booths they have at the carnival, only mind is full with boiling hot water.

I'll then hire every top MLB pitcher to give it their best shot at hitting the target.
Old 11-22-10, 10:54 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

bees.
Old 11-22-10, 11:10 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

You people are sick and should be ashamed of yourselves ...


... now that my wife has quit reading over my shoulder ...


... nothing but McRib sandwiches and movies starring Paris Hilton for a year. MU-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Old 11-22-10, 11:57 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

put them in a room where the floor is actually fine grade sandpaper, and it moves...treadmill style
Old 11-23-10, 09:50 AM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Originally Posted by inri222 View Post
No, not the comfy chair. No one ever expects that!
Old 11-23-10, 09:52 AM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Sleep deprivation...nice and simple.
Old 11-23-10, 10:14 AM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

take a kaka in a snickers wrapper and give it to them
Old 11-23-10, 10:56 AM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Grubs. Maggots. Worms. A big vat of them. Drop the victim in naked. When they get covered with squashed ick, offer to hose them off with crazy glue.
Old 11-24-10, 01:02 AM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Originally Posted by Mrs. Danger View Post
Grubs. Maggots. Worms. A big vat of them. Drop the victim in naked. When they get covered with squashed ick, offer to hose them off with crazy glue.
No, no, no ... how many times do you have to be told? The crazy glue goes on first!

Damn International United Brotherhood of Torturers, Interrogators, and Commercial Hospitality Workers Local 617 ... ever since the union came in the employees think that they can half-ass everything.
Old 11-24-10, 10:41 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Shave off their nipples, of course.
Old 11-24-10, 11:43 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Originally Posted by mole177 View Post
bees.
not the beeeees!
Old 11-24-10, 11:54 PM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Cover them in honey and throw a bunch of fire ants on them.
Old 11-25-10, 12:09 AM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Make them slide down a twenty foot razor blade into a pool of alcohol.
Old 11-25-10, 12:35 AM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Corneal paper cuts.
Old 11-25-10, 01:08 AM
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Re: The Crazy Person Comedy Hour!! This segment: how would you torture people?

Chain victim to the floor, lying on his back.
Place two large blocks of ice on either side of victim.
Place a board as a bridge between the ice blocks, so board is over victim's chest.
Have a spike in the board, pointing down at victim's chest.
On top of the board, pile a dozen cinderblocks.

As the ice melts, the board gets closer to victim's chest. The weight of the cinderblocks forces the spike to slowly penetrate victim. Depending on temperature of the room, this should take as much as a couple of hours of excruciating pain.

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