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How much do you share with your friends?

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How much do you share with your friends?

Old 11-10-10, 06:49 AM
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How much do you share with your friends?

I was reading this thread about how to reply when life is crappy, and it got me to thinking: how often do I answer the "how are you?" question honestly, even when friends/family are asking it?

For example: at the moment, I am having one craptastic week. Several areas of my life (work, my health, family, friend stress, and other areas way too personal to mention) are under HUGE stress and/or are going poorly, and it's been hard.

It just all got to me last night (Monday), to the point that I was in tears, and yet when a friend asked that night via IM how my day had been, I mentioned the work stress and then swept the rest of it under the rug and changed the subject, despite this person being a friend of mine that I'd already trusted with other personal info. Same with my father, who I'm close to: if he asks how I am, I gloss over the rough patches, I will tell him about health problems but not work or anything I think might make him worry.

I have a best friend (since college), and my boyfriend, and another gal who'd probably my closest friend here in SoCal, all of those I could tell almost anything to (though it's probably only the last one that do I actually tell her almost anything, and vice versa). I have probably another dozen friends here in SoCal that I tell personal things to, that I would consider close friends, and countless others here and in Seattle that are more casual friends... I will ask for prayer requests, but only general, not specific details ("can you pray for my health?").




What about you? How do you handle the "how are you?" question from friends and family? Are there people who you are more honest with than others? Are there people who you consider friends, but you don't trust them with more than an "I'm fine, thanks" when they ask how you are? Where do you draw the line, and (I guess this is my real question) how do you know the difference between the people you'd answer honestly, and the people you'd sweep the truth under the rug?



Just curious. The next day (Tuesday), I confessed to the friend from Monday night that I was having a craptastic week, explained sort of the "chapter headings" of why, and the same with another friend who IM'd me Tuesday afternoon (who had seen my "this week sucks" type of FB status, without any details added). I felt better being more "open", but it's hard sometimes. Never know who to trust, I guess....




Old 11-10-10, 07:41 AM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I don't tell my wife nearly as much as I should about how I'm feeling sometimes. I feel almost as if I don't want to burden her with my issues. I do find myself discussing stuff with my co-workers fairly often. I find there's a sense of detachment there that makes it easier for me to talk to them about stuff without feeling any guilt in doing so.
Old 11-10-10, 08:09 AM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I talk to some of my friends about everything going on but usually I leave the negativity out of it. If I'm having a bad day or week, I may make a comment about it but then drop it. They can comfort me about it but it doesn't make me feel better telling them bad crap so I limit it very much.
Old 11-10-10, 10:56 AM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I have basically two or three very close friends, of many decades' standing, that I can talk to about ANYTHING. I try not to burden them too often, though, because I've learned over the years that a neurotic like me can alienate her circle very quickly.
Old 11-10-10, 10:57 AM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

We swap wives sometimes, but sharing our personal problems? NO FUCKING WAY.
Old 11-10-10, 11:02 AM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

Unless it's something that effects them or if they are in a position to help out, I give very little details. Yes, sometimes it's good to vent but I would not make a habit of it. People that tend to spout their life history when ask "how are you" find out people ask it less and less.
Old 11-10-10, 11:12 AM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

Strangely, I don't tell my wife much at all. I have a couple of very close friends, though, that I will talk to about anything.
Old 11-10-10, 11:32 AM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I have a couple very close friends that I can discuss most things with, but I don't have anyone I'd discuss everything with. I've always been one to keep things inside so I can just deal with it myself. I feel like I'm my best psychologist.
Old 11-10-10, 11:47 AM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

Originally Posted by Groucho View Post
We swap wives sometimes, but sharing our personal problems? NO FUCKING WAY.
You're in Utah - why swap when you can have more than one all to yourself?
Old 11-10-10, 03:29 PM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I don't have any friends.
Old 11-10-10, 03:51 PM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I bottle it up until the voices stop. Then it seems better. Friends are great, but there's a fine line between friend and witness.
Old 11-10-10, 11:12 PM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I don't have friends anymore. Back when I did, I would tell them pretty much anything. But I realized that I have NOTHING in common with them. And I haven't made new friends since (that was a couple years ago).

So when I need to vent a little, I usually just smash some stuff. Very cathartic.

(now you know something about me)
Old 11-11-10, 04:36 AM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

Originally Posted by TomOpus View Post
Unless it's something that effects them or if they are in a position to help out, I give very little details. Yes, sometimes it's good to vent but I would not make a habit of it. People that tend to spout their life history when ask "how are you" find out people ask it less and less.
Yeah, that's why I only tell a few people, and another handful of peeps, I might tell them one thing only ("how're things with you?" at a social function, and I might tell them "work is hard" but not go into it, etc). I don't want to be one of those little-old-ladies who tells you their ENTIRE life story whenever you ask.




Old 11-11-10, 02:56 PM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I've generally had a pretty shit-tastic year and very few people know about it.

For the most part, most of my real friends are long distance as I moved last year... secondly the friends I have here aren't super close. And it's odd to email your old friends and say, "hey, how are you? Guess what horrible things have happened to me lately?"

It's more likely to slip out during a night at the pub than something I offer up when making small talk. Consequently, no one really knows. One friend I did eventually tell because I got together with her in Chicago. She was sympathetic, but she also lives 1000 miles away.

Anyways, making myself depressed writing this... ciao.
Old 11-11-10, 03:47 PM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I also don't have any friends (in the 'real' world, anyway)

and since every day is pretty much the same, if asked I'll go into detail but otherwise it's no more than "fine" and that's it. However, if asked I don't need to withhold anything.
Old 11-11-10, 04:02 PM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

Apart from Treesa, over the many years spent getting to 'know' people, I've learned to keep pretty much to myself.

However, when we're out and about...I won't hesitate being helpful whenever I can, encouraging folks and talking to the lads & lassies or being social and whatnot, but I keep it at that.

After all, my time is 100% my own until I start giving it away. We're allotted only so much time in our lives. I for one like having control of how my time is spent.

Besides, from my experience...

Friends are so...'NEEDY'.

-THE THEEKER!

Last edited by The Edit King; 11-11-10 at 04:31 PM. Reason: To Add: 'THE THEEKER'. You have to thay it like Daffy Duck or Thilvesther to pronounth it correctly.
Old 11-14-10, 07:07 PM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I'm pretty honest with most people. I don't go overboard talking about either positive or negative aspects of my life, but I'll usually mention whatever happens to be going on. It seems that most people don't really care one way or the other, and are only waiting for their turn to talk.
Old 11-14-10, 07:48 PM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

Originally Posted by Groucho View Post
We swap wives sometimes, but sharing our personal problems? NO FUCKING WAY.
Speaking of which, how's the 29th?

I tell my friends things if they ask. Sometimes I'll forget which friend I told which piece of information, so sometimes I'll casually throw out a reference to something and my friend will go, "What are you talking about?" For the most part I'm open.
Old 11-14-10, 09:28 PM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I have one co-worker I talk to a fair amount, but otherwise I keep my problems to myself.
Old 11-15-10, 01:42 AM
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Re: How much do you share with your friends?

I share a lot with close friends that I have known for more than ten years. I have one friend who I have known for only two years who shares quite a bit with me about her life and problems she has due to the fact that her child is disabled. I haven't shared much with her because I still don't feel extremely close to her.

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