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Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

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Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Old 10-15-09, 05:38 PM
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Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

So I've been E-mailing and texting a Woman for the past two weeks. Things have been going well and I decided to ask her out. She wants to meet me for drinks on Saturday and if things go well, dinner and a movie the week after.

Problem is I haven't been on a date in nearly four and a half years! I'm so nervous and afraid I'm gonna fuck this up. I hope not since I really like this woman and have a possible future together. I told her how lonely it is being alone but then she replied with "If things work out between us you may not be alone all the time" So i think she likes me as well.

So I call on the power of otter to be my dating coach. Since it's at a bar, is it okay to bring a rose for her (seeing as its sweetest day) Or is that something for a second date? Is a hug appropriate for first time meeting or will a handshake be more appropriate? A kiss goodnight or wait till second date?

Thank you in advance.
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Old 10-15-09, 05:42 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

I would just like to say it took some stones to be so frank and forthcoming on an internet forum.

Don't be all freaked nervous, people pick up on that and it throws their perception of you off.

Good luck winning said maiden's heart.

This could be a brutal thread, so good luck with that.
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Old 10-15-09, 05:46 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

4 1/2 years? That's nothing I'm on 12 years and counting.
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Old 10-15-09, 05:46 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

1. pee on her butt
2. dump her
3. profit
4. take the lump sum
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Old 10-15-09, 05:50 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Don't harp on being alone all the time or how you think you guys have a future together. Either one will reek of desperation and act as girlfriend repellant.
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Old 10-15-09, 05:55 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by WallyOPD View Post
Don't harp on being alone all the time or how you think you guys have a future together. Either one will reek of desperation and act as girlfriend repellant.
I agree.
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Old 10-15-09, 06:05 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

I wouldn't bring a red rose, especially not on the first date. It's OK to mention that you're nervous, but move on after that comment. You've obviously done well enough so far via email/etc. but now it's time to step it up.

And I would hug too when you see her. Not a handshake.
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Old 10-15-09, 06:15 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

don't put the pussy on a pedestal

and don't bring a rose to a first date cuz then she'll have to carry the fucking thing all night

instead do sweet shit like hold open doors and beat the shit out of any guy that looks at her

ez game
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Old 10-15-09, 06:30 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by Canadian Bacon View Post
1. pee on her butt
2. dump her
3. profit
4. take the lump sum
IN! IN her butt!

Don't give the poor slob the wrong advice dammit!!!
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Old 10-15-09, 06:58 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

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Old 10-15-09, 07:03 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

You should probably visit a prostitute beforehand to relax yourself
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Old 10-15-09, 07:24 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by El Scorcho View Post
don't put the pussy on a pedestal

and don't bring a rose to a first date cuz then she'll have to carry the fucking thing all night

instead do sweet shit like hold open doors and beat the shit out of any guy that looks at her

ez game
But i had this whole plan to get a Red rose and paint half of it yellow and say "The yellow is for friendship and the red for hopefully love in the future."
Originally Posted by aktick View Post
How old are you? Can I assume 26-ish (username)?

Have you ever met this girl before?

I'll echo what the others said - don't mention being lonely. I know the feeling, and it sucks after many years, but they don't want to hear it. It wreaks of insecurity and a lack of confidence in yourself.
Yes I am 26. And this will be my first time meeting her
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Old 10-15-09, 07:26 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Relax! It's just a date. Your best bet is to Google her and find out as much as you can about her, her habits, her schedule, and her family and friends. This gives you the "upper hand" in the date and should help to calm your nerves. Then, once you're on the date, ask her about the things you've researched. This shows interest and initiative. For example, you might say, "So, you like softball, huh?" If she acts confused, reassure her that you're the type to "do your homework". Follow up with something like, "Wow, how did it feel to lose that regional championship by one point during your freshman year of college?" From there, you might ask things like where she goes so early in the morning or why she's had so many boyfriends, or even offer some environmentally-friendly advice on creating a compost heap so she's not throwing away so much biodegradable garbage anymore. Trust me, she'll be impressed!
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Old 10-15-09, 07:31 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by The Bus View Post
I wouldn't bring a red rose, especially not on the first date. It's OK to mention that you're nervous, but move on after that comment. You've obviously done well enough so far via email/etc. but now it's time to step it up.

And I would hug too when you see her. Not a handshake.
And the kiss at the end of the night. Yes or no? And is it lame to ask before kissing her?
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Old 10-15-09, 07:32 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

yeah, so impressed that she will be restraining you.
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Old 10-15-09, 07:33 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
And the kiss at the end of the night. Yes or no? And is it lame to ask before kissing her?
if you think it's going well, just go for it. don't ask.
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Old 10-15-09, 07:33 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

1) No rose.

2) Don't talk about being alone ever again unless she brings it up in conversation, and even then, talk a little about how it feels, then move on to another topic.

3) Don't make the first move to hug or kiss on a "drink date". If you both had a great time, admit it, then set a dinner date.

All you're doing is having drinks to see if you guys can actually carry a conversation together. If both of you can, and enjoy the conversation, then great. A dinner should follow.

Finally, you say she's meeting you for drinks. Meaning, you're not picking her up or she's not picking you up? She has a girlfriend in the background or she probably has a backup of some sort so she can pull out at any moment. This is fine. So, don't take this date seriously, because if you do, she'll come up with an excuse and leave early.

Think of this date as a drink with a friend. Nothing more.
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Old 10-15-09, 07:35 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

You are meeting for drinks. Don't consider it a date. Try to relax and enjoy meeting someone new. Don't put expectations on the evening. Just enjoy being a part of the real world and having a new life experience. It sounds like you aren't having enough of those.

EDIT: The post above mine is saying the same thing in a clearer way
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Old 10-15-09, 07:38 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

No rose or gifts of any kind!
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Old 10-15-09, 07:44 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

I disagree, I think you should go bigger with the gift. All girls love giant, 3' tall carnival teddy bears.
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Old 10-15-09, 07:46 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Just be yourself. That's the best advice anyone can give. Unless...
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Old 10-15-09, 07:48 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by Breakfast with Girls View Post
I disagree, I think you should go bigger with the gift. All girls love giant, 3' tall carnival teddy bears.
or better yet:

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Old 10-15-09, 08:00 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by mhg83 View Post
But i had this whole plan to get a Red rose and paint half of it yellow and say "The yellow is for friendship and the red for hopefully love in the future."
This might be the creepiest idea I've ever heard. Please don't do this. And if you do, be sure to get someone to record her reaction.

Give some more info. How did you meet this girl online? Dating site? Facebook stalking? How long ago did you start talking? Did you make first contact -- I assume so -- and how did you break the ice? Are you meeting just her for a drink or are you meeting her and a group of people? What time and day of the week are you making this drink date for?

As for the kiss, don't go there. If you have the game to pull it off, it would work fine, but otherwise it might scare her off. There is no shame in holding off for the first kiss until after the first REAL date.
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Old 10-15-09, 08:22 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Originally Posted by Mittman View Post
This might be the creepiest idea I've ever heard. Please don't do this. And if you do, be sure to get someone to record her reaction.

Give some more info. How did you meet this girl online? Dating site? Facebook stalking? How long ago did you start talking? Did you make first contact -- I assume so -- and how did you break the ice? Are you meeting just her for a drink or are you meeting her and a group of people? What time and day of the week are you making this drink date for?

As for the kiss, don't go there. If you have the game to pull it off, it would work fine, but otherwise it might scare her off. There is no shame in holding off for the first kiss until after the first REAL date.
Okay so the rose idea wont happen. I thought it would be a nice romantic gesture. Oh well.

I met her through Craigslist. It was the Women seeking men section. I E-mailed her with a picture. She sent me a pic of her and we began E-mailing. That was two weeks ago.

I'm just meeting her alone. It'll be around 9 pm.

I think I'll just give a hug goodnight if things go well.

Last edited by mhg83; 10-15-09 at 08:51 PM.
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Old 10-15-09, 09:00 PM
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Re: Dating advice needed (1st date in 4 1/2 years!)

Five Dos and Five Don'ts...

Dos:
- Do stay positive from your side of the conversation. It's about what you like, not what you don't like. It's about the cheery aspects of the bar's atmosphere, not what sucks. It's about how much you like what she says or does.
- Do be polite and courteous, whether it's in your nature or not.
- Do smile and only touch her hand or arm or whatever if it's natural.
- Do laugh about being nervous and/or the transition from email to in-person to relax the tension. Maybe something like, "Okay, do you want to acknowledge the awkwardness of transitioning from email to meeting in person or would you like me to do it?" She may feel the same way.
- Do not think about marriage and that sort of long-term future. You're twenty-six. That's NOT too old for marriage. The average age for first-time marriages in America is thirty. Don't worry about some sort of ticking biological clock. Just focus on the night at hand.

Don'ts:
- Don't bring a gift or flower(s).
- Don't bring up how long it's been since you've been on a date. If she brings up your recent dating life and subsequently the lack thereof, don't be lured in. Say something like, "Gosh, can't we save the talk about my past dating screw-ups for the fourth date?"
- Don't insist on paying for her if she offers to pay for herself.
- Don't get stingy on the tip.
- Don't get into negative talk. It's easy to talk about everything you don't like or how crummy the service is or how loud it is and so on. Again, challenge yourself to stay positive.

Good luck, keep us posted.
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