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Dating a mom...

Old 08-14-08, 02:38 AM
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Dating a mom...

Aight guys, so I've got a date with a single (obviously) mom coming up.... any tips, pointers that I should be aware of? Should I offer to pay for the babysitter? Should I even ask who's watching the kid?

Sure, have a little fun at my expense, but a few serious answers I would appreciate.
Old 08-14-08, 02:40 AM
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We need some context here, and, dare I say, pics!
Old 08-14-08, 02:41 AM
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Just do a forum search for all threads started by Slayer2005, and read them all the way through, and you will have all the answers you need.
Old 08-14-08, 03:01 AM
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Originally Posted by awil1026
We need some context here, and, dare I say, pics!
Not a chance in hell on those pics! Needless to say, I'm very attracted to her physically...

As far as context, we met at church...so we've got that going for us. I've met the kid a few times... he's six. Now, imo.. even though the kid is a big part of the equation, I really shouldn't get too involved with him.. just focus on her for now (like I would any other woman)... and if that's a match than we'll go from there. but I don't necessarily want to get too attached to him - for his sake and mine if things don't work out. Am i right?
Old 08-14-08, 03:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Artman
Not a chance in hell on those pics! Needless to say, I'm very attracted to her physically...

As far as context, we met at church...so we've got that going for us. I've met the kid a few times... he's six. Now, imo.. even though the kid is a big part of the equation, I really shouldn't get too involved with him.. just focus on her for now (like I would any other woman)... and if that's a match than we'll go from there. but I don't necessarily want to get too attached to him - for his sake and mine if things don't work out. Am i right?
I think you're right. If you happen to see him before or after the date, I think your demeanor should be the same as it was prior to the planning of the date. I think you're thinking about this too much. I'd say no to paying for the sitter. Well, I'd at least say no to offering off the bat. See how things go and then do what feels right.

But why am I offering advice? I have no experience here!
Old 08-14-08, 03:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Artman

As far as context, we met at church...
Your F***ed.
Old 08-14-08, 03:31 AM
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Originally Posted by awil1026
I think you're thinking about this too much.
Very true. I'm sure most guys do, but I have a very active imagination, which has gotten me in trouble before I think... Probably the best compliment I can give her is to not treat her differently than other women (which is very respectful btw) This is a date (specifically a concert), nothing more. Go. Have a good time. End of story.
Old 08-14-08, 04:44 AM
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Milf?
Old 08-14-08, 05:48 AM
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I'd think she would be more protective of her son so he doesn't get too attached to a guy that may not be around for long. So, probably nothing for you to worry about there.

But like awil, I have no personal experience there either.
Old 08-14-08, 06:45 AM
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Don't molest or beat her kid and you should be ok.

But seriously...

I've dated 3 women with kids and it takes some patience and understanding on your part. You will have to let her do her thing with her kid because the kid is the priority no matter what. Hopefully she won't bring you around her kid until you guys are VERY SERIOUS because you don't want to get attached, only to break up with the Mom later down the line. That sucks for the kid.

Let her handle the babysitting thing. It's not really your business at this point.

.

Last edited by Giantrobo; 08-14-08 at 06:59 AM.
Old 08-14-08, 07:16 AM
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Jerry: Can I ask you a question totally unrelated to your career?

Rod: Oh, we gonna be friends now?

Jerry: What do you know about dating a single mother?

Rod: Oh I know plenty. I was raised by a single mother.

Jerry: Tell me, because it's been a month, and she's about to take another job in San Diego.

Rod: First, single mothers don't "date." They have been to the circus, you know what I'm saying? They have been to the puppet show and they have seen the strings. You love her?

Jerry: How do I know?

Rod: You know when you know. It makes you shiver, it eats at your insides. You know?

Jerry: No, I don't know.

Rod: Then you gotta have The Talk.

Jerry: But I sure don't like that she's leaving.

Rod: Well, that ain't fair to her. A single mother, that's a sacred thing, man.
Jerry: The kid is amazing.

Rod: No. A real man does not shoplift the "pooty" from a single mom.

Jerry: I didn't "shoplift the pooty." We were thrown together and -- I mean it's two mutual people who -- Alright, I shoplifted the pooty.

Rod: Shame on you. SHAME on you.
Old 08-14-08, 07:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Giantrobo

I've dated 3 women with kids and it takes some patience and understanding on your part.
Exactly. That's the biggest key to success here. Especially if it's a relationship you intend to pursue. My ex had a son who was 5 when we started dating. At first, he wasn't around much because he was staying with his dad as part of some custody agreement they'd worked out. Once he was with my ex all the time, the relationship took a huge hit because I had a tough time playing second fiddle. I grew resentful of the son because I had to basically share his mom with him.
Old 08-14-08, 07:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Giantrobo
I've dated 3 women with kids and it takes some patience and understanding on your part. You will have to let her do her thing with her kid because the kid is the priority no matter what. Hopefully she won't bring you around her kid until you guys are VERY SERIOUS because you don't want to get attached, only to break up with the Mom later down the line. That sucks for the kid.

Let her handle the babysitting thing. It's not really your business at this point.

.
I've dated women with kids and 'Robo is right.
Old 08-14-08, 08:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Artman
Very true. I'm sure most guys do, but I have a very active imagination, which has gotten me in trouble before I think... Probably the best compliment I can give her is to not treat her differently than other women (which is very respectful btw) This is a date (specifically a concert), nothing more. Go. Have a good time. End of story.
You don't need any advice. You've got it all squared away right there. You're just nervous, which is natural. Enjoy the butterflies. It's all part of dating.
Old 08-14-08, 08:18 AM
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be careful, one of her priorities is finding someone to take care of the kid financially and her child will always be her child and not your child
Old 08-14-08, 08:38 AM
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Originally Posted by al_bundy
be careful, one of her priorities is finding someone to take care of the kid financially and her child will always be her child and not your child
That's kind of a blanket generalization, dontcha think?
Old 08-14-08, 08:39 AM
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Artman, my first girlfriend was a single mom (divorced), and when I met her my wife was also a single mom (widowed). Sure, it's a little different than dating someone who doesn't have children, but right now it's about the adults. It's still early in the game and you should be focusing on her, not her child. If the two of you click and you're find yourselves thinking of settling down, then is the time to start factoring in the "insta-family" part of the relationship. But I'm guessing that you're far, far from that point at this stage in your relationship.

As far as paying the babysitter... my advice is no. That's the mom's responsibility. But since she does have a fixed cost waiting for her when she gets home, you might want to ensure that you're footing a greater part of the other date costs. Things like dinner or tickets or other date-specific costs are a given, I'm talking about little things like transportation costs... don't make her come to you, pick her up at home. Or if the sitter needs a lift, you can help out there. Try to look at the costs from her perspective and help out with those areas that aren't clearly on her side of the ledger. Also, remember that she's effectively paying to date you whenever she has to hire a sitter, so plan your spending accordingly. Don't be a cheapskate, she might subconsciously resent it.

Last, I would recommend that you let her decide how to integrate you into the relationship she has with her child. Don't buy him unsolicited presents, or offer to take him somewhere, or play with him, or otherwise focus on him she initiates it. Follow her lead at all times when it comes to dealing with her son.
Old 08-14-08, 09:41 AM
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As I'm sure you know, you may start out trying to make the kid a separate issue, but if it ever gets serious, you can't have JUST the mom. I got really serious with a girl that had three kids, and I found myself willing to "put up" with the kids to spend time with the mom. Well ... definitely NOT the right attitude, as you can imagine. I actually had a hard time, once I was introduced to the kids, trying to figure out what my role was ... and I also felt pressure to form emotional attachments with the kids much faster than what I thought was healthy.

I guess you just always have to remember ... the kid comes first.
Old 08-14-08, 09:57 AM
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Damn, Nifty03 beat me to it. I was going to say rent Jerry Macguire.
Old 08-14-08, 10:24 AM
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I would stay away from a chick with kids. If it ends up working out between you and her, you'll live the rest of your life hearing "You're not my real father!" from the kid when he's older, and you'll end up having to spend your cash on replacing all the whiskey he drinks when you're out of town.
Old 08-14-08, 02:46 PM
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Originally Posted by al_bundy
be careful, one of her priorities is finding someone to take care of the kid financially and her child will always be her child and not your child
Originally Posted by Mikael79
I would stay away from a chick with kids. If it ends up working out between you and her, you'll live the rest of your life hearing "You're not my real father!" from the kid when he's older, and you'll end up having to spend your cash on replacing all the whiskey he drinks when you're out of town.
I guess I just want to say I'm glad my step-father didn't have this kind of attitude. He is not my father, but he's always been there for me, even sometimes when my father wasn't.

Giantrobo has it right--just focus on her now.
Old 08-14-08, 02:57 PM
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Originally Posted by kenbuzz
Or if the sitter needs a lift, you can help out there.
If the date with the mom doesn't work out, you have a second chance with the sitter.
Old 08-14-08, 03:07 PM
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Expect to date someone else soon.
Old 08-14-08, 05:09 PM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
Expect to date someone else soon.
Well the thing is, I do have several other possibilities that just came up.... this always happens... you go thru a dry spell and than all of the sudden... Can't these things get spaced out more?

That said, I do have an option to meet up with another gal the following day. (after my first date with ms. mom) Anything objectionable about that? After all, not involved with anyone... yet.
Old 08-14-08, 05:36 PM
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Do not get too involved with the kid too quickly and beware of any woman who wants you involved right away. They are shopping for a new daddy and not caring about the kid becoming attached to a long shot.

I would pay for the babysitter or at least offer.

On the date show interest in the kid and appreciation for her raising the kid alone or mostly alone. Don't let her get started on the kids dad or their relationship. Show interest in the kids' activities or school. Does he do soccer, karate, gymnastics, play an instrument, etc.?

Try to get the conversation on her interests but don't be surprised if hers involve doing things with the kid. Sometimes mothers, especially those with young kids lose a lot of their interests in favor of the kids' activities. Guys being a little more selfish aren't afraid to go golfing or bowling and let mom stay home with the kid.

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