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Can anybody relate: Roommate problems? (Please read)

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Can anybody relate: Roommate problems? (Please read)

Old 04-29-08, 04:52 AM
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Can anybody relate: Roommate problems? (Please read)

Hey otter forum haven't posted in awhile but now come to you with a problem; as of late i have become extremely irritable toward my roommate.

So here's the back story i was so close to attending Cal Poly San luis Obispo to get away from home; but money problems witholding i ended attending UC Riverside (i know not the top pick). My old high school 'friend' who is now a second year, found out about my choice and asked me if i wanted to live with him and other frat bros. I accepted because it would save me half on living expenses compared to dorming.

At first things were like old times, it was actually fun for awhile but then my pet peeves of his crept in. See the thing is he doesn't drive, so i thought for awhile i wouldn't mind taking him to class, just to be nice to save him a 20 min walk, but just as long as i had a reason to go on campus for class/meet up with people.

For the past two quarters however; we've had very different schedules, and with two other roommates who drive, i can't believe
his nerve to not even ask them for rides. I don't even have gas for this kind of bullshit (i'm not in the best shape financial or else i would've went to a damn different school!) he knows this but is one of those insessent (spelling?!!) naggers who dont' shut the hell up, i honestly just do him favors (driving) just so i don't have to hear him whine... it's that bad.

I guess i feel like i'm getting takin advantage of possibly unintentionally or not i can't really tell. Also, he is extremely critical of everything, in a way he kind of bosses me around, again i do what he asks simply because i don't want to hear his bitching. The worst part of the bossing is he doesn't nag at his frat bros. but only me i feel victimized.

One things that got me infuriated however; was his lack of respect for me/ my belongings in this following situation. I've stressed frequently that i have a lack of funds, food is hard to come by. I usual go to costco on mondays, to stock up. Well him being in a frat, i'm not sure if you guys are aware of the pledging process or not but there's a thing called a little bro. An active member "picks" up a pledge and treats him like one would a younger sibling. Well one day he ransacks my frozen food supposed to last me a week, and feeds the pledges.

WTF, he knows im poor, i mean why would u do that to someone if you had any kind of respect for someone. He didn't even say thanks!!!! This wasn't the only time, there are times where he tries to play like a nice guy, im studying in my room for example he'll come in, bullshit conversation then ask for a couple nutrigrain bars to give to the pledges, me being passive and weak in my honest opinion can't refused.

Those example are not the catalyst for this topic however; right now at 1:30 or so in riverside, i'm ready to knock out and he goes banging on my door demanding my keys, he says his frat friend got in an accident not severe and needs my car. I mean i feel bad but honestly what can he do, call triple A or something, but i know he's gonna drive around doing whatever the friend demands, with no regard for my gas. He didn't even say please for the keys.
Now i gotta wait for him to come back to give me my keys, because i have class in the morning. Why didn't he ask my other roommates wtf!!!!!!!

Please guys thank you for your opinions, do you guys think i am nitpicking or is it legitimate, i know i come off as weak, and able to control and i admit that, but i least i realize that.

I'm sure a nice guy to him, i drive him around whenever, he needs help and then he spits in my face.

thank you guys.
Old 04-29-08, 05:20 AM
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learn to say no and stick with it
Old 04-29-08, 07:07 AM
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Originally Posted by chino77
learn to say no and stick with it
Agreed. Short of moving out, this is your only real solid option. He sounds like the type of guy that talking to would do no good with so cross that option off.
Old 04-29-08, 07:46 AM
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Quit being such a fucking pushover and grow some balls.

Honestly.

You already know it, as you acknowledged it in your post. He's taking advantage of you because he can take advantage of you. I'd hate to see how you handle relationships with women.

= J
Old 04-29-08, 08:05 AM
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You need to tell him how he makes you feel.

You need to tell him how he makes you feel that way.

You need to tell him 'no' and do it for the good of both of you.

You need to do precisely what you clearly already know you need to do.

Then, you need to keep your DVDTalk Otters updated as the scene progresses.
Old 04-29-08, 08:44 AM
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I had a friend that was similar in the driving situation. He didn't have a car for a long time and was constantly asking for rides. I would call him up to do something and he'd be like "sure, but can we run by here first?" Also everything had to be around his schedule.

Here's what I did... I learned to say no. The most common occurance was movies. I would call him up and instead of saying "Hey, want to go to the movies?" I would now say "I'm going to see this movie at this time. Would you like to come?" if he could, great. If not, then too bad. If I could change my schedule then I would, but more often than not I just went to the movie.

Anyway, definately learn how to say no.

An option for the food is to get a mini-fridge and pad-lock it.
Old 04-29-08, 08:54 AM
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You gave him the keys to your car? Do you think he's going to step up and cover the expenses when he wrecks it?

He asks you instead of the other roommates because you always give in.
Old 04-29-08, 09:20 AM
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Boundaries.

Learn 'em. Live 'em. Love 'em.
Old 04-29-08, 09:27 AM
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you can always get a divorce.
Old 04-29-08, 09:30 AM
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Stop giving him rides.
Old 04-29-08, 09:31 AM
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It is amazing how you can offer an inch and the other will take a mile but there are people in this world that will take advantage of you if you allow it. Better to learn the lesson of boundaries and what you are comfortable with now than down the road when stakes could be higher -- relationships, money, etc.
Old 04-29-08, 09:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Walker Boh
He asks you instead of the other roommates because you always give in.
Exactly. OP, you know what you need to do, you just need to gather up your strength and do it. You will feel SO much better after you do it because right now, we can tell, you're miserable. Things only go up from here and that starts with you saying no to his taking advantage of you.
Old 04-29-08, 09:36 AM
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He's taking advantage of you because he feels you owe him for saving you on living expenses. However it's pretty obvious that the way he takes advantage of you you're probably losing money living at his place. Get the hell out of there. He will never stop taking your stuff, or asking for favors. You'll never say no. Just leave.
Old 04-29-08, 10:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Tarantino
I'd hate to see how you handle relationships with women.

= J
it sounds like to me that he is the woman in this relationship.
Old 04-29-08, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by pedagogue
Boundaries.

Learn 'em. Live 'em. Love 'em.
Bingo.

As for giving him the keys to your car? Pull your head out of your ass and tell him that's the last time that will ever happen.
Old 04-29-08, 10:34 AM
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In the majority of situations, someone's willingness to be someone else's bitch is all the motivation/reinforcement someone needs to keep doing it.

Last edited by NotThatGuy; 04-29-08 at 10:45 AM.
Old 04-29-08, 10:39 AM
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[tough love]Realizing that you're weak and acknowledging it is not a positive, it is a negative. It indicates that you are well aware of the problem, and, quite honestly, know what we're going to tell you, you are simply unable to fix it on your own. As others have suggested, grow a set. Don't start a fight, don't make a scene, and I wouldn't even bother trying to talk with this guy about how he makes you "feel", that would most likely be a waste of time and lead to frustration (next you'd be back here asking what to do because he didn't seem to care about how you feel). Just do what you need to do, do it calmly, and don't react when he tries to guilt or bully you into doing otherwise. Look at two solutions, a short term (fix the immediate problems by saying no) and a long term (move out so you don't have to deal with this). And learn from this, you indicated that this is behaviour you've experienced before with him. Then, no offense, but WTF did you expect?! Refine your decision making process so you can avoid this situation in the future.[/tough love]
Old 04-29-08, 10:48 AM
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If you act like a bitch, he's going to treat you like a bitch.
Old 04-29-08, 10:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Tarantino
Quit being such a fucking pushover and grow some balls.

Honestly.

You already know it, as you acknowledged it in your post. He's taking advantage of you because he can take advantage of you. I'd hate to see how you handle relationships with women.

= J
Agree completely. Why do you let this happen? I would have put a stop to it the first time, maybe he needs a good ass-kicking.
Old 04-29-08, 11:55 AM
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You're an enabler.
Old 04-29-08, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by spainlinx0
He's taking advantage of you because he feels you owe him for saving you on living expenses. However it's pretty obvious that the way he takes advantage of you you're probably losing money living at his place. Get the hell out of there. He will never stop taking your stuff, or asking for favors. You'll never say no. Just leave.
I agree. I feel really bad for you for being in this situation. You probably feel like you can't say no or else he'll kick you out or get the other guys to kick you out, etc.

Please try to find another place to live ASAP.

I feel like your mother right now - I do really feel pissed off/bad for you. I'd love to come over and tell that little shit what's up.
Old 04-29-08, 12:15 PM
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ok, i'm almost 100% sure that your insurance WOULD NOT cover your friend if he got into an accident. Please check your insurance policy before lending out your car again. He could wreck your car or worse, and you would be financially liable for it. The little money that he took in terms of food might be nothing compared to the cost of the damages and/or injuries. if he needs your help, and you're willing to help, then you should do all the driving. another option would be to leave the car at home, and take a bike or bus to school or stores. it wouldn't be as convenient, but at least he won't hassle you about it.

but really, the best solution, like everyone else said, is that you have to be strong and be firm. he's picking on you because you let him pick on you.

if you don't feel that you can do it, then try to find a place to sublease for the remainder of the year (should be only about a month and a half right?). or if you're close enough to home, just commute for the remainder of the term.
Old 04-29-08, 12:25 PM
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Move out. Now.
Old 04-29-08, 12:30 PM
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Originally Posted by D.Pham00
ok, i'm almost 100% sure that your insurance WOULD NOT cover your friend if he got into an accident. Please check your insurance policy before lending out your car again. He could wreck your car or worse, and you would be financially liable for it. The little money that he took in terms of food might be nothing compared to the cost of the damages and/or injuries. if he needs your help, and you're willing to help, then you should do all the driving. another option would be to leave the car at home, and take a bike or bus to school or stores. it wouldn't be as convenient, but at least he won't hassle you about it.

but really, the best solution, like everyone else said, is that you have to be strong and be firm. he's picking on you because you let him pick on you.

if you don't feel that you can do it, then try to find a place to sublease for the remainder of the year (should be only about a month and a half right?). or if you're close enough to home, just commute for the remainder of the term.
I didn't even think about this one. If he's not a driver normally, that means that he has no insurance. If he has no insurance himself, then he's not insured on your vehicle. Don't EVER let him drive your car.

Something else to think about - you are liable for any person in your vehicle while transporting them. If something were to happen, you're responsible for all of his medical costs as well.

You really are in a bad situation here.
Old 04-29-08, 12:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Chris777
he knows this but is one of those insessent (spelling?!!) *******s who dont' shut the hell up, i honestly just do him favors (driving) just so i don't have to hear him whine... it's that bad.
Better watch it, pal. You're on thin ice with comments like that.

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