Go Back  DVD Talk Forum > General Discussions > Other Talk
Reload this Page >

Question For Parents Of Teens: Are we being unreasonable?

Other Talk "Otterville" plus Religion/Politics

Question For Parents Of Teens: Are we being unreasonable?

Old 03-07-08, 10:16 AM
  #1  
DVD Talk Reviewer
Thread Starter
 
Pointyskull's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Formerly known as "12thmonkey"/Frankfort, IL
Posts: 7,541
Question For Parents Of Teens: Are we being unreasonable?

Sorry this post is a little long. If you choose to read it, I'd appreciate feedback.

My daughter is 16, and last summer/fall she dated a boy who lived about 40 minutes from us. At the time, neither of them drove, so us (my wife or I) and them (his mom or dad) selected a "half way" point as a dropoff/pickup. Naturally the halfway is a 40 minute roundtrip for whoever was driving.

It was kind of a pain, but we did it a few times a week - until school started back up, and then their schedules made it for difficult for them to get together. He did eventually get his license, and would occasionally drive out to our house, but that was only if he could borrow the family car. Then came the breakup in December.

Somehow they've rekindled their long-distance high school romance. Our daughter doesn't have her license yet, and my wife and I have instituted a "no more halfway point driving", and now our daughter considers the whole situation "unfair", with all the teenage tears and drama.

My take is that they're high school juniors. You pick a long distance relationship, you figure out how to get together. I have nothing against the boy, but I don't really want to tie up my time with two 40-minute trips.

Would appreciate opinions...



thx

Last edited by Pointyskull; 03-07-08 at 10:19 AM.
Pointyskull is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:18 AM
  #2  
DVD Talk Hero
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 25,062
Give her a bus schedule.
Tracer Bullet is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:23 AM
  #3  
DVD Talk Legend
 
AGuyNamedMike's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: (formerly known as Inglenook Hampendick) Fairbanks, Alaska!
Posts: 15,070
If he really loves her, he'll get a job, buy a car, and drive over to see her!!!11!1!eleventy-one!
AGuyNamedMike is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:26 AM
  #4  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Lyon Estates
Posts: 10,795
I suggest they both read the "Dangers of Islamophobia" thread
dick_grayson is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:35 AM
  #5  
DVD Talk Limited Edition
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 6,635
When I was a freshman in HS, I used to ride the bus an hour each way to visit the then GF.
grrrah is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:42 AM
  #6  
DVD Talk Hero
 
das Monkey's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 1999
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 35,881
I don't think you're being unreasonable. It may be the wrong decision (you're a parent -- you're used to it), but I don't think it's unreasonable.

They already broke up once. They're in high school, so it's unlikely their relationship has any deep meaning. And he has his license, so it's not like they can't get together. In fact, it's possible some of her frustration with you comes from her frustration that he may not be making as much of an effort to drive to see her as she'd like.

That said, I don't think her request is unreasonable either. It's just an unfortunate situation. When will she have her license? Or more importantly, when will you feel comfortable letting her take off to go see this guy by herself? If that's not too far in the future, maybe you can find a compromise. I'm sure it's a pain in the ass, but you signed up for "pain in the ass" when you had kids.

das
das Monkey is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:43 AM
  #7  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Lompoc, CA
Posts: 11,460
In general, I think that the modern tendancy of suburban parents to chauffeur their kids everywhere is a bad mistake.

In this case, it would depend on how I felt about the relationship. If it was worth encouraging, I would drive her occassionally--probably not as often as she wishes, and I would *still* tell them it's their job to make it work.

Last edited by adamblast; 03-07-08 at 10:51 AM.
adamblast is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:49 AM
  #8  
DVD Talk Gold Edition
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Galt's Gulch
Posts: 2,623
He's got his license, access to the family car, so what's the problem again?
John Galt is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:49 AM
  #9  
DVD Talk God
 
kvrdave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 86,200
There is a 12% chance that your 16 year old daughter has engaged in anal sex. Just throwing it out there.
kvrdave is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:53 AM
  #10  
DVD Talk Reviewer
Thread Starter
 
Pointyskull's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Formerly known as "12thmonkey"/Frankfort, IL
Posts: 7,541
Originally Posted by kvrdave
There is a 12% chance that your 16 year old daughter has engaged in anal sex. Just throwing it out there.
Isn't there a dog you need to be killing right about now?
Pointyskull is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:53 AM
  #11  
DVD Talk Gold Edition
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 2,495
I have a question: Are the dates one night? I mean.. does she stay at his house for the entire weekend? How well do you know his parents? Could this be an option? If their grades are good and we talking about two decent kids.. why not work something out between the parents.. either she goes to him every other weekend or he comes to you. Beats doing all that driving in one night.
And as a parent.. I would rather the adults do the driving instead of them. Unless of course the parents are loons and their better off doing the driving themselves.
Here's my theory .. If he's a decent kid and the only reason this isn't a good idea is because of distance.. why not try to work something out?
Septemberbaby is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:54 AM
  #12  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: In a place without the cursed couch
Posts: 20,590
And give the kids access to each other when everyone else is asleep?

That'll turn that 12% into something much higher.
Thunderball is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:56 AM
  #13  
DVD Talk Reviewer
Thread Starter
 
Pointyskull's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Formerly known as "12thmonkey"/Frankfort, IL
Posts: 7,541
Originally Posted by adamblast
In general, I think that the modern tendancy of suburban parents to chauffeur their kids everywhere is a bad mistake.

In this case, it would depend on how I felt about the relationship. If it was worth encouraging, I would drive her occassionally--probably not as often as she wishes, and I would *still* tell them it's their job to make it work.
Our daughter isn't due to get her license until late spring, so at best she's got a couple of months of having to deal with this.

We're not trying to be hardasses about it, but my wife and I have started enjoying our rekindled free time, and to have to be on pickup/dropoff schedule for a couple of lovestruck 17 year olds doesn't sit right. Plus, it's not like we can even sit around and knock back a couple of cocktails because there's still the 40 minute pickup drive ahead of us...
Pointyskull is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:58 AM
  #14  
DVD Talk Reviewer
Thread Starter
 
Pointyskull's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Formerly known as "12thmonkey"/Frankfort, IL
Posts: 7,541
Originally Posted by Septemberbaby
I have a question: Are the dates one night?
Oh yes!

Originally Posted by Septemberbaby
I mean.. does she stay at his house for the entire weekend?
Hell no.

Originally Posted by Septemberbaby
How well do you know his parents? Could this be an option? If their grades are good and we talking about two decent kids.. why not work something out between the parents.. either she goes to him every other weekend or he comes to you. Beats doing all that driving in one night.
And as a parent.. I would rather the adults do the driving instead of them. Unless of course the parents are loons and their better off doing the driving themselves.
Here's my theory .. If he's a decent kid and the only reason this isn't a good idea is because of distance.. why not try to work something out?
We don't know the parents all that well, but they seem decent enough. My wife and I just don't want to get dragged into being part of the relationship, as glorified chauffeurs.
Pointyskull is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 10:59 AM
  #15  
DVD Talk Gold Edition
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Galt's Gulch
Posts: 2,623
What about getting roadhead from your wife on the dropoff trip back and the pickup trip there? Would that make it worth your while?
John Galt is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 11:00 AM
  #16  
DVD Talk God
 
kvrdave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 86,200
Originally Posted by 12thmonkey
Isn't there a dog you need to be killing right about now?


Always.

And you are not being unreasonable.
kvrdave is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 11:01 AM
  #17  
DVD Talk Limited Edition
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 6,635
Swap wives while dropping her off
grrrah is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 11:06 AM
  #18  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: Lompoc, CA
Posts: 11,460
I wouldn't be this blunt or crude, but if I felt seriously put out because of my teen's contant chauffering requests, I'd ask them "What's in it for me?" and make them regard it as a favor requiring payback (to the house/family) rather than part of my parental "job". In other words, make her understand the inconvenience and barter thru it, if she's mature enough for that sort of thing.

On the other hand, good points have been made about how much safer adult driving is than teen driving.

Last edited by adamblast; 03-07-08 at 11:14 AM.
adamblast is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 11:08 AM
  #19  
DVD Talk God
 
kvrdave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 86,200
Nobody say "roadhead."



Sickos.
kvrdave is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 11:13 AM
  #20  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Goat3001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: NYC
Posts: 16,765
Not a parent. Was 16 years old a few years ago and I know what teenage romance is like. It seems trivial to all of us now, but its very important to your daughter. There is a slim chance of them making the relationship anything more than a HS thing but why take that away from her? Is knowing that she's mad at you and feeling bad really worth the 80 minutes a week? From everything you've said you don't seem to have a problem with the relationship and the only thing that is bothering you is taking your daughter for a little trip twice a week.

Of course I can't speak from a parents standpoint. However, I do a 30 minute round trip for my grandma once a week. So I know it can be a little bit of a pain in the ass. However, in my very humble opinion, I think you and your wife are being a little selfish.

1) Its only 80 minutes out of your week.

2) Find a way so you can get the boyfriend to do the full trip every other week and come to your house. That way you only have to do this twice a month.

3) Its only for a few more months until you are ready to let her drive herself over there.

4) She'll be going off to college in 2 years, you'll have plenty of free time to spend with your wife then.

Also you can flip this one her. Tell her you'll do the drive as needed but if she fucks up in school or gets detention or whatever then say that you won't take her that weekend. Its a way of keeping her straight.

Last edited by Goat3001; 03-07-08 at 11:17 AM.
Goat3001 is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 11:20 AM
  #21  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Mordred's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 12,186
She's 17, why doesn't she have her license again?
Mordred is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 11:25 AM
  #22  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Join Date: Jun 1999
Location: USA
Posts: 12,201
No you are not being unreasonable. This is not a school function and this is not a job for her.

Last edited by Brian Shannon; 03-07-08 at 11:39 AM.
Brian Shannon is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 11:28 AM
  #23  
DVD Talk God
 
kvrdave's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 86,200
Man, teenage girls are emotional wrecks. I honestly feel for you. I gotta say that I would be unwilling to drive her. Plenty of fish in the sea. Find one in your own pond. Uhhh, some other metaphor.

That is one of the perks of being an adult. When she is one, she'll have more freedom. Life isn't fair. Blah, blah, blah.
kvrdave is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 11:28 AM
  #24  
DVD Talk Legend
 
Shazam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Location: Canuckistan
Posts: 10,027
Well, if you post pics of your daughter, I'm sure there's someone on the DVDTalk boards that'll take her for a ride.
Shazam is offline  
Old 03-07-08, 11:35 AM
  #25  
DVD Talk Hero
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Somewhere between Heaven and Hell
Posts: 29,954
Buy both of them a webcam. I just hope his name is not Matt.

Last edited by devilshalo; 03-07-08 at 11:37 AM.
devilshalo is offline  

Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Archive Advertising Cookie Policy Privacy Statement Terms of Service

Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.