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YADT: Post-breakup gay edition

Old 02-19-08, 09:32 PM
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YADT: Post-breakup gay edition

I usually don't post about my personal life here, but there's a first time for everything (I'm scared).

So as you probably don't know, I broke up with my boyfriend of four years about six months ago. We lived together for three years, all that crap. It was not a good breakup- we were basically forced to continue living in the same tiny apartment for two months.

I haven't had any interest in dating... until this weekend. I met somebody at a party Saturday night and got his number. The only problem is, I haven't been on a date in at least 4.5 years... probably longer. I was thinking of giving him a call and asking him for a drink, which I think is acceptable. My problem comes if I get voicemail. What the hell kind of message do you leave in this sort of situation?

Any and all replies in the usual fashion.
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Old 02-19-08, 09:40 PM
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Tracer... you're a guy. Dating other guys. You don't need to worry about a lot of these reindeer games. Just leave a message that says, hey, this is Tracer, we met at the party last Saturday, and I'd like to molest your body. Or get some coffee or something. Whatever.

Keep it casual, keep it short and simple. Good luck.
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Old 02-19-08, 09:43 PM
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Yet another dick thread?? I don't get it.

Hey it's so and so, had fun at the party. We gotta get together so we can finish conversation about... gimme a call.
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Old 02-19-08, 09:49 PM
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"Hey, it's XXXXXX. We should grab a drink, call me."

I used that line last week with a random girl I met for like 5 minutes, it works. It is probably even easier with a guy, because you can make various hand motions and whatnot of what you want to do, and he'd get it....unless you are leaving a VM, then he won't get it.
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Old 02-19-08, 09:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Tracer Bullet
My problem comes if I get voicemail. What the hell kind of message do you leave in this sort of situation?
I know what you mean about VM: stammer for a moment and there's not going back. I'd just assume you're going to get VM so you're not nervous if it does come up, and prepare a very short message (as above). I'd suggest to even write it down, and just read it when the time comes. Sounds silly, but it'll prevent your mind from getting in the way when you're talking. Good luck!
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Old 02-19-08, 10:00 PM
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"I'm horny. Call me."
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Old 02-19-08, 10:33 PM
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More than likely, you'll get voicemail since no one picks up any more if they don't recognize the number. Just keep it short and simple. Too lengthy and you'll probably sound and feel like a dork.
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Old 02-19-08, 10:49 PM
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So you'd all put the request for a drink in the voicemail? Hmmm. That's not how I was going to go. I really should just stop overthinking this.
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Old 02-19-08, 10:52 PM
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I'd not leave the voice male. Just call, get an answer, do your thing, don't get an answer, wait about 4 days and try again.

And I know you and I have bickered a lot in the past, but good to know you are moving on and getting back out there.
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Old 02-19-08, 11:28 PM
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I'd leave a voicemail. What's the big deal? Like others have said, keep it short and casual, but let him know you want to see him again. If the dude's interested, he'll call you back. If not, then oh well.
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Old 02-19-08, 11:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Numanoid
"I'm horny. Call me."
Win.
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Old 02-20-08, 01:19 AM
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Just give him a call and ask if he wants to go out for a drink.

Pretend he's a straight guy.
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Old 02-20-08, 01:30 AM
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Originally Posted by DVD Polizei
Just give him a call and ask if he wants to go out for a drink.

Pretend he's a straight guy.


As a straighit guy, I've never called another guy and asked him out for a drink. If we were hanging out in person, and it was like "Hey, let's grab a drink," that's one thing, but I never went out of my way to do it. And if I had, I never would've left a voicemail-- it would've seemed too little of a deal to leave a message.

Any other straight guy here ever call another straight guy for a drink, or leave a message about it? Just curious.
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Old 02-20-08, 01:35 AM
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Is it really that easy for gay people to hook up with each other? I'm kinda jealous.
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Old 02-20-08, 02:10 AM
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If a woman got a guys number and called him, there is a 100% chance of it leading to drinks because he wouldn't give his number otherwise. In this situation, you are the woman, and there is a 100% chance of him having drinks with you, so I wouldn't worry about it. If you get voicemail, just make it natural like, "Hey, me and my straight friend kvrdave were going to go shoot some dogs and pee off a bridge. You up for that?" Margin of error is 2%, so that still means you are a lock.
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Old 02-20-08, 02:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Dave7393


As a straighit guy, I've never called another guy and asked him out for a drink. If we were hanging out in person, and it was like "Hey, let's grab a drink," that's one thing, but I never went out of my way to do it. And if I had, I never would've left a voicemail-- it would've seemed too little of a deal to leave a message.

Any other straight guy here ever call another straight guy for a drink, or leave a message about it? Just curious.
You guys must be paranoid then. Or maybe it's the Northwest, where everyone is gay and 75% are in the closet.

So, if you see your Guyfriend (who isn't gay) in person and you mention drinks, it's ok, but calling them up isn't?
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Old 02-20-08, 02:44 AM
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Originally Posted by DVD Polizei
You guys must be paranoid then. Or maybe it's the Northwest, where everyone is gay and 75% are in the closet.


(as opposed to... where are you from again? You really have to love the complete anonymity of this forum )

So, if you see your Guyfriend (who isn't gay) in person and you mention drinks, it's ok, but calling them up isn't?
It's not like it's a conscious choice, it's just that it's never come up, and I've never thought of it, that's all.
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Old 02-20-08, 02:58 AM
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I was referring to where I live, in the NW, and I've never really thought about the hidden messages of calling my friends up, asking if they want to go out for a drink, eat, and/or a movie even.

A straight man calling a straight woman up, asking if she wants to have a drink is the the same thing, right?
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Old 02-20-08, 05:01 AM
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Mike: Hi, uh, Nikki, this is Mike. I met you at the, um, at the Dresden tonight. I just called to say that I had a great time... and you should call me tomorrow, or in two days, whatever. Anyway, my number is 213-555-4679 -
[the machine beeps]
Mike: [Mike calls back, the machine picks up]
Mike: Hi, Nikki, this is Mike again. I just called cuz it sounded like your machine might've cut me off when I, before I finished leaving my number. Anyway, uh, and, y'know, and also, sorry to call so late, but you were still at the Dresden when I left so I knew I'd get your machine. Anyhow, uh, my number's 21 -
[the machine beeps]
Mike: [Mike calls back; the machine picks up again]
Mike: 213-555-4679. That's it. I just wanna leave my number. I didn't want you to think I was weird or desperate, or... we should just hang out and see where it goes cuz it's nice and, y'know, no expectations. Ok? Thanks a lot. Bye bye.
[hangs up]
Mike: [Mike walks away from the phone... then walks back and calls again; once again, the machine picks up]
Mike: I just got out of a 6-year relationship, Ok? That should help explain why I'm acting so weird. I just wanted you to know that. It's not you, it's me. I'm sorry.... This is Mike.
[hangs up]
Mike: [Mike calls back, the machine picks up again]
Mike: Hi, Nikki, this is Mike. Could you just call me when you get in? I'm gonna be up for awhile and I'd just rather speak to you in person instead of trying to fit it all into -
[the machine beeps]
Mike: Fuck!
[Mike calls back, gets the machine again]
Mike: Uh, Nikki? Mike. It's uh, uh, it's just, uh, this just isn't working out. I think you're great, but maybe we should just take some time off from each other. It's not you, it's me. It's what I'm going through, alright? It's uh... it's only been 6 months -
Nikki: [picks up] Mike?
Mike: [very cheerful] Nikki? Great! Did you just walk in or were you listening all along?
Nikki: Don't ever call me again.
[hangs up]
Mike: Wow. I guess you're home.

/bear with big claws and big teeth.
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Old 02-20-08, 06:33 AM
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Originally Posted by kvrdave
If a woman got a guys number and called him, there is a 100% chance of it leading to drinks because he wouldn't give his number otherwise. In this situation, you are the woman, and there is a 100% chance of him having drinks with you, so I wouldn't worry about it. If you get voicemail, just make it natural like, "Hey, me and my straight friend kvrdave were going to go shoot some dogs and pee off a bridge. You up for that?" Margin of error is 2%, so that still means you are a lock.


But what do I do when he says "absolutely!" and then you don't show up?
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Old 02-20-08, 07:11 AM
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Originally Posted by NCMojo
Keep it casual, keep it short and simple. Good luck.
Tracer: I'm with Mojo. If you get voicemail, simply tell him who you are, keep it very casual, and ask if he would like to meet for coffee.
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Old 02-20-08, 09:01 AM
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Originally Posted by LiquidSky
Tracer: I'm with Mojo. If you get voicemail, simply tell him who you are, keep it very casual, and ask if he would like to meet for coffee.
Yep, "Sorry I got your voicemail. I had a good time -- give me a call and we can grab a coffee. Look forward to talking to you again. Bye!"
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Old 02-20-08, 09:03 AM
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Wow - lots of experienced gay dating advice here
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Old 02-20-08, 09:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Tracer Bullet


But what do I do when he says "absolutely!" and then you don't show up?
Just tell him Dave had a shooting accident, he got some in his eye or something. I'm sure your friend will understand.
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Old 02-20-08, 09:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Numanoid
"I'm horny. Call me."
Numanoid, the voice of reason.
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