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How do you know you've found "the one"?

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How do you know you've found "the one"?

Old 08-30-06, 09:01 AM
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How do you know you've found "the one"?

I could have sworn I've seen a similar post before but couldn't find it.

Anyway, I'm 35 with 2 children. I recently broke up with a woman I was in a serious relationship with for 9 months. We had a lot in common and planned on being together forever...you know the scenario. So, over time all the issues and insecurities she had just became too much. She didn't begin to correct them until I broke up with her. She thought I'd go back to her if she addressed the problems. She was pessimistic, unpleasant, easily annoyed, condescending, and absolutely horrible in bed. Sorry, but she was. We worked for months to improve our sex life but seemed really incompatible sexually. This woman was extremely intelligent, though, which I really liked.

A week after I broke up with her, I started dating another woman. (I don't need a lecture about rebound...thanks. ) This woman seems great. No sign of any of the same issues as my last girlfriend. Of course she has a few issues like anyone else, but they seem minor so far. This woman seems to have her life together much more than my last. And, the sex is obscenely good. I've had really good sex before, but this woman is just absolutely incredible in bed. I forgot how important that was. So, I'm concerned my mind is clouded right now. She has a daughter who adores me, which always complicates things. This woman seems intelligent....just not quite as much as my last. I realize I'm only at the beginning of this relationship, so who knows what may come up.

So....my question....How the hell do you know when to stop looking and settle down?
Old 08-30-06, 09:04 AM
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she let's you pee in her butt
Old 08-30-06, 09:12 AM
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Originally Posted by j123vt_99
she let's you pee in her butt
I thought that it would take until the 2nd page to get this response.

....Never underestimate an otter!
Old 08-30-06, 09:24 AM
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You just know.....
Old 08-30-06, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Minor Threat
You just know.....
As stupid and unoriginal it is, it is honestly the only answer. You just know.
Old 08-30-06, 09:55 AM
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Originally Posted by niteshade
So....my question....How the hell do you know when to stop looking and settle down?
Seems like you're pretty early into your relationship with this new woman... maybe you should just appreciate what you've got instead of rushing off to size up engagement rings. There's nothing wrong with just concentrating on one woman for a while. If you like this woman, she's smart, sexy, good in bed and she enjoys your company... go with that. No need to still be hitting up single night at your local bar.
Old 08-30-06, 09:56 AM
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It's true, when it's right, and you've given yourself a reasonable amount of time to draw an honest conclusion, you just know, and you won't want to keep "looking around". Listen to your instincts, don't rely on temporary/immediate gratification-based emotional needs that many people make the mistake of doing.

Always make sure you've got balance in your own life before sharing it with others.
Old 08-30-06, 09:56 AM
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I think it's when you picture yourself with that person and only that person with the rest of your life. Imagine waking up next to someone else (someone who isn't a supermodel or 'fantasy' woman), and if you can't, then she's the one. If you can imagine with waking up next to other people and never this person anymore, then she isn't the one.

(note: there can be more than 1 "the one" out there. But we also only live so long and dating is such a pain in the a** sometimes)
Old 08-30-06, 10:08 AM
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Originally Posted by kneijst1
(note: there can be more than 1 "the one" out there. But we also only live so long and dating is such a pain in the a** sometimes)
This is exactly my point. How do you know the one you're with is one of the ones? LOL

I still think the "you just know" is a bit of bullshit. I thought I just knew the last girlfriend. There just seems to be too many factors to just wake up and realize she's the one. I'm concerned about hurting the feelings of her and her daughter. That's why I'm asking early in the relationship. They've already become very attached to me.
Old 08-30-06, 10:48 AM
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Talk to her about it.

I know it's not at all romantic, but talk to her about what she wants or expects in a relationship, and what you want. If her ideals and yours are close enough together, then it can work.

If she wants to have five more children, and you don't, or if her goal in life is to become President, and you don't want to be the First Gentleman, then you can agree to just enjoy each other for now.
Old 08-30-06, 10:54 AM
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unless she wants to have more kids soon (clock ticking), which I doubt, why do you need to figure it out so quickly? Go with the flow, and if it takes 9 months, 1 year, 2 years, then take that time. Usually its the early 20's kids that think they need to rush into something with "the one". not true.

yes, random, uncommitted dating can be a pain in the ass (and fun too), but it sounds like you are already in a committed relationship, and it shouldnt be a pain in the ass unless one of you wants kids now, or you need eachother for financial reasons.

From past experience, I know overwhelming someone with long term commitments can cause as much harm to the relationship as good.
Old 08-30-06, 11:11 AM
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Good suggestions....Thank you.
Old 08-30-06, 12:38 PM
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Sorry...off topic, why is your username black or dark blue and everybody else if royal blue? Is it a setting or something or maybe just my monitor?
Old 08-30-06, 12:47 PM
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Originally Posted by niteshade
I could have sworn I've seen a similar post before but couldn't find it.

Anyway, I'm 35 with 2 children. I recently broke up with a woman I was in a serious relationship with for 9 months. We had a lot in common and planned on being together forever...you know the scenario. So, over time all the issues and insecurities she had just became too much. She didn't begin to correct them until I broke up with her. She thought I'd go back to her if she addressed the problems. She was pessimistic, unpleasant, easily annoyed, condescending, and absolutely horrible in bed. Sorry, but she was. We worked for months to improve our sex life but seemed really incompatible sexually. This woman was extremely intelligent, though, which I really liked.

A week after I broke up with her, I started dating another woman. (I don't need a lecture about rebound...thanks. ) This woman seems great. No sign of any of the same issues as my last girlfriend. Of course she has a few issues like anyone else, but they seem minor so far. This woman seems to have her life together much more than my last. And, the sex is obscenely good. I've had really good sex before, but this woman is just absolutely incredible in bed. I forgot how important that was. So, I'm concerned my mind is clouded right now. She has a daughter who adores me, which always complicates things. This woman seems intelligent....just not quite as much as my last. I realize I'm only at the beginning of this relationship, so who knows what may come up.

So....my question....How the hell do you know when to stop looking and settle down?

they are only good in bed until they get comfortable in the relationship
Old 08-30-06, 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Michael Corvin
As stupid and unoriginal it is.....
Old 08-30-06, 01:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Minor Threat
That wasn't meant as an insult, more of a general observation.
Old 08-30-06, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Minor Threat
You just know.....
Until things change, then you realize that you were wrong.
Old 08-30-06, 01:59 PM
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I don't really believe in "the one" either. Before I got married, there were a couple of other girls I had dated that I thought I could have married and was actually in love with. Didn't end up happening but definitely could have. I think love is a concsious decision, not a feeling, and that relationships which are based on emotional love only and not paired with a choice to love are much more likely to fail once the emotions die down adn reality sets in, which will happen eventually.

Last edited by cdollaz; 08-30-06 at 02:02 PM.
Old 08-30-06, 02:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Numanoid
Until things change, then you realize that you were wrong.
Then you move on until you know again.....
Old 08-30-06, 03:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Minor Threat
Then you move on until you know again.....

Yeah...kind of seems like a vicious circle.
Old 08-30-06, 03:05 PM
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Originally Posted by cdollaz
I don't really believe in "the one" either. Before I got married, there were a couple of other girls I had dated that I thought I could have married and was actually in love with. Didn't end up happening but definitely could have. I think love is a concsious decision, not a feeling, and that relationships which are based on emotional love only and not paired with a choice to love are much more likely to fail once the emotions die down adn reality sets in, which will happen eventually.
That's an interesting outlook. Makes sense.
Old 08-30-06, 03:14 PM
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I don't believe there is just "the one" either. I think there is more than one for some and I think there are none for others. Some people were just never meant to be part of a couple

That said, I am glad I dated around a bit and didn't settle down when I was younger. I met a girl that I was crazy about and probably would have married when I was about 21. Good thing for me, she left

I now see that it would have been a huge mistake and there is really no way that the two of us could have ever been married and had kids and lived our lives together. I guess she knew before I did. What was attractive about her then, I would hate about her now.

I met another girl that was truly a 'good person' and I just knew she was the one that I wanted to marry and spend my life with. So far it is going great

If you haven't been around enough to know, then just keep getting around and dating/meeting new people and when you know, you know. There is no magic formula and a lot of times what you think is love, isn't
Old 08-30-06, 03:58 PM
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Originally Posted by niteshade
I could have sworn I've seen a similar post before but couldn't find it.

Anyway, I'm 35 with 2 children.

So....my question....How the hell do you know when to stop looking and settle down?
Too late. You have two kids. You shouldn't be looking for anyone.

Concentrate on the kids and raise them not to make the mistakes you did.
Old 08-30-06, 04:07 PM
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My answer from the recent thread of the same topic suffices.

Originally Posted by Vibiana
I knew one of them WASN'T "the one" when she started singing "The Rodeo Song" in front of my parents after a couple of beers.
Old 08-30-06, 04:08 PM
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You never REALLY know, but you need to go with your gut. No one is perfect, and there isn't *ONE* person out there for you. Have you had "the talk" about things you want in life. I'm a believer in talking about the important stuff if you are going to take something to the next level (live together, etc)

-p

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