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Should I have won this contest?

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View Poll Results: Should I have won this contest?
Yes, you should have won - you were totally jobbed
9
34.62%
No, you should not have won - what were you thinking???
12
46.15%
I don't have an opinion, but I love lamp.
5
19.23%
Voters: 26. You may not vote on this poll

Should I have won this contest?

Old 08-21-06, 11:08 AM
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Should I have won this contest?

The challenge was to write a 55 word ghost story. The prize was a vinyl LP by a band called The Knife -- I don't really care for their music, but I was intrigued by the contest.

Here's my entry:

Am I alive, she asked me in a dream.

I did not respond. Her blood was warm on my hands; her smell lingered on my clothes. I disregarded. I played Sudoku, drank gin. Anything to not sleep, to put off dreaming -- her mute, skittering eyes.

Am I alive, she asked. I could not respond.
Here's the entry that won:

In China snow is falling on humble villages. Man A runs through the dark fields and his feet are black. He falls and freezes. Man B sits and looks up from his fire. Reaches up into Man A and climbs into his body. Man A returns home from war and kisses his wife in darkness.
You can read some of the other entries here. Some are pretty good -- some are not, IMO. Again, the challenge was to write a ghost story that was exactly 55 words long, so if it seems a bit artsy... well, there you go.

So anyway... what do you think? Should I have won the contest? If not, could you have done better???
Old 08-21-06, 11:09 AM
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no.....
Old 08-21-06, 11:13 AM
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nope
Old 08-21-06, 11:13 AM
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Mojo, you rule, you should have won!
Old 08-21-06, 11:13 AM
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Yes.
Old 08-21-06, 11:15 AM
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I know Man A and none of that shit ever happened.
Old 08-21-06, 11:15 AM
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I would have said yes if you didn't say "Am I alive, she asked" twice.

And by the way - I love lamp.....
Old 08-21-06, 11:16 AM
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Look, people, simply responding "yes" or "no" in a thread that already has a friggin' poll is beyond stupid! To quote the late, great LurkerDan, you people are fucking worthless!



What I want are your thoughts as to why I shouldn't have won. Or, conversely, why I am the greatest writer in the history of the English language.

Old 08-21-06, 11:16 AM
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^^^^^^^^^^^^Please see above^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Old 08-21-06, 11:17 AM
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sorry, still not awake yet...my wisdom will just have to wait.
Old 08-21-06, 11:18 AM
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I don't know if you should have won, but the winning entry certainly shouldn't have.
Old 08-21-06, 11:20 AM
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You use language more creatively, Mojo, but the winner's (very) short story conveyed a whole story, whereas yours was a more of a snapshot in time. IMHO YMMV OMFG
Old 08-21-06, 11:22 AM
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You may or may not have been jobbed, but simply using the word Sudoku would have forced me to disqualify you had I been a judge.
Old 08-21-06, 11:27 AM
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Originally Posted by AGuyNamedMike
You may or may not have been jobbed, but simply using the word Sudoku would have forced me to disqualify you had I been a judge.
true 'dat.....
Old 08-21-06, 11:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Bandoman
You use language more creatively, Mojo, but the winner's (very) short story conveyed a whole story, whereas yours was a more of a snapshot in time. IMHO YMMV OMFG
Not to quibble -- and I don't know why I'm arguing this point when some people are telling me I shouldn't have used the word "Sudoku" -- but I submit that my entry was more of a "story" than the contest winner, from a strict "conflict/resolution" definition.

Plus the winning entry makes no sense.
Old 08-21-06, 11:32 AM
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I like the second one. It's got an awesome kung-fu vibe.
Old 08-21-06, 11:32 AM
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Here's my entry:

Holy shit! A ghost! Look at me running away from the ghost! Oh no, I just ran into a vampire! Help! I can use this chainsaw to cut the vampire in half! But the chainsaw doesn't work on the ghost! I'm really really really scared! The ghost is really really scary! I died of fright.
Old 08-21-06, 11:37 AM
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To quibble, your entry wasn't a complete story, but merely a scene. There is an implication that a murder occured. The character is struggling with guilt and trying to avoid dreaming. No resolution.

The winning entry had explicit action and resolution. A fellow runs through the snow, then drops dead. Another fellow notices (perhaps he is a spirit?), somehow takes over/inhabits/reanimates the dead body, and walks it home to the waiting arms of the unsuspecting widow. Resolution, see?
Old 08-21-06, 11:48 AM
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"Man A"

Wow, now that is creative.... I agree that yours is more of a snapshot of a story, where the other is a full story. But come on, you at least got creative with playing Sudoku. (which is kinda weird, unless you are into playing that with blood on your clothes, then more power to ya....) I think that the other story should be discarded on the simple fact that the writer completely destroyed whatever creepy vibe the story had by naming the main character, "Man A."
Old 08-21-06, 11:51 AM
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Bandoman wins. *closes thread*
Old 08-21-06, 11:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Tracer Bullet
I don't know if you should have won, but the winning entry certainly shouldn't have.
Agreed. The winning entry is shit.
Old 08-21-06, 11:56 AM
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NC, I liked yours better than the winning entry by a wide margin. At least yours showed some style and all those other fancy literary terms that the pretentious use all the time. Seeing as how you really didn't want the prize though, you should focus your efforts on more worthwhile writing pursuits, like porn reviewing.

PS: We have a ton of great titles practically begging to go home with you; just don't write 55 word reviews or we'll have to send you to "The Posse". (insider joke)
Old 08-21-06, 12:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Groucho
Bandoman wins. *closes thread*
Bando IS better than you Mojo. I think you need to admit that to yourself and you'll sleep better at night.
Old 08-21-06, 12:03 PM
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no.
Old 08-21-06, 12:03 PM
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I'm taking a creative writing class. I see now that it has really paid off.

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