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OK my insane Religious Coworker is losing it!!

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OK my insane Religious Coworker is losing it!!

Old 03-21-06, 11:22 AM
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OK my insane Religious Coworker is losing it!!

A joke email was passed around the office:

"Unprecedented child custody ruling in Chicago
Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 12:34:29 -0500

(Chicago, IL) A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama today when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Chicago Blackhawks Hockey team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone."

Ha ha ha ha ha right?

Well this was his response--

"I would be curious to know whose definition of Beating is being looked at here. There is a difference between discipline hitting and abuse. I would not take the boys words at face value because I use to be a 7 year old boy very capable of twisting truth which is lying. My Dad and Mom use to discipline me with their hand, or even a belt. The result is I honor them for their love and making me respect and fear the law and authorities God has put in charge."
Old 03-21-06, 11:24 AM
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either he doesn't get the joke or you don't get his
Old 03-21-06, 11:25 AM
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Old 03-21-06, 11:28 AM
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That is a serious response.
Old 03-21-06, 11:29 AM
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Your co-worker has no sense of humor.
Old 03-21-06, 11:30 AM
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Write back:

"I'm so sorry to hear that you were beaten as a child. It saddens me that you are unable to even recognize the abuse you suffered, probably because of psychological abuse and brainwashing that accompanied the beatings. I hope you won't hold it against me, but I've forwarded your email and parents' names to the local authorities. In the event that your parents still have access to small children, I am hoping another such tragedy can be averted."
Old 03-21-06, 11:32 AM
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Nothing beats black jeans!
Old 03-21-06, 11:35 AM
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"The Chicago Blackhawks Hockey team, which is incapable of administering appropriate corporal punishment" is a terrible punchline.
Old 03-21-06, 11:36 AM
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some background: He actually has 2 small children and wants to take his family on the road someday giving religious themed puppet shows.
Old 03-21-06, 11:36 AM
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People tend to just skim these things and not really get the gist of it, so they respond inappropriately. That said, I think you should go ahead and call child services for the poor kid, as very few hockey teams are properly equipped to raise children.

Last edited by adamblast; 03-21-06 at 11:38 AM.
Old 03-21-06, 11:43 AM
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Well, it depends on whose definition of beating is being looked at here. There is a difference between discipline hitting and abuse. I would not take the boys words at face value because I use to be a 7 year old boy very capable of twisting truth which is lying. My Dad and Mom use to discipline me with their foot, or even a bat. The result is I honor them for their love and making me fear the law and authorities the devil has put in them.
Old 03-21-06, 11:54 AM
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Well since he took the story as truth, I'm not surprised by his response.

Did you finally let him in on the joke? What was his reply then?
Old 03-21-06, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Save Ferris
some background: He actually has 2 small children and wants to take his family on the road someday giving religious themed puppet shows.

In between the molesting.

That guy sounds creepy.
Old 03-21-06, 12:00 PM
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Hes generally a kind quiet guy and everyone knows his strong views on religion and most people dont want to talk to him about it. Only one person got his email (but by now everyones seen it) and nobody knows how to break it to him after his serious response.
Old 03-21-06, 12:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Save Ferris
some background: He actually has 2 small children and wants to take his family on the road someday giving religious themed puppet shows.


Old 03-21-06, 12:33 PM
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yep that's pretty fucked up
Old 03-21-06, 12:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Save Ferris
some background: He actually has 2 small children and wants to take his family on the road someday giving religious themed puppet shows.
Unarmed Student Shot in the Head by a Jesus Puppet
FREEHOLD, IOWA (AP). A student at Landover Baptist Christian Preschool was shot on Friday when a classmate's handgun went off during a Biblical puppet show. After prayer and a full investigation by Landover Baptist In-House Security, the child was rushed to Landover Baptist Pediatric Hospital, where he was immediately pronounced "gone to Jesus." Harebrained communist liberals immediately jumped on the incident as yet one more excuse to deprive Americans of the guns Jesus wants them to load and carry.

Appearing on CNN, Mrs. Betty Bowers was unapologetic. "All of our students are, of course, required to be armed at all times. And we have gone to great expense to protect our students from the unarmed. Indeed, the very latest metal detectors have been installed at all entrances to our schools. If a detector doesn't 'beep,' we know the student is unarmed and unable to defend themselves in a truly American manner -- and, therefore, a security threat to his little classmates. I don't know how this so-called 'victim' was allowed to slip into class without a handgun to defend himself from the Jesus puppet, but I blame the parents."

The child's teacher Mrs. Woodchester, recalling the shooting, said: "The puppet show was going really well. We were recounting Old Testament wrath to the delight of the youngsters. Even though it was the Old Testament, we still had a Jesus puppet because we are Christian and I just felt like the whole thing would be way too Jewish without Him. Anyway, God was killing whole villages of first-borns, but the Jesus puppet went off-scripture and started shooting. It's the third student I've lost this semester and it really makes me very, very angry. I mean, there is no excuse for parents not teaching their youngsters how to respect their weapons. The puppet didn't even fire a warning shot. But what can you do? Stop puppets from having guns? Require sissy safety locks? That makes no sense. That's just Clinton-Gore scare talk and my kindergarten students are all Republicans -- or I wouldn't have them in my class."

When reached at the Las Vegas International Gun Show where the family was recovering from their loss, the father was suitably contrite. "I don't know how Bobby got out of the house without a concealed weapon. Every morning, his mother always packs a sandwich, a banana, a bible and heat for each of our children. It must have fallen out on the bus. All I know is that if Bobby had had that little German beauty, he would have been able to return fire and would still be with us today. I can only hope that my other children can take Bobby's memory with them and learn from his mistake. I've told all of them: 'Always get the first shot. Because the first shot can sometimes be the last.' I think the fact that it was Jesus trying to kill him might have caught him off guard anyway. Not that I'm making excuses for him."
Source
Old 03-21-06, 12:44 PM
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Someone needs some Teamocil!

Old 03-21-06, 12:45 PM
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Yeah, sounds like he read the first part and didn't read the punchline, so he misunderstood. It's also probably a reaction to the myriad of people who believe that children should never be spanked or disciplined, but allowed to roam free, destroying Logan's steakhouses.
Old 03-21-06, 02:31 PM
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Tell him to get his joke-meter recalibrated.
Old 03-21-06, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Save Ferris
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge
That'll teach that kid you just can't start yelling "objection!" in a courtroom without consequences.
Old 03-21-06, 03:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Save Ferris
some background: He actually has 2 small children and wants to take his family on the road someday giving religious themed puppet shows.
I'll bet all the females in his family wear ankle length dresses...constantly.
Old 03-21-06, 03:59 PM
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Originally Posted by ShallowHal
Someone needs some Teamocil!

I need to repossess my copies of AD from my parents and watch it over again....classic stuff.

btw...you need to forward her that jpg of the kid cowering and the dad over him with the caption about beating his kids. Yeah it is not PC, but it'd be funny.

-p
Old 03-21-06, 04:17 PM
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Originally Posted by maxfisher
Write back:

"I'm so sorry to hear that you were beaten as a child. It saddens me that you are unable to even recognize the abuse you suffered, probably because of psychological abuse and brainwashing that accompanied the beatings. I hope you won't hold it against me, but I've forwarded your email and parents' names to the local authorities. In the event that your parents still have access to small children, I am hoping another such tragedy can be averted."
That's hysterical!

Originally Posted by Save Ferris
some background: He actually has 2 small children and wants to take his family on the road someday giving religious themed puppet shows.
You're kidding, I hope.
Old 03-21-06, 04:35 PM
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Nope! Im just glad its not ME thats the weird one around here.

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