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Behold the prognosticative power of Monty Python!

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Behold the prognosticative power of Monty Python!

Old 02-18-05, 12:43 PM
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Behold the prognosticative power of Monty Python!

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servl...mment/Features

Pining for the kibbutz?

An indignant Israeli is suing a pet shop that he says sold him a dying parrot, reports the Ma'ariv newspaper. Itzik Simowitz of the southern city of Beersheba contends the shop cheated him because the Galerita-type cockatoo not only failed to utter a word when he got it home, but was also extremely ill. Mr. Simowitz adds that the shop owner assured him the parrot was not ill but merely needed time to adjust to its new environment.
"My good man, that cockatoo wouldn't 'vroom' if you put 10,000 volts through 'em!!"
Old 02-18-05, 12:45 PM
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You just made my day.
Old 02-18-05, 12:47 PM
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Wasn't the parrot skit from Saturday Night Live, but performed by one of the Monty Python members?
Old 02-18-05, 12:48 PM
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This is an ex-bird.
Old 02-18-05, 12:48 PM
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Originally Posted by shaun3000


Wasn't the parrot skit from Saturday Night Live, but performed by one of the Monty Python members?
I don't think so. They may have done a retake on it.
Old 02-18-05, 12:52 PM
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Originally Posted by shaun3000


Wasn't the parrot skit from Saturday Night Live, but performed by one of the Monty Python members?
The Dead Parrot Sketch predates SNL by several years.
Old 02-18-05, 12:53 PM
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Originally Posted by wendersfan
The Dead Parrot Sketch predates SNL by several years.
Approximately 5, in fact. It was aired either in late 1969 or early 1970. Episode 9 of the first season of The Flying Circus me thinks.
Old 02-18-05, 12:54 PM
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Originally Posted by JustinS
Approximately 5, in fact. It was aired either in late 1969 or early 1970. Episode 9 of the first season of The Flying Circus me thinks.
I notice you are no longer pining for the fjords, BTW.
Old 02-18-05, 12:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Thor Simpson
This is an ex-bird.
'ELLO POLLY!!!!
Old 02-18-05, 12:55 PM
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Originally Posted by wendersfan
The Dead Parrot Sketch predates SNL by several years.
Clease hosted a SNL and Palin came on and they re-created the Parrot skit.

They were slightly off on thier timing, and it was way over the audiences head...with the RIGHT audience, that skit would have brought a standing ovation from the start, and everyone shouting out EVERY line.
Old 02-18-05, 12:55 PM
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Originally Posted by wendersfan
I notice you are no longer pining for the fjords, BTW.
I still pine for them, sometimes, but choose to do so privately. I've been so busy lately, you know, learnin' the piano.
Old 02-18-05, 12:56 PM
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http://www.mtholyoke.edu/~ebarnes/py...ead-parrot.htm



Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

Last edited by Minor Threat; 02-18-05 at 01:10 PM.
Old 02-18-05, 12:56 PM
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I do believe SNL did the parrot sketch with John Cleese when he was the host. But clearly Monty Python did it first.
Old 02-18-05, 01:01 PM
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John Cleese never hosted <i>SNL</i>. It's from the Kevin Spacey show, and sadly, it's one of the lowest points in the history of Python as well as <i>SNL</i>. It never should have been performed, and I wish Cleese & Palin had stuck to their guns about not doing it. Ironically, this low point is counter-balanced by Spacey's <b>Star Wars</b> screen tests, which is some of the best stuff ever on the show.

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Old 02-18-05, 01:05 PM
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The dead parrot sketch can be found on this set, disc 1: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...l/-/B00000JSJF

The episode is number 8 in the series, title: "Full Frontal Nudity"

And the one posted by Minor Threat above is not exactly the same as the original.

...
Mr. Praline: Well, it's scarecly a replacement then, is it?
Owner: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace the parrot for you.
Mr. Praline: Bolton, eh? Very well. (leaves)
Caption: A SIMILAR PET SHOP IN BOLTON.
(The customer enters the pet shop, which is basically the same, only the owner there has a mustache.)
Mr. Praline: This is Bolton, is it?
Owner's Brother: No, it's Ipswitch.
Mr. Praline: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.
(He goes to the train station. He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".)
Mr. Praline: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.
Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
Mr. Praline: I beg your pardon...?
Attendant: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
Mr. Praline: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
Attendant: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these out to thirty minutes.
Mr. Praline: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch.
Attendant: No, this is Bolton.
Mr. Praline: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!!
Attendant: Can't blame British Rail for that.
Mr. Praline: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!
(He does so.)
Mr. Praline: I understand this IS Bolton.
Owner's Brother: Yes?
Mr. Praline: You told me it was Ipswitch!
Owner's Brother: ...It was a pun.
Mr. Praline: (pause) A PUN?!?
Owner's Brother: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?
Mr. Praline: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
Owner's Brother: Yeah, that's it!
Mr. Praline: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!! It don't work!!
Owner's Brother: Well, what do you want?
Mr. Praline: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!
Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly... (takes customer by the arm) Come on, you, you've got to go do another sketch now!

...and so on...

Last edited by Otto; 02-18-05 at 01:08 PM.
Old 02-18-05, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by das Monkey
Ironically, this low point is counter-balanced by Spacey's <b>Star Wars</b> screen tests, which is some of the best stuff ever on the show.
Yes indeed. His Walken-auditioning-for-Solo is one of my very favorite SNL moments.
Old 02-18-05, 01:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Otto
The dead parrot sketch can be found on this set, disc 1: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...l/-/B00000JSJF
Mr. Praline: This is Bolton, is it?
Owner's Brother: No, it's Ipswitch.
I believe that should be spelled Ipswich. And it's a long way from Bolton, BTW...
Old 02-18-05, 01:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Otto
The dead parrot sketch can be found on this set, disc 1: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...l/-/B00000JSJF

The episode is number 8 in the series, title: "Full Frontal Nudity"

And the one posted by Minor Threat above is not exactly the same as the original.
Right.........mine was posted from the motion picture "And Now For Something Completely Different".
Old 02-18-05, 01:31 PM
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I only clicked on this thread to learn what "prognosticative" meant. Sadly, it did not deliver.

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