Nuclear Bomb Detonates During Rehearsal For 'Spider-Man' Musical
JANUARY 5, 2011 | ISSUE 47•01

NEW YORK—In yet another setback for the $65 million dollar Broadway musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark—a production plagued by multiple delays, poor early reviews, and severe injuries to its cast and crew—a thermonuclear device detonated during the first act of Tuesday night's preview performance. "The bomb should not have gone off at all," said lead producer Michael Cohl, adding that the explosion that vaporized most of Manhattan was "not that unusual" for a major Broadway show still in development. "Spider-Man is supposed to swing down to the stage and deactivate a nuclear bomb, but his wires got tangled up, and by the time he got there and remembered the disarm code, it was too late. We're going to hire two more stagehands to make sure this doesn't happen again." Despite the setback, Cohl told reporters that he is more optimistic than ever about the production, saying that director Julie Taymor and composers Bono and the Edge were disintegrated in the explosion.

“The second act, taken all in all, is basically how I’ve always imagined the Björk–Matthew Barney honeymoon: lots of atavistic rock-moaning, lots of 40-story phallic symbols, lots of bees.” — Scott Brown, New York Magazine

In My Own Words:
What Actually Happened on "Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark."
by Glen Berger (co-writer)


Everyone was out to get the show from the beginning - especially the theater people, because they felt that we had too much money, and that the show was too commercial to be considered "artistically valid." But the team assembled was, for the most part, proven. And we were certainly eager to devote our lives to what was sure to be, for all of us, an unprecedented artistic process.

There was reason enough to believe that the show would be a success. The underlying source material had proven a rich enough vein that time and time again, audiences flocked to the theaters to see another iteration of the same old story. They ate up the same tired conventions redressed with a few flashy new bits—year after year! And always in May! You could set your watch to it.

So sue us: we tried to do something new.

I must admit to some failings, yes. The script is discordant and overwritten, owing to the often conflicting styles of myself and my co-writer, Julie Taymor. And the story did need work, but the producers took a hard line on the opening date. And, let's face it, the director was a monomaniac who balked at true collaboration. I knew she was an eccentric personality, but, honestly, sometimes the things she said made no goddam sense at all.

I walked in on a rehearsal one day. I saw the actors. They were touching each other, all of them, moaning like wounded gazelles, mouths agape, eyes aflutter with boredom and exhaustion. What kind of rehearsal was this? Where was the director? Who was running this mess?

From the god mic, I heard her Siren yelp: "You're a spider! You're spinning a web! You've got to BE THE WEB! You got that tensile strength? Get that tensile? You better get that tensile!"

And I definitely should have put my foot down when Julie walked into the writer's room one day and said: "Glen, I know Act 1 is already running 90 minutes. But I really think we need to introduce this whole incredible elaborate Arachne cosmology into Act 2. Call it my genius intuition."

What was it like to work with Bono and Edge? (Among familiars, Edge will discard the definite article.) Well, it's been a mixed blessing. They are not unskilled musicians, but the lyrics are at times so literal as to be mind-numbing, I mean, really, "Boy Falls From the Sky"? "Rise Above"? Just so you understand, here's a sample of their first draft of Peter Parker's "I want" song:

I want/
This is my/
I want song/
I want/
To have an/
I want song/
Ooh Ooh Ooh
(x20)
I WAAAAAAA—
(U2 moment)
—AAAAAAAAANT! Yeah!

Early buzz was unkind. A coterie of insiders, privvy to our workshops, dismissed "Spider Man" as an unsalvageable mess. Our financiers were frightened for us. (Our financiers who, by the way, picked the team and were therefore solely responsible for Ms. Taymor's election to the role of director and therefore should be held kind of responsible for the results don't you think I'm just saying, guys. I mean short of putting a bomb under the stage on opening night there wasn't much more you could have done to sabotage us. Oh well opening night hasn't happened yet and maybe you still will. I'd consider it a mercy killing.)

Of the production, I must say there were some high points. The design team really did a remarkable job. Edge insists that we are having sound difficulties, and that what he wrote was much more nuanced than the brick wall of noise that blasts each time an actor opens his mouth, but everyone else is pretty convinced that it's the U2 touch.

The ensemble are great sports. The multiple injuries and illnesses that beset our cast in the weeks leading up to the production have been duley covered and I need not rehearse them here. And Patrick Page, the actor who plays the villain, is really killing it night after night. Power to him.

But now Julie is stepping down as director. Or she's being fired. Or...something. It's all very unclear right now. From what I understand, the turning point was when Julie told the creative team: "Of course I can play Spider Man and still direct! Of course I can! It will make me a stronger director! I can direct from the stage! Orson Welles did it! Woody Allen did it! Why are you saying I can't sing, dance, direct, write, fly, and fuck over the Great White Way all at once? Is it becuase I'm a woman?"

It was insanity to replace the director so close to opening, yes, but necessary insanity. Fight fire with fire, as they say. I don't know who will replace her. I don't know if there is anything that can be done at this point. God grant whoever replaces her the strength to pull the rabbit out of the shithole, and make something presentable of this mess. May the considerable efforts and talent of the people involved not be wasted.

Whatever changes the new director makes, they must be bold.

What can I say? I only wanted what was best.