"Me and Mrs. Jones" - Billy Paul

Where shall we meet: your place or mine?

A House Is Not A Motel - Love

Listen, do you want to know a secret?

"Trust Me" - Jesus Jones

It's snowing outside -- what will we do?

Would you like some fudge, Packer?

"Hot Fudge" - Robbie Williams

What were you doing December 31, 1999?

R.O.C.K In The USA - (I was at a John Mellencamp concert!)

How did you spend your most recent New Year's Eve?

Trampled Under Foot - Led Zeppelin

Are You Sitting Comfortably?

Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

How should I deal with lazy-ass, off-shore colleagues?

New York's A Lonely Town - Trade Winds


Hey Joe! Where You Going With That Gun In Your Hand???

"44-Caliber Brain Surgery" - Demolition Hammer

Katie asks Tom: Should I wear flats or heels to the Oscars?

"Don't Stand So Close To Me" - The Police

Why are you being so glib?

"I Know You Are But What Am I?" - Mogwai

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?

"Walk of Life" - Dire Straits

Be a mind reader: What am I thinking about right now?

"All Day I Dream About Sex" - Korn

Is Jamie Lee Curtis a hermaphrodite?

Dude Looks Like A Lady - Aerosmith

What's the best place for me to invest in this uncertain economic time?

Look To Your Soul - Johnny Rivers


Are You Experienced?

"In My Head" - Black Flag

What will you get for your Valentine?

A Rose And A Baby Ruth - George Hamilton IV

D'yer Mak'er ?

"Ragga Steady" - Midi, Maxi, & Efti

Doggone it, where did I put my keys?

Haillie Sellasse, Up Your Ass - Propagandhi

Why, now that I'm an adult with my own home, children, and a career which allows me to work from home, is every Winter in Oklahoma filled with bouts of iced-in nonsense where I cannot be allowed to do anything other than work while the wife and kids get to play and yet I still have to find time to clear the drive-way because it is too steep to get back up with any sort of reasonable expectation whereas a child I couldn't even sell my soul for a day like this?

The Way It Is - Bruce Hornsby


Why is it so damn cold?

"A Winter's Revelation (In 9 Illusions)" - Bruce Springsteen

Unlike the snowy trip into work this morning will the roads be ready for the drive home tonight?

"Slip Sliding Away" - Paul Simon

Have you thought about getting some plastic surgery work done?

"You're So Vain" - Carly Simon

Inuits have several names for snow. What is your name for snow?

"Icicles within my brain" - Black Sabbath

Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that in fifty years there are going to be thousands of old women walking around with belly button rings, tit piercings and butterfly tats right above their withered butts?