Dan

Inspired by an off-hand comment by Decker in another thread...
Let's settle this shit.
For the purpose of this thread, we'll accept details from the book and both movie versions as evidence, as they don't contradict each other too much.

Contenders:
Charles "Charlie" Bucket. Poor. Selfless. Kindhearted. British-American. Would have taken cold hard cash for the golden ticket, but succumbed to Grandpa Joe's feelgood nonsense. Technically could be an accessory to attempted murder because, good-natured as he is, he didn't stop the tour after the first kid disappeared.

Augustus Gloop. Gluttonous 9-year-old. German, but probably properly educated on the evils of the Nazi regime. Drinks dirty-ass chocolate water from a "river" and falls in. Suffers from an eating disorder, which is a disease, not a condemnation of character.

Violet Beauregarde. 10. A girl. Talented but mean as shit. American. Thinks that the act of chewing gum is an identity. Permanently discolored due to her impatience and indiscretion.

Veruca Salt. Rich AF. Entitled. 1%er. British. Didn't find the ticket herself but had her father pay "workers" to unwrap thousands of chocolate bars. A bad egg/nut.

Mike Teavee. Watches too much television. American. Thinks he's the smartest kid in the room. Probably turned out to be a Tech Bro.


So: which kid is the worst? State your case!

GoldenJCJ

As far as damage caused to the factory and time and money spent fixing said damage, it’s got to be Charlie Bucket. The whole damn bubble room had to be cleaned and sanitized after he and Grandpa Joe decides to flagrantly disregard the rules and get drunk together, which subsequently should fall on Grandpa Joe. Charlie is a damn kid, asshole!

In terms of who is just flat out the nastiest little bastard on the tour? Gotta be Veruca Salt. No redeeming qualities for that little turd.

TomOpus

I went with Mike. He'll go from a tv couch potato to an obnoxious gamer back to a couch potato.

Can't go with VS because I like the band.

Troy Stiffler

The others were brushed aside quickly. Charlie inherited the place and might have developed a drug problem and run it into the ground. Plus are those Oompa Loompas GMO slaves or what? Not cool.

Also the whole innocent kid thing might have just been a soft power ploy. Charlie might have been a stone cold sociopath. Like Daniel Plainview taking in his son as part of his own self image. The real devils won’t point a gun at you he will convince you to shake his hand.

Crocker Jarmen

As far as I'm concerned, Wonka, with his goofy "test", got the quality of children he deserved. Actually, he didn't deserve Charlie choosing to leave his family in poverty rather than betray Wonka.

There was no reason for this sick mind game. I don't believe Wonka made a good faith effort to find his successor. He probably got off on the power imbalance and watching them suffer.

As I recall in the book, the Ommpa Loompas were pygmy tribe Wonka smuggled into the country like chattel.

GoldenJCJ

Oh Wonka was definitely a sociopath. He didn’t just watch those kids suffer, he ENJOYED it! Additional evidence points to that psychotic ferry boat he had installed for his sick pleasure so, I assume, he could ride back and forth anytime he wanted to experience a visual representation of his disturbed mind.

That’s not even taking into account the fact that he’s a human trafficker...

fujishig

I know we are confusingly lumping in two movies and a book, but that whole fizzy lifting room thing is only in the first movie, mainly to give Charlie some test of character. The newer movie tries to give us some of that with the whole Wonka backstory and Charlie rejecting the initial offer, but he's basically a little angel, even in his reaction to that.

Dan

Guys, this thread is NOT about Wonka and his antics! Stop derailing!! This is about the insidious children!



fujishig

The Oompa Loompas are the real sociopaths, with the impromtu(?) songs about each kid. I think this is only in the new movie but they basically comment saying that Wonka had all this planned out, with the song and choreography and everything.

davidh777

Salt was easily the worst human being of the lot.

fujishig

Yes, as a person Veruca Salt is the worst.

Mike86

Yeah, gotta go with Veruca as the worst. Just an entitled little brat.

Decker

Wow, I inspired a thread with a Trump insult. Awesome

As a pediatrician I deal with all these types on a near-daily basis. In the context of the movie VS is the worst. What a little brat. Plus as you point out, she didn't even do the work. In real life, rich spoiled girls are pretty terrible but most at least put on a facade of caring in their tween and teen years. It may be a byproduct of their never ending privileges but they can at least seem to be nice (or at least put on the facade in public - they're probably twice as bad behind your back).
The AGs of the world, on the other hand make no effort at all to be pleasant or agreeable. They always get whatever they ask for and (unlike the VS type) don't even have to ask nicely. I have said for decades : very fat ten year old boys are the biggest babies anywhere. They cry, scream, kick. Their mommies always give in and try to negotiate for them. Defend their terrible eating habits because they know they could never say "No" when their boy wants more. Those kids have totally figured out the cheat code of how to manipulate their parents (usually mother) and just eat until they are stuffed, getting more and more obese. Some gaining a pound a week for months at a time. It's so sad because it's a complete codependency.

So while I totally expect VS to win, I am going to vote for AG based on archetype alone.

rocket1312

This made me laugh way more than it should have.

Dan

was hoping someone might catch that little joke. It was inspired by the Indomitable Spirit sketch from Mr. Show. The joke comes in during the song.

Nick Danger

I first read it when I was 9 or 10. I didn't think that Mike TeeVee was as bad as the others. Now I post on DVD Talk, sitting in a chair in front of the computer posting about watching movies on my TV.

Verucca is the worst. But was taught by an awful noveau riche father who pulls out a fat wallet and asks Willy Wonka "How much for the squirrel?" If her father had been part of the aristocracy instead of an industrialist, she would have been taught more surface politeness. Treat the lower classes with courtesy and firmness.

Nick Danger

Laws broken by Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Rival11

So who's with me in believing Snowpiercer is the sequel to this film?

DieselsDen

Well, from my 8 year old point of view, she was hot. Red dress, short skirt, British accent. I loved her too much to let character get in the way.

Augustus was the worst because he was warned way in advance prior to his torture, that he should stop drinking the brown water/chocolate. Plus, given his German heritage, we should not encourage such cultural deviancies involving brown stuff...

E Unit

Fuck those kids. Grandpa Joe was the biggest asshole in the movie. Stayed in bed UNTIL Charlie won that ticket. Then it became "Aww hell yeah, candy time!" Exploiting his grandkid. Sad.

He never once got out of bed to help the family out. Why? Floor was too damn cold.

GoldenJCJ

Can you imagine the stank of those sheets with four nasty old people who never got out of bed, sticking their crusty, yellow toe-nailed feet into each other’s faces?!

Dan

I need this theory fleshed out please!

No way. Charlie and his mum were giving them all sponge baths and pedicures on the regular.

JTH182

Just like most others, I voted for that fucking bitch Veruca Salt and her stupid little red dress.

Obi-Wanma

She was very attractive to me as well, but that didn't stop me from recognizing her as a little bitch. She got my vote here.

BrewCrew

Yeah, I never understood why he was always in bed. Sure he was old but seemed to get around okay in the Chocolate Factory. He would rather smell like piss and smoke than get his ass out of bed the last twenty years.