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To-the-point reviews

Old 04-26-19, 05:43 PM
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To-the-point reviews

Just sharing...


Roger Ebert on Catwoman: "The director, whose name is Pitof, was probably issued with two names at birth and would be wise to use the other one on his next project."

Unknown on Star Trek: The Motion Picture: "To call this a movie isnít accurate because it doesnít move. Itís so inert that itís not so much Star Trek as it is Stuck Trek."

Roger Ebert on Little Indian, Big City: "There is a movie called Fargo playing right now. It is a masterpiece. Go see it. If you, under any circumstances, see Little Indian, Big City, I will never let you read one of my reviews again."

Robert Walinsky from The Dallas Observer on Little Nicky: "Adam Sandler plays the son of the devil, which leads one to believe that Little Nicky is, in fact, a documentary; how else to explain the career of the unfunniest funny man since Idi Amin?"

Roger Ebert on Freddy Got Fingered: "This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."

Leonard Maltin's review of 1948's Isn't it Romantic? "No."

Roger Ebert on The Last Airbender: "I close with the hope that the title proves prophetic."
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Old 04-27-19, 08:12 AM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

Originally Posted by L Everett Scott View Post
Leonard Maltin's review of 1948's Isn't it Romantic? "No."

That was the one one that popped to mind for me, but I couldnít remember which movie it was. We sold his book at Suncoast and that was always a funny one to show people.
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Old 04-27-19, 01:53 PM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

The first line of Ebert's three star review of Irreversible pretty much say it all: "Irreversible is a film so violent and cruel most audiences will find it unwatchable."

And there's the final line of his Fargo review: "Films like Fargo are why I love the movies."
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Old 04-27-19, 04:26 PM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

Is there anyone as good as Roger Ebert was? After his death, I haven't seen a film critic to make me want to see movies as much as Ebert did with his writing.
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Old 04-27-19, 04:51 PM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

Originally Posted by Red Hood View Post
Is there anyone as good as Roger Ebert was? After his death, I haven't seen a film critic to make me want to see movies as much as Ebert did with his writing.
I do miss him. He was my favorite critic.
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Old 04-27-19, 05:27 PM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

I can't find the source of the quote, but I remember some critic saying something along the lines of the following : "There are two reasons to go see 'Alexander' : Rosario Dawson's left breast and her right breast".
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Old 04-27-19, 07:48 PM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

Ebert's take-downs were without parallel. I don't know if his take on Jaws: The Revenge got straight to the point, but it's one I re-read on a regular basis just for laughs.
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Old 04-27-19, 08:06 PM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

“Shit sandwich.”
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Old 04-28-19, 11:00 AM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

I liked Ebertís opening for Freddy Got Fingered:

This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels.
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Old 04-28-19, 03:00 PM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

Originally Posted by Red Hood View Post
Is there anyone as good as Roger Ebert was? After his death, I haven't seen a film critic to make me want to see movies as much as Ebert did with his writing.
Gene Siksel even confessed once that he wished he was as good of a writer as Ebert was. That could not have been easy for him to say.
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Old 04-28-19, 03:39 PM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

Originally Posted by Kurt D View Post
Ebert's take-downs were without parallel. I don't know if his take on Jaws: The Revenge got straight to the point, but it's one I re-read on a regular basis just for laughs.
As great as Ebert was, he couldn't top Michael Caine's own assessment :
  • [on Jaws: The Revenge (1987)] I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.
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Old 04-28-19, 08:56 PM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

Leonard Maltin also did a fantastic review of Transylvania 6-5000 on Entertainment Tonight when it came out.

He had a set that was like a little movie theater, with him in the seats. He was bouncing up and down as the classic song, "Pennsylvania 6-5000," played. When they got to the part where band shouts, "Pennsylvania 6-5000," they dubbed in, "Traysylvania" over Pennsylvania. So it played out like this...

[Maltin bouncing to the music] "Transylvania 6-5000," "Stinks. I'm Leonard Maltin, Entertainment Tonight."

It was pure GOLD. He still gets comments on it to this day.
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Old 04-29-19, 12:33 AM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

I've always loved Ed Naha's takedown of From Hell It Came in his book Horrors: From Screen to Scream: "And to Hell it can go."

Burt Prelutsky wrote of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, "Starts off with a bang and ends up chitty."

John Barbour had this to say about At Long Last Love: "If this film were any more of a dog, it would shed."
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Old 04-29-19, 11:09 AM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

I don't know who originally wrote it, and it was kind of an obvious choice, but the entire review for the 1982 Pavarotti movie "Yes, Giorgio" was "No, Giorgio"
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Old 04-29-19, 02:14 PM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

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Old 05-02-19, 02:42 PM
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Re: To-the-point reviews

Saw this somewhere...

Alien is a movie where nobody listens to the smart woman, and then they all die except for the smart woman and her cat. Four stars.
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