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David Cross defends doing The Chipmunks movie

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David Cross defends doing The Chipmunks movie

Old 01-03-08, 01:44 AM
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David Cross defends doing The Chipmunks movie

"Allllllviiiiin!"

Enuffs Znuff.
Hello, David here. I've internally debated the merits of addressing my appearance in, (and thus tacit condoning of) "Alvin and The Chipmunks". I am not stupid nor unobservant. I knew going into this movie that I would be eating a lot of delicious shit for it. Usually I wouldn't give a shit about what everyone's feelings are about it, but I wasn't prepared for the level, or amount I should say, of vitriol that's been flung about like so much monkey poo.

Enuffs Znuff.
Hello, David here. I've internally debated the merits of addressing my appearance in, (and thus tacit condoning of) "Alvin and The Chipmunks". I am not stupid nor unobservant. I knew going into this movie that I would be eating a lot of delicious shit for it. Usually I wouldn't give a shit about what everyone's feelings are about it, but I wasn't prepared for the level, or amount I should say, of vitriol that's been flung about like so much monkey poo. But then I read Patton's snide comment in his blog about how he and Brian were offered the part and how they then chucked the script in disgust only to have it hungrily intercepted from it's intended trajectory into the incinerator by me, a money hungry whore sell out, (I'm paraphrasing). That got under my skin and I stewed a little and because I stupidly (and vainly) have a "Google Alert" for myself, got to read various blogs, and posts questioning my integrity and talent, specifically because I chose to do the movie. The posts would range in varying degrees of anger from mild disappointment to seething outrage!! So now I will speak my piece and move on (I will move on, I can't speak for the rest of you. You might harbor ill will towards me for a lifetime, or at least until you have kids who actually enjoy the movie). None of the reasons stated below mean much on their own, but put them all together and you can at least see why I took the part. Also I would like to add that I have no regrets at all. I enjoyed my time on set and the director Tim Hill was a pleasure to work with. There was no pretending or ignoring that we weren't working on a big commercial movie to be rushed into theaters to fill an empty christmas time, children's movie slot. And while in LA working on the film I got to hang out with friends, work with Bob on what would eventually become the show we pitched to HBO, work on a movie idea with Bob, Scott and B.J. and Brian, and got to do a bunch of stand-up sets with great comics for what I consider some of the best, smartest audiences in the country.

MITIGATING FACTOR #1
I have not seen the movie so I can't really comment to whether it's an "evil" or "dangerous" "piece of shit "or not. The reason I haven't seen the movie is because I am not eight years old. I am an adult and don't see children's movies. I haven't ever seen "Curious George", "She's the Man", or the "Dr. Doolittle" movies that I worked on for the same reason. I never saw "School for Scoundrels" either but that's just 'cause it looked like it was gonna suck. Was I right? Occasionally on a plane I will sort of half watch something like "Angels in the Outfield" or "Stardust" but other than that I'm usually not exposed to movies designed specifically to be seen by children. The very same children that wouldn't be able to see, much less enjoy "I Am Legend", "Charlie Wilson's War", "Walk Hard", "Aliens vs Predator", "P.S. I Love You", "Sweeny Todd", or any of the other movies that came out at the same time. Should we check with some children and see if they had the same experience that Roger Ebert had watching the film? Seems like a waste of time, they're a bunch of kids. Should I however check with Roger Ebert to see if he liked this movie? Again, probably a waste of time because I will never see it, so his opinion is moot. It's the exact same reason I should give no credence to whatever MirthSlayer12 chatting on-line from his bedroom in Phoenix thinks of the movie either. It's not meant for either of us.

MITIGATING FACTOR#2
I was too young to enjoy the original "Alvin and the Chipmunks" because I wasn't born yet. And I was too old to enjoy the later incarnation in the 80's, so it holds no precious memories for me to defile. If someone decided to re-make "Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang", (a movie I fucking LOVED when I was a kid) with the cast of "High School Musical" and Raven Symone giving voice to a now sassy CGI car with tits that sang about race relations I think that I would not care about that either. It's a waste of time and energy. I choose to care about other things that I believe are worth the investment of that kind of outrage, disappointment, and sense of urgency.

MITIGATING FACTOR#3
I like to work. I really do. I enjoy it and try to have fun no matter what I'm doing. I assume part of the reason I get hired for the things I'm offered is for that very reason. I have fun on set and tend to riff all over the place. What they choose to keep from that (if anything) is up to them. But I do try to have as much fun as possible. Up to working on "Alvin" I had not worked in six (SIX!) months. That is an eternity if you're an actor. Think about not working for two months with no hope of anything on the horizon. Now triple that. It was the longest period without work since after "Ben Stiller" got cancelled (the show, not the man) and I was going nuts. I was depressed and difficult to live with. I was VERY happy to have the work. Again, no regrets.


MITIGATING FACTOR #4
I love Patton and think the world of him and his talent. That will never change, no matter how many times he chooses to wear a kilt and hungrily guzzle sugary sweet, Sierra Mist (Oh snap!!) in an unintentional metaphor for everything being discussed here. What Patton doesn't know (I'm assuming) is that the part was originally offered to me, I said, "no way!", then it was offered to Patton, Brian, and I don't know who else. Then, months later, after everyone turned it down, they came back to me with a much more generous offer. I then said, "yes way!".
I like to imagine a fantasy conversation with Patton wherein I say, "wait a second. Are you trying to tell me that if you were offered the part of Ratatouille and the part of "Ian" in "Alvin and the Chipmunks" but you could only do one of them that you would honestly rather take the "Ratatouille" role? Really? Well guess what, me too." And then walk away in triumph knowing that I had gotten him with a real zingerĀ©!
One thing to note here is that we know that they approached at least me, Patton, and Brian. Three non-traditional funny guys who can do something with the part that isn't on the page. I'd say the people involved with the film (at least on the creative end) have pretty good taste. They could have offered the part to Anthony Clark or Jim Breuer or Dat Phan, but then....

MITIGATING FACTOR #4a
I live in NYC for a reason. I enjoy it here. I have numerous creative friends and we share much of the same sensibilities. We rarely, if ever, talk about "the business", which I really like. Something that people constantly talk about in LA, which I really don't like. This comes with a cost of course. It's expensive to live here. I have a pretty modest lifestyle, I live in the same relatively small 1100 sq. foot apartment since I moved here. I don't own a car, don't go out "clubbing", and don't really own anything of much value. I am in no way hurting for money but I guarantee you that I have much, much less than you think. The reason I bring this up is because two years ago I decided that I wanted to get a small place upstate. Nothing fancy, a small cottage on at least a couple of acres near some water where I could get out of here, get some fresh air, buy a smoker, make some b-b-q and hang out with my dog on the porch. I looked informally for a long time but never found anything that I liked in my price range. Then finally, after much disappointed searching, I did. It's a small cottage on 5 1/2 acres in the middle of the woods in Sullivan county. It has a largish stream running through it and best of all it's in the middle of nowhere. No town, no nothing. Two hours outside the city and only about a ten minute drive from the Delaware River. Perfect. It was a little more than I had budgeted for but it was definitely worth it. I asked the owner if he'd take some of my credibility as payment. He looked at me as if I was an alien with A.I.D.S. speaking some intergalactic gobbledy-goo. I had to patiently explain to this country bumpkin about my indie hipster cred, and I would now like to cash it in. This rural rube was so backwards and ignorant that he couldn't even conceive of how financial markets work and simple free market capitalism. I tried again to explain the concept of the value of "credibility" and "artistic integrity" but he refused to take it in exchange for the house. This guy was a fucking idiot! But what could I do? He wouldn't take no for an answer. If I wanted that cottage I would have to pay him money. Sigh. So I used my "Alvin and the Chipmunks" money to pay for the down payment. Seriously, I totally did.

So there it is. I don't expect to change many minds with all of this but at least it hopefully lessens some of the sense that I'm some kind of whore sell-out who doesn't care about anything but making money.

Also, the NY Times called me "delightfully scene stealing" so suck it!

Yours until the next piece of shit I'm in,
David
Old 01-03-08, 01:55 AM
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Oh, I'm sure it paid well enough. I can't fault the guy for making a living.
Old 01-03-08, 02:29 AM
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Yeah I don't get all this hate towards actors appearing in certain movies. It's a job. They get paid and move on.
Old 01-03-08, 02:42 AM
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I think David Cross is a piece of shit for being in Alvin and the Chipmunks.

No, I don't. I love David Cross (aka Tobias). The more movies, the better...even if I won't watch one or two of them along the way.

= J
Old 01-03-08, 03:03 AM
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Cross gets butt hurt pretty easily it seems.
Old 01-03-08, 03:12 AM
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If David Cross was trying to buy my random cottage in the middle of nowhere, I'd totally let him cash in his cred. But only if he agreed to stage live performances of Arrested Development for me.
Old 01-03-08, 03:22 AM
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David Cross is one of my favorite people in the whole world. I love everything he's done. Yes, he's been in some shit but he's always made the best of it.

I can't look down on him for working and making a living.

I mean come on he's the David in Mr. Show with Bob and David.

And Dr. Tobias Funke? How can you not love that.
Old 01-03-08, 03:50 AM
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Well, if Patton is really AICN's Neill Cumpston. Then he has nothing to bad mouth...
Old 01-03-08, 04:24 AM
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I wish actors would just say "I did it to help pay the bills" instead of some long winded diatribe trying to justify the decision to naysayers.
Old 01-03-08, 05:32 AM
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That's basically what he said, except it was in the form of a lengthy diatribe.
Old 01-03-08, 06:09 AM
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i really don't think someone's credibilty should be judged on the roles they choose, or should i say agree to do. someone's artistic integrity should only be considered when it's something they write, produce, direct, etc. david's stand up albums are still hillarious and his material is just as good as when he started putting albums out. i don't consider him a sell out for doing alvin in the chipmunks and i'm pretty shocked that patton had the balls to call him out on it considering their long history of being friends.
Old 01-03-08, 07:31 AM
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I like Cross, but is feuding with other comedians just his new shtick?
Old 01-03-08, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by starman9000
I like Cross, but is feuding with other comedians just his new shtick?
Larry the Cable Guy is not a comedian.
Old 01-03-08, 07:48 AM
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The bit from Patton's MySpace blog:

GODAWFUL:
People who are pissed off at ALVIN AND THE CHIMPMUNKS
This Friday, ALVIN AND THE CHIMPMUNKS opens at theaters everywhere. And already hipster assholes are whining about how "their childhoods are being raped" and "how mercenary can Hollywood be"?
ALVIN AND THE CHIMPMUNKS is a blatant, soulless, money-grab -- the only reason it even got MADE was because there was an family-movie-shaped-hole in the release schedule. Oddly enough, both Brian Posehn and I were offered the part of Ian, the agent. We both threw the script across the room in disgust. David Cross caught it.
But for people to whine and bitch about the movie runing their childhoods is even more disgusting. The only way the ALVIN AND THE CHIMPMUNKS movie is ruining your childhood is if you're 70 years old, or retarded. In fact, if you liked Alvin and the Chimpmunks to BEGIN with, maybe you need your childhood raped.
I dunno, I don't really think he's belittling David Cross or anything. It's a little snide but mostly innocuous, and I'd take it more as a poke to the ribs. I mean, Patton put out an entire EP that's almost entirely him and Zach Galifianakis having a "bad career-off", arguing over who's been in the worst movies (Blade III, Out Cold, etc.).
Old 01-03-08, 09:14 AM
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Originally Posted by UAIOE
I wish actors would just say "I did it to help pay the bills" instead of some long winded diatribe trying to justify the decision to naysayers.
That works fine, unless you've shit all over other comedic actors for making a cheap buck.
Old 01-03-08, 09:16 AM
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Yeah, the issue is that he is well-known for berating other comedians for low-brow comedy -- but it's okay if he does it.
Old 01-03-08, 09:31 AM
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Originally Posted by RyoHazuki
Cross gets butt hurt pretty easily it seems.
He should totally see an analrapist about that.
Old 01-03-08, 09:37 AM
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I love "Tobias" on Arrested Development, "David" on Mr. Show, "Slow Donnie" on Just Shoot Me, the whole "Chock" episode of NewsRadio, etc. Sadly, this "David Cross" character really seems like an asshole.
Old 01-03-08, 10:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Ronnie Dobbs
If someone decided to re-make "Chitty-Chitty Bang Bang", (a movie I fucking LOVED when I was a kid) with the cast of "High School Musical" and Raven Symone giving voice to a now sassy CGI car with tits that sang about race relations I think that I would not care about that either.
Old 01-03-08, 10:15 AM
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Did he apologize for Scary Movie 2?
Old 01-03-08, 10:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Drexl
Oh, I'm sure it paid well enough. I can't fault the guy for making a living.
It was worth him doing it just to read the article.

I don't fault a guy for making a living and many good actors make bad movies. This was a kids movie and my wife took my kids to it and they enjoyed it. I really don't see the crime in its existence. I would never want to see it, but that is true of most movies.
Old 01-03-08, 11:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Rockmjd23
Did he apologize for Scary Movie 2?

he's the only reason i watch that movie when it comes on comedy central...that and chris elliot's baby arm.

Last edited by riotinmyskull; 01-04-08 at 01:12 PM.
Old 01-03-08, 11:12 AM
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I don't fault this prick for making money. However, this makes him a hypocrite as well as being unfunny.
Old 01-03-08, 11:25 AM
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did he apologize for doing that Oliver Beane show, yet? I didn't even know he was in this movie. Anyway, amusing read.
Old 01-03-08, 11:29 AM
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I found his "defense" hysterical? Did I misread something b/c to me the whole thing read as a sarcastic joke concluding with my favorite line of the piece "...the NY Times called me "delightfully scene stealing" so suck it!" Thats probably the funniest line I have read/seen/heard all year(edit: not trying to be an ass...I mean '07).

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