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Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ... during the scene where Chow Yun-Fat is smacking Zhang Ziyi around with just a bamboo stick during a sword fight, this black dude started yelling "Ooo! Yeah! That's right, smack that ass!"
Batman : Mask Of The Phantasm ... Someone let their kid run up and down the aisle. After about 5 minutes of this, he ends up tripping during a dark scene and you just hear this "Oof!" and the audience laughs. This makes him go sit down. Then 2 minutes later he yells out : "It's not funny!" which someone replied "Yes it was" and that was that. |
Originally Posted by darqleo
Someone let their kid run up and down the aisle. After about 5 minutes of this, he ends up tripping during a dark scene and you just hear this "Oof!" and the audience laughs. This makes him go sit down. Then 2 minutes later he yells out : "It's not funny!" which someone replied "Yes it was" and that was that.
Kids these days. Just remembered another one: At the 10 PM showing of Snakes on a Plane the night before, a guy came in a full body suit with the makeup of an airline drawn on it (and snakes) and proceeded to "fly" up the stadium seating stairs. |
You know what would be funny? If all the people in this thread who yelled out "jokes" at the screen during the movie were in the theater at the same time and the roof collapsed. That would be funny.
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Originally Posted by blairwitchfan
You know what would be funny? If all the people in this thread who yelled out "jokes" at the screen during the movie were in the theater at the same time and the roof collapsed. That would be funny.
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Originally Posted by Brack
what's funny is that the winner drinking milk after a race is a tradition at the Indy 500. so not really wtf-worthy, sorry to break that to you.
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Originally Posted by DarkestPhoenix
Then, Susan Sarandon came up and looked lovingly at Speed and I said, in my best girl voice, "The milk came from me." My buddy started laughing and then John Goodman came on screen, with his man-tits more obvious than usual. He put his hand on Speed's shoulder and my buddy said in a deep voice, "AND me!" I cracked my ass off at that.
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That was just the part where I actually kept on-topic with the thread and had a conversation during a movie which I found funny.
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Originally Posted by grendel824
Man... some people just CAN'T pay attention to the thread, can they?
Anyway, I was seeing the special edition of Return of the Jedi with a friend, and when Yoda dies, some kid a couple rows up starts wailing. After only a few beats of this, my friend yells out "It's okay - Luke eats him." Kid shuts up, audience starts laughing and clapping. |
Man, great thread...I have actually had a few that I did or were involved in over the years:
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one. Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus". Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!" No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up. The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting. WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up. |
Originally Posted by macnorton
Man, great thread...I have actually had a few that I did or were involved in over the years:
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one. Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus". Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!" No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up. The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting. WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up. |
Originally Posted by Giles
the real question is why do you pay to see some really bad movies?
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Originally Posted by macnorton
Believe it or not I only paid for one, No Country for Old Men. All the others I got in for free, because my buddy ran the theater in Morristown.
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Originally Posted by Giles
your sins are forgiven :D
And the reminded me of another one.... How High - Ironically, I was not high when I saw this one, but I probably should have. About mid way through (or was it the end?) there is a sequence where Red & Meth discover this old cannon is a bong or something like that. Lark Voorhies says something to one of them and there is a near kiss (or something like that) to which a friend and I proclaimed (and you have to know Saved by The Bell to get this), "Where is Screech and his giant mushrooms?" Some dude in the audience jumped up with a baggie and said, "Right here!" That was fucking classic. |
Originally Posted by macnorton
Man, great thread...I have actually had a few that I did or were involved in over the years:
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one. Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus". Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!" No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up. The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting. WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up. Wow, hilarious stuff. Which birthday was that? Your 10th? |
Originally Posted by macnorton
Man, great thread...I have actually had a few that I did or were involved in over the years:
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one. Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus". Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!" No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up. The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting. WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up. |
pretty sure my friends and I would have beat the crap outta that guy had he interrupted our movies with those lame ass lines...
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"Wow, hilarious stuff. Which birthday was that? Your 10th?"
"Comedy's hard, isn't it folks" Sorry you didn't like those. They can't all be winners. Figured I share them anyways, since there is a lesson to be learned (more on that below). "pretty sure my friends and I would have beat the crap outta that guy had he interrupted our movies with those lame ass lines..." I have had that happen on a few occasions. I got sucker punched by one of the guys at Shallow Hal...he took offensive to my comment and hit me in the dark. Hence why I was carried out. Got in another brawl after some dude thought I was hitting on his girlfruend. He tried to sucker punch me and my friend laid him out. His girlfriend was not impressed. And there was another time after Solaris when I was with two friends (my buddy's girlfriend and this chick who was with me). Some guy starts hitting on my friend's girl and she polietly tells him that she is taken. I have to get invovled, he swings at me, I hit him and next thing I know I am in my friend's basement pulling glass out of the back of my head. The lesson here is, don't say the wise ass comments, no matter how funny they might be or how not funny they might be. People get hurt and that is not fun at all. |
Originally Posted by macnorton
Man, great thread...I have actually had a few that I did or were involved in over the years:
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one. Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus". Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!" No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up. The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting. WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up. |
Originally Posted by macnorton
Believe it or not I only paid for one, No Country for Old Men. All the others I got in for free, because my buddy ran the theater in Morristown.
Old-timer: "I got good news and bad news. The bad news is that it shows some really awful movies. The good news is that the guy who runs it has a couple of cretin friends who shout out really dumb shit all the time but you can watch them regularly get their asses kicked by dudes who 'sucker punch' them." |
Originally Posted by Rockmjd23
Whenever someone says they were sucker-punched, it means that they were completely destroyed in a fight.
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Originally Posted by Arpeggi
Shut up, you abortion that lived.
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Originally Posted by cultshock
I love you Spartacus.
There Will Be Blood! |
Your cream corn tastes like...ah shit nevermind, I gotta stop or I'll get sucker punched.
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Maybe your friend can see the sucker punch coming and lay the guy out?
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Originally Posted by Rockmjd23
Whenever someone says they were sucker-punched, it means that they were completely destroyed in a fight.
best one-liner in this thread... |
Originally Posted by Peep
New guy in Morristown: "I really like it here, is the movie theater any good here?"
Old-timer: "I got good news and bad news. The bad news is that it shows some really awful movies. The good news is that the guy who runs it has a couple of cretin friends who shout out really dumb shit all the time but you can watch them regularly get their asses kicked by dudes who 'sucker punch' them." |
Originally Posted by Rockmjd23
Whenever someone says they were sucker-punched, it means that they were completely destroyed in a fight.
|
Originally Posted by macnorton
Man, great thread...I have actually had a few that I did or were involved in over the years:
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one. Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus". Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!" No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up. The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting. WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up. |
Originally Posted by Peep
New guy in Morristown: "I really like it here, is the movie theater any good here?"
Old-timer: "I got good news and bad news. The bad news is that it shows some really awful movies. The good news is that the guy who runs it has a couple of cretin friends who shout out really dumb shit all the time but you can watch them regularly get their asses kicked by dudes who 'sucker punch' them." |
Originally Posted by nickdawgy
Let's hope you're never at a theater with me. I didn't laugh one time during your post.
You didn't laugh at "Shut up, you abortion that lived"? :confused: |
Bullshit moment of 1998.
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Originally Posted by macnorton
Man, great thread...I have actually had a few that I did or were involved in over the years:
Shallow Hal - Went with a few friends because we were high and as luck would have it a few "large" woman sat in front of us to which I yelled, "No matter what this movie says, no fat chicks!" Had to be carried out for that one. Troy - Another god awful movie I had to sit through, this time sober. Brad Pitt is naked on screen and I leaned over and said, "I love you Spartacus". Trailer for Star Wars - I forget which movie had it, but there was a row of kiddies in front that were enamored with it, it which I yelled "Star Trek...may Piccard is way better than Kirk". The kids yelled back, "It is Star Wars!" My friend then yelled back, "Shut up you abortions that lived!" No Country for Old Men - I went on my birthday (11/21/07), which was in the middle of the week assuming no one would go to an 11:00 AM screening. How wrong I was. Got through the trailers and some dude was talking on his phone and I got up and said, "There will be blood!" To which another patron replied to me, "That was the trailer, this is No Country for Old Men"...cracked me up. The Scorpion King - Yet another POS I got dragged to. And this one was soooo bad, two friends and I started doing a Simpsons episode mid way through to entertain ourselves. Someone in the balcony heard us and said, "Your cream corn tastes like cream crap." Turns out it was another friend of ours who knew we where there but had no idea where were sitting. WARNING: This one is a little bit offensive, but not too much Freddy Vs. Jason - This one was bad, but in the way where it might be good one day. Anyways, there is a sequence where Jason folds some girl (or guy I don't recall) in a bed up like an accordion, which freaked out three Mexican guys in front of me and a few friends. They were grabbing each other all scared and started grabbing each other. My one friend got up and yelled, "Oh shite Jose, it's the federallies. And they have Taco Bell uniforms for us!" We are cracking up and one of these guys freaked and bolted out the door. To which we started cracking up even more. Half the theater cleared out when this happened and they demanded we be removed. Well only problem is, the manager, a high school buddy, is never going to throw us out. He tells them that they are sons of the owner and there is nothing he can do. One woman says to him, "But they look nothing alike, you are lying". My friend yells out, "Our father loved whores." Again we crack up. |
Originally Posted by macnorton
Believe what you want...I have taken my fair share of ass kickings (for instance most of my childhood), but you never hit someone in the dark. I got clocked walking out with the lights off, so yes I did get my ass handed to me. It happens.
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Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
Last night when I caught a midnight showing of The Hangover, during the trailer for The Final Destination a guy behind me said to his friend, "I think they just showed every death scene from the movie." This was when the title came on-screen, then when they show the escalator scene, I turned around to them and said, "Now they did."
Somebody also heckled something quite funny when I saw Drag Me to Hell the other night, but I can't remember for the life of me. |
Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
Mine was from a preview.
More funny/uncomfortable. Anyway, we were at a showing of Wayne's World at Ford City Mall. They played a trailer for White Me Can't Jump. At the end you get the title card and the voice over "WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP", to which some yells immediately...."and ******* can't swim!". Was half expecting a riot after that one. |
Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
Originally Posted by macnorton
(Post 8766989)
I have had that happen on a few occasions. I got sucker punched by one of the guys at Shallow Hal...he took offensive to my comment and hit me in the dark. Hence why I was carried out. Got in another brawl after some dude thought I was hitting on his girlfruend. He tried to sucker punch me and my friend laid him out. His girlfriend was not impressed. And there was another time after Solaris when I was with two friends (my buddy's girlfriend and this chick who was with me). Some guy starts hitting on my friend's girl and she polietly tells him that she is taken. I have to get invovled, he swings at me, I hit him and next thing I know I am in my friend's basement pulling glass out of the back of my head. |
Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
I remember the midnight release screening of The Phantom Menace, which was a very attentive, dedicated audience. Near the end, when Palpatine remarks that he'd be watching Anakin's career with "great interest," some guy called out, "That's what we call 'foreshadowing'." I think it was effective because 1) it was the only remark I remember hearing throughout the movie and 2) it was near the last few minutes. Possibly, because the audience realized they were going to need to generate their own entertainment by that point.
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Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
Originally Posted by Ky-Fi
(Post 9488469)
Yep, sounds pretty much like my experience once at an afternoon showing of "The Remains of the Day". Good thing I had a blade on me.
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Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
Horror movies are the best for these...people tend to blurt things out of surprise, and not just to be funny. My favorite was when we went to see The Others. Towards the end, when that creepy old woman opens her eyes, you can see they're all white and cloudy. Some woman behind us yells, "DAMN...bitch got cataracts!"
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Re: Funny one liners from the audience?
As the end credits began rolling for The Blair Witch Project, one guy yelled out "Guess I'm not going to sleep tonight!" which got some laughs.
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