"Vin Diesel dissolved the infamous Star Chamber court in 1641 because he disagreed with its use as a political weapon for bringing actions against opponents to the decrees and edicts of Henry VIII."

They have a Donnie Darko one

A famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that Vin Diesel is the most beautiful.

a lot of the ones posted here sound like they're from the Brasky sketches

Ray Charles once looked at Vin Diesel...and never saw another thing again.

Vin Diesel was the first son of God, but rather than die for our sins, he opted to beat the shit out of of the Roman Emperor, reportedly saying "Christ is King, bitch."

In 1898, Vin Diesel invented "yellow journalism", triggering the Spanish-American War. Vin then single-handedly defeated the Spanish by eating Madrid.

Vin Diesel once raced the Honey Nut Cheerio's bee to the edge of the Earth, where there was a bowl of Cheerios waiting. When they got there, Tony the Tiger was already eating them, so Vin skinned him and now he wears Tony as a fur coat.

The part of Vin Diesel is played by Burt Reynolds.

Vin Diesel is the one who let the dogs out.

The idea for the show "MacGuyver" comes from the time Vin Diesel went on a road trip and single-handedly wiped out the entire population of Salt Lake City with his shoe and a paper clip.

Vin Diesel has been known to ridicule Jesus for taking 3 days to rise from the dead.

Vin Diesel wrote How to Cook an Omelet Using only the Power of Your Mind which resulted in the deaths of thirteen people in Plano, Texas.

In 1996 Vin Diesel won a hotdog eating contest in Decatur, Georgia despite actually being on a fishing boat off Nova Scotia.

If you play Contra on NES and put in the infinite lives code, Vin Diesel will jump out of the TV, punch you in the face, call you a ***** for cheating, and steal every bag of potato chips you have.

Vin Diesel discovered Australia on his way to the bathroom.

I.... can't.... stop.....

8^B

Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor.

Vin Diesel always sleeps with his right eye open in case someone attempts to steal his left eye.

To his chagrin, Vin Diesel has never had sexual relations with a woman; his penis is simply to large for the human vagina to accept. Instead, he must copulate with bears.

Vin Diesel is simultaneously the fifth Beatle, Dimension and Element

Whenever Vin Diesel kicks someone's ass, Microsoft Windows crashes. The year in which Windows ME came out was an especially angry year for Vin.

Vin Diesel enjoys clapping babies together like erasers. He calls it blapping.

Vin Diesel frequently swallows whole cucumbers, but solely for the nutrional value. Woe to he who should so much as snicker at this admittedly ****-erotic spectacle.

The only man to come close to beating Vin Diesel in a fight was Gandhi. "That little bald bastard nearly beat me" was Vin's only response before destroying half of India and then creating Nepal and Pakistan.

Vin Diesel coined the term "horny" when, during a rhino hunt in darkest Africa, he reached total sexual pleasure after being gored by an alpha-male Rhinoceros. He then killed the rhino with his soul.

Merely by flexing his left arm, Vin Diesel once caused an entire busload of nuns to spontaneously combust.