Ain't It Cool Talkbacks
05-23-05, 02:49 PM
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Ain't It Cool Talkbacks
Having enjoyed Ep. I-III (yes they're 5 stars in my movie guide)
AICN's Talkbacks are filled with the most newbish, assholish, mind-numbing people on the planet, but they are perhaps the funniest things i ever saw in each topic there is almost always a lot of gold caliber funny posts. What peaks this? The Star Wars talk backs are the cream of the crop over there, and they a million posts each. I'll have a few highlights from the humor (you have to have a sick sense of humor for some of those demented people that post there though)
I highly recommend watching this chaos from afar and not intervene. Noticable that Talkback #1 is everyone generally loved it, Talkback #2, the tornado sets in and it's a mess...
Talkback 1
Talkback 2
Toward the end of the TB's it reverts to no holding back for these peons because nothing's left to discuss only flame wars and disagreements
TB 2 is more violent...
AICN's Talkbacks are filled with the most newbish, assholish, mind-numbing people on the planet, but they are perhaps the funniest things i ever saw in each topic there is almost always a lot of gold caliber funny posts. What peaks this? The Star Wars talk backs are the cream of the crop over there, and they a million posts each. I'll have a few highlights from the humor (you have to have a sick sense of humor for some of those demented people that post there though)
I highly recommend watching this chaos from afar and not intervene. Noticable that Talkback #1 is everyone generally loved it, Talkback #2, the tornado sets in and it's a mess...
Talkback 1
Talkback 2
I ran into Hayden Whateverhisnameis the other day.
He seemed kinda weepy, so I said, "Hey Hay, why so glum? You are, after all, one of the non-CGI characters in the biggest movie of, um, June." And he responded, "Yeah, that's it exactly. When I signed on the told me I'd be the next Guy-Who-Does-The-Joker's-Voice-In-That-Cool-Cartoon, but here I am, ten year's later, and still no one know's the correct spelling of my name." "Well," I sympathisized, "Stardom is a fickle thing." "Fuck off," he said. "Dawson pouts better than you do," I retorted. Then he started crying, and I felt really, so i let him play with the fake lightsaber I got in the box of Corn Pops I had for breakfast. That seemed to cheer him up.
He seemed kinda weepy, so I said, "Hey Hay, why so glum? You are, after all, one of the non-CGI characters in the biggest movie of, um, June." And he responded, "Yeah, that's it exactly. When I signed on the told me I'd be the next Guy-Who-Does-The-Joker's-Voice-In-That-Cool-Cartoon, but here I am, ten year's later, and still no one know's the correct spelling of my name." "Well," I sympathisized, "Stardom is a fickle thing." "Fuck off," he said. "Dawson pouts better than you do," I retorted. Then he started crying, and I felt really, so i let him play with the fake lightsaber I got in the box of Corn Pops I had for breakfast. That seemed to cheer him up.
Greedo fires first. Boy did Lucas F up this trilogy. Midiclorians? Unforgivable!
Let's call this Ep1 and start over
go suck an elderly man's asshole until it prolapses into your mouth and half way down your throat and chokes you to death, you sad ignorant fuck.
I agree, who gives a fuck about audience reaction? audience reaction should be complete silence. I never make a sound during a movie because I AM CONSIDERATE fuck people that make noise in response to the movie. they should all die horribly in car wrecks on the way home
Just saw it and I DEMANDED MY FUCKING MONEY BACK FROM THE COCKSLURPING THEATER OWNER!!! FUCKING GARBAGE OF THE LOWEST ORDER, No pacing, NO decent acting, I WANT TO RAPE AND EAT LUCAS' FUCKING CHILDREN BEFORE I FIST HIS ASS TO DEATH!!!
Oh and Windu's death was FUCKING PATHETIC. I wanted Plapatine to keep frying him until he was DEAD!, DEAD!!, DEAD!!! But NOOOO he has to fall out the window like a LITTLE BITCH!!!
The problem, Powermetal, is that LUCAS HAS NO PRIDE IN HIS WORK and it shows. If he didn't give a shit then why not GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY like he did on Empire and I don't think that it's a coincidence that it's the best film out of all of them!
You got that FUCKING RIGHT You Know My Name, I beat my cock untill only air is shooting out and then I stick it in yo mama a few more times but her fucking *****'s soo loose that my wallet fell in and I can't get it out!!!
I cried at the end because the film was soo bad that it made my ass cave in and implode causing shit to spew from my mouth all over the fucking screen!!!
I was dissapointed that Anakin didn't cut off the youngling's heads before shoving his cock into their throats and pissing out of their mouths!!! The clonetroopers would then come into the room and find Anakin eating one of the younglings...RAW
Afraid of shooting action scene's, FEAR NOT, shoot everything in close-up's and flash lights into the audience's eye's so that they mistake they're seizures for bedazzlement" Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the GEORGE LUCAS SCHOOL OF FILMMAKING
This the best movie of the year and I will see it at least another 4 times
Did anyone catch the DBZ style quotes? I remember during the Count Dooku confrontation, Anakin said something like: "My powers are 10 times greater than before!!"
Vader screaming no is just fine fuck off and die morons
Why not Britany Spears as Padme?
Note to Lucas: DVD, change "Noooo...!" to "Awww, Shiiiiiiiiit!"
"And I will give Gandalf a lap dance" - very good, will you both be on horseback?
There are a bunch of assholes here who just want to shit on everything. What? This is what? Ain't it cool news? Oh, right, yeah, the assholes are here. The ******* are on Fark. Don't mind me, I'm just being a dick. ...assholes.
As for the last shot in the film, what a load of shit, two fucking nobody actors no one gives two fucks about looking at a sunset.........
05-23-05, 02:58 PM
#3
DVD Talk Ultimate Edition
I try not to frequent AICN, especially the talkbacks. The only time I'll check that site is when some really big movie I'm excited for is coming out.
The talkbacks sound like a bunch of backwater teenagers who have no friends.
That one was classic though! 
The talkbacks sound like a bunch of backwater teenagers who have no friends.
As for the last shot in the film, what a load of shit, two fucking nobody actors no one gives two fucks about looking at a sunset.........
05-23-05, 03:04 PM
#5
DVD Talk Legend
I have an MP3 of a radio show Kevin Smith did, and during it he read a bunch of the Talk Backs about his review of Sith a month or so ago.. it was the funniest thing I've hear in a LONG time, he read them all kind of exaggerated in different character tones and just overall kind of poking fun at them.
05-23-05, 03:05 PM
#7
DVD Talk Legend
As for the last shot in the film, what a load of shit, two fucking nobody actors no one gives two fucks about looking at a sunset.........
That one was classic though!
That one was classic though!
05-23-05, 03:25 PM
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I used to get peeved at how nasty the talkbackers can get, but have come to the realization that they're only there to make people laugh. Most of them probably don't even dislike what they're bashing, but since everyone else is doing it... why not?
05-23-05, 04:21 PM
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There was a TB long ago i remember one of the first i read about the Trilogy DVD changes, let me tell you how it hit the fan, perhaps the funniest ever. The best TBs are about things that fans would not like as much. I can't find it now but i remember on the topic of Hayden's ghost on RoTJ someone said "Let's add Mace Windu there too, and Qui-Gonn, Jar Jar, Britany Spears and Justin Timberlake too since Lucas's daughter likes that"
On a recent TB some french chick reviewing for AICN had the opportunity to go to Cannes and gave her review of RoTS, disliking it. She also apparently typed it all in french, and then translated it to English using something like the BabelFish engine resulting it a lot of grammar errors. This travesty of a review was begging on its knees to be utterly savaged by the talkbackers and promptly done so with such a concentration...
Cannes review
And it reverts to flaming in the end again.
On a recent TB some french chick reviewing for AICN had the opportunity to go to Cannes and gave her review of RoTS, disliking it. She also apparently typed it all in french, and then translated it to English using something like the BabelFish engine resulting it a lot of grammar errors. This travesty of a review was begging on its knees to be utterly savaged by the talkbackers and promptly done so with such a concentration...
Cannes review
I have to say that the dumbass that wrote this review needs to stick to films like "magnolia". ALSO, they need to get their literary shit together. Dialogues? Plural? dumbass. There were too many idiotic "im not a fan of this series and Im here to see ART FILMS, goddammit!" moments in this review to take it too seriously. I get the idea that this chick was all together too pretentious to really give much of a review about this film.
"After all, the Lucasian universe is drained of all reference to bodily functions. Nobody ingests or excretes. Language remains unblue. Smoking and cursing are out of bounds, as is drunkenness" ------------ No reference to body functions? What series is this guy watching? In each film humanoids and aliens are seen eating food and sometimes other humanoids and aliens. There is farting, shit-stepping and burping. Lots of alcohol and even death-sticks. Sex? Well, Shmi was clearly on the wrong end of a Tusken gangbang []and it doesn't look like Jabba planned on reading Leia some poetry. If the reviewer wants to write a funny review, that's okay, but he should at least get right the things he wishes mock.
]and it doesn't look like Jabba planned on reading Leia some poetry. If the reviewer wants to write a funny review, that's okay, but he should at least get right the things he wishes mock.
Who is Alex Guiness?
What the fuck??? Who the hell can understand what this pinhead is saying? The writer clearly didn't even like the film before they even sat down to watch it. Can someone at AICN please do a bit of editing? It's emabarassing - i mean, the reviewers opinion is one thing but i at least want to be able to understand what they are saying!!
The French love the saga. It has been all over the news the past two days, so this one poorly-written review hardly represents the festival reaction
Was that review translated from French by Babelfish? Not making a good deal of grammatical senses was that review.
And it was felt in the screening room that I was not the only one to think that : there were almost no reactions during the film and the applauses were quite cold and not long, especially for an Out of Competition film and a Star Wars film morevoer when t
What the shit does that even mean?
What the shit does that even mean?
Odd Coincidence I find it oddly coincidental that the writing in the review is also as appalling as the reviewer claims the writing in the film to be.
Oh, those "cloud-of-despair" cineasts! Why can't they just lay back and enjoy it, like any dumb-fuck American?
"Short applause?" BULLSHIT. From what I've been reading, the evening premiere ended in a PROLONGED standing ovation for Lucas and the present actors. I don't know what screening this bitch went to but it must have been filled with a bunch of other sad sacks. I could post a review of what my 85 year-old grandmother thinks about ROTS, but no one would give a shit because that's not who the film is aimed at. Thanks anyway.
This review is bullshit. Instead of boring us with a dozen unrelated paragraphs, get to the point, or at least give us your credentials. The first problem is, you're not Harry, and we don't want to hear about how you woke up and got in line. Blah blah blah. Poor dialogue? Dialogue is over rated. I find fault in a film with lame ass visuals wayyy quicker than one with lack luster dialogue. Oooohhhh, sorry Star Wars isn't some pretentious art house horse shit.
OMG, what is going wrong with that chick. itīs not the typical prequel-bashing what bothers me here (you know...."too much CGI", "crappy dialogs" "cheesy moments").........i mean ALEX guiness!!!! everyone with a little bit cinema backround knowledge knows sir alec guiness. now THAT is what bothers me. ok ok maybe iīm nitbicking here. but i saw severel reviews that were almosst the same. what was she expecting??? BEN fucking HUR. itīs star wars!!! itīs sitting in the cinema and eating a pound of expensive chocolate. itīs toy-lightsaber wielding. itīs taunting your friends with "iīve been exepting you, young skywalker" when they are late. i saw the goddam movie at press screening here in austria and it was perfect.i liked the nooo moment. i liked anakinīs turning....ah damnit I LIKED EVERY SECOND OF THAT ONE.
This stuffy **** was obviously not paying attention to this film. For once, there are more positive reviews than negative for a "Prequel" film. Her attention was obviously diverted by gazing around the room, looking for the largest, most phallic looking object to shove up her cooter. "Excuse me, garcon'? I need a refill on my chai latte. Oh, and could you tell the projectionist to hurry this fucker up so I can go and watch something "arty"? I mean, after all, this is Cannes, you underpaid scroat muffin!"
"zees movie...eet ees SHEET!So appaling, thees dialogues, with the Hayden Christensen and zee CGI. Bah! I speet my Gauloises at thees peecture!!"
What a fucken brilliant critical analysis....and by "brilliant," I mean retarded. Someone should tell this dumb twat it's hard to find her opinion credible when she dismisses Christensen's entire performance by citing a scene in which he's completely covered in a costume and his dialogue is dubbed by James Earl Jones. That is, of course, unless the way Hayden lifted his arms was really unconvincing. Stupid syphilitic ****.
05-23-05, 07:03 PM
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Here is another priceless one from Sith Talkback 2
You saw a slave Leia that weighed 220lbs?
by googamooga 2005-05-21 16:52:20
You lucky bastard! All the slave Leias at my screening weighed in excess of 300lbs! Though to be fair, they looked positively petite next to all the 440lb stormtroopers and Darth Vaders. I'm beginning to think that "The 501st" is a reference to weight.... Either that, or the number of times they masturbated to 220lb Slave Leias.
You saw a slave Leia that weighed 220lbs?
by googamooga 2005-05-21 16:52:20
You lucky bastard! All the slave Leias at my screening weighed in excess of 300lbs! Though to be fair, they looked positively petite next to all the 440lb stormtroopers and Darth Vaders. I'm beginning to think that "The 501st" is a reference to weight.... Either that, or the number of times they masturbated to 220lb Slave Leias.
