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This just in: Paramount is COMPLETLY out of ideas!

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This just in: Paramount is COMPLETLY out of ideas!

Old 05-23-04, 04:27 AM
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This just in: Paramount is COMPLETLY out of ideas!

From Badmovies.net:

Paramount seems to have totally abandoned the idea of producing original movies instead deciding to focus on making movies based on old TV shows. Currently on Paramount’s slate of TV-to-film projects are 21 JUMP STREET, LAVERNE & SHIRLEY (Say what?), BEWITCHED, and THE LOVE BOAT. So what’s one more? Last week Paramount announced they plan to make a big screen PARTRIDGE FAMILY movie. Even worse, Variety reports that the film will not be a campy comedy in the vein of those BRADY BUNCH movies but “a mainstream family movie in the vein of SCHOOL OF ROCK”. I got the perfect tagline for this movie. “Hey, come on! Get crappy!”
Oh, but it gets even better. . . .

Nickelodeon and Paramount are clearly run by total loons because they actually are moving forward with a big screen movie based on the popular WHERE’S WALDO? books. About.com spoke to the screenwriters who claimed the movie is going to be “this gigantic, magical, eyepopping thing for 4 year-olds to 4 year-olds of all ages.” This is already sounding like a Simpsons’ parody. Are these guys writers or PR guys? Who the hell talks like that? They went on to claim “It’s going to be a combination of live action with a lot of computer stuff. Vibrant colors – it’s going to be just an enormous spectacle." And if you need any further proof of their insanity, the screenwriters revealed their choices for the title role – Ashton Kutcher or Jimmy Fallon. Ashton Kutcher? As Waldo? Hell, just make it a stoner comedy and call it “DUDE, WHERE’S WALDO?” Might as well because clearly these guys are smoking something mighty powerful.
I weep for humanity. . . .
Old 05-23-04, 04:30 AM
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This just in: Paramount is COMPLETLY out of ideas!
That actually didn't JUST come in. They've been out of ideas for a long time.
Old 05-23-04, 04:52 AM
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Whoever can't see the potential for a surrealist masterpiece in Where's Waldo? should look harder.
Old 05-23-04, 08:46 AM
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Most studios are totally out of ideas. If a film isn't based on a TV show or a remake of another movie, chances are it's based on a book or something from history. Very few Hollywood movies are original ideas.
Old 05-23-04, 09:17 AM
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and their home video wing is crap as well
Old 05-23-04, 09:33 AM
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No, I don't think it's bad yet. When they announce Cheers the Motion Picture I am throwing in the towel.

Last edited by calhoun07; 05-23-04 at 09:36 AM.
Old 05-23-04, 10:35 AM
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^^ ^^
Old 05-23-04, 12:29 PM
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Originally posted by calhoun07
No, I don't think it's bad yet. When they announce Cheers the Motion Picture I am throwing in the towel.
"This summer... everyone will know your name..."

Paramount has only released 5 movies this year and most of them haven't even done well. Thus they're trying to make films with already established names/franchises.

And thus they will fail.
Old 05-23-04, 12:47 PM
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Originally posted by Suprmallet
Whoever can't see the potential for a surrealist masterpiece in Where's Waldo? should look harder.
"Where's Waldo?" could be awesome! I remember the cartoon being some crazy stuff.

"21 Jump Street" sounds amusing.

The others have a lot of potential to be bad. But I'll at least wait for a trailer.
Old 05-23-04, 12:52 PM
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"21 Jump Street" sounds amusing.
I had this idea for months and the only way a 21 Jump Street would work is as a hard-R action film (in the vein of say a Michael Bay film) with pieces of dark humor spread around the flick (ex: cameos from the original cast and that Holly Robinson Peete's cameo has her getting killed).
Old 05-23-04, 01:08 PM
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Partridge Family?

I know movimaking is a business and all, but wouldn't someone have enough common sense to see that this would be BAD business to even consider making this movie?
Old 05-23-04, 01:23 PM
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Obviously they'll keep on making this crap as long as people keep going to see it. And let's face it, Americans ain't getting any smarter.

(Down to buying about 2-3 new release DVD's per year)
Old 05-23-04, 01:28 PM
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Originally posted by Panda Phil
Obviously they'll keep on making this crap as long as people keep going to see it. And let's face it, Americans ain't getting any smarter.

Nor are their leaders.
Old 05-23-04, 01:44 PM
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Originally posted by Suprmallet
Whoever can't see the potential for a surrealist masterpiece in Where's Waldo? should look harder.
Who else immediately thought of the "Where's the Fishy?" sequence from Monty Python's Meaning of Life?
Old 05-23-04, 02:27 PM
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in other news paramount has agreed to finanance three more star trek movies as well as several Enterprise spin off's, including comedy sitcoms of life in the future.
Old 05-23-04, 02:37 PM
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Paramount = the FOX Network of movie studios.
Old 05-23-04, 02:52 PM
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Why is this a surprise to anyone? Why does anyone think that this is something new?

As far back as the 30's and 40's, popular shows from radio were turned into big-screen features, including Amos and Andy, The Life Of Riley, Our Miss Brooks, Dr. Kildare and My Friend Irma.
Old 05-23-04, 03:35 PM
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Uh, Bewitched happens to be a Sony film.
Old 05-23-04, 03:56 PM
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It's not just Paramount... all the other major US studio's are out of ideas (or too stubborn to choose the right scripts).

If you want quality, you have to look towards the independant and foreign films.
Old 05-23-04, 04:48 PM
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Originally posted by devilshalo
Uh, Bewitched happens to be a Sony film.
Bewitched actually sounded interesting to me when they were talking Nicole Kidman and Jim Carey.

Now that it's Kidman and Will Ferrel I'm not so sure.
Old 05-24-04, 08:44 AM
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Originally posted by Coral
It's not just Paramount... all the other major US studio's are out of ideas (or too stubborn to choose the right scripts).

If you want quality, you have to look towards the independant and foreign films.
Their indie/foreign film arm of Paramount - Paramount Classics has too few movies, I would wish they would be more aggressive in acquisitions and releases.
Old 05-24-04, 08:57 AM
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As far back as the 30's and 40's, popular shows from radio were turned into big-screen features, including Amos and Andy, The Life Of Riley, Our Miss Brooks, Dr. Kildare and My Friend Irma.
They also took popular books and turned them into movies too... you're right, they had no ideas back then too!!!

Radio & TV are almost 2 entirely different things, radio has no images...and how many TV shows were being converted into films in the 50's, 60's & 70's?...not very many.

Today, it seems as if 75% of the films coming out of Hollywood are remakes and sequels or based on TV shows, video games & amusement rides. The lack (and avoidance due to risk) of new ideas is at epidemic proportions right now in Hollywood.

Last edited by Jaymole; 05-24-04 at 09:02 AM.
Old 05-24-04, 10:28 PM
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They're run by Viacom. WTF do you expect?

And I love how recently the top brass was like "no, no, we REALLY WANT to make 9-figure budgeted films again!" as if that was a positive thing.

The top writers and directors usually avoid Paramount like the plague--for good reason.

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