funniest critic blurb youv'e ever read?
02-21-03, 12:39 PM
#26
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bmore sun for gods and generals
"Gods and Generals tells a story Trent Lott could love - but even he might wish it worked better as a movie."
"Gods and Generals tells a story Trent Lott could love - but even he might wish it worked better as a movie."
02-21-03, 05:42 PM
#28
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"This movie doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't the bottom of the barrel. This movie isn't below the bottom of the barrel. This movie doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels."
-Roger Ebert on "Freddy Got Fingered"
-Roger Ebert on "Freddy Got Fingered"
02-21-03, 07:45 PM
#31
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I found it funny because I had already seen it, but a week into the release of "The 6th sense" in theatres , some idiot bubblehead hostess of our french canadian "Entertainment Tonight" told the punchline of the movie in her review 
04-03-03, 05:18 PM
#32
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Originally posted by Smidget
On the tv ad for Dark Blue it says "The best movie of 2003 so far!" lol I laugh everytime.....
On the tv ad for Dark Blue it says "The best movie of 2003 so far!" lol I laugh everytime.....
for phone booth
"Not only lacks the thrills and drama one might hope, it's not even half as terrifying as those Carrot Top commercials for AT&T."
04-03-03, 07:35 PM
#33
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Originally posted by Robert
NBC promoting the now canceled U.C. Undercover
From the writer of Armageddon!
NBC promoting the now canceled U.C. Undercover
From the writer of Armageddon!
" ``Armageddon'' reportedly used the services of nine writers. Why did it need any? The dialogue is either shouted one-liners or romantic drivel. ``It's gonna blow!'' is used so many times, I wonder if every single writer used it once, and then sat back from his word processor with a contented smile on his face, another day's work done."
Last edited by MurraySiskind; 04-03-03 at 08:18 PM.
11-27-03, 10:11 PM
#35
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"Creepier than Michael Jackson's mug shot, and yet very similar. Parents shouldn't leave their kids alone with this circus sideshow, either."
-- Collin Souter, for the cat in the hat
-- Collin Souter, for the cat in the hat
11-27-03, 11:22 PM
#36
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I wont post all the pics but they have a few versions of these and blurbs.
http://www.moviepoopshoot.com/mess/archives.html
These are some greats:
Edward Johnson-Ott of Nuvo Newsweekly on MEN IN BLACK II
"You will need to lover your expectations. A lot. No, more than that."
Wesley Morris of The Boston Globe on JASON X
"In episode nine, Jason went to hell. Now, with the 10th, it's your turn."
Steve Rhodes' Internet Reviews on KNOCKAROUND GUYS
"Wait for video - and then don't rent it!"
Roger Moore of The Orlando Sentinel on ADAM SANDLER'S EIGHT CRAZY NIGHTS
"Sets animation back 30 years, musicals back 40 years and Judaism back at least 50."
One from aint it cool:
MASKED & ANONYMOUS is an exquisite work of unmitigated shit.
This may very well be the greatest waste of talent in the history of cinema....The astonishing bit about this film is how you can’t look away. No matter what, you’ll sit there with some grain of hope. You’ll think to yourself while watching this, “It must get better,” but like me, you’d be wrong.
MST3K:
Crow:This film DARES you to watch it.
11-28-03, 03:07 AM
#37
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"This year's Lake Placid!" - VHS Cover of Python
"If you loved Anaconda, you'll love Python!" - DVD Cover of Python
Two of my favorite quotes that I've found while browsing the DVDs at work.
"If you loved Anaconda, you'll love Python!" - DVD Cover of Python
Two of my favorite quotes that I've found while browsing the DVDs at work.
11-28-03, 11:10 AM
#38
DVD Talk Platinum Edition
Originally posted by Five Cent Deposit
A few years ago I was in a video store withe some buddies. We had a habit of renting the lastest Ice-T, Van Damme, et al. straight to video releases. They're great for laughs late at night. We stumbled on a movie sitting on the new releaserr rack... called "Sabotage". The star was Marc Dacascos. I'm too lazy to make a link to imdb, or to check if it was actually attributed to a "critic" (it may have just been the tag-line, but that would be even funnier).
What did it say on the box? "Every bit as good as SNIPER!"
Since then, my friends and I use this line whenever we can, substituting other titles when appropriate.
A few years ago I was in a video store withe some buddies. We had a habit of renting the lastest Ice-T, Van Damme, et al. straight to video releases. They're great for laughs late at night. We stumbled on a movie sitting on the new releaserr rack... called "Sabotage". The star was Marc Dacascos. I'm too lazy to make a link to imdb, or to check if it was actually attributed to a "critic" (it may have just been the tag-line, but that would be even funnier).
What did it say on the box? "Every bit as good as SNIPER!"
Since then, my friends and I use this line whenever we can, substituting other titles when appropriate.
11-28-03, 11:36 AM
#40
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Not really funny, but a great quote from Roger Ebert (from his Bad Santa review):
If you understand why "Kill Bill" is a good movie and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is not, and "Bad Santa" is a good movie and "The Cat in the Hat" is not, then you have freed yourself from the belief that a movie's quality is determined by its subject matter. You instinctively understand that a movie is not about what it is about, but about how it is about it.
11-28-03, 12:17 PM
#42
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For Bad Boys 2:
"Sometimes, it's damn depressing to be a movie critic." - James Berardinelli
"Everybody involved in this project needs to do some community service." - Roger Ebert
"Sometimes, it's damn depressing to be a movie critic." - James Berardinelli
"Everybody involved in this project needs to do some community service." - Roger Ebert
11-28-03, 01:02 PM
#43
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Originally posted by MurraySiskind
Speaking of Armageddon, i've always loved what Roger Ebert said about the screenwriting:
" ``Armageddon'' reportedly used the services of nine writers. Why did it need any? The dialogue is either shouted one-liners or romantic drivel. ``It's gonna blow!'' is used so many times, I wonder if every single writer used it once, and then sat back from his word processor with a contented smile on his face, another day's work done."
Speaking of Armageddon, i've always loved what Roger Ebert said about the screenwriting:
" ``Armageddon'' reportedly used the services of nine writers. Why did it need any? The dialogue is either shouted one-liners or romantic drivel. ``It's gonna blow!'' is used so many times, I wonder if every single writer used it once, and then sat back from his word processor with a contented smile on his face, another day's work done."
Ebert's hilarious!
11-28-03, 01:06 PM
#44
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"Gigli is so horrible I had to go cleanse my palate afterward by watching Glitter."
-- Danny Minton, KBTV-NBC (BEAUMONT, TX)
"The movie may be called Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, but it could've been called Audience vs. Dozing Off."
-- SAN DIEGO UNION-TRIBUNE
"[master of disguise]This kiddie-oriented stinker is so bad that I even caught the gum stuck under my seat trying to sneak out of the theater"
-- Donald Munro, FRESNO BEE
and then 2 Ebert quotes:
Resident Evil: "Since the grid is inescapable, what were the earlier lasers about? Does the corridor have a sense of humor?"
"Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way."
-- Danny Minton, KBTV-NBC (BEAUMONT, TX)
"The movie may be called Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, but it could've been called Audience vs. Dozing Off."
-- SAN DIEGO UNION-TRIBUNE
"[master of disguise]This kiddie-oriented stinker is so bad that I even caught the gum stuck under my seat trying to sneak out of the theater"
-- Donald Munro, FRESNO BEE
and then 2 Ebert quotes:
Resident Evil: "Since the grid is inescapable, what were the earlier lasers about? Does the corridor have a sense of humor?"
"Battlefield Earth is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It's not merely bad; it's unpleasant in a hostile way."
11-28-03, 02:47 PM
#45
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[i]Originally posted by Doctorwho
These are some greats:
Edward Johnson-Ott of Nuvo Newsweekly on MEN IN BLACK II
"You will need to lover your expectations. A lot. No, more than that."
[/B]
These are some greats:
Edward Johnson-Ott of Nuvo Newsweekly on MEN IN BLACK II
"You will need to lover your expectations. A lot. No, more than that."
[/B]
11-28-03, 03:49 PM
#46
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Originally posted by majorjoe23
I tried to lover my expectations, but Men in Black II just didn't get them in the mood.
I tried to lover my expectations, but Men in Black II just didn't get them in the mood.
You are the weakest link, goodbye.
11-28-03, 04:15 PM
#47
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Originally posted by Doctorwho
Wow a typo joke. That's great. Hilarious. You should be on the tonight show. Seriously. Really great. You deserve a career in jokes.
You are the weakest link, goodbye.
Wow a typo joke. That's great. Hilarious. You should be on the tonight show. Seriously. Really great. You deserve a career in jokes.
You are the weakest link, goodbye.
Is that your final answer?'
EDIT: Didn't realize that you were the same one who posted the blurbs. I do appreciate the blurbs, they're funny as hell. It's just that typos that can take on a sexual conotation can be funny. Sometimes they lead to comic gold, sometimes they lead to... well, they can't all be zingers.
Last edited by majorjoe23; 11-28-03 at 04:27 PM.
11-29-03, 01:15 AM
#50
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From Roger Ebert's review of "Lost in Translation".....
....And the hooker sent up to Bob's room, whose approach is melodramatic and archaic; she has obviously not studied the admirable Japanese achievements in porno.
