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Review wanted BEOWULF....

Old 10-15-00, 12:53 AM
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has anyone seen this that can review it? It has gotten some decent reviews, but since it is being released by a Di$ney company it is a VERY expensive disk ($32.99 with absolutely NO extras).

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Old 10-15-00, 09:15 PM
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Sorry, not a review....I just remembered reading this in my british literature class. as far as the story is concerned....stinks. awful book/poem.
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Old 10-15-00, 10:07 PM
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I read a great piece about it in the November issue of Fangoria. Seems it's a futuristic telling of the classic tale starring Christopher Lambert and the cantastic Rhona Mitra (model for Laura Croft and the nekkid neighbor in Hollow Man), with some serious CG baddies.

You're right about the steep MSRP and the typical Buena Vista aversion to extras. I've inquired about getting a review copy, as I'm also leery about buying the disc sight unseen.

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Old 10-15-00, 11:04 PM
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It was the Fangoria article (and being a Lambert fan) that prompted me to ask about any reviews. We didn't get it in at the Blockbuster I work at, so I wasn't able to watch it in advanced. I finally ordered it from Buy.com, and it shipped out on Friday. I should have it soon, it better being good with that incredibly high price (I noticed HELLRAISER: INFERNO was just released through a Di$ney company and it is also steeply priced with Suncoast having it ONSALE for $32.99)

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Old 10-16-00, 11:36 AM
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www.aint-it-cool-news.com and www.darkhorizons.com have run reader reviews of it periodically for the last few months. Many months actually - It's been completed for a long time. That should tell you something about its quality. Most reviews said it was awful. Apparently it's a dark mix of sci-fi and fantasy but doesn't live up to the premise. But who knows? Chris Lambert does a lot of films and we see maybe half of them in North America.
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Old 10-17-00, 02:39 AM
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Christopher Lambert--the worst actor in film history?

He seems a likely candidate--I can't think of any other performer as consistently awful as he.
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Old 10-17-00, 06:16 AM
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Old 10-18-00, 08:28 PM
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I saw this dvd at Japan and the movie is not good at all.A few CG's but not really good also.Just rent it.
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Old 12-11-00, 12:44 PM
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I read the poem in a highschool english class and loved it! Has anyone else seen this movie? I might just rent it..
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Old 12-11-00, 02:40 PM
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Recently rented it from Netflix. It sucked! I wasn't expecting much, but it was bad. With the great source material, it had a lot of potential. I guess that potential was lost when they got Christopher Lambert to star in it, though.
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Old 12-12-00, 01:21 AM
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quote:
Originally posted by conscience:
Sorry, not a review....I just remembered reading this in my british literature class. as far as the story is concerned....stinks. awful book/poem.


You should try Grendel, by John Gardner.

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Old 12-12-00, 05:55 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Ford Prefect:
has anyone seen this that can review it?



I haven't seen it yet, but here's a funny review from a MST3K group on the Usenet that recommends it as cheesy fun:

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

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Subject: Re: Cheesy Movie Rec: BEOWULF starring Christopher Lambert
Date: 12/11/2000
Author: Dr Nuncheon

Just finished watching this direct-to-video release (well, OK, it was released theatrically in Europe, which says nothing for their taste) and is of that "entertainingly bad" level of quality that spawns so many great MST episodes, so I thought I'd recommend it here with a short summary. So, read on, but spoilers abound!


As the movie opens, a fortress with a giant mechanical flaming claw on top of it (a sure sign of a quality movie) is under seige. Inside the fortress, a group of armored warriors lead by Hrothgar are hunting a monster. Cleverly, Hrothgar has donned a helmet with no eyeslits before going after the beast. This prevents him from seeing that his daughter's breasts are prepared to spring free from her leather bodice. However, it does not work well against the monster, who kills a few of Hrothgar's friends.

After watching this, a girl (not the daughter, a different girl) decides to run for it. She is caught by the beseiging army, who prepare to execute her with a giant straight-razor. Enter Christopher Lambert. Lambert stars as Conor MacLeod - although he's changed his name to Beowulf, after borrowing Keanu Reeves' wardrobe from THE MATRIX and Wesley Snipes' arsenal from BLADE. He beats up on the beseigers and rescues the girl, but she runs away and dies anyway.

Well, he enters the castle, finds out that it's being terrorized by a guy in a rubber suit and a small CGI budget, and offers to help. First he has to prove himself by defeating the castles current badass (who is obviously not as badass as Grendel, otherwise the movie would be over already). Then Hrothgar gets seduced by a Samantha Fox impersonator who is way too attached to her hair crimper. Oh, and Grendel kills some people.

To protect the women and children, they herd them all into a small enclosed space where nobody can get in except for Grendel. This minor flaw in their plans is quickly discovered, and Beowulf confronts the monster in a scene with choreography reminiscent of the classic martial arts film GYMKHATA. Not surprisingly, he gets clawed to ribbons.

But it's OK, because he gets better, and decides that since fighting the monster with his entire arsenal and a bunch of people helping didn't work, he should confront the beast alone and unarmed except for a spring-loaded dagger made by the inept assistant weaponsmaster (played by some sort of substitute Wayans brother). So he climbs down into the cellars of the Paris Opera House and stands in the middle of the room and waits.

Well, that doesn't work too well, because the monster runs up and whacks him. Undaunted, he tries it again, and it works about as well the second time. Eventually he gets the idea of fighting back, and he uses the dagger to rip Grendel's arm off. He then lets the creature go, because the movie's still got about half an hour before its over.

Anyway, everybody's happy, he sleeps with the girl, and the former resident badass is seduced by the Samantha Fox lookalike (remember her?). Beowulf gets nervous, because there's an "older and more subtle evil" around, and it's making his spider-sense tingle. When he and the girl get to the main hall, we discover that "subtle" means killing people by making them bleed from their ears and mouths, rather than ripping them in half - a very important distinction.

Anyway, Grendel is still alive and kills Hrothgar, and Beowulf kills Grendel. Then the Samantha Fox lookalike shows up and tries to seduce Beowulf, but homie don't play dat, and so she turns into the Borg Queen crossed with a spider and a bat courtesy of the rest of the film's CGI budget. There's some more acrobatic fighting, Beowulf discovers that she has propane for blood, and uses a lamp to blow her up.

In classic B-movie tradition, the castle inexplicably begins to fall apart, and he and the girl escape to go wander around the world fighting evil.

The movie is set to a hideously inappropriate techno soundtrack - my wife is of the opinion that it was trying to be Mortal Kombat, but Lambert was clearly playing MacLeod and not Raiden, so I'm not too sure. Anyway, give it a watch if you're in the mood for that sort of thing.
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Old 12-12-00, 06:57 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Darren Garrison:
quote:
Originally posted by conscience:
Sorry, not a review....I just remembered reading this in my british literature class. as far as the story is concerned....stinks. awful book/poem.


You should try Grendel, by John Gardner.




Yes. Why don't they make a decent film set in the time where these stories belong!

There was an Australian animated film based on Grendel called (stupidly enough) Grendel, Grendel, Grendel that I don't think ever even saw VHS. Peter Ustinov did the voice of the monster.

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Old 12-12-00, 08:33 PM
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"my wife is of the opinion that it was trying to be Mortal Kombat" -dhmac

The reason for that is BEOWULF and MORTAL KOMBAT share a producer, who also produced the second MK movie

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Old 12-13-00, 01:17 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by Matt Parks:
Yes. Why don't they make a decent film set in the time where these stories belong!

There was an Australian animated film based on Grendel called (stupidly enough) Grendel, Grendel, Grendel that I don't think ever even saw VHS. Peter Ustinov did the voice of the monster.



Well, last year, there was a good movie based on a book that, itself, was loosely based on Beowulf - the book is called Eaters of the Dead by Michael Crichton and the movie version is called The 13th Warrior.
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Old 12-13-00, 02:45 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by dhmac:
Well, last year, there was a good movie based on a book that, itself, was loosely based on Beowulf - the book is called Eaters of the Dead by Michael Crichton and the movie version is called The 13th Warrior.



Well, yes, but eaters of the dead was only very loosely based on Beowulf, and that movie was pretty loosely adapted from the book. I'd like to have a movie that actually tells the Beowulf story. I'd like to see a movie that actually was a bunch of guys hanging around drinking in the mead hall, and suddenly there's a monster after them. . .etc., etc.

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