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Should I be upset? (book damage)

Old 02-16-05, 09:20 AM
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Should I be upset? (book damage)

Last night, my fianceť was writing a note off of info from the answering machine, and I walk in and she's doing it using a hardback book as the thing under the paper, so I get upset. Now, there's the good indentation of the persons name, number, and the scribbling to make the pen work on the dust jacket of the cover. I was quite upset (not angry), and it upset her that I was that way (she said "it's just a book"). So I guess I'm wondering if I should have been upset as I was? Not that I'll mention it again, but everytime I pick up that book it's going to bother me. I'm anal with the condition of things, so I realize it could all just be me..
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Old 02-16-05, 09:25 AM
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Originally Posted by reverie
Last night, my fianceť was writing a note off of info from the answering machine, and I walk in and she's doing it using a hardback book as the thing under the paper, so I get upset. Now, there's the good indentation of the persons name, number, and the scribbling to make the pen work on the dust jacket of the cover. I was quite upset (not angry), and it upset her that I was that way (she said "it's just a book"). So I guess I'm wondering if I should have been upset as I was? Not that I'll mention it again, but everytime I pick up that book it's going to bother me. I'm anal with the condition of things, so I realize it could all just be me..
no offense but you have issues..if something as minor ( so minor its a non incident in my eyes) as that sets you off then you aint ready for marriage..again you asked for opinions
oh and dont even think about kids
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Old 02-16-05, 10:05 AM
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Old 02-16-05, 10:50 AM
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Well, I've gotten a good round opinion field from just two people. As I said, it was upsetting only, and I think I barely said two sentences to her about it, and I apologized to her shortly afterward.. It was just kinda the shock of walking into seeing it done I guess.

As far as collectors and condition, I've been told before that when I'm lent things, they come back in better condition.
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Old 02-16-05, 10:55 AM
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"Do you mind if I write on your books?"

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Old 02-16-05, 10:58 AM
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I'm another person that believes it depends on what book it was, condition, edition...etc..I've had people return dvds to me with the cardboard packaging all bent and mishaped. I was pretty pissed.
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Old 02-16-05, 11:13 AM
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Oh man, I'd be upset for sure. However, you only have yourself to blame. If she's doing that do your books, then she doesn't understand how important condition is to you. Explain to her that you have a need to have pristine copies, then ask that she respect that. She obviously doesn't have the same feelings about books, but if she cares for you, she'll change the way she handles your books.
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Old 02-16-05, 11:19 AM
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Old 02-16-05, 11:25 AM
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Old 02-16-05, 12:31 PM
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Originally Posted by James W. Powell
Oh man, I'd be upset for sure. However, you only have yourself to blame. If she's doing that do your books, then she doesn't understand how important condition is to you. Explain to her that you have a need to have pristine copies, then ask that she respect that. She obviously doesn't have the same feelings about books, but if she cares for you, she'll change the way she handles your books.
Very true.

If you're in a serious relationship with someone, then you both have to respectful of the others space and needs.
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Old 02-16-05, 12:46 PM
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Maybe your girlfriend doesn't understand that you intend to keep the book for a long time, re-read it several times over the years, and will have to read her telephone note for a long time to come. It's a lot like her writing notes on a wall.

It still sounds like carelessness, and curable. I once had a guy over to my apartment to drink some beers. He immediately set his bottle on top of my art books that were too big for the bookshelf, potentially leaving rings (or spilling beer) on the top edges of of several books if I'd let that continue. I politely asked him not to do that, and he looked at me as I were the world's biggest a-hole. He had no respect for anyone else's posessions, and made me the villain for it.
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Old 02-16-05, 01:00 PM
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She does understand my oddities, that's the funny thing. I'd think it was just a fluke on her behalf aside from the 'only a book' statement. She's wonderful to the point that she looks for the best condition DVDs if she looks for me for a present, and she even picked up the DVD shake test from my habits. She got mad at a friend once for returning a borrowed cd a little more banged up.

But maybe you're right in that she's with me, but just not up to books? I appreciate all the input here (yeah, even the one who said don't get married and have kids ). Insite was all I was looking for, and an outsiders view, however limited they are with information (obviously, since it's only from me), is helpful.
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Old 02-16-05, 01:22 PM
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Yup, depends on the book. However, more often than not, I'd imagine that it would irritate me as well. Must be the collector's mentality in me.
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Old 02-16-05, 01:42 PM
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Originally Posted by James W. Powell
Oh man, I'd be upset for sure. However, you only have yourself to blame. If she's doing that do your books, then she doesn't understand how important condition is to you. Explain to her that you have a need to have pristine copies, then ask that she respect that. She obviously doesn't have the same feelings about books, but if she cares for you, she'll change the way she handles your books.
I completely agree - just make it clear that your possessions are important to you, and so is the condition that they're in. She'll understand and treat them as you would if she cares about you. My boyfriend is just as careful as I am with hardback books, cds, dvds, you name it - so I trust him implicitly. The one area in which we differ is in paperback books - he bends the spine and I don't - so he doesn't read the paperback books of mine where the condition matters - he just picks up a cheap used copy if after reading a chapter or so he thinks he'd like it. Most of my paperbacks that he'd like to read are used copies anyway, so it's a moot point, but I think it's key to respect your partner's wishes when it comes to how possessions are treated/stored/lent/etc.

It's wonderful that she "gets it" with dvds and cds - books should be a natural next step. Honestly, harback books keep their value much more than dvds or cds on average, so it should make more sense to treat them well rather than less sense. The other thing is to properly store your books - I am a big believer in putting the book back on the shelf if it's not the one I'm currently reading, and if it is the one I'm reading, I never leave it in the kitchen, etc. - only on the nightstand or on the coffee table (but then, no one who knows me would ever conceive of putting food or beverage on a book in my house ).
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Old 02-16-05, 03:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Nick Danger
Maybe your girlfriend doesn't understand that you intend to keep the book for a long time, re-read it several times over the years
If you're going to read it, it's not that collectible.

But you have a right to be pissed. If you cleaned up your spilt beer with one of her sweaters, she'd lose it. Explain the situation to her and if she does it again, dump her.

Best bet is to marry someone who loves books as much as you do!
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Old 02-17-05, 07:38 AM
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Maybe you should give the fiancee a book on how to live with people with OCD?

As a comic collector myself, condition is always key, so I know I'm anal about a book's condition, but many people treat books and comics as throwaway entertainment, and treat them accordingly. So explain to her why this upset you, and that you'd be forever grateful if she could steer clear of using your books when writing notes.
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Old 02-17-05, 08:46 AM
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what a freaking DUMB & STUPID question to ask! I say, do you have issues!!!!!! And then coming to this forum for consolation! How DUMB and stupid can MOST dvdtalkers be!!!!!
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Old 02-17-05, 11:11 AM
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I would be upset. Of course I don't like to right on top of anything but other paper or hard surfaces for the very same reason.

I'm extremely anal about my books. I take expert care of them. I haven't broken the spine on a book since I was 10, and I usually hold the book open on my lap so as not to have to use my hands which would discolor the edges. I've gotten the reading of them down to such a science that if I wanted to, I could return them as new and unread to the bookstore. Of course I don't do that... I like to have my books. The funny thing is, once I'm done reading them, those things no longer bother me as much. I'll let my wife read my books knowing that while she does care about condition she won't be nearly as anal as I am. However it might bother me again if I ever reread the book

Yes I know I have issues.
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Old 02-17-05, 12:24 PM
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You did go a bit overboard, but at least you apologized and all is well.

Now, if you are so careful with things, why was this book lying on the table by the phone and not in the bookshelf where it belongs?
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Old 02-17-05, 12:56 PM
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I would have been incarcerated for spousal abuse...maybe even homicide...
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Old 02-17-05, 01:00 PM
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It was a new purchase and sitting on my nightstand.. by the phone. Trust me, there are no more books laying around now. (Actually, the major laying around offenders were comic books until I get some more bags and backs)

Last edited by reverie; 02-17-05 at 01:09 PM.
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Old 02-17-05, 04:35 PM
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I'm with you reverie. I am really anal about things I collect, especially books. Just explain this to your girlfriend and I'm sure she'll be careful. That's what I did.

Originally Posted by TheNightFlier
I'm another person that believes it depends on what book it was, condition, edition...etc..I've had people return dvds to me with the cardboard packaging all bent and mishaped. I was pretty pissed.
This upsets me like nothing else. It makes me crazy that someone could be so disrespectful to something I let them borrow. For this reason, I am very hesitant to lend out anything that comes in a digipack. People just don't care.
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Old 02-19-05, 09:19 AM
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Just playing devil's advocate for a moment, I kinda like when I pick up a used book and somebody has made notes inside the cover or something. Esp like my copy of A Tale of Two Cities that has my uncle's name written inside it. And my copy of Fahrenheit 451 has sections underlined here and there like someone was studying it for a class. It doesn't detract, and in the case of that book in particular, it's kinda fitting...
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Old 02-19-05, 10:37 AM
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Old 02-19-05, 11:54 AM
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The only writing I like in books is an inscription from the author.

I used to annotate non-fiction books when I was in school, but probably wouldn't even do that now. Most books aren't worth anything, so it doesn't really matter, but I prefer to keep them in pristine condition, if possible.

It's a sickness but a fun one to have.
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