The Mists of Avalon, a novel by Marion Zimmer Bradley, is a re-telling of the Arthurian legend, told from the point of view of the women behind the throne. Not only has Zimmer sold several million copies of this book, but it was just adapted into a miniseries by TNT. My wife has read the book and eagerly watched the miniseries. I would have watched it with her but I seem to have misplaced my vagina.

Anyway, I was curious as to how true to the Arthurian legends (studied and adored by scholars and historians alike for centuries) Zimmer was when she wrote this book so I quizzed by wife about the book. Here, much to my dismay, are just some of the noteworthy omissions from the novel:

• Arthur and his knights never once have a run-in with surly French soldiers.
• There are no anarcho-syndicist communes mentioned at all.
• No killer rabbit, no "nasty big pointy teeth", no Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
• No sorcerer named "Tim." No one is quizzed about the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.
• While the Lady of the Lake does make a crucial appearance, her arm is not particularly clad in the purest shimmering samite. Likewise, she is never referred to as a "watery tart" or a "moistened bink." She never lobs a scimitar at anyone.
• No castles full of women who like spankings.
• No cow-launching catapults.
• No three-headed knights, no shrubbery. As a matter of fact, in the entire 800+ pages of her book, the word "Ni!" never appears once.
• There are no references to migrating coconuts, or even the Kingdom of Mercia for that matter.

Look, I'm glad that Zimmer has chosen such a lofty subject for her novel. However, if the only way she can make money is by publishing revisionist crap like this, I say screw 'er.

dont we have a book forum for this

I'm sure my wife would like "The Mist of Avalon", considering she hated "The Holy Grail". [vaporware shrugs]Women[/vaporware shrugs]

This is funny stuff.

But at the risk of sounding far less masculine than I really am ( ), I am not ashamed to admit that I loved The Mists of Avalon book and enjoyed the TNT miniseries although it, of course, left out a lot.

One of the best things about the Arthur legend is that it is so rich and elemental that it can be told with a seemingly infinite number of variations and be fascinating every time as long as it is well written. And contrary to popular belief, You don't need a vagina to enjoy Bradley's version.

JustinS - what grade did you get on your book report after you turned it in?

Don't worry, Justin. My husband misplaced his vagina, too. He decided to go work on his car, rather than watch The Mists of Avalon.

I liked the movie, though I, too, was disturbed by the lack of "Great Teeth", and chanting monks. Besides, that old witch freaked me out.

Excellent post, Justin.

I didn't watch the movie, but I read 3/4s of the book before I decided it wasn't worth the effort to read to the end.

Seriously, this is a "chick" book, along with the likes of the Color Purple and Amy Tan's novels, but it's even worse. I can't see any man with a penis actually liking this book. At least other books in the genre are enjoyable.

Don't be too hard on Marion Zimmer Bradley not staying faithfull to the Authurian legends, as, they are just legends after all. They're not written in stone (no pun intended) and they were passed-down in a patriarchal environment. In college I took a myth & legends course, and we studied symbolism and origins of myths, and Bradely does quite a respectable job of bringing feminine myths and legends into the story. They were there before, she just brought them to the surface.

Don't know if anyone here has mentioned this in the past, but if you're into the Arthurian legend, you should seriously look into the Dream Of Eagles series, by Canadian author Jack Whyte. This is an excellent series, starting with The Sky Stone, and ending with Sorcerer: Metamorphosis. There is also a new book in the series, called Uther, which should really be read after you read the first six.

One word of note: I was very pleased with all of the books in this series, with the exception of Sorcerer: Metamorphosis. The last half of that book seemed rushed, and in my opinion just wasn't up to the standards of the previous five. That aside, however, I still rank this as one of the best (if not the best) series on this topic.