An Open Letter to the Terminator Owners. From a Very Important Hollywood Mogul
Dear Sirs/Ma'ams,
I am Joss Whedon, the mastermind behind Titan A.E., Parenthood (not the movie) (or the new series) (or the one where 'hood' was capitalized 'cause it was a pun), and myriad other legendary tales. I have heard through the 'grapevine' that the Terminator franchise is for sale, and I am prepared to make a pre-emptive bid RIGHT NOW to wrap this dealio up. This is not a joke, this is not a scam, this is not available on TV. I will write a check TODAY for $10,000, and viola! Terminator off your hands.
No, you didn't miscount. That's four -- FOUR! -- zeroes after that one. That's to show you I mean business. And I mean show business. Nikki Finke says the Terminator concept is played. Well, here's what I have to say to Nikki Finke: you are a fine journalist and please don't ever notice me. The Terminator story is as formative and important in our culture -- and my pretend play -- as any I can think of. It's far from over. And before you Terminator-Owners (I have trouble remembering names) rush to cash that sweet cheque, let me give you a taste of what I could do with that franchise:
1) Terminator... of the Rings! Yeah, what if he time-travelled TOO far... back to when there was dragons and wizards? (I think it was the Dark Ages.) Hasta La Vista, Boramir! Cool, huh? "Now you gonna be Gandalf the Red!" RRRRIP! But then he totally helps, because he's a cyborg and he doesn't give a s#&% about the ring -- it has no power over him! And he can carry it AND Frodo AND Sam AND f@%& up some orcs while he's doing it. This stuff just comes to me. I mean it. (I will also offer $10,000 for the Lord of the Rings franchise).
2) More Glau. Hey. There's a reason they're called "Summer" movies.
3) Can you say... musical? Well don't. Even I know that's an awful idea.
4) Christian Bale's John Connor will get a throat lozenge. This will also help his Batwork (ten grand for that franchise too, btw.)
5) More porn. John Connor never told Kyle Reese this, but his main objective in going to the past was to get some. What if there's a lot of future-babies that have to be made? Cue wah-wah pedal guitar -- and dollar signs!
6) The movies will stop getting less cool.
Okay. There's more -- this brain don't quit! (though it has occasionally been fired) -- but I think you get my drift. I really believe the Terminator franchise has only begun to plumb the depths of questioning the human condition during awesome stunts, and I'd like to shepherd it through the next phase. The money is there, but more importantly, the heart is there. But more importantly, money. Think about it. End this bloody bidding war before it begins, and put the Terminator in the hands of someone who watched the first one more than any other movie in college, including "Song of Norway" (no current franchise offer).
Sincerely, Joss Whedon.
Make of that what you will. :)
dan30oly
11-02-09, 01:52 PM
awesome.
Dr. DVD
11-02-09, 01:54 PM
If that's really Whedon, it's obvious he's doing it as a joke while cracking on the condition to which they have let the franchise sink.
Nick Martin
11-02-09, 02:02 PM
It is Joss Whedon. He posts on that fan / news site Whedonesque along with some of his fellow writers like Tim Minear.
If only this was April 1st...
UAIOE
11-02-09, 02:08 PM
I'll give him major props for the wit and satire.
devilshalo
11-02-09, 02:12 PM
Yeah, let's count the number of successful films, he's done. Oh wait..
Groucho
11-02-09, 02:13 PM
I haven't read that letter yet, but it is the GREATEST LETTER EVER WRITTEN.
Kal-El
11-02-09, 02:48 PM
Regardless if it's true or not, he needs to be miles and miles away from ANY movie franchise except all his failed ones.
Solid Snake PAC
11-02-09, 02:57 PM
What I never understood is why didn't anybody just buy from whomever owns it and just let Cameron run with it again when he could've been given the chance.
Does anyone know wtf Cameron thought of T3? God..that was an awful turd to see.
DRG
11-02-09, 03:16 PM
I am a huge fan of both Buffy and Angel --two of my favorite shows ever -- but I didn't think that was remotely funny. :shrug:
theflicker
11-02-09, 03:19 PM
Not bad. I picture this rubbing fans of Sarah Connor Chronicles the wrong way.
Anubis2005X
11-02-09, 03:25 PM
Shouldn't he be off trying to fix Dollhouse?
Groucho
11-02-09, 03:26 PM
Shouldn't he be off trying to fix Dollhouse?There are some things even Our Lord and Savior cannot do.
RyoHazuki
11-02-09, 03:44 PM
I wonder why he even took the time to post that anywhere. It's painfully unfunny.
naitram
11-02-09, 04:10 PM
hack
dugan
11-02-09, 04:23 PM
Sounds like he has something like this in mind:
uHyEFefqAIk
JumpCutz
11-02-09, 05:20 PM
I wonder why he even took the time to post that anywhere. It's painfully unfunny.
:thumbsup: +1000
Numanoid
11-03-09, 12:31 AM
The only thing I learned from that is that Joss Whedon posts while high.
Josh-da-man
11-03-09, 04:16 AM
If there is one thing that Alien Resurrection taught us, it's that Joss Whedon shouldn't be allowed to play with other people's toys.
(Of course, I'm of the mind that the Terminator shouldn't have been franchised. The more sequels that come out, the more glaring the flaws of the initial concept become.)
KillerCannibal
11-03-09, 11:37 AM
Meh. Wasn't that funny.
Sean O'Hara
11-03-09, 11:56 AM
Sci-fi authors Brenda Clough and Ryk Spoor have talked about doing a book called Terminators of Endearment (to be followed by Pride and Extreme Prejudice, of course). A much better idea than anything in Whedon's article.
he forgot to credit himself for Alien: Resurrection. They should know this.
Hokeyboy
11-03-09, 11:58 AM
Every crappy line/script Whedon ever wrote was someone else's fault.
UAIOE
11-03-09, 02:19 PM
If there is one thing that Alien Resurrection taught us, it's that Joss Whedon shouldn't be allowed to play with other people's toys.
I thought he just found some fan fiction on GeoCities and submitted that for a script.
milo bloom
11-03-09, 04:15 PM
I'm going to lose any bit of credibility I have on this forum (about this >< much), but Alien Resurrection is the movie I've watched the most of that series. I know it's not nearly as polished or atmospheric or even as "adult" as the the first two (or three for that matter), but there's just something about it that appeals to me. Not the least of which is the crew of Serenity is a near a carbon copy of the Betty crew.
I thought the letter was fairly amusing, not ROFL funny, but amusing.
Michael Corvin
11-03-09, 04:17 PM
That might be funny if he actually had a successful film franchise himself.
jjcool
11-03-09, 04:37 PM
I forgot how successful Whedon was at making movies. My bad. For some reason I get him and Uwe Boll confused sometimes.
kstublen
11-03-09, 04:46 PM
3) Can you say... musical? Well don't. Even I know that's an awful idea.
That was the funniest part of the letter.
I say we scrap more Terminator Movies and continue The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
GizmoDVD
11-03-09, 05:12 PM
Half you guys would lick his chest if it meant getting to say a one-liner in one of his shows.
Groucho
11-03-09, 05:27 PM
Half you guys would lick his chest if it meant getting to say a one-liner in one of his shows.If that line was "So long folks, we've been canceled!" I'd even lick Eliza Dushku's chest.
UAIOE
11-03-09, 07:59 PM
I'm going to lose any bit of credibility I have on this forum (about this >< much), but Alien Resurrection is the movie I've watched the most of that series. I know it's not nearly as polished or atmospheric or even as "adult" as the the first two (or three for that matter), but there's just something about it that appeals to me.
"Resurrection" (to me) was a generic late 90's sci-fi CG movie. And, as I quiped, it really plays out like fanfiction. I don't know if its Whedon or the director, but I can't really take any of the movie seriously. It's like two spit-takes from "Aliens: The Comedy".
gmanca
11-03-09, 08:04 PM
"Resurrection" (to me) was a generic late 90's sci-fi CG movie. And, as I quiped, it really plays out like fanfiction. I don't know if its Whedon or the director, but I can't really take any of the movie seriously. It's like two spit-takes from "Aliens: The Comedy".
Brad Dourif's character is the perfect example of that. Although that movie did have that chick with a great body who bit it early.
GenPion
11-03-09, 11:30 PM
I thought it was funny... I guess I'm one of the few here who got a good laugh out of it though.
I enjoyed Alien Resurrection as well. :shrug:
RichC2
11-03-09, 11:58 PM
"Resurrection" (to me) was a generic late 90's sci-fi CG movie. And, as I quiped, it really plays out like fanfiction. I don't know if its Whedon or the director, but I can't really take any of the movie seriously. It's like two spit-takes from "Aliens: The Comedy".
Considering Jean-Pierre Jeunet (City of Lost Children, Amelie) spoke nearly no English at the time, I'm gonna have to say it was a mix of Whedon's script and a certain lost in translation aspect.
UAIOE
11-04-09, 03:27 AM
Brad Dourif's character is the perfect example of that.
The bit with his head talking about the alien "birth" was way over the top.
But the whole "birth" thing really was the moment where the movie went deep into "fanfiction" territory.
Josh-da-man
11-04-09, 03:43 AM
I'm going to lose any bit of credibility I have on this forum (about this >< much), but Alien Resurrection is the movie I've watched the most of that series. I know it's not nearly as polished or atmospheric or even as "adult" as the the first two (or three for that matter), but there's just something about it that appeals to me. Not the least of which is the crew of Serenity is a near a carbon copy of the Betty crew.
I thought the letter was fairly amusing, not ROFL funny, but amusing.
I do think that Alien Resurrection would have been a better movie without the inclusion of Ripley. And that corny "hybrid" thing at the end.
The whole idea of Ripley being cloned and retaining her identity and memories (and alien parasite!) was just wholly unbelievable. And that big white human/alien hybrid was stupid on a scale that boggles the imagination.
Alien 3 seemed to have been crafted as a franchise killer, with Sigourney wanting out of it, and someone should have told her tough shit when she wanted to do number four.
Jackskeleton
11-04-09, 04:28 AM
"Resurrection" (to me) was a generic late 90's sci-fi CG movie. And, as I quiped, it really plays out like fanfiction. I don't know if its Whedon or the director, but I can't really take any of the movie seriously. It's like two spit-takes from "Aliens: The Comedy".
You have to put yourself in the mindset that it was suppose to play out like that one episode of Buffy where Xander is out of the loop, the Zeppo.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Zeppo
Aliens going on in the background and all that crazy shit.
Snowmaker
11-04-09, 09:06 AM
I never even realized Joss did Alien Resurrection. I'll have to watch it again now knowing that.
Thrush
11-04-09, 09:51 AM
Alien 3 seemed to have been crafted as a franchise killer, with Sigourney wanting out of it, and someone should have told her tough shit when she wanted to do number four.
This is why for my money Alien 3 is worse than Resurrection. You can sort of laugh at how bad Resurrection is. But Alien 3 makes me anry. Its like Godfather 3. In that it tells a completely unnecessary story and it shits on two brilliant previous films while doing it.
candyrocket786
11-04-09, 11:29 AM
This is why for my money Alien 3 is worse than Resurrection. You can sort of laugh at how bad Resurrection is. But Alien 3 makes me anry. Its like Godfather 3. In that it tells a completely unnecessary story and it shits on two brilliant previous films while doing it.
:up:
Darknite39
11-04-09, 11:42 PM
:up:
x2
Terrell
11-05-09, 12:01 PM
From a Very Important Hollywood Mogul
That was the only part of that letter that was even remotely funny, but only because he's about as far from a mogul as one can get.
UAIOE
11-05-09, 01:43 PM
You have to put yourself in the mindset that it was suppose to play out like that one episode of Buffy where Xander is out of the loop, the Zeppo.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Zeppo
Aliens going on in the background and all that crazy shit.
So I'm really watching a 2 hour "Buffy" episode that happens to include spaceships, Winona Ryder, and Aliens?
eXcentris
11-05-09, 02:03 PM
In case some didn't know: :)
All the big studios, with Sony leading the way, as well as Summit Entertainment and Media Rights Capital, are interested in bidding when the Terminator franchise is auctioned off this month. This news comes from the Financial Times' Matthew Garrahan who says the rights auction is for new Terminator films, TV program and other spin-offs. The sale is being conducted by FTI Capital Advisors for Halcyon which bought the Terminator rights 2 years ago for $25M from Mario Kassar. Halcyon recently filed for Chapter 11 after a dispute with Pacificor, a Santa Barbara-barbara based hedge fund that lent Halcyon the sum to buy the Terminator rights.
Meglos
11-05-09, 02:20 PM
this is why for my money alien 3 is worse than resurrection. You can sort of laugh at how bad resurrection is. But alien 3 makes me anry. Its like godfather 3. In that it tells a completely unnecessary story and it shits on two brilliant previous films while doing it.
Buy: