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Joe Buck is an Assclown

Old 10-03-06, 01:28 PM
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Joe Buck is an Assclown

Reprinted from PhatPhree:

If you haven’t already stabbed pencils deep into your ear canal in defense against his grating voice, this may come as a surprise. Following an extensive survey and a review of years of data, the results are in—Joe Buck is a complete, irredeemable assclown.

It’s difficult to pinpoint when exactly JoeBu made the leap from irritating prick to utter assclown. Things didn’t exactly did get off on the right note when he earned a plum NFL announcing gig with Fox Sports at the age of 25 based on…his last name. Prior to that, the Lesser Buck had followed in the footsteps of his legendary father, Jack, by broadcasting play by play for the St. Louis Cardinals. And he only got that job because, in his own words, he sent the tape to Anheuser-Busch (owner of the Cardinals) and “they saw the novelty of my being Jack Buck’s kid.” Budweiser is shitty beer, and now we have reason to hate it even more.

After a couple of years of mediocre work with the Cards, Joe’s mommy put in a good word for him with then-Fox Executive Producer Ed Goren. Invited to an audition, this nancy-boy somehow secured a spot as the youngest full-season NFL announcer ever, in 1994. Our Sundays have never been the same.

Buck would likely be a minor regional nuisance, a hemorrhoid on the ass of middle-America, if he hadn’t then added a prime time MLB play-by-play position in 1996. Perhaps seeking to bludgeon their viewers with a one-two punch of smarmy condescension and verbal incontinence, Fox teamed the arrogant Buck with the moronic Tim McCarver. How this unholy union didn’t cause an immediate collapse of Earth’s gravitational field, forming a black hole of suckiness, we will never know. The nation subsequently suffered through Buck’s calls of the 1996, 1998, 2000-2002 World Series, Mark McGwire’s 62nd home run in 1998, and too many other big baseball events to count.

Every sports enthusiast can probably compile their own list of how Buck has tragically scarred them. In my estimation, he attained arch-nemesis status in the 2003 ALCS, with his laughably one-sided sports commentary on behalf of the New York Yankees. Aided by the clueless McCarver, who would be left to die of exposure if he lived in China, Buck did everything short of digging up Babe Ruth’s bones and wearing a cape made of them to jinx the Red Sox. If Fox had replaced them with a YES Network announcer and a tree stump, the difference would have been negligible.

The Sox lost that series in heartbreaking fashion, but came back the next year to triumph over the Yanks with a record-setting comeback in the 2004 ALCS, leading ultimately to a World Series victory. Of course, Joe Schmuck was along for the ride, second-guessing and downplaying the Sox the entire time. Rumors that he was the middle of a Derek Jeter-GayRod Manwich in the clubhouse after Game 3, while unproven, still circulate.

Buck’s crimes extend far beyond just one team, though. Specifically, he’s guilty of:

1. Hysterical moral posturing: On January 9th, 2005, a million children were stricken blind when Minnesota Vikings wide receiver Randy Moss caught a clutch TD pass in a playoff game against the Green Bay Packers and then pantomimed mooning the hometown crowd. Or at least you might think that’s what happened, based on Buck’s shrill bleating—“That's a DISGUSTING act by Randy Moss, and it's unfortunate we had it on our air live!" For all his caterwauling like a castrated cat, you might forget that Buck used to do Budweiser commercials featuring a fake NFL wide receiver, “Leon,” who bore a striking resemblance to Moss. Of course, it’s even richer that Buck takes such strong moral stands on Fox, the network that brought us My Big, Fat Obnoxious Fiance, Who’s Your Daddy?, and The Littlest Groom.

2. Being a Humorless Buzzkill: Buck’s attempts at on-air humor fall flatter than a room full of pancake asses at an Upper East Side dinner party. He once told the NY Post that his life outside sports consisted of a “bunch of nothing.” He even went so far as to shit all over Larry David’s "Curb Your Enthusiasm" in his Sporting News column for being unfunny. Considering Buck is stiffer on TV than a priest in an orphanage, this kind of crap takes huge stones—or the arrogance derived from never meeting a challenge his Daddy’s legacy couldn’t overcome.

3. Annoying ubiquity: Between his MLB and NFL duties, it’s hard not to be exposed to this fun-sucking scold on a regular basis. And the situation just got bleaker, as Buck was named the “host” for Fox’s NFL pregame coverage. That’s right, we get two hours of his witty banter with Howie Long, Terry Bradshaw, and Jimmy Johnson before the game, followed by three hours of mind-numbingly stilted play-by-play. This brain trust has the collective wisdom of Shannon Sharpe and the on-air chemistry of the Sports Reporters. Tack on the recent announcement that Buck and McCarver will be doing the World Series and one League Championship Series for the next 7 YEARS, and it’s clear that Buck is spreading faster than an STD.

In sum, the man is the Barry Bonds of sports announcing--without the talent, charisma, or sense of humor.

Joe Buck, Major League Assclown.

________________________________________________________________

Amen.
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Old 10-03-06, 01:47 PM
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Cute.

Joe Buck was barely on my radar a few years ago, someone I didn't give two shits about. Then, as a White Sox fan I watched every inning of the 2005 World Series. His stilted voice and manner (coupled with the non-dynamic duo of Lou Piniella and Tim "Timmay" McCarver) bored its way into my skull and made me sick.

As such I have developed a very low-tolerance to his spiel, and no doubt I will keep exposure at a minimal level during the 2006 baseball postseason. That's the only brightside to the White Sox falling short this year.

Luckily, he hasn't done a Bears game yet. And I know I will be Joe-Buck free in football for at least 3 more weeks (Bears on CBS and ESPN and then bye-week).

I can't watch a minute of any pregame shows so his spot there makes no matter to me.
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Old 10-03-06, 02:23 PM
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Not to threadcrap, but I think he is the cat's ass 95% of the time.

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Old 10-03-06, 02:26 PM
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Whoever wrote that garbage is the fucking assclown, and anyone who is still overreacting to his response to the Randy Moss thing is a total jackass.
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Old 10-03-06, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted by MechanicalMan
Whoever wrote that garbage is the fucking assclown, and anyone who is still overreacting to his response to the Randy Moss thing is a total jackass.
I'm sure your proximity to the Cardinals in no way colors your opinion.
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Old 10-03-06, 02:43 PM
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His over-reaction to Moss is one of the few times that he has not been the cat's ass (the miniscule 5%).
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Old 10-03-06, 02:49 PM
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Joe Buck isn't my favorite announcer, but I like him a lot. Sure the Moss over-reaction was pretty lame, but I just don't get all the hatred for the guy.

That said, I'm hoping Tim McCarver needs a trachiotomy.
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Old 10-03-06, 02:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Turd Ferguson
I'm sure your proximity to the Cardinals in no way colors your opinion.
I guess it must, because most people hate Joe Buck, right? That's probably why he's such a failure in his career and is constantly being criticized by his peers--not just by a couple of random jackasses on the internet.
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Old 10-03-06, 03:13 PM
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More power to Joe Buck in his career.

I just find his voice, manner, humor and attempts at candor to be endlessly grating. I am grateful that all I need to end this pain is turn him off.
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Old 10-03-06, 03:15 PM
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I hate Tim McCarver much, much more.
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Old 10-03-06, 03:27 PM
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I don't mind Joe Buck's voice. It's his smarmy nature and lack of any sense of humor whatsoever that makes listening to him suck.

I'd rather listen to Scooter call the baseball playoffs.
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Old 10-03-06, 03:31 PM
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I don't know, I kinda like both Buck and McCarver. Buck is just kind of there, and inoffensive to me. I think he knows the game, and he does think he's pretty special, but it doesn't bug me.

Now McCarver is absolutely one of my favorite announcers. Obviously he's terrible, but it's like he has no filter on any of his thoughts. My all-time favorite McCarver moment/game was during a Mets/Braves game a while back. He went ON AND ON about the second baseman's special cleats and how they made him faster or something. It made zero sense and the play-by-play guy was just ignoring this, he mentioned this every time the second baseman made any kind of play. He said something like he can't believe everybody doesn't wear cleats like him. Fast forward to the 9th inning and the play-by-play guy (and you could practically hear him loving this) said they've gotten word that he wasn't wearing any special cleats and nobody on the Mets is aware of anything different about his shoes. McCarver's response: (awkward pause, maybe 10 seconds)...... "Oh." They never mentioned it again, I still chuckle every time I see him.
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Old 10-03-06, 03:52 PM
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I like Joe Buck.





(Can't stand McCarver.)
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Old 10-03-06, 04:00 PM
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Swing and a miss.
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Old 10-03-06, 04:10 PM
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Joe Buck's sense of humor must be way too dry for a lot of you.
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Old 10-03-06, 04:18 PM
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I'd say it's transparent.
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Old 10-03-06, 04:38 PM
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joe buck sucks
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Old 10-03-06, 04:56 PM
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oh man those Leon commercials were classic
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Old 10-03-06, 04:58 PM
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I don't mind Buck.
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Old 10-03-06, 05:40 PM
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Yeah, he was an assclown after the Moss 'moon.' Other than that, I have no problem with Joe Buck. I think he has a great voice and is a good pbp announcer.
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Old 10-03-06, 06:05 PM
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Originally Posted by MechanicalMan
I guess it must, because most people hate Joe Buck, right? That's probably why he's such a failure in his career and is constantly being criticized by his peers--not just by a couple of random jackasses on the internet.
That's right. He'd be just as successful and gotten just as many breaks if his name was Joe Finklestein.
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Old 10-03-06, 06:07 PM
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Originally Posted by DVD Josh
I hate Tim McCarver much, much more.
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Old 10-03-06, 06:34 PM
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So why does Fox employ Tim McCarver again? At least with Buck you can see he has a good announcer's voice. With McCarver, does he bring anything to the table?
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Old 10-04-06, 12:51 AM
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Buck is humorless, yet has a decent announcer's voice. He's competent. He certainly isn't anything above a middling generic play-by-play guy. If he didn't the have the 'Buck' following the 'Joe' with his considered lineage, he would be summarily dismissed and would barely register a blip on on the 'sports announcer' radar screen.
He is indeed interchangeable with the 4th string announcing team for any NFL broadcast.
McCarver on the other hand is either a dimwit or a comic genius. I'm leaning toward the former. Strongly.
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Old 10-04-06, 08:19 AM
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Buck isn't that bad. I had to turn the sound off during the Padres/Cards game yesterday though. Berman is horrible.
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