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9/11 Conspiracy Theories: Life Imitates the Onion

Old 04-22-08, 03:23 PM
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9/11 Conspiracy Theories: Life Imitates the Onion

Here's a short video from the Onion
<embed src="http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/common/assets/videoplayer/flvplayer.swf" allowScriptAccess="always" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" flashvars="file=http://www.theonion.com/content/xml/76782/video&amp;debugging=true&amp;autostart=false&amp;image=http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/CONSPIRACY_THEORY_article.jpg&amp;bufferlength=3&amp;embedded=true&amp;title=9%2F11%20Conspiracy%20T heories%20%27Ridiculous%2C%27%20Al%20Qaeda%20Says" height="355" width="400" ></embed><br/><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/node/76782?utm_source=embedded_video">9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says</a>

And here's an article from the BBC:

Al-Qaeda accuses Iran of 9/11 lie

Al-Qaeda's deputy leader, Ayman al-Zawahiri, has blamed Iran for spreading the theory that Israel was behind the 11 September 2001 attacks.

In an audio tape posted on the internet, Zawahiri insisted al-Qaeda had carried out the attacks on the US.

He accused Iran, and its Hezbollah allies, of trying to discredit Osama Bin Laden's network.

Correspondents say the comments underline al-Qaeda's increasing public hostility towards Iran.

In a two-hour audiotape posted on an Islamist website, Osama Bin Laden's chief deputy responded to questions posted by al-Qaeda sympathisers.

In response to a question about persistent rumours in the Middle East that Israel was involved in the 9/11 attacks, Zawahiri said the rumour had begun on the Hezbollah television station, Al-Manar.

"The purpose of this lie is clear - [to suggest] that there are no heroes among the Sunnis who can hurt America as no-one else did in history, he said.

"Iranian media snapped up this lie and repeated it."

Sunni fears

Zawahiri went on to criticise Iran for co-operating with the US in its 2001 invasion of Afghanistan, that helped to oust the Taleban.

"Iran's aim here is also clear - to cover up its involvement with America in invading the homes of Muslims in Afghanistan and Iraq," he said.

This is the second verbal attack on Iran, a predominantly Shia Muslim country.

Earlier this month, in an audiotape marking the fifth anniversary of the fall of Iraq's leader Saddam Hussein, the al-Qaeda deputy accused Iran of planning to annexe southern Iraq and the eastern part of the Arabian peninsula.

BBC security correspondent Rob Watson says such messages appear designed to play on Sunni fears throughout the region of growing Iranian influence, and to present al-Qaeda as the best bulwark against Tehran.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7361414.stm

Offered without further comment, because really ... what could I say?
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Old 04-22-08, 03:31 PM
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"Den of jackals"

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Old 04-22-08, 04:19 PM
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Here's another "which is the Onion, which is real?" set of stories:


Hamas Calls For 'Giant Summit' With All Israelis
February 15, 2006 | Issue 42•07

RAMALLAH, WEST BANK—After his militant Islamic party took the majority in Palestine's recent elections, Ismail Haniyeh called for a "giant summit with all living Israelis" Monday, rekindling international hopes for peace in the war-torn region.

Haniyeh characterized the one-day summit as "the final solution to the Israeli-Palestinian dispute," and invited every Jewish citizen of the world to attend. Haniyeh said he expects more than 5 million participants from Israel alone.

"It was foolish of us to think that a satisfactory resolution could be reached through small-scale aggression," Haniyeh said. "It will take more than the sporadic deaths of small groups of Israeli civilians to achieve our ends."

"This summit is long overdue," he added.

Haniyeh, who once said that Palestinian independence could only be achieved through the destruction of Israel, has apparently reversed his stance.

"It is clear to us now that a positive outcome will not be possible unless many, many sacrifices are made," Haniyeh said. "I give my word that the Israeli people shall have their cries for peace heard for miles around."

Haniyeh did not disclose the issues that will be discussed at the summit, saying only that he "would be very surprised if the entire process took longer than a couple of hours."

Haniyeh also extended an invitation to any high-ranking American official who would like to moderate the proceedings.

"We will achieve our goals with or without foreign help," Haniyeh said. "However, if George W. Bush or other top-level U.S. officials wish to attend, it would certainly make those first, most difficult steps a lot easier to take."

In a public statement Tuesday, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad endorsed the "Hamas-led peace process," and offered the use of Tehran's Azadi Stadium as an "impartial location away from the distracting glare of publicity."

"It is about time for a summit of this nature," Ahmadinejad said. "The people of Iran will do anything they can to help further this crucial process."

According to Haniyeh, Israelis need only arrive with an open mind, insisting that the summit can have a positive outcome only if traditional and long-standing prejudices "are left at the door, along with any weapons, gas masks, or bulletproof vests."

"Security is of the utmost importance, which is why the summit will be watched over by my most loyal and experienced men," Haniyeh said. "To this end, every Israeli will also be marked with a six-digit protection number."

Hamas has already gone to significant lengths to ensure that Israeli Jews will be able to attend the summit, including transportation via specially chartered freight trains.

"Very much like a cleansing fire, the summit will wipe the slate of Arab-Jewish relations utterly and irreversibly clean," Haniyeh said. "By the end of our negotiations, those who walk out of the summit will be very pleased."

"With the blessing of Allah, we will soon see every last obstacle standing in the path to harmony exterminated," Haniyeh added. "Like the filthy dogs they are."

No official response to Hamas' summit proposal has yet been made. However, it is widely believed that acting Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and his cabinet will propose an alternative mass summit to which Hamas party officials and their Palestinian supporters will be similarly welcomed.

************

or:


Carter: Hamas is willing to accept Israel as its neighbor

JERUSALEM (AP) - Hamas is prepared to accept the right of Israel to "live as a neighbor next door in peace," former President Jimmy Carter said Monday.
Carter said the group promised it wouldn't undermine Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas' efforts to reach a peace deal with Israel, as long as the Palestinian people approved it in a referendum. In such a scenario, he said Hamas would not oppose a Palestinian state in the West Bank and Gaza.

Hamas, a militant Islamic group that both the U.S. and Israel consider a terrorist organization, calls in its charter for Israel's destruction. It has also traditionally opposed peace negotiations with the Jewish state.

Sami Abu Zuhri, a Hamas spokesman, later said Carter's comments "do not mean that Hamas is going to accept the result of the referendum."

Carter's comments came after his much criticized meetings with the top Hamas leaders in Syria in last week.

The Nobel laureate also urged Israel to engage in direct negotiations with the Islamic militant group, saying it was a "problem" that Israel and the U.S. refuse to meet with Hamas. Both governments consider it a terrorist organization.

"The problem is not that I met with Hamas in Syria," he said. "The problem is that Israel and the United States refuse to meet with someone who must be involved."

"There's no doubt that both the Arab world and Hamas will accept Israel's right to exist in peace within 1967 borders," he said, referring to Israel's frontiers before it captured large swaths of Arab lands in the 1967 Mideast war.

Over the weekend, Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said he decided not to meet with Carter in Israel because he does not wish to be seen as participating in any negotiations with Hamas.

In his comments Monday, Carter said Israeli-Palestinian peacemaking has "regressed" since a U.S.-hosted Mideast conference in Annapolis, Md., in November.

Israel has been negotiating directly with Abbas, who heads a moderate government based in the West Bank. Abbas lost control of the Gaza Strip last June, when Hamas violently seized control of that territory.

Carter said Hamas has promised to let a captured Israeli soldier send a letter to his parents, and said the militants "made clear to us that they would accept an interim cease-fire in the Gaza Strip."

However, Carter said Hamas rejected his specific proposal for a monthlong unilateral cease-fire.
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Old 04-22-08, 05:57 PM
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Haniyeh characterized the one-day summit as "the final solution to the Israeli-Palestinian dispute," and invited every Jewish citizen of the world to attend.
Yeah, that's going to get them there.
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Old 04-22-08, 05:58 PM
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Correspondents say the comments underline al-Qaeda's increasing public hostility towards Iran.
If al Qaeda attacks Iran, who should I root for?
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Old 04-22-08, 08:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Sean O'Hara
If al Qaeda attacks Iran, who should I root for?
Who did you root for when Saddam Hussein invaded Iran?

Official US policy was to stand back and laugh behind its hand.
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Old 04-22-08, 08:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Sean O'Hara
If al Qaeda attacks Iran, who should I root for?
Remember the Afghan-Russian War? Well, looks like we'll be training another OBL pretty soon to fight the evil Iranians.

Bush: "Yeah, ok, I've been a little hard on Al Qaeda, but really, they kinda pissed us off when they flew planes into our buildings. yah know? But anyway, they've had a change of heart, and my fellow Americans, I want to extend our unconditional hand of support to fight the Evil Axis People. And McCain is my man which can do it."

McCain: "Thank-you Mr. President. I just wanted to say to the reporter over there, no, not the North Korean Evil Axis People. It's the Geraniums. The Geraniums are the worst threat since...Iraq."

Joe Lieberman in McCain's ear: "Uhhh, that's Iranians, Senator."
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Old 04-22-08, 09:38 PM
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Most Iranians are actually pretty reasonable and relatively pro-American. The problem is the oppressive radical Muslim regime that's in power. In an ideal world, al Qaeda and the current Iranian regime would wipe each other out and the Iranian people would institute a true democracy.
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